Any other DISers trying to concieve? Reread OP for the QOTD!

[AllyandJack]

QOTD 5/4: This has been a HUGE sticking point for me and DH. He's been a real trooper when it comes to his part. He's been on Clomid. He's had repeated tests, not to mention his "job" when I have my IUIs and my IVF. However, he seems to act as if he could give or take it all. I have a tendency to throw my hands in the air and give up. In fact, I am currently in a state of giving up right now. I was supposed to start my Lupron yesterday, but I didn't. I haven't called my doctor. I just don't have anymore fight left in me, you know? That's why I'm happy you all are here....I'm hoping to get some inspiration to keep fighting.

Anyway, I realize DH is walking a fine line - he can't FORCE me, but I do wish he would do SOMETHING. Instead, when I tell him I'm not doing the Lupron, he says, "OK" like I just told him I'd rather not have chicken for dinner. Then, he resumes with life as if everything is normal and it's not. Nothing is normal. Nothing is "OK". Part of me wants him to feel as angry and empty as I do - but, why would I want anyone to feel that? Shouldn't I be happy that he's been able to muddle through this without losing it? But, it's not like he can hold me down and stick me either or scream at me that I HAVE to take the injection.

I don't know what I expect of him.

 

[helenabear]

I am so excited to see everyone replying. I am so sick of being asked about a baby. We decided after 2 miscarriages that we weren't going to tell anyone until after the first trimester. Going back and telling people what happened is definitely no fun.

I am so sorry

AllyandJack, sorry about your frustration with your DH. Mine is kind of like that, but of course we aren't trying near as hard as you. I'd imagine he doesn't want to push you. It is your body,and he probably doesn't want to push. Have you talked to him about it.

QOTD 5/4: we are actaully both very laid back about it. I've told my DH that I don't want to use drugs or any other means to get pregnant. Too many in my family had issues even carrying a child to term and honestly, for me, I do not want to tempt fate. I'd rather not be like my mom who was told she was not allowed to have a child after me or it would kill her. Just with things like that, I cannot push what my body does not want to do. Obviously I have no issues with others, but that is just for me. Plus, I don't do well on hormones period

So we both have a very laid back kind of attitude and I hope that helps us. Since we both came from families with fertility issues, we have discussed what we want, and this kind of attitude will work well for us

 

[TAKitty]

Hi, I just found this thread today!

Dh (38) me (30) and married for almost 4 years. We decided that we would try after our first year of marriage, but life handed us some problems so that was pushed aside. We tried off and on about a year and a half ago but stopped because of some life issues again. This time we are starting back up towards the summer (regardless of what life throws us!).

However, I have a somewhat unique issue. My Dh was married before and has two kids. I had never been married until him. I sometimes don't think he understands just how much I truly desire children. He says he does, but I don't think he really "knows." Maybe it is a woman thing.

 

[beckmrk04]

Allyandjack- hugs hugs hugs. I know I can't say anything that will make it all better, but I wish I could. I'm sure your dh doesn't want to push you. I don't think men quite understand the longing to carry a baby- it's not like they'll ever be able to, so it just doesn't hit them the same way it does women. But it is an ache, and one that can be completely overwhelming and gobble us up if we're not careful.

 

[beckmrk04]

Reread for QOTD, 5/5!!!

 

[Goobergal99]

Nope not trying to conceive I am quite content with my only child

I couldn't give you guys much advice about the whole TTC subject because It only took one time for me (and I mean the first time EVER!) and we definently weren't trying however 7 years later our was the best thing that could have happened to us.

In any case good luck and have fun trying

 

[AllyandJack]

Allyandjack- hugs hugs hugs. I know I can't say anything that will make it all better, but I wish I could. I'm sure your dh doesn't want to push you. I don't think men quite understand the longing to carry a baby- it's not like they'll ever be able to, so it just doesn't hit them the same way it does women. But it is an ache, and one that can be completely overwhelming and gobble us up if we're not careful.

You're so right. No man can understand that ache when we walk by a pregnant woman on the street or even see a stroller for sale in a store. Probably because a dude can't understand why someone would WANT to be uncomfortable and potentially sick for months!

I was pregnant for 8 blissful weeks and I was as sick as a dog. I loved every second of it. Every time I got a wave of nausea, I'd get excited. Every time I fell asleep at 2 in the afternoon because I just couldn't keep my eyes open, I'd fall asleep with a huge smile on my face. I could barely eat and lost 10lbs. As long as my doctor wasn't too concerned, I would laugh everytime DH's macaroni and cheese made my eyes water. I'd wake up in the morning and I'd be so sick to my stomach, I couldn't talk, I couldn't move, I even had to tell DH to shut up because I couldn't have any sound or movement around me. Ah....but, I discovered that Jolly Rancher Lolly Pops were miracles! So, to whomever is Lucky #1 of us to get a positive - get yourself some JOLLY RANCHER LOLLY POPS and keep them by the bed!

ETA: QOTD 5/5: Obviously, my situation is different. But, in addition to my regular vitamin (I can't handle pre-natals), I take an 800mg folic acid supplement. This is due to the high risk of multiples. I also take a Baby Aspirin daily. This will get the blood flowing better to the uterus and plumps up the lining. Talk to your doctor before you do this, of course, but this is a very common protocol for people undergoing fertility procedures and just for people who decide to take it to help with their lining. After transfer, I don't take any Advil (I'm told Tylenol only, but that Tylenol PM is OK) and I avoid things pregnant women should avoid - soft cheeses, certain types of fish, deli meats, etc. Everything in moderation though.....I'm sure my mother ate some tuna and I turned out OK!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Anyway, I realize DH is walking a fine line - he can't FORCE me, but I do wish he would do SOMETHING. Instead, when I tell him I'm not doing the Lupron, he says, "OK" like I just told him I'd rather not have chicken for dinner. Then, he resumes with life as if everything is normal and it's not. Nothing is normal. Nothing is "OK". Part of me wants him to feel as angry and empty as I do - but, why would I want anyone to feel that? Shouldn't I be happy that he's been able to muddle through this without losing it? But, it's not like he can hold me down and stick me either or scream at me that I HAVE to take the injection.

I don't know what I expect of him.

Sorry to jump back to yesterday's QOTD, but I wanted to respond to this post.

Karla, I understand what you are saying and have felt similarly. It seemed like I went through so many painful tests, procedures, shots, doctor's appointments, etc and although my DH was interested, it was definitely not to the same degree I was. During my pregnancy, though, it became clear that he was indeed really bothered by all he watched me go through. At one point, both sides of my butt were completely abcessed from the repeated injections intended to sustain the pregnancy. Every night he had to give me a shot of 2cc of a thick, oily substance, and boy, it hurt going in, especially through the inflamed skin. He knew it, too. Sometimes I would cry in anticipation of the shot, and he would almost, too, in having to give it to me. We had a mini breakdown one night from the stress of it all, and it was then that he told me he would do anything if it could be him to do everything. I was surprised because he'd never really said much about it up until then. It was a turning point for me I guess you could say, because it made me see it did matter to him, and I began to think of it more of a team effort than a one woman show.

Fast forward to the birth of our twins. It had been a very difficult pregnancy and delivery. I was completely out of it the day of the birth (won't get into the details here, but had lost over half the blood in my body, and was afraid I might die that day). The most I could do was crack open an eye now and then to see what was happening in my room. Well there was DH with the two babies and a nurse showing him what to do. Every time I looked, he had things completely under control. I could barely believe my eyes! It turns out it was the moment he'd been waiting for - one where he could finally take an active role in doing something related to this whole baby thing! And I was happy to let him - finally.

Later on, he never complained when he had to care for the babies, he always had a very active role in their lives. Very much so, and still to this day. And I do believe that was in part a conscious decision that he made early on when he felt helpless in doing anything and seeing me go through so much in order to have them. Living through ART gives you a different perspective and perhaps a deeper appreciation for what you are given.

I have discussed this with other women who've had experiences like this as well, and often you hear the same thing when it comes to the husband taking a more active role when they are finally able to. Perhaps this will be the case with you. It's easy to feel frustrated and alone in this, but remember, you are a team, but you have to carry the ball more heavily right now. Your DH will have his turn later on. I'm sure he cares, but probably has mixed emotions seeing what you are going through. Hang in there, it really is worth it in the end.

You can't help but ask why you have to go through all of this, but I realized one day as I looked at these beautiful children, that the reason I went through it all is because I was meant to have them, and for whatever reason, that was the path I had to take to get them. And beilieve it or not, I wouldn't change a thing. Someday, you will have a child in your arms, and you will see the same thing. PM me anytime you'd like to talk, vent, whatever.

Sorry ladies, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

 

[mickeyboat]

Good morning, ladies. I wasn't around yesterday because of Jury Duty.

A & J - they definitely don't want lawyers on juries, huh? I was hoping to sneak by because I'm not practicing, but not a chance.

I know I am not TTC, and I really don't belong here, but I feel such a strong connection to all of you for some reason. The time in our lives when we were TTC was a vividly emotional time for me, and I still think about it every day. So I hope you don't mind if I stop by every now and then.

Jen in NH - are you being treated by your OB/GYN or are you seeing an RE? What part of NH are you in? If memory serves me, there really aren't any RE's in the Concord/Manchester areas - and you need to either go to Boston or come to Dartmouth for treatment. I ave to give a plug to the doctors at DHMC, they have developed a great program (not that I didn't have issues with them, but they are very experienced). If you need some info, I would ba happy to help out.

Denae

 

[AllyandJack]

Sorry to jump back to yesterday's QOTD, but I wanted to respond to this post.

Karla, I understand what you are saying and have felt similarly. It seemed like I went through so many painful tests, procedures, shots, doctor's appointments, etc and although my DH was interested, it was definitely not to the same degree I was. During my pregnancy, though, it became clear that he was indeed really bothered by all he watched me go through. At one point, both sides of my butt were completely abcessed from the repeated injections intended to sustain the pregnancy. Every night he had to give me a shot of 2cc of a thick, oily substance, and boy, it hurt going in, especially through the inflamed skin. He knew it, too. Sometimes I would cry in anticipation of the shot, and he would almost, too, in having to give it to me. We had a mini breakdown one night from the stress of it all, and it was then that he told me he would do anything if it could be him to do everything. I was surprised because he'd never really said much about it up until then. It was a turning point for me I guess you could say, because it made me see it did matter to him, and I began to think of it more of a team effort than a one woman show.

Fast forward to the birth of our twins. It had been a very difficult pregnancy and delivery. I was completely out of it the day of the birth (won't get into the details here, but had lost over half the blood in my body, and was afraid I might die that day). The most I could do was crack open an eye now and then to see what was happening in my room. Well there was DH with the two babies and a nurse showing him what to do. Every time I looked, he had things completely under control. I could barely believe my eyes! It turns out it was the moment he'd been waiting for - one where he could finally take an active role in doing something related to this whole baby thing! And I was happy to let him - finally.

Later on, he never complained when he had to care for the babies, he always had a very active role in their lives. Very much so, and still to this day. And I do believe that was in part a conscious decision that he made early on when he felt helpless in doing anything and seeing me go through so much in order to have them. Living through ART gives you a different perspective and perhaps a deeper appreciation for what you are given.

I have discussed this with other women who've had experiences like this as well, and often you hear the same thing when it comes to the husband taking a more active role when they are finally able to. Perhaps this will be the case with you. It's easy to feel frustrated and alone in this, but remember, you are a team, but you have to carry the ball more heavily right now. Your DH will have his turn later on. I'm sure he cares, but probably has mixed emotions seeing what you are going through. Hang in there, it really is worth it in the end.

You can't help but ask why you have to go through all of this, but I realized one day as I looked at these beautiful children, that the reason I went through it all is because I was meant to have them, and for whatever reason, that was the path I had to take to get them. And beilieve it or not, I wouldn't change a thing. Someday, you will have a child in your arms, and you will see the same thing. PM me anytime you'd like to talk, vent, whatever.

Sorry ladies, back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Your post made me cry.....because you're so right. I think it's hard on him because he feels like it's his "fault" I have to go through this (his boys don't swim, so I have to endure all of this). After last time, with the OHSS and the ectopic and my being in the hospital for the better part of a month - I think seeing me in all that pain really upset him.

When I ask DH why my twins "left me", he keeps telling me because they weren't "the ones" we were meant to have. Right now, it's hard to understand that since I would have been perfectly happy with them. I still have the little dish where they were grown. I know what you said is right - when I finally do have "the one" (or two or three!), I'll know why I went through all of this.

Thank you.

 

[AllyandJack]

A & J - they definitely don't want lawyers on juries, huh? I was hoping to sneak by because I'm not practicing, but not a chance.

I think they think we're going exert influence on the other jurors. I don't think that's true. A lot of people hate lawyers and would be more likely to DISAGREE with us than listen to us!

When I was in college, I wanted to get on this jury for this civil case in Boston. I was ONE person away. When I got to law school, I read all about this case - it was the Boston Edison/New Balance case. I was so mad that I could have had an inside scoop on the case. I never get that lucky.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think it's hard on him because he feels like it's his "fault" I have to go through this (his boys don't swim, so I have to endure all of this).

Yikes, I can't believe I am about to post this, but I think it's useful information to anyone having issues with conceiving. We also had a sperm issue, so our babies were conceived using ICSI. (My DH had a large, strangulating hernia when he was younger and they think it damaged his pipes).

However (and here's the useful part ): when there is difficulty conceiving, it truly needs to be thought of as a "couples issue" and not a "male" or "female issue. Here's why. When a subfertile male is paired with a highly fertile female, conception often occurs. How do they know this? When these men present for their vasectomies, doctors are shocked to see they sometimes have extremely low sperm counts!! But because they are with a woman who is highly fertile, conception occurs. After all, it only takes one sperm, right, but the woman has to have all her parts in working order, too. If that same man was paired with a subfertile woman also, conception may very well not occur. (And the reverse is true, also, a highly fertile male with a subfertile female will often conceive).

In our case, nothing was ever identified with me, however we later on found out I in fact had PCOS as well, so there were no surprises there.

I think that it is really important to think of infertility as a couples issue. That way, one doesn't feel the guilt, embarrassment and shame associated with having a "problem". If that person was paired with someone else, there may in fact not be a problem.

Food for thought.

 

[AllyandJack]

Yikes, I can't believe I am about to post this, but I think it's useful information to anyone having issues with conceiving. We also had a sperm issue, so our babies were conceived using ICSI. (My DH had a large, strangulating hernia when he was younger and they think it damaged his pipes).

However (and here's the useful part ): when there is difficulty conceiving, it truly needs to be thought of as a "couples issue" and not a "male" or "female issue. Here's why. When a subfertile male is paired with a highly fertile female, conception often occurs. How do they know this? When these men present for their vasectomies, doctors are shocked to see they sometimes have extremely low sperm counts!! But because they are with a woman who is highly fertile, conception occurs. After all, it only takes one sperm, right, but the woman has to have all her parts in working order, too. If that same man was paired with a subfertile woman also, conception may very well not occur. (And the reverse is true, also, a highly fertile male with a subfertile female will often conceive).

In our case, nothing was ever identified with me, however we later on found out I in fact had PCOS as well, so there were no surprises there.

I think that it is really important to think of infertility as a couples issue. That way, one doesn't feel the guilt, embarrassment and shame associated with having a "problem". If that person was paired with someone else, there may in fact not be a problem.

Food for thought.

Oh, it's definitely a couple's issue. Just like the couple is pregnant, not just the woman - as in "we're pregnant".

 

[mickeyboat]

I think they think we're going exert influence on the other jurors. I don't think that's true. A lot of people hate lawyers and would be more likely to DISAGREE with us than listen to us!

Actually, form talking to the other perspective jurors, I do they they would be more likely to listen to someone with legal knowledge. But it was clear that the attorneys (especially the defense attorney) didn't want me to open my mouth.

I think he was relying on people's misconceptions about the law and the process to help them win. I was shocked that minutes after the judge gave some information to us, jurors were answering questions based on it, and were 100% wrong. Hello! Were you in the room 20 minutes ago? Here's an example. The judge says the total burden of proof is on the prosecution. The defense does not have to do anything if it doesn't want to. So the question is would you automatically find a defendant guilty if he doesn't present a defense? People said yes. Whatever.

Sorry to get the thread off track!

Denae



Denae

 

[beckmrk04]

QOTD: Other than taking a prenatal (that DOESN'T make me throw up ) I'm not doing too much differently. I am thinking about cutting out caffiene, though, which will be hard, given myloveof coca-cola, but I need to be healthier all around any way.

While preparing to ttc, I have started an exercise plan, and have been eating healthier.

 

[Jen_in_NH]

Good morning, ladies. I wasn't around yesterday because of Jury Duty.

A & J - they definitely don't want lawyers on juries, huh? I was hoping to sneak by because I'm not practicing, but not a chance.

I know I am not TTC, and I really don't belong here, but I feel such a strong connection to all of you for some reason. The time in our lives when we were TTC was a vividly emotional time for me, and I still think about it every day. So I hope you don't mind if I stop by every now and then.

Jen in NH - are you being treated by your OB/GYN or are you seeing an RE? What part of NH are you in? If memory serves me, there really aren't any RE's in the Concord/Manchester areas - and you need to either go to Boston or come to Dartmouth for treatment. I ave to give a plug to the doctors at DHMC, they have developed a great program (not that I didn't have issues with them, but they are very experienced). If you need some info, I would ba happy to help out.

Denae

No, I'm still seeing my OB/GYN. I live in Barnstead (20min east of Concord), so there are no RE's around here. The only ones I've found are DHMC or Boston. With DH and I's work schedules, traveling to either place will be difficult. I'm trying to put that off as long as possible. Any info you have from Dartmouth would be great.

As far as the QOTD - I have been taking hte prenatal vitamins, tried to cut down on caffeine (haven't managed it completely ), and just generally trying to eat healthier. DH has been awesome about changing the same things as I'm trying to. He's actually been really good about all of the testing and stuff so far, and has been reading everything he can get his hands on to try and understand all of the infertility treatments.

Jen

 

[AllyandJack]

No, I'm still seeing my OB/GYN. I live in Barnstead (20min east of Concord), so there are no RE's around here. The only ones I've found are DHMC or Boston. With DH and I's work schedules, traveling to either place will be difficult. I'm trying to put that off as long as possible. Any info you have from Dartmouth would be great.

Jen

I drive to Melrose, MA for my RE. She does everything in Melrose, except the IVF retrieval and transfer, which is done at NEMC in Boston. DH doesn't come to my appointments. I took myself to my HSG. For the IUIs, he went before me and dropped of his contribution. Then, he went to work and I took myself there for the procedure. He's only missed work for the retrieval, transfer, and when I was hospitalized. It's convenient since I don't have to drive into Boston for anything - except for 2 days for the big stuff. Can't beat the free parking in Melrose and not having to sit in Boston traffic.

 

[vettechick99]

Hey guys!! We had Special Olympics today at the high school - my fifth graders had so much fun!!!

Anyway, as for the QOTD, I haven't changed too much of anything. I've been taking pre-natals for at least 6 years. They only make me nauseous if I take them on an empty stomach. But that iron - hello! Bunny droppings. Enough said..

Other than that, I've cut out my daily half energy-drink (although I cheated today). I only have a little caffeine at lunch and will probably continue that with the pregnancy. I don't drink enough to do any harm. I still eat as terrible as I always have, and still drink wine and liquor on occasion, but plan to straighten up once I see that pink line.

Anybody in the 2WW right now?

 

[AllyandJack]

Don't be too hard on yourselves about the caffeine. A good friend of mine would drink one of those MASSIVE Dunkin Donuts ice coffees every day when she was pregnant and her son is great. In fact, she's pregnant with #2 - got pregnant with him while breastfeeding #1 and drinking that big coffee every day.

I just spoke with my doctor and I go tomorrow morning for some blood to make sure everything is OK for me to start the next cycle. I ovulated through the birth control pills (ya can't hold back my ovaries!), so she needs to check everything and make sure I'm recovered from everything that went on. Everything has always been normal, but I'm so afraid they're going to find something off.

 

[mickeyboat]

Anyway, as for the QOTD, I haven't changed too much of anything. I've been taking pre-natals for at least 6 years. They only make me nauseous if I take them on an empty stomach. But that iron - hello! Bunny droppings. Enough said..

I had that problem with the prenatals, too. My midwife told me that instead of the prenatal, I could eat Total cereal every day, and that would give me what I needed. Consult your own doctors, first though, but it's something think about.

Jen - the infertility and reproductive endocrinology clinic at DHMC has 6 doctors in it now. When I went the first time it had only one, and the second time, two. So they have expanded greatly in the last several years. Their number is (603) 653-9240. Concord is only an hour from here. You get off on exit 18 from I-89 North, and it's about 2 miles up the road. It's easy to find, park, etc. It may be a better alternative than Boston for you. I can probably get more info if you need it! They also have a satelite office in Manchester.

Here's the link: http://www.dhmc.org/webpage.cfm?site_id=2&org_id=106&gsec_id=0&sec_id=0&item_id=2413

Denae