Another what would you do !

[auntpolly]

Sorry to be asking for so much help, but you guys were so great with the last dilemma!

OK, we're having a Christmas party - 2 of our friends, two couples, have had a serious (and I mean serious) falling out -- there will be no kissing and making up.

I say invite them both -- they have both been our friends for years and years and I'm not choosing one over the other. I think Miss Manners backs me up on this. Isn't it up to them to decide whether to come? (We'll tell them all, of course, who is on the guest list?0

DH says invite the ones who will find out there was a party and not invite the others. He doesn't want awkwardness at the party (I can see this.)

WWYD?

 

[Allison]

Invite both and leave it up to them to decide. Don't put yourself in the position of doing it.

I think it would be more awkward to have the uninvited couple to find out about the party and then to explain why you chose the other couple over them.

 

[auntpolly]

Invite both and leave it up to them to decide. Don't put yourself in the position of doing it.

I think it would be more awkward to have the uninvited couple to find out about the party and then to explain why you chose the other couple over them.

Thank you! That's what I say! I don't want to have to hide from the uninvited couple the whole Christmas season.

Knowing all involved it's pretty certain that someone will end up being mad at us -- but I don't care!

 

[MushyMushy]

Invite them both. We get stuck in that position with the in-laws. They can't be in the same town together, so if there's something big going on, we invite them both and then when one says yes, we tell the other about it.

 

[alldiz]

i also say invite both....
unless one of them did somethin awful

u should not have to be put in the middle
kerri

 

[helenabear]

Definitely invite both. There is a lot of bad history between a girl and my DH & myself (manipulative woman who spread lies to try to break us up) and we all get invited to the same parties from a mutual friend. We all go when we want to and don't care if the other shows up now. We can be civil to each other, if not casually friendly (if that makes sense). Since we are supposed to be grown ups, they should be able to suck it up and act like adults for a few hours. JMO

 

[ducklite]

Invite both couples but don't blinside them, let them know the other has also been invited, and let them make the decision to attend or not.

If they try to get you to take sides, they aren't friends worth having.

(I had a similar situation about five years ago with a serious falling out between friends, and I didn't get involved. I've remained good friends with everyone invilved. Fortunately they were all mature enough to respect that I wasn't going to take sides, and I think ultimately respected me for that.)

Anne

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Is this a HUGE party or an intimate party?

If it was a HUGE party I suppose I would invite both and tell them that I did so to give them a "heads up".

If it is an intimate party, only a few couples, etc...I would probably leave them off the guest list.

 

[auntpolly]

i also say invite both....
unless one of them did somethin awful

Well, that's a possibility. I really can't tell this story - and it's a shame because it might change this discussion, but one of the guys supposedly did something bad. Not the kind of thing that could get him arrested or anything, and DH and I have chosen to ignore the rumors and stay loyal to him.

 

[auntpolly]

Is this a HUGE party or an intimate party?

If it was a HUGE party I suppose I would invite both and tell them that I did so to give them a "heads up".

If it is an intimate party, only a few couples, etc...I would probably leave them off the guest list.

30 people - is that intimate? What do you think?

 

[annegal]

Agree with inviting both.


But I'm curious. I can't imagine what would cause two couples to be that upset with each other unless money or sex is involved?
Inquiring minds want to know!

 

[auntpolly]

Agree with inviting both.


But I'm curious. I can't imagine what would cause two couples to be that upset with each other unless money or sex is involved?
Inquiring minds want to know!

To tell you the truth it's a little of both!!!

But I really can't say....

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well, that's a possibility. I really can't tell this story - and it's a shame because it might change this discussion, but one of the guys supposedly did something bad. Not the kind of thing that could get him arrested or anything, and DH and I have chosen to ignore the rumors and stay loyal to him.

If you are going to stay loyal to him, I think you made your choice & took sides. I would just invite him then.

 

[JunieJay]

I think I'd be tempted to invite neither, simply because I would not want to invite that sort of controversy to my home.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I think I'd be tempted to invite neither, simply because I would not want to invite that sort of controversy to my home.

That is probably the way to go. Invite whoever is left next year. Sounds pretty "raw" right now.

 

[auntpolly]

I think I'd be tempted to invite neither, simply because I would not want to invite that sort of controversy to my home.

LOL I hadn't thought of that! The problem is, the rest of the guests and these people have been friends for years - I would hurt everyone's feeling then!

 

[ducklite]

To tell you the truth it's a little of both!!!

But I really can't say....

Hmmm...what was that movie with Robert Redford and Demi Moore and maybe Woody Harrelson??

Anne

 

[auntpolly]

Hmmm...what was that movie with Robert Redford and Demi Moore and maybe Woody Harrelson??

Anne

 

[The Mystery Machine]

LOL I hadn't thought of that! The problem is, the rest of the guests and these people have been friends for years - I would hurt everyone's feeling then!

Well then, invite both, if you don't want to hurt feelings. Either way you are going to be in the "doghouse"....

Some people will side with "her" and won't believe you invited "him" and vice versa.

 

[auntpolly]

Well then, invite both, if you don't want to hurt feelings. Either way you are going to be in the "doghouse"....

Some people will side with "her" and won't believe you invited "him" and vice versa.

Yes, I think the best solution is to cancel the party, LOL, because someone is sure to be mad at us one way or the other!

We have the least chance of bad feelings by leaving the guy with the rumors off the guest list -- but then it's like it's saying to him that we believe the rumors and we aren't really his friends.

I'm inviting them both -- if I can convince DH.