Any of your kids live at home and commute to college?

[DawnM]

We are exploring both avenues.

Another friend and I have made appointments together for our boys (same ages) to tour the local 4 year state school. It is a good school for most majors.

We will be touring other colleges further away, but curious how many of you have had kids NOT go away and live elsewhere during college.

You can debate. That is fine. It won't change my stance on whether one NEEDS to go away to college or not. I was shipped off a world away (literally on the other side of the globe) for college from my parents, and so I am a little jaded about the whole thing. I don't care if my kids go away or not. I won't stop them from either.

I just got a job offer, after being a SAHM for 11 years. The money will help with expenses and offer more options for them. It is one of the reasons I am returning to work.

 

[aprilgail]

no one NEEDS to go away- all depends on the person. My friends daughter is so attached to her mother she would never go away and is looking at local schools. I went local and HATED it- felt like 13th grade to me rather than a college experience. My daughter is looking at going away, she doesn't want to commute and wants the whole college, away, dorming type experience. If she wants to go away that is fine, if she wanted to stay that is fine too- but deep down I am excited for her to go away and do the whole away from home experience (as much as I am going to miss the heck out of her!)

 

[gwynne]

We are exploring both avenues.

Another friend and I have made appointments together for our boys (same ages) to tour the local 4 year state school. It is a good school for most majors.

We will be touring other colleges further away, but curious how many of you have had kids NOT go away and live elsewhere during college.

You can debate. That is fine. It won't change my stance on whether one NEEDS to go away to college or not. I was shipped off a world away (literally on the other side of the globe) for college from my parents, and so I am a little jaded about the whole thing. I don't care if my kids go away or not. I won't stop them from either.

I just got a job offer, after being a SAHM for 11 years. The money will help with expenses and offer more options for them. It is one of the reasons I am returning to work.

Congrats on your job offer!
As I'm sure you know, stay at home or go away is not a one size fits all decision. Some kids are ready to go away (academically as well as socially) some aren't.
Cost is another factor, and it's not a small one.
If they opt to start locally, make sure the credits from the local community college will be accepted at the 4 year school.

My only other input is this: Encourage your student to take over being the point of contact with the college. It's better if they make the appointments, call to ask questions and so on.

 

[CristFamily]

My DS just graduated in June and will be attending a community college near us and staying at home. (Happy DW) Saving a lot of money. ($5500 a semester versus over $20-30,000-state school) After 2.5 years he will then transfer to another school, to get a more specialized degree in the medical field. Good Luck!

 

[ronandannette]

DS will be living at home when he starts. Almost all the young people we know do. The city we live in has 3 universities, an internationally renowned technical college and trade school, a junior college, 2 seminaries, 2 bible colleges and a number of those business/IT type schools. Staying at home (or at least local - most of the schools do have campus residency although it is NOT mandatory) is pretty much the default for everybody for at least their under-graduate work. The exception to this are those who have received athletic or other full-ride scholarships. Unlike most DIS'ers though, I don't travel in "high-achieving" circles so this is rare amongst people we know...

 

[Gumbo4x4]

It's unusual here only because there aren't any 4-year options within reasonable commuting distance. But, a LOT of kids here do CC for 2 years & the bulk of them live at home. No experience personally as my oldest is still in HS.

 

[Hikergirl]

My dd is staying home and going to the local CC along with several of her friends. She also has some friends staying home and attending a local college, and one that is commuting to a not so local one.
I don't feel everyone has to go away in order to get the college experience.

Saving a ton of money on room and board means way less debt in the future. Personally, I'd rather my children miss going away than be saddled with a ton of debt when they are out and living on their own.

 

[MrsDuck]

I went to a school about 4 hours away and was miserable while I was there. I hated being away from home and didn't want to be there in the first place. It was a terrible decision and I stayed one year. Then, I moved home and went to the university close to my home. It was about a 30 min commute one way but it was so worth it. The decision changed my life. Seriously.

 

[mom2rtk]

First, congrats on the job offer!

Our oldest commuted. Our second will be senior this year 3 1/2 hours from home this year. They both did what was best for them. Nobody here on the DIS knows your son so nobody here knows what is best for him.

I believe going away is a good growing experience for many kids. When the finances, I err on the side of thinking it's best to go away if possible. That doesn't mean it's the only answer, nor does it mean it's the right answer for every kid.

Of course you know that if he stays home you should encourage him to be as autonomous as possible, and to get as involved in school activities as possible. You'll find that they still can grow and spread their rooms while sleeping under your roof.

Good luck helping him find his right path.

 

[RedAngie]

Older DD lived at home and commuted freshman year, but then decided she wanted the full campus experience. University was a 20 minute drive away. I was all for her living at school, despite the added cost. I would have been fine with her staying at home as well.

Younger DD was unmotivated and unsure what she wanted to do after HS. She did commute to the local community college for a year, but ended up dropping some of the courses. Then she took a year off to "find herself." Her father and I thought a change of location might be beneficial, so she went to live with him in California and enrolled in college there. She commuted for a year, then moved on campus. School is a 75 minute drive from ExH's home.

 

[AnnieEMT]

DS 20 starts his Junior year (how did that happen??!) this fall - he's been at home all along & will continue for the foreseeable future. We're lucky to be in the area we are - his University is less than a half hour away. It's definitely an individual decision. Of course it's a huge savings, and it helps that we get along really well.

 

[TheDisneyNurse]

Wishing you and your boys good luck and a great college experience!

I just graduated after 4 years of commuting to college, about a 1/2 hour away on the highway. I really liked it, I might've been a little lonely if I was away. But I had many friends who absolutely LOVED dorming. I see perks to both sides

 

[QueenIsabella]

It really depends on the child and the circumstances. Our oldest wouldn't consider staying home, she wouldn't even consider any school in our state! She chose Boston, and has been thriving there. We've moved further away, so she can no longer come home for a quick weekend, but we're all okay with that.

OTOH, DS19 didn't know what he wanted to do (still doesn't). He started at the local community college, lives at home, and commutes by bus (he doesn't have his driver's license). This works for him. He's, shall we say, slow to mature, moving away from home would have been a disaster. His CC has many good programs, and feeds into the state schools--if he goes that route, he can also commute to a branch of the 4-year state school, and still stay local. In fact, the 4-year school is slightly closer than the community college.

One thing that I've noticed, and this is purely anecdotal, but it seems like people in the Northeast are more inclined to look at CC as a "lesser" option. Maybe because there are just so many colleges in the Northeast, I don't know. But here in NC, it's just considered one decent option out of many. Also, it seems like in the South, students are more likely to stay in their home state, if not their home town, for college. When I mention my DD's studying in Boston, people think I sound so exotic. Back in NH, nobody would bat an eye at attending college in Boston. I thought Boston's reputation as being a big college town was well-known, but maybe not.

 

[mjkacmom]

Dd19 goes away (45 minutes) even though there is a commuter campus 20 minutes away. She is now in an off campus apartment to save money. Ds19 will be 1 1/2 hours away. We do have many local colleges and cc with easy commutes (my kids could go to community college for free), close to free for many of the others. Both wanted the away experience, and more challenging academics. Dd's business program is ranked the highest in the area, and their colleges are ranked top in our state.

Both work their butts off when school is out to pay for part of it. Both DH and I went away, and loved it, as did most of our family members. Most of their friends are away, too, and those who stayed home aren't that happy - just a different social experience.

 

[DawnM]

Oh, and I didn't mention that my oldest is 18 and attending the local CC. He started as a dual enrollment student last year. But his entire program is at the CC, a trade/tech school. He doesn't want to go away. But he has some special needs. He is probably emotionally, academically, and maturity wise about 3 years behind his peers. I am told (by the therapist) he will eventually catch up, but not to count on it until around 25-26.

But my other two kids are neurotypical and looking at traditional 4 year college routes. Our local 4 year school is only about $3,000 more per year (in tuition only) than the local CC, so it is really affordable.

 

[Praying Colonel]

Looking back, I wish we'd kept our older child at home. We told her she was going to have to earn scholarship money (she was more than capable) but never applied herself in HS. We kept her home for her 1st year of college and sent her to community college because we questioned her sense of responsibility. She went away for the rest of her college and she did well, but I can't say her going away made a huge difference in where she is now in life. She could've had the same experience at home for half the cost.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

DS16 is going to be a HS Junior in the fall, so we have been talking about this for a while now.

If he does what he wants to ultimately do in college, he will be going away - location depends on what school wants him. If he is accepted for the program, it is required for him to live on campus. I've been encouraging him to try to stay in the Midwest so that we are always within a 5-6 hour max drive if he needs us.

That being said, the likelihood of him doing what he REALLY wants to do in college are slim, we are looking at the realistic alternatives. He is not the kind of kid who I think would A. benefit in any significant way from dorm/on campus living, or B. Take advantage of the "campus life" resources. He likes his privacy, is somewhat of a germophobe LOL, and gets annoyed with immature drama from his HS peers already. He also understands the significance of the financial impact between dorm living vs staying home and commuting will be for him since he will have to take out some student loans. We are able to help somewhat, but we have three kids we need to split our college fund up between. We have been upfront with DS and told him that we are able to contribute what it costs to go to a 2- year Jr. College/Community College, and he is on the hook for the rest. It has really made him think about what he really wants out of the college experience.

Added to that, we are fortunate enough to live in an area where we are within easy commuting distance to a multitude of very well-known colleges and universities. For many of them, DS can even take the (mass transit) train to if he doesn't want to drive his own car. There really is no reason for him to "go away" to attend a good university. And he has connections here in our community that will aid him in the career field he has his heart set on, so even if he doesn't get into the program he wants, he would have a chance of working his way up in the ranks by staying local and making a name for himself first. We are very lucky to have these options.

 

[Pooh2]

We had three kids in college at once. All three commuted 45 minutes each way for all 4 years to reduce the financial burden.

 

[leebee]

DD went to our state university, which is about a 5 minute drive from our house. DH used to joke that if the wind was blowing in the right direction, we could spit on her dorm from our attic! She is an only child so we were happy to have her live on campus; felt that she needed the independence. She was on campus for 2 years, then decided to live at home for junior year. Didn't happen, though. In August it became clear that the thought of living at home as an adult was degrading her self-esteem, so back to campus she went (with our blessing- it really WAS the best decision for her at the time). Senior year, she moved off-campus to an apartment where she paid her own rent, utilities, and food. She knew that we weren't going to be thrilled about her paying rent to live in a low-income-housing apartment when she could have been just as close to campus living at home, so she just decided to pay her own rent, etc.; we never discussed it or anything. After graduation, she moved back home to save money while waiting for her boyfriend to finish his engineering program. It was lots of fun having her back at home, and we never really clashed about privacy, house rules, etc. She's always known we are a family and have house rules, and we've come to acknowledge that she's an adult with her own life. It worked well. Now she is off to CT with her boyfriend; they both have good jobs in their fields and are starting their new life. We are excited for her!

 

[TCRAIG]

My parents had 5 rules for us
#1 - don't piss off mom
#2 - no hitting
#3 - you are going to college
#4 - you are paying for college
#5 - you cannot live at home while you are going to college (except over the summer)
All 7 of us never hit each other (hard to believe but true)- went away to college (6 to grad school-1 has a PH.D.) - and paid for it ourselves.
You learn so much more than what is in the books when you're not living at home - coping and people skills that you need to be successful out in the 'real' world.