Another wedding gown question.. "Say Yes To The Dress"..

[ZachnElli]

It's the bride's decision, she is the one wearing the dress afterall. I like the show, but I really hate the pushy mom's or other relatives when it is clear the bride loves the dress.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

My parents paid for my dress. I took my Mom, my sister and my MIL dress shopping with me. I knew if something looked awful they would tell me. We had a lot of fun. My parents didn't insist on a certain kind of dress. They wanted me to be happy and look my best. I loved my dress and as soon as I put it on we all knew it was the one.

I can see saying they won't pay for it if it really is God awful- like a hoochie dress. Sorry but that is the one time I would say that I would tell my child that I would not be paying for that.

 

[SydSim]

I would give DD a set amount of money to buy the gown that she chooses. If she wants a gown that costs more than my offer, she would pay the difference. I wouldn't say that i would pay for that Vera Wang gown but not a Pnina Tornai

I love that we can agree to disagree

Saying "I'm not paying for the cake if you don't use Disboards Bakery" sounds a little......

 

[RUDisney]

This is one of the reasons that my DH and I paid for our own wedding. We told everyone up front that if we allowed them to chip in a dollar, then they might assume that they'd get a dollar's worth of an opinion on our day.

We certainly listened to everyone's ideas about our wedding, but in the end, we retained full veto power.

In the end, my parents gave us a generous gift. My MIL didn't even give us a card... I stole her son that day and she was mad at me for the next 10 years because I made him happy. For the last 5 years, we've been friends again. My mother finally called her out on her bad behavior towards me and she called me to apologize. I like it much better being her friend than her enemy.

That's how we resolved this issue before it became one. To answer the OP's question, no, I don't think Mom or GM should put stipulations on what the bride can/can't wear for her wedding. They can offer an opinion, but then it's up to the bride to decide what makes her feel beautiful.

 

[NMAmy]

I do think it is nicer for the gift to not have strings attached but I do agree with Scurvy that if the gift IS given with strings attached, the bride has the option of purchasing what she wants with her own money. It's not something I would ever do to my dd but the bride could purchase her own choice with her own money.

I do wish that some of these brides I see would at least look at their moms' choice with an open mind. When I got married, there was a dress I loved. My mom talked me into trying on another dress and she was right--the dress she liked DID suit me much better than my original choice. She would have bought me whichever one I'd decided upon but I'm glad I at least gave the dress she thought was best a chance.

 

[klacey1]

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I strongly disagree with this.. Setting a dollar limit is fine - most people do - but to insist that the bride go with the choice of the person paying is way out of line in my book..

I agree with you, C.Ann. I think anyone who puts "conditions" on their money is selfish. What they're saying is not "here, have money for the wedding of your dreams because i love you"; they're saying "here you can only have money, if you do what i say." Then, some brides and grooms are unhappy because they are forced to have that kind of wedding-- maybe they don't have the $$ to do things the way they want. Why would anyone wish that on their kids/grandkids?
Money for a wedding is a gift. I feel like that would be like me giving DBF a Best Buy giftcard for Christmas, but saying he HAS to buy a Wii, or I won't give him the giftcard. Ridiculous.

 

[Scurvy]

I agree with you, C.Ann. I think anyone who puts "conditions" on their money is selfish. What they're saying is not "here, have money for the wedding of your dreams because i love you"; they're saying "here you can only have money, if you do what i say." Then, some brides and grooms are unhappy because they are forced to have that kind of wedding-- maybe they don't have the $$ to do things the way they want. Why would anyone wish that on their kids/grandkids?.

Of course they aren't forced to have a particular kind of wedding! No one is forcing them to accept the offer. They can have any kind of wedding they want. They just have to find a way to save up the money to pay for it, or they have to find a way to plan the wedding they want within the budget they can afford. Do you also think it is selfish if the parents/grandparents choose not to contribute financially at all to the wedding?

Money for a wedding is a gift. I feel like that would be like me giving DBF a Best Buy giftcard for Christmas, but saying he HAS to buy a Wii, or I won't give him the giftcard. Ridiculous.

I see it more like someone asking offering to buy their child a Wii if the child wants one. The child might not want one, in which case they are welcome to say "No thank you" and they can save up their own money to buy an XBox 360 instead. I do agree that if you give someone a gift card you have no say in what they choose to buy with it. I do think it's tacky for a parent to hand over $2000 and then say they expect it to be spent on a particular dress; I disagree entirely that there's anything at all wrong with a parent instead offering to buy a specific dress without offering the money.

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

I can see saying they won't pay for it if it really is God awful- like a hoochie dress. Sorry but that is the one time I would say that I would tell my child that I would not be paying for that.

THIS I agree with.

As far as the analogy about buying a car for someone...I can see dictating a particular kind of car, due to safety and cost, but if you're also going to insist that you want it to be a particular color, inside and out, or have/not have a particular feature because that's what YOU like, then that's crappy. JMHO

 

[dakcp2001]

I am not sure what it is about weddings that make people completely crazy. But there is definately something!

If a gift comes with strings, it is not a gift at all and I would decline. I think giving a gift with strings is about someone else needing control, and I do not need that kind of gift from anyone, I would rather pay my own way and make my own decisions. I have people like that in my life, and their control issues are their issues, I choose not to let them become mine.

 

[Rora]

My parents paid for my dress. My mom never said she wanted more say but of course, I knew she wanted me to get the dress she liked. Thankfully, she and I have pretty similar tastes!

I think it's ridiculous and controlling to demand more say over the dress because you are paying for it.