Anyone been to a wedding lately?

[catsrule]

It depends how close I am to them. I aways give money, they seem to like that the best.

 

[HappyMommy2]

Wow!

I've never even thought about taking the cost of the wedding into consideration when I purchase gifts!

I went to two weddings a few summers ago, both of equally close friends; one wedding was really fancy with full dinner and dancing aboard a chartered steamboat. The other was an appetizers-and-cake reception at a modest hotel ballroom. I gave gifts of equal value--maybe $70 per couple if I remember correctly.
I can't imagine having given a larger gift to the steamboat reception couple just because their wedding was fancier, but maybe I'm just out of the loop when it comes to etiquette!

What if you can't afford a gift befitting the expense of a couple's wedding? Should you not attend? What about when, as still often happens, the bride's family has paid for the wedding? It seems to me that if we're supposed to consider the cost of the "plate" in choosing a gift, we should give the gift to the people who paid for the plate!

I think I'll just stick to giving what I can afford, taking into consideration how close I am to the couple.

 

[grinningghost]

I went to 2 weddings in the summer (both first cousins), and I gave them each $100. I thought that was more than fair considering I only see them once in a while.

 

[trip]

From a Mother of the Bride point of view. In the past 5 years two of our three daughter's were married (last one is still in college). We invited our family and friends to join us for the celebration!! We never once even considered that gifts would be "pay back". The girls both had very nice weddings - large church, sit down dinner and dancing. The gifts were only a bonus to a wonderful family event! People should give what they are comfortable with.

 

[stitch'sohana]

I agree with everyone else that the cost of the wedding should not be taken into consideration. Not everyone has the same relationship or financial status. I would never expect someone to spend so much money on me because I want an extravagant wedding. I would invite them because I want to share my special day with them not because I expect something. And anyone who holds a grudge over not getting something expensive has forgotten the real reason for the wedding. Base it on your relationship and financial status and if they are not greatful then its their problem.

 

[FreshTressa]

Originally posted by Kimberle
In my area, ('burbs of NYC) I would not give less than $200. I generally spend $75 on the shower gift, too.

Wow, then I am glad we live out here in the 'country'! LOL.

Around here if you gave a $75 shower gift you might floor someone.

I think it depends on what you can afford. 50-100 would be my choice, depending on my budget that month.

 

[Disney Doll]

I've been to 3 in the last 3 months. DH and I give $150-$200, depending on the relationship. We're about an hour north of NYC, so our neck of the woods tends to be a little more pricey I think.

 

[Octoberbride03]

I've been to a wedding lately!!

MINE

LOL Couldn't ignore this thread. As far as monetary gifts go I'd say somewhere around $50.00. This was the avg. amount Dh and i got in our cards even from distant family. If its too much for you then give as much as you can. Have a good time.

Maureen

 

[snoopy]

We've had these discussions on the DIS many times before, and it does seem its prevalent in the Northeast to cover the cost of your plate, which apparently in this part of the country is in excess of $200.

All I can say is I'm glad I live just a little south of what is considered the Northeast. I don't think I could afford to attend too many weddings at $250 a pop.

 

[CourtasanSatine]

are group gifts ok? I was part of one when a teacher got married and each person gave 10 dollars

 

[smileybrat]

Originally posted by disykat
I'm one who thinks basing the gift on the cost of the wedding is terrible. I think you should give what you can afford and feel like giving. I hate to think we live in a world where there's an "cover charge" for weddings.

Originally posted by stitch'sohana
I agree with everyone else that the cost of the wedding should not be taken into consideration. Not everyone has the same relationship or financial status. I would never expect someone to spend so much money on me because I want an extravagant wedding. I would invite them because I want to share my special day with them not because I expect something. And anyone who holds a grudge over not getting something expensive has forgotten the real reason for the wedding. Base it on your relationship and financial status and if they are not greatful then its their problem.

I totally agree. The amount you give is up to you. I normally base it on how close you are to the person and how much you can afford. At my Sister's wedding, she got a variety of amounts but was grateful for all of them. They should be happy that people care enough to give you a present on your special day no matter of the cost.

 

[Mishetta]

I don't think anyone is saying that you "have" to give a certain amount to cover the cost of your plate NOR has the bride/groom asked for such a gift, but it's just what people want to give. I "want" to give what it would cost to feed DH & I. No one has "asked" me for that amount nor do I feel obligated to give that amount...it's just that I'd LIKE to give that amount.

We had a very nice wedding reception at a swanky place & we got all sorts of gifts....from as low as $25 for 2 people to $650 in an envelope & I was happy that the couple who gave us $25 was able to come, as well as the couple that gave $650. I wanted all my guests there whether they could give a gift or not.

 

[skiwee1]

Originally posted by snoopy
We've had these discussions on the DIS many times before, and it does seem its prevalent in the Northeast to cover the cost of your plate, which apparently in this part of the country is in excess of $200.

All I can say is I'm glad I live just a little south of what is considered the Northeast. I don't think I could afford to attend too many weddings at $250 a pop.

I'm from Maryland and have never heard of covering the cost of the wedding with the gift. That is ridiculous! It is the bride and groom's choice on how much they want to spend and the guests shouldn't be expected to give a gift that is equal to the cost of one's plate. How tasteless!

 

[bekkiz]

As someone who had a wedding about 4 days ago, I think only the tackiest of brides expect a certain level of cotribution/gift. I for one think any simple acknowledgement of the ceremony was quite enough (although, I wouldn't turn down a gift )

Send a thoughtful card at the least, a gift or check if you are able and the couple will be more than greatful

In terms of "group gifts," I think they're wonderful. It's quite common among our circle of friends. We registered for some higher priced items knowing that people like to go in on a present

 

[ducklite]

A minimum of $150, and it goes up from there depending on many factors, mostly how well I know the couple/how close I am to them. I generally prefer to give a gift from the registry unless I know the couple either needs nothing (as in the case of many second or later marriages) or is saving for a house. In the case of "later" marriages where they do'nt registry I like to try to get a little more creative than just a check. When one of my oldest friends got married last year, I put our gift to them on their shipboard account for the cruise they took for their honeymoon. They were thrilled to get onboard and find large credit on their cabin. We also sent a bottle of champagne

Here's one for you--have you gotten an invite to a wedding that you barely even knew the couple? Did you feel "obligated" to go or give a gift?

DH and I got an invite to the very out of state wedding of the son of a former neighbor who we hadn't even seen or heard from in three years. When they lived near us, their son was in college, and I think we met him twice. We declined the invite, and sent a card but no gift. A mutual friend said the former neighbor was insulted that we hadn't sent a gift Should we have?

Anne

 

[Cruisin]

I think if you are invited to a wedding and cannot go that you do not need to send a gift, unless of course you want to.

I also think that I am glad I don't get invited to very many weddings!!!!

 

[snoopy]

I'm from Maryland and have never heard of covering the cost of the wedding with the gift.

Well, be glad that Maryland is a mid-Atlantic state, not a Northeastern state. I too am glad that here in Washington we're not expected to cover the cost of our plate. I have learned a lot from the DIS boards, and everytime we have one of these threads, it seems to be prevalent in New Jersey, New York, CT -- where weddings seem quite a bit more elaborate than what is usual and customary for most weddings here.

As far as sending a gift when I can't go to the wedding, no, I don't feel obligated to send a gift. If I know the couple well I would more than likely send a gift, but not because I felt that I had to.

 

[Pig Pen]

My sil sold our wedding gift in her yard sale.

I have stopped going to weddings other than immediate family. Over half of them get divorced anyway.

I would rather spend money on myself.

 

[disykat]

Okay, I'm taking it a step further for the the people who like to cover their plate. I know this is going to offend some people, but it is my true opinion. I just plain think that it is "not polite" to try and estimate how much someone will be paying for their party. I can't imagine how it became okay to do that. (I understand that it is accepted practice in some places - I'm just horrified by it.)

I've been known to speculate to myself (for example - whew, this must have cost a fortune!) but I can't imagine admitting it. Oops -guess I just did!

 

[ducklite]

Originally posted by disykat
I've been known to speculate to myself (for example - whew, this must have cost a fortune!) but I can't imagine admitting it. Oops -guess I just did!

LOL! When my sister got married they had a HUGE (300+ guests!) wedding. They had a great soloist at the church, an amazing DJ at the reception. Tons of flowers, amazing reception hall, a bag piper and drummer to pipe them out of the church, the whole nine yards.

Several guests were overheard commenting on how it must have cost a fortune. Teehee...if they had only known...

The soloist was a class mate of my sisters who refused to take a dime.

The church was the chapel at the college that my sister got her undergrad from, nominal charge to alumni.

The priest was/is a very good friend of my sister and BIL who refused any sort of payment.

The DJ was a frat brother of BIL who donated his services as his gift to them.

The reception hall management was affiliated with the company I worked for and was gotten for a discounted fee. The caterer was also hugely discounted, I worked a barter between the owner of the catering company and myself where I did a large graphic arts job for him in return for a substantial discount on the catering. In return my sister and mom babysat my son for about 25 hours so I could get the artwork done. (This was back before we did it all on computers, and it would have taken three hours nowadays!)

My BIL's family business was wedding/special event photography. Her FIL shot their wedding (GORGEOUS photo's). In exchange for all the flowers, he shot the wedding of a florists son for free three weeks later. Through his contacts the invitations were hugely discounted as well, and I did the calligraphy to address the invitations. He also got a great deal on the limo's through his contacts.

Oh, and the piper/drummer? Buddies of my dad's from the local AOH, no fee. In fact he kept them a secret, no one knew about them! That is until towards the end of the wedding when they started to warm up in the parking lot. We were giggling hysterically hearing that "catarwal" outside.

Oh--her dress--gotten for next to nothing as a "floor model". As she was a size TWO, it had only been tried on once or twice the entire time it was in the shop!

Anne