Another "would this bother you" question...

[Skywalker]

A friend told me last night that her husband has been speaking to a woman on the phone for several hours each night. This woman is his friend's wife, and the friend is apparently being a jerk (maybe having an affair) and this woman is using friend's husband as a shoulder to cry on.

My one friend is who was there too was ready to throw a fit, lol. She said that would not be happening and that the wife should find a female friend to confide in.

I am more middle-of-the-road, in that a couple of phone calls would not bother me, although if it continued for very long my spidey senses would probably start tingling.

Now, add in that this friend said she was jealous of the wife when they first met, because her husband described her as being almost perfect, and that my friend always got the impression that he would have married her if his friend hadn't got there first. (but this was like 15 years ago)

I had an older male friend tell me once that no way should men and women be "comforting" each other in these situations because the man always gets to feeling like a a hero over helping a damsel in distress and the woman always gets to feeling like this is the kind and sensitive type of guy she ought to have.

So my friend is getting uncomfortable with it but my other friend is ready to break legs on her behalf.

What about you guys?

 

[glitterkittyy]

Hours each night? Nah, I wouldn't be down with that.

 

[SaraJayne]

Yes, it would bother me and yes, if it continued beyond a couple nights, I'd put a stop to it.

 

[Hillbeans]

A couple hours every night? Uh yeah, that would bother me.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Absolutely not appropriate.

If her needs are that great that it requires hours of another male's shoulders, then a marital counselor is in order. Not my DH.

 

[DMickey28]

One phone call with the wife in the room ... perhaps would be ok.

Multiple nights for hours at a time ... NO WAY.

The fact that the husband had a flame for this woman way back when would make more than a casual "This is what happened" conversation waayyy too much, in my book. On the flip side, my DH would never care to talk to the wife of a good friend of his because his friendship is with the guy now the woman. I am picturing DH's best friend and his wife ... while there have NEVER been any friendship or attraction between DH and his friend's wife, he'd never even want to talk to her about "her side" or the situation. It just wouldn't be right and DH would realize that.

 

[Candideit]

Would bug me big time.

 

[momof1princess]

it would absolutely bother me. there is NO circumstance under which it would be appropriate for any woman who is not me to spend hours each night talking to my husband. and a woman who is feeling wronged by her husband (and likely looking for payback)? no way!

 

[Nik's Mom]

A spouse spending hours every night on the phone with someone would definitely bother me. When does that dh spend time with his own family if he is on the phone so much with another woman?

 

[toledo13]

A friend told me last night that her husband has been speaking to a woman on the phone for several hours each night. This woman is his friend's wife, and the friend is apparently being a jerk (maybe having an affair) and this woman is using friend's husband as a shoulder to cry on.

My one friend is who was there too was ready to throw a fit, lol. She said that would not be happening and that the wife should find a female friend to confide in.

I am more middle-of-the-road, in that a couple of phone calls would not bother me, although if it continued for very long my spidey senses would probably start tingling.

Now, add in that this friend said she was jealous of the wife when they first met, because her husband described her as being almost perfect, and that my friend always got the impression that he would have married her if his friend hadn't got there first. (but this was like 15 years ago)

I had an older male friend tell me once that no way should men and women be "comforting" each other in these situations because the man always gets to feeling like a a hero over helping a damsel in distress and the woman always gets to feeling like this is the kind and sensitive type of guy she ought to have.

So my friend is getting uncomfortable with it but my other friend is ready to break legs on her behalf.

What about you guys?

My husband is one of those... less manly types... and girls typically gravitate to him to vent to or whatever. I have a friend that has actually done this type of thing, but granted, she doesn't have a lot of friends at all anyway. So... does it bother me when she does it? Not really because I know the girl really well. If it was a girl I didn't know well (say, a co-worker of his), I would be bothered. AND I would let him know it, too!!

 

[Skywalker]

Just wanted to clarify a couple of things...this has happened so far for three nights (in case anyone was picturing weeks or something).

Also I guess my reaction depends on the people involved too. I know the husband and this "other woman" and to me I don't think she is the type that would try to start up anything so I may give more leeway...although if it was my husband I don't know if I could be that generous, lol.

 

[ZachnElli]

A few nights with no problems having his wife listen in, I wouldn't have a problem with it. But every night, for hours for over a week, yeah, big red flag. My DH did it once with a friend of mine but only twice and I was listening. He's much better at advice than I am. She was having a meltdown after her mom died and her dad was dating (and married within 6 months!) and her DH was military and in another state.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Just wanted to clarify a couple of things...this has happened so far for three nights (in case anyone was picturing weeks or something).

Also I guess my reaction depends on the people involved too. I know the husband and this "other woman" and to me I don't think she is the type that would try to start up anything so I may give more leeway...although if it was my husband I don't know if I could be that generous, lol.

It could all be with the best of intentions, but it really doesn't make it appropriate. Unless it was his sister or something. That's just MHO.

 

[Scurvy]

My husband and I each have close friends of the opposite gender who we talk to frequently. If one of his female friends was having problems, I'd have no problem with him talking to her often about it. But typically we are in the same room when we are on the phone with those friends, and the one who isn't on the phone can at least hear one side of the conversation. A few days of that wouldn't bother me at all. After a few days, though, I would feel that he was neglecting his family by spending too much time helping this other friend. The comments that the husband made about the woman in the past puts the situation in the OP into a slightly different light. If the wife really believes there's something more than friendship going on, then these conversations really need to stop.

 

[glitterkittyy]

Just wanted to clarify a couple of things...this has happened so far for three nights (in case anyone was picturing weeks or something).

Also I guess my reaction depends on the people involved too. I know the husband and this "other woman" and to me I don't think she is the type that would try to start up anything so I may give more leeway...although if it was my husband I don't know if I could be that generous, lol.

I'm still in the "it's not cool" camp. Three nights for several hours each takes away at least 9-12 hours of time that should've been spent with family. Nope, not cool. I think she needs to talk to a professional if she needs that much advice.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

Yes, this would bother me very much. I agree she needs to find another female to talk to.

 

[johnsontrio]

I can't think of one man I know that would be willing to spend this much time on the phone providing a listening ear for any friend, male or female. Most men are not keen on talking on the phone. Not saying this is the case here, but I have know guys that have provided the "listening ear" and it turned out they were involved in emotional affairs.

If I valued my marriage, I would not tolerate that. If I didn't, I might give him enough rope to hang himself with.

 

[Rora]

Absolutely not appropriate.

If her needs are that great that it requires hours of another male's shoulders, then a marital counselor is in order. Not my DH.

I totally agree.

 

[RadioNate]

While I absolutely believe that women and men can be friends...I would not be ok with this. Too much risk for the DH to start an emotional affair with this woman.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would say that the best advice this man can give his friend's wife is to speak to a professional counselor. That will provide the most help for her. He is, I assume, not a professional counselor and if he is, it is quite ethically "shaky" for him to be counselling a friend.

If this continued, I would ask my husband to stop and tell him to recommend a counselor. What eh does after that will provide quite a bit of information regarding his intentions.