Another what would you do !

[The Mystery Machine]

I'm inviting them both -- if I can convince DH.

Wait a minute....if your dh is against inviting him you need to stick with that.
Sounds like his rumored offense is serious.

 

[shortbun]

I'd say invite both and definitely let each know the other is invited. 30 people is pretty intimate and would make it difficult for one to avoid the other. If one declines due to the other being invited, you could make a personal invite to meet some other time for the holidays so they know you are truly interested in their company.

 

[auntpolly]

I'd say invite both and definitely let each know the other is invited. .

That was my idea- I told DH one or both of them may decline if they know the other is invited -- but I see that as "not my problem".

 

[JunieJay]

LOL I hadn't thought of that! The problem is, the rest of the guests and these people have been friends for years - I would hurt everyone's feeling then!

Why? Do they not know about the controversy? I would think most people would want to avoid that sort of scene, particularly during the holidays.

If however they don't know, then it becomes a lot stickier. I can see where you really have a dilemma......I do agree if you are going to invite both, its imperative you tell them you have invited the other. Give everyone fair warning and let them decide whether or not they will come or not.

 

[auntpolly]

Wait a minute....if your dh is against inviting him you need to stick with that.
Sounds like his rumored offense is serious.

No, DH is against inviting both -- I don't think he cares which ones come. He says that he just doesn't want the awkwardness at the party.

 

[alldiz]

its terrible to be in this position.....

is it possible if the rumored offense is true....u look terrible by the invite...

i say talk to the guy who allegedly did this....
tell him u refuse to be put in the middle....

everyone is invited and he should do what would
make u the most comfortable.....not go

unless he uses so called party to try and make up....
and that could get ugly

other than that...
tell everyone to put their big girl or boy panties on and deal
kerri

 

[auntpolly]

Why? Do they not know about the controversy? I would think most people would want to avoid that sort of scene, particularly during the holidays.

.

They would wonder why the ______s and the _______weren't invited -- and both couples would be hurt for not have been invited.

I say invite everyone, tell everyone who is invited and let them sort it out.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I say don't invite him and blame it on your dh. That way if the rumors are true, you are in the clear.

Frankly I would not invite him if he is surrounded by rumors. I would need him to look me in the eye and tell me the truth as a friend.
Then I would decide from there.

Good Luck!!!

 

[JunieJay]

Just so I'm understanding -- the other people invited to the party don't know about the falling out between the two couples? Only you and your husband are privvy to this information?

If that is the case, then you very well may have explosive dynamics going on there. You have two couples who can't stand each other among people who are their old friends but don't know about the situation. This leaves you and your husband as the secret keepers. If it were me, I'd no doubt invite neither and if anyone were to queston me, I'd say the two couples had a falling out and put me in the middle and I ddn't feel comfortable with the two parties together in my home. But if you feel you must, then be prepared to have to mediate some craziness if it gets to that point. Are you serving liquor btw? Something about Christmas and liquor and old feuds just don't mix so go in with caution.

 

[Sherri]

Sorry to be asking for so much help, but you guys were so great with the last dilemma!

OK, we're having a Christmas party - 2 of our friends, two couples, have had a serious (and I mean serious) falling out -- there will be no kissing and making up.

I say invite them both -- they have both been our friends for years and years and I'm not choosing one over the other. I think Miss Manners backs me up on this. Isn't it up to them to decide whether to come? (We'll tell them all, of course, who is on the guest list?0

DH says invite the ones who will find out there was a party and not invite the others. He doesn't want awkwardness at the party (I can see this.)

WWYD?

Here is my two cents from the other side. I can't stand one of my neighbors (next street over), but we have mutual friends. If someoen was going to have a neighborhood party, I woud not go, though dh probably would. I still would hope for an invitation, because that way I felt that sides weren't chosen and I was still be included.
I think inviting both sets of friends is the best way to handle this.

 

[auntpolly]

It's so hard to explain without saying things I shouldn't -- I guess I've asked too much of you guys because there is so much I can't say.

These 2 couples are mad at each other. Couple "A" was directly affected by the "thing" that happened or didn't happen. Couple "B" is mad because couple "A" believes the rumors. None of our other friends seem to either know about, or believe or care about the rumors.

 

[helenabear]

No offense, but these two really sound like they aren't dealing with it well at all. I might change my answer and invite neither. I stand by my thought that if you all are adults, you can deal with people you don't like. I do it several time a year (and what I said in my previous post is the short of the story... there was a LOT she did and hurt us both badly with lies and getting everyone to believe her lies for over a year). Now, if we both can deal with her, and even talk to her after everything she did (police were threatened to be involved and eventually she saw a shrink to help her work with her issues), I would think that they could deal with dumb rumors.

IMO, though 30 is not an intimate party and there are plenty there to keep them apart if they like. If you think they really can't be adults and handle it, invite neither. If anyone asks, just say they couldn't come and leave it at that.

 

[auntpolly]

No offense, but these two really sound like they aren't dealing with it well at all. I might change my answer and invite neither. I stand by my thought that if you all are adults, you can deal with people you don't like. I do it several time a year (and what I said in my previous post is the short of the story... there was a LOT she did and hurt us both badly with lies and getting everyone to believe her lies for over a year). Now, if we both can deal with her, and even talk to her after everything she did (police were threatened to be involved and eventually she saw a shrink to help her work with her issues), I would think that they could deal with dumb rumors.

IMO, though 30 is not an intimate party and there are plenty there to keep them apart if they like. If you think they really can't be adults and handle it, invite neither. If anyone asks, just say they couldn't come and leave it at that.

At this point no one even knows there is a party -- we are just sending the invitations out and having a disagreement over who to invite. Maybe we'll get lucky and everyone will behave nicely! That could happen, I guess!

 

[inaminute]

I say invite them both -- they have both been our friends for years and years and I'm not choosing one over the other.

If I weren't directly involved in their tiff, then I'd invite both. I would make sure that both parties know the other will be there. They can then decide what they want to do and how they want to handl it for themselves.

Because of my family background, I'd also make sure they both understood that I want them to be there, but would expect no trouble during the party. I come from a family where the adults never grew up--they'd fight and argue worse than children, and over the most ridiculous things. I know that most people don't have to take this step and would be horrified to even consider reminding adults to act like adults, but you might want to consider it--just in case.

I say, invite both. Why take a chance on hurting a friends feelings?

 

[auntpolly]

I say, invite both. Why take a chance on hurting a friends feelings?

This is my feeling -- it's their problem not mine. Choosing between them would make me part of it -- and I want no part of it.

 

[inaminute]

This is my feeling -- it's their problem not mine. Choosing between them would make me part of it -- and I want no part of it.

Exactly! And the middle is not a fun place to be!

I should add to my post that when I started having my own parties, I'd invite the people I wanted and did exactly what I advised earlier. It worked. Everyone behaved themselves and the ones who couldn't handle it simply declined the invitation. But, we were still on good terms.

 

[auntpolly]

I should add to my post that when I started having my own parties, I'd invite the people I wanted and did exactly what I advised earlier. It worked. Everyone behaved themselves and the ones who couldn't handle it simply declined the invitation. But, we were still on good terms.

Let's hope my friends are as grownup as your! I'm glad it worked for you!

 

[Evil Genius]

Invite both, tell them the other couple is also invited and that you don't want any rudeness at your home if they are coming. Your house, your rules. If someone gets ticked that you invited both, they weren't really friends.

You have to let us know how this one turns out!!

 

[auntpolly]

You have to let us know how this one turns out!!

Oh, I will! Let's hope if there's a story to tell it's a funny one (or an endearing one -"long lost friends kiss and make up!") and not a story in a police report (just kidding.)

 

[annegal]

It's so hard to explain without saying things I shouldn't -- I guess I've asked too much of you guys because there is so much I can't say.

.

I think this is tooo funny...we have no idea who you really are or where you live!!

But the subject truely interests me. Because of a big fight in DH's family, the oldest Grandson is no longer welcomed to family get togethers, until he apologises to his Aunt. It has caused his other brother not to visit. Now the next family get together -at Christmas-is in a more neutral location & we are wondering if he will show up, and if "fireworks" might happen.

So keep us posted.