Anyone else have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and still living with the stress??

[TaraPA]

SeaSpray - how have you been lately? How is your DS doing? I've followed your post but never had anything to post about, but have been thinking about you.

This weeknd DS12 got into some trouble at school & home, and he was grounded indefinitely. He was so so angry & almost violent, and I became worried that he would do something to himself. You see everyday how teen suicide is becoming more & more common, and that scares me to death. I didn't sleep much at all that night, and was over in his room checking on him every hour. I can't imagine the anxiety you live with on a daily basis.

I've suffered from PTSD but nothing as major as most of you on here. Back in June 2001 our neighbor's house burned to the ground & their son was killed. They found him right by the door. I stood & watched that house burn for hours & hours, it took 10 companies to put it out (we have no hydrants here). No one knew for sure if he was still inside or had gotten out. The fire was too intense for anyone to go inside to attempt a rescue. At 5:30am when we heard the mother's wails of "My boy, my boy, my boy" we all knew. I still tear up & shudder, I can hear her voice like it was yesterday.

I didn't sleep much for weeks. I was jumpy & nervous & just couldn't stop re-playing that night in my head, over & over & over, all day long. I'd lie awake at night wondering why he couldn't get out, how did the fire awaken him, did he know what was going on, and run a million "what-ifs" through my head. Over & over & over. I was terrified to be alone at home. I couldn't look out the side of our house because all that was left of their home was the concrete chimney & a pile of black, charred wood. I went to my family doc who prescribed an anti-depressant.

Fast forward to 9-11. We were actually in WDW at the time. Something about that event changed me. That event was so much more tragic than the fire that for some reason I had peace about the fire. I don't know if something checmical snapped in my brain or what, but when we came back from WDW, I was over the PTSD about the fire. I didn't suffer PTSD about 9-11, and I can't explain why I no longer felt anxious, but it was over. Strange, huh!?

Hang in there, we are all thinking about you, and hoping you are doing well!

 

[SeaSpray]

Hi Tara:

Thanks so much for posting. I'm sorry to hear about your DS's troubles. Our kids are really pieces of our hearts out walking around, aren't they? When you mentioned about checking on your son every hour that first night, it made me remember the first night that my DS was home from the hospital last summer. It was literally the worst night of my entire life. I slept on the couch that night in the living room...well I didn't really sleep... but I was on the couch all night because I was so scared that DS would try to do something to himself while we slept. I prayed the God to just get me through the next 15 minutes, all night long.

What a scary experience for you, with your neighbor's house burning and their son dying. I can't imagine.

I'm doing ok these days. Dealing with the "normal" stresses of life (DS18's car died last week, we're trying to help him find a new one, etc). He needs one because he commutes to college.

DS21's job didn't work out. Actually, it was going along fine, he was dealing with his anxiety of being in a new job with new people, etc, but then a week and a half ago he sprained his ankle on a pallet at work. As part of processing an accident report, they do a drug test (mouth swab) and it came back positive because he had smoked some pot at his friend's house a couple of days prior. They had to let him go. They were very nice about it and said they wished they didn't, but it's part of their policy. He understands, and was angry at himself for losing this job. Now we're encouraging him to apply at other places, and to make sure and not put himself in the same situation again. The thing is, and I'm not making excuses, but even his therapist tells him that smoking a little pot is good for his anxiety. In fact, if medical marijuana was legal in our state, he could be prescribed it for his level of anxiety. Anyway.... that's what's going on with DS.

DS and I see the same therapist (separately), and he's been away since last week, so it'll be good for both of us to see him when he gets back next week.

*HUGS* to you, please let me know how your DS is doing.

 

[SeaSpray]

Hello to whomever may be reading this

Just thought I'd give a little update. We helped DS18 to find a new vehicle for a great price (the tow-truck drivers told us about someone who had a Chevy Blazer for sale that a mechanic was fixing up for his teen daughter but she decided she wanted something else); we loaned DS the money to purchase the truck (he was able to pay us back once he sold his old car), and he listed his dead Camaro on craigslist and was able to get a very decent price for it! A mechanic wanted it for his step-son; the body and interior of the car was in excellent condition, and now the mechanic is going to teach his step-son how to install a motor. Within less than a week, the new owners of both vehicles were very happy, so that all turned out well.

DS21... wait, oops! Now he's DS22! His birthday was last week. Anyway, he's doing pretty well right now. He put in more applications and was called by a store for an interview. However, he found out from a friend that they do drug testing, and since marajuana can stay in your system for up to a month, he had to turn down the interview. Actually what he did was tell the person that he was not going to be able to come in for the interview for the a few weeks due to a personal issue he needed to take care, and the person told him to call him in a few weeks to set up a new interview. So maybe this will turn out OK. DS22 has decided to NOT smoke pot now, and hasn't for a week now, so we'll see how this goes.

I haven't been feeling as stressed for the last couple of weeks. It does still hit me once in a while (kind of like being hit with a brick. LOL), but it's not continuous as it used to be. That's a huge relief. 14 weeks and 2 days until our family trip to Disney World.

I hope everyone out there is doing ok.

 

[Obadiah Stane]

I have been treating for PTSD and depression for just about six years now. Mine stems from a long career in law enforcement where I witnessed many horrific deaths from homicides, car crashes, and suicides. I also shot and killed a bank robbery suspect. There was not just one incident anyone could point to. It was more of a cumulative type thing. However, the last suicide where the guy killed himself in front of me (instead of killing me) was the last straw. Life has been hell since then. I have been in and out of the hospital a few times over the past few years for mental health issues.

My symptoms have run the gamut. Flashbacks, night terrors, nightmares, lack of sleep, nausea, heartburn, headaches, ED, irritability, numbness, withdrawing from the world...the list goes on. I have been on many different kinds of meds and finally found some that work the best.

Treatment has been so helpful. I have gone at least once a week, sometimes more, for the past six years. I am much better off than I was before, yet I still have a lot of work to do. I am still rebuilding and trying to fix all I have screwed up.

I do what I can to avoid stress and things that trigger the thoughts and flashbacks. I can't avoid them completely so I have learned many coping skills. I too stay away from violence and watch little TV. What I do watch is happier stuff.

Thanks for listening.

 

[minkydog]

A couple of months after my DS's suicide attempt in July, I was diagnosed with PTSD. The problem is, my DS is not totally "well" yet; this will be a long road, and hopefully he's moving in the right direction, but I live in fear every day that something will set him back and he will attempt again. I don't think he'd fail, if there is a next time.

Anyway... I am seeing a therapist (as is he), but I'm wondering if any other DISers are dealing with ongoing stress like this. I mean, I wish that NO ONE was experiencing this, but wouldn't mind talking to others, if they are.

As of right now, I try not to watch tv or movies that could trigger undue stress, for example I'd never watch a program that deals with suicide, but sometimes I'll be watching something and a scene comes on that brings me back to how I felt when I found DS and called 911. I'm at the point where I don't watch the news anymore. I try to keep it "light" and watch comedies, Food Network, etc.

Also, I wish that there was more that I could do for my DS. I feel very helpless. I'm dealing not only with the original traumatic event in July, but the fear that it could happen again, every day since.

My sympathies to both of you. My DS23 made a suicide attempt when he was 17 and it was just the most awful experience. It took me years to get past it and even now I don't think I totally trust that he would never do it again. Unfortunately, I did the same thing about 18 months ago. Even though I *know* how it feels to be the loved one, I was so sick with depression and PTSD that it actually made sense for me to die! how sick is that?! And now my DH and my children are living with the fear that *I* might one day revisit this experience. And it makes me feel very bad for them.

It's interesting that you mentioned watching TV. I am the same way. After DSs attempt I could not watch any of the "teen angst" shows or prank shows. After my sis made a suicide attempt I went to be with her until she got stable--we watched endless hours of HGTV, the only show that didn't trigger us both.I couldn't even watch America's Funniest Videos! Since my severe episode of depression a year or so ago, I have been unable to watch my old favorite show, "House." Don't know why. I just can't watch anything intense. I'm a nurse and I was unable to work for over a year!

Just recently we were invoved in a terrible rollover car accident. We all made it with only minor injuries, but DH and I are having flashbacks and difficulty driving. We talked to a therapist about it and she says that when you have unresolved trauma from the past, new trauma can reactivate those feelings, which gives the current trauma more "weight" in the present. Makes sense to me.

All I can say is try to be gentle with each other. I don't know how long it takes to get past stuff like this. I'm kinda right in there with you. I do believe that there will come a day when I won't worry so excessively about things. At least, I hope it will. I try not to over-think things. when I catch myself perseverating and ruminating on stuff I have to say out loud "STOP! BE PRESENT!" I focus on the traffic light, the tail lights of the car ahead, the vegetables I'm chopping, the bathroom grout. Anything but my intrusive thoughts. Therapy helps a lot, as does the support group that i attend. Keep talking, keep dealing with the fear, don't stuff it down. Be present. And be kind to yourself.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Although not diagnosed, I am sure that I have post traumatic stress syndrome after the death of my husband..

It has not been easy as one month after his death I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma so really never had a chance to grieve truly as immediately I was in a battle for my life. I have to say I am doing somewhat better lately with the help of a therapist and my cancer being in remission.. I am trying to take charge of my life again and it is not easy, but I am battling my way back to me...

I know I may be quiet here, but I do read and Seaspray, I hope only the best for you and your boys and husband and to everyone else here who has posted about going through these hard times in our lives..

I can only hope that better things are out there for all of us. I would love to visit our beloved WDW, but I am not strong enough to do it without Tom and physically my legs are not strong enough from all the chemo I had to endure to get to this remission..

Please take care everyone..

 

[TheDisneyGirl02]

I have been treating for PTSD and depression for just about six years now. Mine stems from a long career in law enforcement where I witnessed many horrific deaths from homicides, car crashes, and suicides. I also shot and killed a bank robbery suspect. There was not just one incident anyone could point to. It was more of a cumulative type thing. However, the last suicide where the guy killed himself in front of me (instead of killing me) was the last straw. Life has been hell since then. I have been in and out of the hospital a few times over the past few years for mental health issues.

My symptoms have run the gamut. Flashbacks, night terrors, nightmares, lack of sleep, nausea, heartburn, headaches, ED, irritability, numbness, withdrawing from the world...the list goes on. I have been on many different kinds of meds and finally found some that work the best.

Treatment has been so helpful. I have gone at least once a week, sometimes more, for the past six years. I am much better off than I was before, yet I still have a lot of work to do. I am still rebuilding and trying to fix all I have screwed up.

I do what I can to avoid stress and things that trigger the thoughts and flashbacks. I can't avoid them completely so I have learned many coping skills. I too stay away from violence and watch little TV. What I do watch is happier stuff.

Thanks for listening.

My sympathies to both of you. My DS23 made a suicide attempt when he was 17 and it was just the most awful experience. It took me years to get past it and even now I don't think I totally trust that he would never do it again. Unfortunately, I did the same thing about 18 months ago. Even though I *know* how it feels to be the loved one, I was so sick with depression and PTSD that it actually made sense for me to die! how sick is that?! And now my DH and my children are living with the fear that *I* might one day revisit this experience. And it makes me feel very bad for them.

It's interesting that you mentioned watching TV. I am the same way. After DSs attempt I could not watch any of the "teen angst" shows or prank shows. After my sis made a suicide attempt I went to be with her until she got stable--we watched endless hours of HGTV, the only show that didn't trigger us both.I couldn't even watch America's Funniest Videos! Since my severe episode of depression a year or so ago, I have been unable to watch my old favorite show, "House." Don't know why. I just can't watch anything intense. I'm a nurse and I was unable to work for over a year!

Just recently we were invoved in a terrible rollover car accident. We all made it with only minor injuries, but DH and I are having flashbacks and difficulty driving. We talked to a therapist about it and she says that when you have unresolved trauma from the past, new trauma can reactivate those feelings, which gives the current trauma more "weight" in the present. Makes sense to me.

All I can say is try to be gentle with each other. I don't know how long it takes to get past stuff like this. I'm kinda right in there with you. I do believe that there will come a day when I won't worry so excessively about things. At least, I hope it will. I try not to over-think things. when I catch myself perseverating and ruminating on stuff I have to say out loud "STOP! BE PRESENT!" I focus on the traffic light, the tail lights of the car ahead, the vegetables I'm chopping, the bathroom grout. Anything but my intrusive thoughts. Therapy helps a lot, as does the support group that i attend. Keep talking, keep dealing with the fear, don't stuff it down. Be present. And be kind to yourself.

Although not diagnosed, I am sure that I have post traumatic stress syndrome after the death of my husband..

It has not been easy as one month after his death I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma so really never had a chance to grieve truly as immediately I was in a battle for my life. I have to say I am doing somewhat better lately with the help of a therapist and my cancer being in remission.. I am trying to take charge of my life again and it is not easy, but I am battling my way back to me...

I know I may be quiet here, but I do read and Seaspray, I hope only the best for you and your boys and husband and to everyone else here who has posted about going through these hard times in our lives..

I can only hope that better things are out there for all of us. I would love to visit our beloved WDW, but I am not strong enough to do it without Tom and physically my legs are not strong enough from all the chemo I had to endure to get to this remission..

Please take care everyone..

- My mom has the early stages of multiple myeloma - she doesn't need treatment at this point but every time she visits the doctor I worry.

All three of the posters I quoted, stay strong.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

I guess ill jump on the train. September 2009 i was diagnosed PTSD (This was after dealing with symptoms for a year).

Before i got help i lived in fear everyday. I was scared to leave the house, to go to places i once enjoyed. (My PTSD was brought on by medical related things that happened to me ill explain more later)

I was always in fear i'd "get" sick again like i did before or maybe the doctors missed something.

This might sound really pathetic but do you know why i got help? I won a trip to Disney. At home i could "hide" but winning that trip i knew i couldn't anymore. How could i explain why i gave away a free trip? I had so many things going on in my head. So i went and got help. Ive been on medication since Sept 09.

I do still have a hard time some days, some times ill smell some things and get scared & freaked out. But i am dealing. It is a daily thing. I just need to stop and try to realize i "am" okay.

i really like http://www.bringchange2mind.org/ lots of great storys on there.

 

[SeaSpray]

Hi everyone

Sorry that I haven't been back to this thread in such a long time. I haven't been getting any email notifications that there were new posts.

I've been doing ok. Our family vacation to WDW in July was great. I didn't feel anxiety, stress, or anything negative the entire time we were there. You can see our family in front of the castle, down in my signature.

And it was nice to be away from work, which has been fairly stressful due to many changes going on in the last few months. I recently got a very good raise, so the stress level has diminished. lol

Last month I took the train to NJ and spent 5 days with my sister, niece, and their families. That trip was great, I felt so good being with my niece and sister, whom I hadn't seen in a year. I plan to go visit them more often, as suggested by my therapist. H said that too bad the train ticket couldn't be a medical expense. lol

DS22 is doing well. He's working at a job that he chose. He's a cab driver. To me, that would be a stressful job, but he likes it! The bad news is that a week ago I drove him to the doctor and it turns out he has a pilonidal cyst at the base of his spine, and he's been out of work for the past week and a half. He's hoping to go back to work next week. But if anyone knows about these cysts, they take a very long time to heal. I have to bring him to the surgeon once a week, and a visiting nurse comes twice a week to repack the wound. Eventually he will need surgery to totally remove the cyst. He is a bit down because he hasn't been able to work for the past week, but I told him to look on the bright side, that he's getting this taken care of, and he will hopefully not have to deal with it again once it's all healed. Like I said, his frame of mind has been pretty good lately. It's been so nice to have my son back, as compared to how he was early last year.

DS18 is doing well, just started his sophomore year of college.

DH had a massive heart attack in May. FORTUNATELY he went to the doctor because he wasn't feeling well (he had NO IDEA that the strange sensations he was experiencing were a heart attack!), and FORTUNATELY our doctor recognised the possibility of a heart problem and immediately hooked him up to an EKG. Within minutes he was in an ambulance being taken to the hospital where they performed surgery. Of course that was extremely stressful, but DS22 was home with me all of the nights that DH was in the hospital, and he did a good job of taking care of me and helping me to relax. On the night that they had to med-evac DH in to Boston, I came home really, really stressed and upset, and DS made a drink for me. I was sitting at the table, I noticed that DS was pouring the ingredients for a Malibu Bay Breeze. I said to him "Making a drink for yourself? I don't blame you...." and DS said "No. I'm making this drink for YOU!". We both laughed because normally don't drink often at home.... but he knew that the drink would help me relax a bit. DH is doing great now. He has quit smoking, he's taking his medication as he should, he's almost finished with the cardiac rehab program, he's eating well, and exercising.

Anyway...that's the latest...

I have been treating for PTSD and depression for just about six years now. Mine stems from a long career in law enforcement where I witnessed many horrific deaths from homicides, car crashes, and suicides. I also shot and killed a bank robbery suspect. There was not just one incident anyone could point to. It was more of a cumulative type thing. However, the last suicide where the guy killed himself in front of me (instead of killing me) was the last straw. Life has been hell since then. I have been in and out of the hospital a few times over the past few years for mental health issues.

My symptoms have run the gamut. Flashbacks, night terrors, nightmares, lack of sleep, nausea, heartburn, headaches, ED, irritability, numbness, withdrawing from the world...the list goes on. I have been on many different kinds of meds and finally found some that work the best.

Treatment has been so helpful. I have gone at least once a week, sometimes more, for the past six years. I am much better off than I was before, yet I still have a lot of work to do. I am still rebuilding and trying to fix all I have screwed up.

I do what I can to avoid stress and things that trigger the thoughts and flashbacks. I can't avoid them completely so I have learned many coping skills. I too stay away from violence and watch little TV. What I do watch is happier stuff.

Thanks for listening.

Wow, I cannot imagine how stressful your job was. Several of my brothers were in law enforcement, and they would sometimes talk about what they'd see at work. I'm glad that you're doing much better than you had been.

My sympathies to both of you. My DS23 made a suicide attempt when he was 17 and it was just the most awful experience. It took me years to get past it and even now I don't think I totally trust that he would never do it again. Unfortunately, I did the same thing about 18 months ago. Even though I *know* how it feels to be the loved one, I was so sick with depression and PTSD that it actually made sense for me to die! how sick is that?! And now my DH and my child ren are living with the fear that *I* might one day revisit this experience. And it makes me feel very bad for them.

It's interesting that you mentioned watching TV. I am the same way. After DSs attempt I could not watch any of the "teen angst" shows or prank shows. After my sis made a suicide attempt I went to be with her until she got stable--we watched endless hours of HGTV, the only show that didn't trigger us both.I couldn't even watch America's Funniest Videos! Since my severe episode of depression a year or so ago, I have been unable to watch my old favorite show, "House." Don't know why. I just can't watch anything intense. I'm a nurse and I was unable to work for over a year!

Just recently we were invoved in a terrible rollover car accident. We all made it with only minor injuries, but DH and I are having flashbacks and difficulty driving. We talked to a therapist about it and she says that when you have unresolved trauma from the past, new trauma can reactivate those feelings, which gives the current trauma more "weight" in the present. Makes sense to me.

All I can say is try to be gentle with each other. I don't know how long it takes to get past stuff like this. I'm kinda right in there with you. I do believe that there will come a day when I won't worry so excessively about things. At least, I hope it will. I try not to over-think things. when I catch myself perseverating and ruminating on stuff I have to say out loud "STOP! BE PRESENT!" I focus on the traffic light, the tail lights of the car ahead, the vegetables I'm chopping, the bathroom grout. Anything but my intrusive thoughts. Therapy helps a lot, as does the support group that i attend. Keep talking, keep dealing with the fear, don't stuff it down. Be present. And be kind to yourself.

Aww, minkydog, I'm so sorry for all of this. When I start thinking back on things, I do the same thing, I make myself refocus on something else. I still see my therapist once a week, and that helps. The last few weeks I have been feeling a little more anxiety than I had been, and he helped me to realize that it's because it was around the anniversary time of when things happened last summer. You be kind to yourself, too.

Although not diagnosed, I am sure that I have post traumatic stress syndrome after the death of my husband..

It has not been easy as one month after his death I was diagnosed with multiple myeloma so really never had a chance to grieve truly as immediately I was in a battle for my life. I have to say I am doing somewhat better lately with the help of a therapist and my cancer being in remission.. I am trying to take charge of my life again and it is not easy, but I am battling my way back to me...

I know I may be quiet here, but I do read and Seaspray, I hope only the best for you and your boys and husband and to everyone else here who has posted about going through these hard times in our lives..

I can only hope that better things are out there for all of us. I would love to visit our beloved WDW, but I am not strong enough to do it without Tom and physically my legs are not strong enough from all the chemo I had to endure to get to this remission..

Please take care everyone..

Mackey, I'm so sorry about the loss of Tom. I'm glad to have been able to meet the both of you at DIS meets. And now to deal with cancer and chemo. I hope that you are doing ok right now. I hope that when you feel better that you can go back to WDW.

- My mom has the early stages of multiple myeloma - she doesn't need treatment at this point but every time she visits the doctor I worry.

All three of the posters I quoted, stay strong.

I hope your mom is doing ok.

I guess ill jump on the train. September 2009 i was diagnosed PTSD (This was after dealing with symptoms for a year).

Before i got help i lived in fear everyday. I was scared to leave the house, to go to places i once enjoyed. (My PTSD was brought on by medical related things that happened to me ill explain more later)

I was always in fear i'd "get" sick again like i did before or maybe the doctors missed something.

This might sound really pathetic but do you know why i got help? I won a trip to Disney. At home i could "hide" but winning that trip i knew i couldn't anymore. How could i explain why i gave away a free trip? I had so many things going on in my head. So i went and got help. Ive been on medication since Sept 09.

I do still have a hard time some days, some times ill smell some things and get scared & freaked out. But i am dealing. It is a daily thing. I just need to stop and try to realize i "am" okay.
i really like http://www.bringchange2mind.org/ lots of great storys on there.

Thanks for posting that web site, I will check it out. I'm glad that you got help, and I hope that you're doing better these days. It really IS a daily thing, that's for sure. I have done the same thing as you, I've made myself stop and remind myself that I am OK. I've had to stop worrying about the future and what "might" happen, and instead focus on this hour, this day, this week.

 

[minniebeth]

Seaspray, I'm so glad you had some positive things like your trip to WDW, the trip to NJ, your son getting a job he likes, a raise!

How frightening that your DH had a heart attack, but wonderful that it was diagnosed properly when it was and that he could take steps for a full recovery. Glad he is doing well, we will keep him in our thougts.

I hope that your DS' cyst will heal well soon. Hope all is well with your DS in college too!

Thank you for your update~ you remain in our thoughts and prayers that sunshine and peace surrounds you!

 

[SeaSpray]

Seaspray, I'm so glad you had some positive things like your trip to WDW, the trip to NJ, your son getting a job he likes, a raise!

How frightening that your DH had a heart attack, but wonderful that it was diagnosed properly when it was and that he could take steps for a full recovery. Glad he is doing well, we will keep him in our thougts.

I hope that your DS' cyst will heal well soon. Hope all is well with your DS in college too!

Thank you for your update~ you remain in our thoughts and prayers that sunshine and peace surrounds you!

Thank you so much, minniebeth.

 

[Friendly Frog]

Hi all.

OP,
I am glad that you son is doing better and that your husband is OK. You have been through so much. Feel free to pm me anytime, and I am usually up late each night if you want to chat. I was told once that talking about your problems was the best thing a person could do to help themselves.


I was diagnosed with PTSD over 20 years ago. My husband (at the time) was in a horrific accident. He was in critical condition for a long time, not expected to live. Then in a coma, and I was told he could be in a "vegetated" state the rest of his life. I did fine for many months (at least I thought I did) but later it all hit me, and I broke down.

I was on meds and had counseling for a long time but eventually I no longer needed the meds and was doing fine. ( Some things were never 100% the way they were before of course.)

This is my current situation. Maybe someone here can make a suggestion for me, please?

I think my PTSD is rearing its ugly head and I am having a really hard time right now. I know that my problems are not as bad as you guys, but still, I am not coping so well.

It started back some for me when my father passed away. Insomnia, but I got ambien and it was manageable. (Then had my hysterectomy which seem to add to it too.)

Then my company shut down and I lost my job after 23 years. I loved my job and my company. It was horrific having to let people go that I had worked with for years and years. Co-workers that had become close friends stopped talking to me after I had to let them go. It really hurt...still does. I also knew in my heart that I was going to be let go at some point myself. ( I felt this, but of course no one told me, so it was constant worry of will I or won't I.) I had a terrible time adjusting to all of this. I still am.

I am an older adult that has only had one "real" job in her life. Not a good candidate for hire anywhere, especially since my industry is not doing well. I tried for a while, with not even an interview. Then I became ill ( had to have some medical tests done.) and lost my unemployment benefits due to not searching enough. ( Nice reward for being honest about my job searches.) At this point I was really getting upset, and I had horrible panic attacks just by job searching the Internet. I was scared to death for some reason to even apply, let along think of going on a job interview. I mean really, really, scared. ( and I was a person who headed a corporate department, in a fortune 250 company, dealing with issues on a nationwide level. Yes, I was once "together"!) I had become so panic stricken that even my husband told me to stop searching for a while till I could get myself together.

Then add a home burglary and the loss of so many things, most not covered by insurance. Worse of all were loosing all the things that once belonged to my dad. ( Some very special honors/plaques.)

I am not getting better.

My husbands line of work dried up in 2000 and he was out of work for a long time. After that time, the only work he could find was temp assignments or contract with no benefits. After 9 years, we were blessed that he did finally find a job with some (terribly expensive) benefits just before my job ended, but he has been told that this job ( and maybe the company) will end soon. He is looking, but nothing is out there and chances of him getting a job with benefits is slim. He is well educated,excellent in his line of work, and willing to do anything/ any job/ any field to get benefits, but I know last time even Home Depot and the grocery store would not hire him. ("Over qualifyied") He is 7 years older than I am but still too young for medicare.

I don't know what we will do about health care. I don't think either one of us will qualify for private health care, even if we can afford it.

It is horribly hard to fall asleep no matter how tired I am, my mind is full of worry or in a dull daze. I haven't slept for more than 4-5 hrs a night for the last 2 years. ( and I wake up during the night during it.) It is really starting to take a toll on my health. Surprisingly I am not that sleepy during the day, but I am forgetful, unorganized and, not so sharp anymore.... you get the idea.

I also can't stand even the slightest responsibility without feeling panic.
Even something so simple as my husband wanting me to call someone as ask them a question can set me off. The Dis Board is the only place I free comfortable and I don't freak out over asking or doing stuff. ( We actually have trip planned, but I won't go into how/why we are doing this in this thread.) Even that is not getting me as excited as it should but it will at least get me out of the house, which I also do not do anymore.

I know I need to go in and get back on antidepressants and ambien, but if I do that will be a major black mark that could keep me from getting private medical insurance. I don't know what to do. My husband has friends ( both professionals and both out of work right now) who have told him they were turned down for prescription coverage or insurance and they don't have ANY existing conditions and they had used their (old) insurance less then us.

Anyone here not on disability, that has to use private insurance? Will I have to give them my complete medical history? I don't know how I can do that. I have had a lot of medical tests done in my life under a bunch of different insurance policies. I can't even remember the different insurance companies I have had, let along the different diagnosis. I can't really even recall things from last year. How would I ever be able to find the information? What if I miss something? I have heard that later they can deny coverage for a major illness due to this!

I am terrified that I will get relly sick without insurance. I am also worried that the insurance will lapse, and even if DH gets a job with benefits, one of us could end up with cancer or something and be told that it started during the lapse period, so we would still not be covered due to it being considered a pre existing condition!

Any advise would really be appreciated.


Ps- Just being able to tell someone has helped. Thank you.

 

[Friendly Frog]

I have been treating for PTSD and depression for just about six years now. Mine stems from a long career in law enforcement where I witnessed many horrific deaths from homicides, car crashes, and suicides. I also shot and killed a bank robbery suspect. There was not just one incident anyone could point to. It was more of a cumulative type thing. However, the last suicide where the guy killed himself in front of me (instead of killing me) was the last straw. Life has been hell since then. I have been in and out of the hospital a few times over the past few years for mental health issues.

My symptoms have run the gamut. Flashbacks, night terrors, nightmares, lack of sleep, nausea, heartburn, headaches, ED, irritability, numbness, withdrawing from the world...the list goes on. I have been on many different kinds of meds and finally found some that work the best.

Treatment has been so helpful. I have gone at least once a week, sometimes more, for the past six years. I am much better off than I was before, yet I still have a lot of work to do. I am still rebuilding and trying to fix all I have screwed up.

I do what I can to avoid stress and things that trigger the thoughts and flashbacks. I can't avoid them completely so I have learned many coping skills. I too stay away from violence and watch little TV. What I do watch is happier stuff.

Thanks for listening.

First thank you for your service in law enforcement. It is a difficult field for the person and their family. I am sending you, and everyone in this thread prayers for peace.

Interesting that I have most of the the same medical problems as you mentioned, but I never linked them to PTSD.

I watch TV, but it has to be light. Andy Griffith and Leave it to Beaver, American Idol, and I purchased all the Frasier episodes to watch at night when tv gets a bit too "dark" for me. I once loved Forensic Files and Dateline, not anymore, not even the news....especially not the news!

We have a trip planned which includes HHN for my husband. I have been trying to be upbeat about it, ( he doesn't know how bad my depression is getting.) but I am having some second thoughts. I am not so sure that is a good idea. So far I have not been having the horrible nightmares. I am a little worried that HHN might trigger them, even though I know everything there is in good fun and I like good set design. I think I will be ok, as long as I don't hear a helicopter. ( Med evac from the accident.) That sound coupled with screams might set me off.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I am pretty sure that I have post traumatic........I may get 5 hours at night... if I am lucky, most of the other time I am in pain and try to watch tv just to take my mind off of it. Lately, I have been weepy and it is around the anniversary of my husband's death, but I am just plain worn down. I will see my doctor this week and I will get answers. I do have private ins which I pay dearly for......but like you will not be able to get anything else as I have a disease that will hinder anyone else covering me..

I just try to get through the nights and live the days the best I can.. It is not easy but it is what my life is right now. I go to a grief counselor and I have friends but clearly it has been a year since he died and I would have hoped I was moving forward more, maybe I am expecting too much from myself, he is so missed... Anyway, yes I would say I am living with ptss...

hugs to you all...
Marsha

 

[SeaSpray]

Hi all.

OP,
I am glad that you son is doing better and that your husband is OK. You have been through so much. Feel free to pm me anytime, and I am usually up late each night if you want to chat. I was told once that talking about your problems was the best thing a person could do to help themselves.


I was diagnosed with PTSD over 20 years ago. My husband (at the time) was in a horrific accident. He was in critical condition for a long time, not expected to live. Then in a coma, and I was told he could be in a "vegetated" state the rest of his life. I did fine for many months (at least I thought I did) but later it all hit me, and I broke down.

I was on meds and had counseling for a long time but eventually I no longer needed the meds and was doing fine. ( Some things were never 100% the way they were before of course.)

This is my current situation. Maybe someone here can make a suggestion for me, please?

I think my PTSD is rearing its ugly head and I am having a really hard time right now. I know that my problems are not as bad as you guys, but still, I am not coping so well.

Friendly Frog:

I'm so sorry for everything that you've been through, and what you're still going through. I wish that I had advice or information to give you, to help with your insurance issues. I do think that if you feel that you need to take an antidepressent and something for your sleep problems, that you should do it. I never knew that it could cause problems for future insurability, though. Does anyone have any firsthand experience with this?? I would hope that those sorts of medications would not impact future insurance, but I don't know. Please hang in there!

I am pretty sure that I have post traumatic........I may get 5 hours at night... if I am lucky, most of the other time I am in pain and try to watch tv just to take my mind off of it. Lately, I have been weepy and it is around the anniversary of my husband's death, but I am just plain worn down. I will see my doctor this week and I will get answers. I do have private ins which I pay dearly for......but like you will not be able to get anything else as I have a disease that will hinder anyone else covering me..

I just try to get through the nights and live the days the best I can.. It is not easy but it is what my life is right now. I go to a grief counselor and I have friends but clearly it has been a year since he died and I would have hoped I was moving forward more, maybe I am expecting too much from myself, he is so missed... Anyway, yes I would say I am living with ptss...

hugs to you all...
Marsha

Hi Marsha:

I can't believe that it's been a year already since Tom has passed. Time seems to fly whether we're having fun or not, doesn't it. How did you make out at the doctor's office?? I hope that you were able to get at least some kind of relief (pain relief, emotional relief, whatever you need). My DH had a heart-related scare yesterday (he had a massive heart attack at the end of May), so I'm feeling more stressed today than usual, I think as a delayed reaction from yesterday. He's fine though, fortunately, but something like that brings back the feelings of when he was having the heart attack. That's one thing that I hate about PTSD, is that things can "trigger" us and flood us with thoughts and feelings and emotions from the event that caused it in the first place.

Anyway, I'm rambling now.. But I hope everyone is doing a little bit better.

 

[SeaSpray]

Hi everyone:

Not a real lot of news here... which is a GOOD thing, I think!

DS22 has been mostly home-bound for the last 6 weeks since his surgery for the pilonidal cyst removal. Because of the open-wound healing method, the average is about 8 weeks. We saw the surgeon today and he's very happy with the rate of healing, however, there's a small red patch of skin right next to the wound, and we're not sure what it's from. The doctor has ruled out a fungal infection and a re-infection due to a new cyst. He told us to watch it, and see if the area gets any larger. DS still has a visiting nurse each day to change the dressing on the wound, so they're watching it, as well.

DS's mental health seems relatively good these days, which in turn helps me to feel less stressful and anxious. I'm tempted to go off of the Zoloft, but I know that just because I've been feeling good for the last few months, doesn't mean that I should go off of the medication yet. I'm thinking that if I still feel "good" 6 months from now, then I will ask my doctor how to dose the medication to go off of it slowly.

DH is doing well, health-wise. He is still not smoking, which is great! He's lost more weight and he looks excellent. Work is a little stressful, but we talk about it, and I let him vent to me. He's the manager of an engineering department of a large electronics company. He loves his job, but a lot of responsibility lands on him, and he has to make sure that everyone does what they need to do.

DS19 is doing well. Still working at his DGF's parent's restaurant on the weekends, and going to college full time during the week.

My DSis and DBIL were just up here in MA visiting for a few days, from NJ. We had a great few days! My sister is my best friend.

I'm still seeing a psychologist about once every week or two or three. We schedule appointments weekly, but oftentimes either he or I have to reschedule. That's ok though, I don't feel that I need to see him every week anymore. I guess that's progress, right?

I hope that everyone "out there" is doing well!

 

[LCARDVERO]

My husband had PSTS after his father died after hitting his head when tripping on the last stair in his basement. 5 months after that his sister, his best friend, only 46 died after battling breast cancer. He had so much anxiety and stress, my husband lost his job..he was rock bottom.

He eventually started medication, currently on Prozac. Even though he had a tough time with the transition on the meds, it has been almost three years and he is the most care-free fun loving guy you. He said the meds change his life and will never get off of them!

 

[roxiepenguin]

My brand-spankin' new PTSD and subsequent panic attacks were diagnosed once we returned from our WDW trip in September.

I should also say this was our FIRST (and last) trip to WDW; it was our honeymoon and we flew from Idaho to Florida on a Wednesday only to have to leave early (Sunday) and drive home. Yes, to Idaho from Florida, by Wednesday.

I never wrote a trip report (can you imagine why not!?) and really won't even talk about the trip to anyone. After we got home, as instructed by the FQ manager, my husband contacted the WDW Travel folks to make sure the refund for the unused nights was being handled. It was the DISNEY TRAVEL AGENT who told him to submit a claim with the trip-interruption insurance company since the trip was ended early by circumstances beyond our control. (PTSD was diagnosed as a result of the horrible flight from SLC to Orlando and a first-EVER panic attack on Mission:Space. Thus, the need to drive home; no chance in %*$& of getting on plane again. [and I have easily flown 50+ times in my lifetime])

It's now 4 months later and we finally just received the refusal letter from the insurance company because it was a mental condition, not a physical one. Wow. Really?

So we basically flushed thousands of dollars and ruined our honeymoon. The only reimbursement was the unused nights of hotel.

 

[Obadiah Stane]

Things are going a bit better. I talked with a retired local officer a few weeks back who left his job last summer from PTSD. He is still in a quite fragile state, but is doing OK. Anyway, at one point he asked me if it gets better? I told him I can't look at it day-by-day, or week-to-week, as the short term is such a roller coaster. However, I told him when I look back over the past almost seven years things are better overall. I told him to stick with the mental health treatment and to use his support group as much as he can. As we all know, the times when you are feeling the best is when you feel like being around people and the times we you are feeling the worst you don't want to be around anyone. Yet, that is the time when you need your support group the most.

Take care all and I wish all who suffer from this and other debilitating mental health issues well.