Anxiety over meeting new people

[helenabear]

I have a terrible time with this. I know I have met many wonderful people here from the DIS, but even when I head off to a meet, I get all nervous and sometimes get almost to the point of chickening out and not showing at all. Tonight I am heading off to a party for a friend and co-worker of mine. It is in celebration of her recent engagement. Well long story short, I only know two of her friends (from wedding dress shopping with her) and that's it. I really ought to go to this, but a part of me is to afraid to go. Do any of you deal with this and how the heck to you get over it?? After doing the meeting of 'strangers' for a while, I still can't get over that terrible feeling I have. Thanks for any advice

 

[TIdoublegaER]

I am the same way. But what's weird is I don't have a problem at work with meeting new people, its only socially that I have this problem. I usually tend not to go to things, including family get togethers (showers, reunions, etc). I really good at having something else suddenly come up! I don't think it is because I am afraid so much as I am really more of an introvert. I didn't help much did I!

 

[Mom2Em]

Elaine-
I know exactly how you feel... I am very uncomfortable meeting new people... I get all queasy and sick to my stomach sometimes... In fact, last time at WDW I was sitting just down from a group of DIS'ers, snuck over and said "Hi" to Dan and then left... I could kick myself now, as I would love to have met the others...

 

[Serena]

I get that too. Sheesh, I was wondering if I could cancel the last dismeet at the last minute, I was so nervous. I was afraid you all would show up at my house if I did though. lol

I'm always nervous. If you noticed I didn't have any fingernails the last meet.
I am especially nervous about what to wear. Will I be overdressed?, will I be underdressed?, and I think I was both on saturday.

I go anyway, I'm normally shy and if I choose not to go somewhere because of it, I'd never go anywhere. So far it's never been as bad as I imagine.

 

[flrose]

I feel your pain. I too deal with this problem, regularly. I have to talk myself into going to some events. Guess part of it is not knowing what to say or afraid of saying the wrong thing and someone taking it the wrong way. Some people are just naturally more outgoing and secure about themselves then others. I'm not helping any but, maybe just the fact that you
are not alone in the way you feel will help some. Maybe knowing that 1/2 the people that will be at the event are probably going thru the same thing you are right now,will help!?!
I hope you go and have a great time at the party.

 

[honeywolf7]

I can't help you with this one.....I love meeting new people because every new person met is a potential friend but (((Hugs))) and good luck.

 

[helenabear]

TIdoublegaER, I am exactly the same way at work. I do okay there, but terribly socially.

Jan, maybe next time you'll be able to say hi to more than just Dan

Laurie, I know how you feel... I felt the same way when I hosted the Columbus meet last summer. It was a terrible feeling. And true it usually isn't as bad as I think it will be.

Originally posted by flrose
Guess part of it is not knowing what to say or afraid of saying the wrong thing and someone taking it the wrong way. Some people are just naturally more outgoing and secure about themselves then others.

I think you hit the nail on the head right there, Rose Mary. I am sure I am not the only one, but especially for this one, I feel like an outsider since I've only been "outside of work" friends with her for a few months.

Anyway, I am glad I am not the only one and very glad to know that I am not the only one.

 

[wdw4us]

I'm much better now. I started just talking to everyone. I know shame on me - to STRANGERS? Well the lady at the deli counter, the sales person and Wal Mart, the fabric ladies at a local quilt shop.

Most people like to talk about themselves! I ask about Them, and let THEM do the talking. A good conversation is easily had if you can get them to talk, you nod your head and become a good listener.

I never talk about politics, religion, sex or taxes. It only gets people upset.

I ask about their favorite vacation, the next sale, the best whatever.... Most people have an opinion and if you can let them ramble, they will.

I used to be the shyest person in the world and now I can speak to 200 members of my guild with no problem. It all depends on how bad you want something. I wanted it bad so I sucked it up and went for it. The down side to that is a lot of people know ME, but I don't know them. They see me speak and I become their friends. When in fact, I rarely see their faces. I have a couple of friends that I focus on and the others just fade in the background.

I wish you luck, small steps first then you'll be like me, talking to 200 people with a microphone!

denise

 

[grinningghost]

I am so much like you helenabear. I get very nervous meeting new people. I'm always so afraid I won't be "good enough". Especially since I've been out of work. I don't work because I have MS, but it's still horrible to have that question asked of me "So what do you do for a living?" Uh... "Nothing". Of course that's not the right answer, but I often get the feeling that's what the other person is thinking.

Funny though, in high school I was very outgoing and loved meeting new people. I've really done a huge turnaround in my "old age".

 

[Tinkbell]

Follow the advice of wdw4us! Ask them questions about themselves. I am also uncomfortable meeting people in big group situations. Once I get that first conversation going, I'm ok.

 

[snoopy]

Excellent advice from wdw4us!

I'm not shy at all, DH wishes I was sometimes as I am the type who talks with everyone and anyone! And I've learned over the years that if you ask people about themselves, you'll never be at a loss for conversation!

 

[Ranatra]

Elaine,
I have always been quiet, shy, and nervous about meeting new people. My DH, on the other hand, is the complete opposite!
So are my kids.
I was really nervous about going to the very first 2 DIS meets that I attended, (2 years ago now).
It's too bad we don't live closer. we could go to DIS meets together!

 

[nativetxn]

Elaine, you are so gracious, I would never have guessed that you get nervous about meeting new people. That truly surprises me. You seem to have a lot of self confidence.

I don't have any trouble meeting new people.

 

[browneyes]

The thing that helped me is something I didn't think could help in a blue zillion years. I had to take a Public Speaking class to get my Associate's Degree. I dreaded taking that class even more so than finding out I had to take College Algebra. I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate being the focus of attention. Before that class, I could get in a group as big as 4 people I didn't really know and be terrified of talking too much around them. That class helped my shyness measurably. I still hated having to take it though. Now I have to get in semi big groups of 30 or so sometimes and I still dread it, but I don't get nauseous thinking about it beforehand anymore.

I still wonder if any of you really exist though.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Best advice, ask questions.

I'm always lost for words.

 

[Serena]

Dan, your nose is growing.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Elaine, I asked a similar question a while ago. I wanted to join a playgroup for kids and thier Moms. I was SO nervous about going. I am not good at small talk, BUT it ended up being just fine! I have gone several times now and find myself talking more at each playgroup. I just have to MAKE myself do it. It's so much easier just to stay home. But Avery and I both need to get out and meet people.

I feel very proud of myself for facing a fear.

You can do it!

 

[helenabear]

I admit I missed a lot of good advice (and one nose grower ) as I had already left. As said, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be... actually it wound up being much better and a really great time. What saves me a lot of times is if I am with my DH, because then I know I will have someone to talk to.

Not sure how I made it though the night... most were very friendly and very talkative and I guess that helped. That's the same kind of thing that helps me at DIS Meets I think. And Kath, you so made me laugh because my friends even here on the DIS could tell you I am severly lacking in self confidence. I just am glad it doesn't come out that way

Thanks all for the advice I saw before I went and even just now. I will say that I will remember most of this for next time, because I am sure I will be just as nervous as I was today!

 

[Micca]

Elaine I so enjoyed meeting you and the other Dis-ers last month When we stood there at Liberty Square I thought you were terrific to set the whole thing up. I think travel is a good ice-breaker and your Disney experiences should open up a world of topics.

 

[Goofyish]

Just remember there are no strangers on the DIS - just friends you haven't met yet