Any advice for too many gifts?

[100AcreWood]

I really don't know what to do either. I can understand my mom may be a little miffed at me asking to limit the gifts....but her reaction usually goes from mad, to not speaking to me for a few days and then back to normal. I mean I hate feeling like I am walking on eggshells here. I am already nervous about the holidays and what they bring when I should be worried about spending time with my family. For her it isn't really a question of outdoing the other gma....she's got the world beat already.

I know it may sound petty or silly to some but for me, it's a real issue. I just wish she would get it without me having to spell it out for her.

I have enjoyed reading these posts. For my Mom it is about outdoing the other gma. But my question is what do you do with all the toys? We can barely walk through the playroom. Ebay? Yard Sale?

 

[100AcreWood]

Just wanted to comment I decided to ask my Mom last night when she called if we can tone down Christmas this year. (My parents gave dd 15 presents last year). She agreed to limit it to two big presents and two small presents. More than fair and I was surprised she was willing to cooperate. I just explained that dd is reluctant to walk into the playroom it is so full of stuff. And it would be nice to have fewer gifts for her to appreciate. And ya know, she actually said "I know she'll be happy with whatever we give her".

So maybe there is hope!

 

[vic32]

I already know my kids are going to get giftsfrom the big family that we have.
So after 2 years of too many presents we finally figured out our solution.
Mom and Dad get kids 1 big gift each, Santa brings 3(just like Jesus got).
Other than that I start calling family in October when I see things for the kids that are on sale.
They love it, they get to buy gifts they know my babes will love, and save money!!
It took a few years but we have it figured out. After they would see the play room filled with all those gifts that were not being used. They decided to try it my way.And noones feelings were hurt.
On their b-day they mostly get savings bonds from family, we buy the presents for that!

 

[alisonbestford]

We have the opposite problem

My mum prefers not to buy DD presents and would rather 'spend time' together.

She was like the with me too - not wanting me to expect gifts as a matter of course.

The result?

I spoil my kids when I can and can guarantee that I'll do exactly the same with my grandkids - if I ever get any

Sort of backfired in a way, as far as she's concerned, and the amount of grief I get from her as a result............

Oh well

 

[shaylahc]

I didn't read all the other posts, but I wanted to say I can relate to the OP. My mom has Narcissistic Personality Disorder and boundary tromping is a specialty of hers She used to have a compulsive shopping problem and would buy the kids so much stuff....when I had my baby shower for my 1st DD she had so many presents for me it took over 2 hours to open them My guests were bored to death watching me open them all. She also never buys anything we actually want, even when I was a kid I was never allowed to ask for anything special for my birthday or Christmas, my mom said she "wasn't going grocery shopping" and that the biggest joy in shopping for others was buying what SHE thought we would like (translate: what SHE wants).

Not all gifts are given with good will. I definitely agree that it can be representative of a power struggle. If it was my family OP, if having a talking to didn't work I would try the PP suggestion of making a "if grandma gives it, it stays at Grandma's" rule, or else just box it up to Ebay or yard sale later.

I definitely think overindulging kids makes them totally ungrateful of what they do have. I wouldn't want my kids drowning in junk, either.

 

[Lesley]

We had this issue for a while. There were certain items we made clear were not acceptable from the beginning (we started out with a no guns policy....which changed and adapted as time went on.... we're willing to realize when a rule isn't working too)....and made an effort to let the grandparent in question know what things and amounts we did find suitable.

We still got too many things (once we had our first dd, it was a doll for every occasion, usually complete with bottles which we don't do in our house and that I always swiftly removed and discarded....I found dolly sippy cups as replacements...) but I would often collect them up as soon as they were forgotten to donate to charity.

I've heard other families have policies such as "no plastic" or "only books and art supplies" that they have enacted with differing amounts of success. Since the issue here seems to be mostly *amounts* I would have a serious discussion with grandma about the values she is inadvertently teaching her grandchild (love=gifts, bigger, more=better, etc...) and set a specific limit. Let her know you'll only accept X number of gifts and anything beyond that will be donated to charity (or auctioned on ebay for a savings account for your child). Might work, might not....but as long as you hold to your word and actually get rid of the unwanted excess you've met your goal. You really can't change another person if they're not willing to change...but you can change your response to the situation.

Good luck!

 

[MissionMouse]

Receiving gifts is only part of the story and some posters have already suggested this, but if you cannot stop the flow of gifts I would teach your daughter the value of giving.

Let her see other children who are far less fortunate and teach her the value of giving and sharing to help other experinence some of the simple joys of childhood they may not experience unless people have compassion for other people. Giving makes people feel good. You know it is really working when the child wants to help another child and suggest giving themselves.

You might even consider methods to control how gifts are received by your daughter. If you can do this you can provide communication back to the individuals violating your parental turf...indicating the excess of toys and lack of storage area and what a great learning situation it provided for your kids... it enriched the lifes of the less fortunate while fullfilling your childs spiritual well being.

 

[lillygator]

Well the party came and went...my mom didn't bring anything...but Great Grandma brought some things....that was it so I was happy.


But then upon returning home on Halloween (which is DD's birthday) my mom came over and brought DD about 3 things....VERY scaled down from last year....so I think we may be on to something.