Another thread on what you would do....

[Hikergirl]

Yes I would get my kid another car because not doing it would mean I would be transporting them all over. However, it would not be a Mercedes, it would be a POS, and they would be paying for it. They would also be paying their portion of the insurance. If that meant I pay up front and they make payments to me that would be OK, but they would be financially responsible for any and all things car related.
I don't know what I would do about the texting, I would want to mention it, but I'm not really sure how I would bring that up in conversation.
I think your dd is smart to not get in the car with him, and I think my main concern would be making sure my child never got in his car.

 

[bushdianee]

There is a device that I got through my wireless carrier that attaches to the car and records how often a phone is used while the car is running. It also tells you your driving habits for the past 7 days. It tells how often you speed, make wide turns etc. It will also alert authorities in case of an accident. Roadside assistance is just a button push away. I have also heard that parents can log in and use gps to see where the car is at any time. It also offers discounts for food and services. I only got it because of the safety features and it actually lowered my phone bill by $10 a month. It would be a great service for parents of driving teenagers to have.

 

[THEDISNEYTHREE]

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[marcyleecorgan]

He is driving now, so he's making adult decisions now, already. He could easily kill someone with his behaviors. I say, everyone who has observed him drive should loudly, verbally shame him for texting and driving AS WELL AS refuse his offers to drive anyone, anywhere....

Good for your daughter refusing to get in the car with him!

 

[sam_gordon]

He does have a job, and is involved in activities. And, if it were my kid (who also works), I'd *want* her to have a vehicle to make my life easier. OTOH, I also would not subsidize her driving a car after she wrecked the one I gave her. Sure, it would inconvenience the hell out of my life if I had to drive her everywhere, but I also won't throw my money away on another car. So, if it's important enough, my kid would buy her OWN car.

Wasn't the car being totaled NOT his fault? I thought you said he was rear ended and that accident caused the loss of the car.

Assuming that's the case, yes, I would probably get another car, but as PP said, it would be a POS, not a Mercedes.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

Maybe they’re aware of the phone issues and purchasing a newer car appealed to them because of available options for hand free use of the phone.

 

[luvsJack]

I wouldn’t buy a Mercedes at all but as far as new vs used vs pos, we considered all the options when we bought dd’s car. Her brothers before were fairly decent shade tree mechanics and wanted a fixer upper so that’s what they got. With dd, we thought about an older car but didn’t want to worry about her breaking down on the road or what we would do if it broke down and dh was gone on the road. So we knew from that we wanted a newer car. Well, at several places we went to, the interest was so much cheaper on a new car!

All of this could be part of what led to the parents deciding to buy a new car.

 

[mnrose]

Wasn't the car being totaled NOT his fault? I thought you said he was rear ended and that accident caused the loss of the car.

Assuming that's the case, yes, I would probably get another car, but as PP said, it would be a POS, not a Mercedes.

Not his fault. However, it was his THIRD time damaging the car since the school year started. The lady rear-ended him, but I also think he's not a careful driver...and did that play into the accident? I don't know. And, the two speeding tickets. Sorry, those would be deal breakers for me on buying him a new car, let alone a "nice" car. Personally, I would have stripped him of his keys after the second incident of damage (on the theory that everyone is entitled to make a mistake, particularly while learning). Once ok. Twice? Uh no. Just no. You've obviously learned nothing from your mistake about being careful.

 

[mnrose]

I wouldn’t buy a Mercedes at all but as far as new vs used vs pos, we considered all the options when we bought dd’s car. Her brothers before were fairly decent shade tree mechanics and wanted a fixer upper so that’s what they got. With dd, we thought about an older car but didn’t want to worry about her breaking down on the road or what we would do if it broke down and dh was gone on the road. So we knew from that we wanted a newer car. Well, at several places we went to, the interest was so much cheaper on a new car!

All of this could be part of what led to the parents deciding to buy a new car.

It's a used car, of a newer vintage. Definitely "used." They got it on craigslist. I suspect they paid cash as that is how most transactions for cars on done on craigslist.

 

[wenrob]

I did not and would not buy/give my child a vehicle period.

I did give my DD the use of my vehicle for work/school when needed. She had to pay half of her insurance and then all of her insurance when her job income became steady. She had a very minor fender bender about six months into being a licensed driver. That was her one “gimme” as far as driving my truck. A few weeks later she backed into a tree and busted out the back and side windows. No way was I making another claim so soon. She paid for the repairs from her car fund and lost the privilege of driving my vehicle for quite some time. She has since bought and driven two privately owned vehicles until they couldn’t be driven anymore and now drives a vehicle she financed and is paying for herself. As they say here on the DIS, I felt she needed skin in the game. So, nope, no way would I give a kid with a driving record like that even the use of my vehicle. Maybe a ride to get a bus pass.

 

[luvsJack]

It's a used car, of a newer vintage. Definitely "used." They got it on craigslist. I suspect they paid cash as that is how most transactions for cars on done on craigslist.

Ohhhh. Somewhere along the way I had the impression it was a new car. Dd’s Friend has a used Mercedes. Believe me it’s nothing special. Gives her loads more trouble than dd’s Ford. She wanted it for that name. Her mom wanted it because it was supposed to be a good car, it’s not. Luckily she has a bf that is pretty handy with cars or she would spend more time sitting than going.

Yeah they probably did pay cash.

It may have just been the right car at the right price on Craigslist.

 

[luvsJack]

I did not and would not buy/give my child a vehicle period.

I did give my DD the use of my vehicle for work/school when needed. She had to pay half of her insurance and then all of her insurance when her job income became steady. She had a very minor fender bender about six months into being a licensed driver. That was her one “gimme” as far as driving my truck. A few weeks later she backed into a tree and busted out the back and side windows. No way was I making another claim so soon. She paid for the repairs from her car fund and lost the privilege of driving my vehicle for quite some time. She has since bought and driven two privately owned vehicles until they couldn’t be driven anymore and now drives a vehicle she financed and is paying for herself. As they say here on the DIS, I felt she needed skin in the game. So, nope, no way would I give a kid with a driving record like that even the use of my vehicle. Maybe a ride to get a bus pass.

When we were making the decision about dd’s car the option of her using either my car or dh’s car came up. The logistics would have been maddening. The parents in the op may be the same way.

Honestly with some kids, having or not having “skin in the game” may or may not make a difference. Dd didn’t and has never had so much as a parking ticket. Another friend paid for half her car and has wrecked it three times and constantly has a ticket to pay.

 

[Nettester]

We got our girls (18 and 16) used cars when they got their licenses. 2002 and 2003 basic sedans. Nothing fancy. Lots of "could fix" issues. But we only fund and fix the critical repairs. We pay insurance. They pay for any and all gas. If they get a ticket (older DD has had 2 parking violations) they pay. If they can't pay, they don't drive until they pay us back. No one has had a moving violation yet, thank goodness. Older DD had an at-fault minor accident last spring. We paid for the repairs, but she paid us back for a hefty portion of them. Next time, we will not front the money for repairs. She's been told to plan ahead and save some money, though that isn't happening. We will not co-sign for a car loan. We will help out with rides to work or whatever we can reasonably do if someone happens to be without her car, but we will not replace it. It may come down to her changing jobs, to one she can get to on public transit or not so far away from home, and that would be tough. But it would be a good life lesson

 

[wenrob]

When we were making the decision about dd’s car the option of her using either my car or dh’s car came up. The logistics would have been maddening. The parents in the op may be the same way.

Honestly with some kids, having or not having “skin in the game” may or may not make a difference. Dd didn’t and has never had so much as a parking ticket. Another friend paid for half her car and has wrecked it three times and constantly has a ticket to pay.

If the logistics didn’t work out she could have done what we did, walked, biked or ride the bus.

 

[jevs]

Here, 18 means you’re an adult so no, I wouldn’t be informing his parents of anything. Like other posters I’d be more concerned with your children accepting a lift from him, thankfully your daughter sounds like she has common sense.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Minor accidents, especially when backing up, can happen even with careful drivers if they lack enough experience (even people who have been driving for years can suddenly have issues in a new, larger, vehicle or moving to where there is a small garage, etc). So those two accidents, at face value wouldn't cause me to remove use of a car I owned from a teen driver---and might very well spur me to buy a newer car as those often have added safety features like back up cameras or sensors which could help prevent further issues.

The speeding would worry me more, but I would want to look at circumstances. Are we talking 5-10 over shortly after the limit dropped and he did not react fast enough or maybe missed a sign? Or was he going 15 over in an area where the speed had been consistent for a long time already?
This might be another reason to get a newer car: my car has cameras which see speed limit signs and then it posts the speed limit for me by the speedomter so I don't miss anything; I love it.

The texting while driving? Yes, that would keep me from allowing use of a car. That isn't "needs practice" or "failed to notice a sign" There is really no excuse. What we do not know is if the parent is aware of it.

 

[sam_gordon]

Not his fault. However, it was his THIRD time damaging the car since the school year started. The lady rear-ended him, but I also think he's not a careful driver...and did that play into the accident? I don't know. And, the two speeding tickets. Sorry, those would be deal breakers for me on buying him a new car, let alone a "nice" car. Personally, I would have stripped him of his keys after the second incident of damage (on the theory that everyone is entitled to make a mistake, particularly while learning). Once ok. Twice? Uh no. Just no. You've obviously learned nothing from your mistake about being careful.

But it's not his third time damaging the car. Someone else did the damaging, so why does he get the blame? Look, if you want to say the other issues justify not getting him another car, I understand. But saying an accident that he's not at fault is the reason seems extreme to me.

In the first 18 months of my driving career, I also had two accidents, one of which totaled the car and put me in the hospital. Both accidents were my fault (30 years later, I still don't remember the one that put me in the hospital). Fortunately my parents got me another car (a POS, complete with a hole in the floor board on the drivers side that my dad put a metal plate under the carpet). Apparently the benefits outweighed the negatives.

As far as the texting, as a parent, I would want to know. As another parent, I'm not sure how to even bring that conversation up unless we were good friends.

 

[mnrose]

My husband had a terrible accident the first night he had his license. And, he didn't drive again until he was 18. He paid his Dad back for every penny of the damage not covered by insurance. He worked to buy the next car he had (a complete junker). So, that probably colors our view on this issue. Needless to say, I never had a car during my teen years because I was one of 8 kids (two older than me) and our "family" had ONE vehicle, which my Dad used to drive to work. LOL. We made it work.

I'd love to find a way to bring up the texting and driving thing with his parents in a way that doesn't make me a "snitch." I keep my ears open to possibilities with each conversation I have with the parents. So far, nothing. They are the type that's pretty trusting. My DD reported a conversation she had with the mom last night that left her aghast...mom allows the 17 year old daughter to be alone in the bedroom with her boyfriend because she "trusts" her D not to be having sex because "girls aren't as horny as boys." Ok then. My DD was like "can you believe that Mom?" My DD and I have very open and frank conversations about sex, so I'm not surprised that she reported this to me. As soon as my DD got a "serious" boyfriend she went on the pill...I don't *think* they are having sex, and I've expressed my opinion to her on why this would be a bad idea at her age, but I sure as hell ain't burying my head in the sand and just hoping they aren't doing the deed. I was a teen once myself. Newsflash: teen girls are horny as hell too.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

We have great public transportation in my area so NOPE. Big fat no. He can take the bus, the train, or his feet. Kids will make a way if you let them find their way. I'm not handing my kids anything on a silver platter. If you mess up that much then you are on your own buddy. Live and learn.

My son is about to be 18 and still doesn't have his license because he won't/can't find a job that gives him more than one day a week of work. And he seems content with that. Well no license for you. Until you can show some responsibility and motivation then we will talk. I'm not footing the entire bill for a car, gas, maintenance, registration, tags and insurance. He starts community college in the fall and he will be taking the bus. He actually thought I was going to be taking him to college. We won't even be going to get his permit until he's working 20-25 hours a week. Those are my rules. Until then he walks or takes the bus where he needs to go.

And no I wouldn't be telling the parents. That's not my style. I'm more of a mind my own business type.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

This is NOT me, but rather the parents of a friend of my daughter and exchange student.

Parents have two children, 18 and 17. The 18 year old is a senior in high school. He has been a licensed driver for about 18 months. In that time, he's at one "at fault" accident (ran into someone very minor damage), one time backed into a pole in a parking lot, two speeding tickets, and now a third accident (not at fault...he was rear ended). One vehicle involved in all the above, now "totaled" because of the rear end accident. It was a car 10-12 years old passed down to kid.

Parents have now purchased a "newer" Mercedes for kid. My husband and I look at each other and say "***?" There is simply no way I'd be getting kid another car with that kind of track record.

Other background: my daughter REFUSES to ride with him because he is constantly texting and driving. He's not a safe driver, and I believe his record reflects that. We have made it VERY clear to our kid that while she currently has privileges to drive our (oldest) car, an "at fault" accident or speeding ticket brings a screeching halt to those privileges. She'd be ON HER OWN to buy a car, pay for it, pay for insurance, etc.

I would never say anything to his parents (who are casual friends of ours because of the friendship of the kids), because they are, of course, entitled to do what they please. This is more about what YOU would do under similar circumstances. Purely hypothetical because my DD has had no incidents at all, driving slightly less long than this kid.

What says the DIS?

My kid would be finding a job to pay for their own car. Two speeding tickets and one at fault accident (I'm discouting the pole incident and the rear-ender)?? He can eat the rising cost of the insurance too.

Then again, DD#2 didn't get to drive until 18, because she was not at all ready when she was a teen. Bad grades + couldn't follow simple driving instructions (like slow down around the curve marked 25mph....don't take it at 50; stop at the stop sign completely, etc) = no license. I don't think she was ready at 18, either, but she needed to drive for work. DD#2 (then 19) was texting and driving and got into an accident (guy pulled in front of her and stopped short, but she wasn't paying attention and hit him full on at 45) in her boss's minivan. She was hit from behind by an officer in a marked patrol car. [She was a nanny, but didn't have the kids with her at the time.] The minivan (13 years old, bad shape) was totaled (frame bent). The only reason she didn't get a ticket was because the officer that hit her saw what the other guy did, and said she didn't have much time to react, because he (officer) didn't either. I don't think the officer knew she was texting.

DD#1 was living with her other parent, his wife and her kids and his mama (who footed the bill for all of them) by then (her choice, because....various reasons) when she was old enough to drive. Her Gma bought her a car (and then another at 18 when she graduated, because the first one was a POS that fell apart in 2 years). She wrecked the 2nd one and had to buy her 3rd on her own (gma was mad at her for various reasons, so pulled financial support). If she had been at home, we wouldn't have bought her any car either; she would have had to get a job and pay for the car/insurance/gas/etc for herself.

DS is 14, and we've started predriving stuff. Rules will be the same for him; if he wants a license, good grades and listening skills are required; buy his own car and pay for his own stuff.