Anyone else live in a "No cheating zone"?

[brerrabbit]

Agree that marriage is working together...and hard work sometimes too but (bolded the part of your post this I do not agree with). Each marriage knows what works for them. I have seperate friends and interests and so does DH. I also have taken WDW trips without him many many times when we didn't live here. Quality time, same black & white beliefs moral & religious, that's the glue that keeps us together....that and after all these years and all our little quirks no one else would have us and we know it Congrats on your upcoming anniversary!

That's why I say that both husband and wife needs time alone also. I'm not talking about no vacations alone, really more like all vacations alone and none together. In otherwords a healthy mix of together and seperate that allows both to feel like they are getting what they want out of life.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

Why would you want to take a vacation separate from your spouse?

 

[Luvchefmic]

That's why I say that both husband and wife needs time alone also. I'm not talking about no vacations alone, really more like all vacations alone and none together. In otherwords a healthy mix of together and seperate that allows both to feel like they are getting what they want out of life.

Oooops sorry I really misunderstood

Why would you want to take a vacation separate from your spouse?

uhhh I'll just say the "reunions" are wonderful

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

uhhh I'll just say the "reunions" are wonderful

You can have one of those every day after work.

 

[Luvchefmic]

You can have one of those every day after work.

He's an over the road trucker...no need for seperate vacations anymore...still stand by the reunion statement

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

He's an over the road trucker...no need for seperate vacations anymore...still stand by the reunion statement

LOL.

I would never take an alone vacation, but that's just me. I would want all my awesome vacation memories to be shared.

 

[kimbo0569]

My dh and I have been together for 14 years, married for almost 11 and we really do still enjoy each other's company alot. We have two kids and while we like spending time with family, we really enjoy spending time with just the four of us.

We had this discussion a couple years ago because of something dh told me about someone he knew.

He knows how I feel about cheating because that is one of the big reasons my parents are divorced. My parents had alot of problems, my father's solution: go elsewhere and try to have his cake and eat it too. My mother obviously couldn't look the other way (and frankly I'm glad she didn't).

Cheating is an absolute deal breaker for me. Dh knows this and I've flat out told him - if there ever came a time that he didn't want to be here, just go. I'll be hurt and sad, etc but I"ll get over it. Don't ever lie to me and don't make a fool of me.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

We have some friends (Family X) going through a bad divorce. There has been infidelity on both sides, and in general it was a screwed up relationship from the word "Go."

One of the people in the failed relationship and a relative have both said now lucky we are to be in a "perfect relationship" while at the same time Family X is in its downward spiral.

It makes us feel guilty, like we don't deserve it. Or it makes us feel like we are rubbing it in Family X's face. The worst was when a family friend said something along the lines of how hard it must be on Family X seeing how DW and I are "perfect together".

I get so mad because these people assume that we have it easy and don't have to work at our relationship. It's not our fault that the husband and wife of Family X shouldn't have married to begin with. Granted we've never had a problem with infidelity, but our relationship is NOT perfect. We work to keep it working.

 

[Motherofboys]

My dh and I have been together for 14 years, married for almost 11 and we really do still enjoy each other's company alot. We have two kids and while we like spending time with family, we really enjoy spending time with just the four of us.

We had this discussion a couple years ago because of something dh told me about someone he knew.

He knows how I feel about cheating because that is one of the big reasons my parents are divorced. My parents had alot of problems, my father's solution: go elsewhere and try to have his cake and eat it too. My mother obviously couldn't look the other way (and frankly I'm glad she didn't).

Cheating is an absolute deal breaker for me. Dh knows this and I've flat out told him - if there ever came a time that he didn't want to be here, just go. I'll be hurt and sad, etc but I"ll get over it. Don't ever lie to me and don't make a fool of me.

This is our situation too.....and I would bet that it is the same for a lot of people who consider cheating a dealbreaker.

Infidelity in relationships of your parents, past spouse/SO, etc - it's hard to get over and it takes a toll on you.

My dad's infidelity killed my trust in men, my confidence, my belief in good marriages... I get to live with all of those effects on my relationships and so does DH. He had a cheating "spouse" (they were only married 6 months and she was cheating for 3 of them), so he has had to deal with that too.

So we live in the "cheating free zone", we have for 16 years! It's one thing that both of us draw the line at - for us and especially for our children. I am a lot of things, he is a lot of things, neither of us is perfect. Our marriage is not perfect. But it's one thing that neither of us has to worry about -we can both totally trust each other - and that feels really good.

 

[RUDisney]

The number one reason cheating is a deal breaker for me is the fact that straying can lead to diseases that I don't want or need in my life. Together, we are disease free. If he chooses to stray, he should man up and let me go so he can have the diseases all to himself.

Secondary to that would be the emotional toll of losing trust.

 

[BellvilleDad]

A couple years into my first marriage, my wife found a boyfriend. I threatened to leave, but couldn't stand the thought of my marriage failing. I tried for almost a year to save our marriage. Everytime I thought it was getting better, I'd find a note from him that she forgot to get rid of, or his phone number on the detailed phone billing showing calls made at 2 & 3 in the morning while I was sleeping. After several doctor's visits to treat my ulcers created from worrying where she was while I was working, I finally left.

My health problems cleared up within 2 weeks.

My DW and I now agree that it would be a dealbreaker. I wish nothing but the best to those who try to make things work after adultery, but I won't live like that again, and I wouldn't asked anyone else to, either. Of course, I'd never believe DW would ever do that. She's the best!

 

[surfergirl602]

Anyone else out there manage to find a marriage that doesn't involve cheating or refuse to get married unless monogamy is part of the deal?

I've been with my DH for 20 years (married 17) and, believe it or not, we've managed to not destroy each other in that time. When we got married I made it absolutely clear that if he ever stepped out he's be alone because for me, it's a deal breaker. DH feels the same way. We're best friends and I can't imagine either of us being willing to sacrifice our partnership for something so worthless as an affair not to mention the whole reality that we entered into a covenant when we said "I do". Forsaking all others was/is sort of the point, at least for us.

So the point of this thread is to be anti-depressing, at least for me. Reading about the love lives of others on the DIS has been a bit depressing lately ( and hearing about real life stuff too, I know 3 couples getting divorced) and I just wanted to check if I'm really in such a short number or do people like me just have less to say? I mean a thread about laughing until I cried with my DH in bed watching "The Soup", sitting on the lawn with my DH's head in my lap talking about where we'll live when we retire and sitting quietly on the back swing with Mojito cracking up because my DH is a great storyteller isn't exactly going to pull in the high thread count numbers is it?

Anyone else?

We've been married for 10 years and the thought of being with someone else has never crossed my mind. I honestly don't get why on earth someone would continue to stay with someone that continuously cheated on them, or had relations with another person. If my spouse ever did that, he would be gone in a second, no matter how much I loved him. I stick up for myself and my children. The same would apply to me, I guess. I just don't see how that could ever be okay, or justified.

 

[Heidict]

DH and I have been together for 12 years and married for 10. We have talked about this many times and both agree that cheating would be the end of our marriage. Thankfully we are both of the mindset that we would never do this to each other and most of all to our daughter.

When we got married we both took our vows seriously, including the "forsaking all others" part.

 

[shortbun]

28 years, no cheating.

 

[eliza61]

Anyone else out there manage to find a marriage that doesn't involve cheating or refuse to get married unless monogamy is part of the deal?

I've been with my DH for 20 years (married 17) and, believe it or not, we've managed to not destroy each other in that time. When we got married I made it absolutely clear that if he ever stepped out he's be alone because for me, it's a deal breaker. DH feels the same way. We're best friends and I can't imagine either of us being willing to sacrifice our partnership for something so worthless as an affair not to mention the whole reality that we entered into a covenant when we said "I do". Forsaking all others was/is sort of the point, at least for us.

So the point of this thread is to be anti-depressing, at least for me. Reading about the love lives of others on the DIS has been a bit depressing lately ( and hearing about real life stuff too, I know 3 couples getting divorced) and I just wanted to check if I'm really in such a short number or do people like me just have less to say? I mean a thread about laughing until I cried with my DH in bed watching "The Soup", sitting on the lawn with my DH's head in my lap talking about where we'll live when we retire and sitting quietly on the back swing with Mojito cracking up because my DH is a great storyteller isn't exactly going to pull in the high thread count numbers is it?

Anyone else?

Couple of thoughts. Married gal of 24 years.

1) I really believe that affairs are rarely the root of the problem. I'm not a shrink but I think by the time people have affairs there were issues in the marriage already.

2) I think most people who get married especially at a young age really think it will last forever. I don't know many people getting married with the thought of cheating some where along the line.

3) There are a lot of other ways to kill a marriage besides cheating. Some just a painful as cheating.

We have a 'no cheating zone" not because we declared some "deal breakers" early on in our marriage but because over time our relationship has matured into one of great respect and intimacy. That took a lot of work, we have some very hard times when I seriously wanted to set my dh on fire.

I try hard not to judge people financial or married life but instead I try to remember "There but by the grace of God, go I"

 

[disykat]

We have a 'no cheating zone" not because we declared some "deal breakers" early on in our marriage but because over time our relationship has matured into one of great respect and intimacy.

Great post! I don't get how people seem to think that people who have suffered infidelity in their marriages think it's okay.

I don't know anyone who got married thinking there was going to be cheating in their marriage. I also can't imagine how anyone thinks simply threatening to leave if it happens will stop it.

I definitely believe my husband and I will be faithful to each other until we die. We work hard at our relationship - sometimes darn hard! We've surprised each other many times with our foibles and failures. Although it has never involved infidelity, we've had many things that could have broken our relationship that were not "deal breakers" because we made a vow to each other that our "deal" won't be broken.

Sure, something could happen (including infidelity) that could break ours or any other relationship. Life takes unexpected turns sometimes. That won't make me consider my marriage something that is temporary until that time.

 

[Tarheel Tink]

Married 30 years. We have spent the past 12 anniversaries at WDW except we did do HHI DVC this year.

I have seen the heartache of infidelity in so many of my friends' lives over the years; so sad and destructive. I'm so fortunate to have found my husband and recognized what a good man he was the first time I met him. I'll never say never, but I truly can't see it happening on either side. He pretty much "gets" me and although he can be maddening at times compared to my perfection I smile and my heart quickens when I see him. I trust him with my life and watched him stay at my dying mother's bedside caring for her for 12 hours a day treating her like a queen while tears streaked down his face. Actually, after watching that, I may give him a pass if he ever did cheat...

 

[indimom]

Married 30 years. We have spent the past 12 anniversaries at WDW except we did do HHI DVC this year.

I have seen the heartache of infidelity in so many of my friends' lives over the years; so sad and destructive. I'm so fortunate to have found my husband and recognized what a good man he was the first time I met him. I'll never say never, but I truly can't see it happening on either side. He pretty much "gets" me and although he can be maddening at times compared to my perfection I smile and my heart quickens when I see him. I trust him with my life and watched him stay at my dying mother's bedside caring for her for 12 hours a day treating her like a queen while tears streaked down his face. Actually, after watching that, I may give him a pass if he ever did cheat...

Okay, maybe he earned a pass, but he doesn't sound like the kind of guy who would ever need that.

 

[DisMN]

Marriage is hard hard work and it would be very easy to look for something easier, probably more *fun*....

that said we kinda value the hard work, it's very worth the effort. Even through our roughest times when I did think about leaving, I didn't think about taking up with someone else. I just wanted to not be HERE at the time. LOL

I guess what I'm saying is 30+ years and I feel it's been worth the effort put into it and plan to continue on this way.

ANYTHING can happen though and we've watched more than a few Ideal Marriages fall to pieces right before our eyes. I don't for a minute think that any marriage is 100% safe from infidelity.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I am really enjoying all the input from people who've been married a lot longer that I have, it makes me feel hopeful for my own future and I like that