Another questionable invitation: Am I just old fashioned?

[palavra]

While i do think the evite was poorly worded, I guess I don't see antying wrong with throwing an old fashioned pot luck. Look at it this way. It's for a milestone birthday, and maybe they can't afford to host a party for so many people. But, let them try and cut the list down to a manageable amount, and there are bound to be hurt feelings by those who aren't invited.

 

[ceecee]

Oh. My. Word. People just simply amaze me. If you can't afford the party, DON'T HAVE ONE!!!

Even if you didn't have something going on, I think I'd be otherwise occupied that day/evening.

I agree!

 

[RN01]

This is horrible. People are so tacky. We received an invite to a wedding reception a few months back via text through our cell phone. We thought that was bad enough but it also said... "no presents but a money tree will be available". Plus we had to bring a side dish...TO A WEDDING RECEPTION! We had to go because it was my husband's brother. Needless to say we didnt' bring any money for the money tree.

 

[wdwfan16]

Maybe it's me, the last 2 summers I have recieved invitations which to me are really tacky blatant request for money.

A few of you may remember last summer I was invited to my nieces wedding shower with my gift already picked out.

Yesterday I recieved an evite from the wife of a good friend I have known since 4th grade. it's his 50th bday. She's having a party for ~125 people.
on the evite she has a list of food dishes she is requesting you pick and committ to bring or make a monetary donation
first problem, you can't accept without picking a dish.
second, she makes mention that if you donate cash please be mindful of the cost of dinner in NYC. I guess that's her way of saying not to donate $10 bucks.

For me it's very simple, I'm old fashioned. if I invite you to a party UNLESS you are in on the planning, I'm providing food and drinks. If I can't afford a big blowout I'm not inviting 100 people.

Luckily, I have my vacation scheduled that week so I have an excuse for not showing.

My question is this,
Am I being overly sensitive about this? My sister says nowadays any thing goes and people can host a party requesting whatever they want. She says she's going and not bringing a thing.

Tacky!!!

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

It may be "old fashioned" in these people's eyes, but not mine and as you see not most people's. Makes you wonder what is with some people?

A few years ago my grandparents got invited to a big, huge reeally, 50th Anniversary party for their very good friends. It was hosted by their DS and DDIL who are quite wealthy. It was a printed, formal invitation and being hosted at an expensive restaurant. My grandparents went, brought a gift and ordered simply to not take advantage of the host and hostess. At the end of dinner everyone got a bill for their meals. No one had any idea, some had eaten and drinken excessively thinking it was being paid for (which I think is a little rude too, but another story.) My grandparents paid, though they thought it was very tacky. The next day their friend called and offere to pay them back saying they were mortified by it and had no idea. My grandma declined saying it wasn't up to them to pay for it, and they would have gone had they known that they were not paying for dinner, but aside (she didn't say it to her friend) it would have been good to know. I guess that is one bright spot though still in my book pretty rude, at least it wasn't sprung on you once you arrived.

This story just came up with us again a few days ago. I was invited to a training dinner a few days ago. I am a Girl Scout leader, have been for 11 years for 3 troops and recently took on a second service unit positon (all volunteer positions.) About a month ago we were told we needed training and it was worded that the trainer (a paid position) would "take us all to dinner for being such wonderful volunteers. We went to dinner and at the end of the training were asked to pay our portion of dinner. I was so annoyed. I have been working hard to stay on a budget and while I have the money, had I known I was paying I would have not had dinner and just went to listen to the training. I would have rather spent the money on an activity with my kids or a date with my hubby. (Plus dinner was AWFUL!!!) I would guess in the month she was not approved for the expense of something, but an e-mail telling us would have been very appreciated.

I just don't get people anymore.

 

[pearlieq]

We just went to what is officially the tackiest event I've ever been to.

We know a couple who has been married 11 years and has 3 kids. I guess they decided they wanted to have a church wedding since they had only had a small civil ceremony when they married.

We get the printed invitations in the mail and on the reception card it says "Reception will be held at XXX Restaurant which offers a wide selection of reasonable price meals"

Hmm...it hadn't been mentioned before, but I guess that implied that we were supposed to pay for our own meals? It certainly wasn't explicit.

We send in the response card and go to this thing. There is the whole church wedding, with all the trimmings--dresses/outfits, flowers, rings, pew decorations, musicians, photographer, and videographer.

We get to the restaurant afterwards and yes, we are handed menus, and get a bill afterwards!

There was definitely a gift table, and an elaborate card holder. So this couple certainly expected presents.

I couldn't believe how tacky it was--maybe you should either save some of the money you spent throwing yourself a fancy wedding and actually feed your guests, or skip the reception and just do cake and punch afterwards?

It just bugged me that they spent so much on bells & whistles for themselves, and then expected their guests to foot the bill AND give them gifts. For something that wasn't even a real wedding!

 

[dallastxcpa]

I was setting up an evite for my cousin's baby shower and was weirded out that there is an option to "request payment from guests". Needless to say, I did not select this option.

You know I have often wondered about that option. But I think it could be useful if you were getting a group of people together say to go to Disney. One person could pay for the tickets on their credit card and then simply collect the money from the others.

 

[Pakey]

I'm going to add my favorite tacky invite. I was invited to a mail in bridal shower. My husband's youngest brother was getting married and everyone was obviously too busy to throw a shower for the bride so my mother in law had invitiations printed (clearing using the words bridal and shower) and mailed that basically said that there was nobody had time to host a party so please mail shower gifts.

I carried that invite for at least 3 years in my handbag showing it to people (yes, rude on my part) because I couldn't believe it happened.

I did not mail a shower gift.

 

[Ryansdad0727]

No, you are not being too sensitive. I am sick and tired of people wanting to have fun but wanting someone else to pay for it. If you invite peopl to a party at your place provide the food and drink. People are amazing.

 

[CTdiznymom]

It just amazes me that in the course of planning these various tacky events, not one friend, relative or invited guest has said to the event thrower that they might want to rethink their plans. Some of these posts are really appalling. Some people have no shame.

 

[krcit]

If that's 'old-fashioned' then I don't want to be 'new-fashioned' People are amazing. I once got as invite to a 5th wedding anniversry confused: and there was a note on their saying that the couple had their eye on something from a local store so if you wanted to contribute to that send a check. keep in mind, this was out of state and a 2cnd marriage for both of them. The other day I was talking to a friend who was invited to a party for his niece's Communion and he was told to provide potatoe salad for 40 people If my SIL is having a party for one of her kids, I mkight very well offer to make something but don't demand it as price of admission(plus a gift) Tacky!

 

[MissLiz]

I am, once again, amazed at the tackiness of some people.

I spent weeks agonizing over whether to send baby shower invitations to my family in Iowa (including my parents and siblings) who we knew would not be able to come all the way to Georgia. We didn't want them to feel like we just didn't care about them, but we also didn't want it to seem like we were begging for gifts, even though none of our registry info was on the invitations.

We ended up NOT sending invites and calling my parents to tell them about it and if they wanted copies of the invites for the scrapbook, we'd be happy to send them.

I just can't imagine sending invitations that actually ask for gifts or to bring items. That's just crazy.

 

[eliza61]

While i do think the evite was poorly worded, I guess I don't see antying wrong with throwing an old fashioned pot luck. Look at it this way. It's for a milestone birthday, and maybe they can't afford to host a party for so many people. But, let them try and cut the list down to a manageable amount, and there are bound to be hurt feelings by those who aren't invited.

Pot luck dinners are great, I love them. Generally though they are very different than "giving" a party. for example, I have a large family so on the 4th of July we have a pot luck barbeque. usually more than one person is involved in the planning and every one knows well ahead what they are bringing and that it's potluck

When you invite some one to "celebrate" an occasion, IMO you are inviting people to take part in the celebration. that's the emphasis. No one should be required to bring any thing but themselves (once again this is just how I was brought up).

Since this is the budget board most of us try to "live within" our means and yes unfortunately some times that means scaling back the festivities. My oldest son is a Christmas Baby (the 26th) the poor kid has never had a big birthday party on his birthday LOL we just couldn't afford it the day after christmas. For the first 10 years the kid had a "birthday in July" party where he could invite his entire baseball team and family.

 

[Muushka]

Since this is the budget board most of us try to "live within" our means

Man, that is what I thought when I started that train wreck of a thread about cell phones!
Learned my lesson.

 

[Stacieb]

OMG! These are crazy stories! I could never do that..
WE have a BIG 4th celabration every year and I alway do the food, but if someone asks what to bring I will just say a dessert.. I wouldn't expect people to bring a dish for a wedding and gift or anything like that..LOL!

 

[Justsyd2]

That is incredibly tacky, and rude! I stopped going to events that request payment or a gift!

I actually am trying to figure out how to word the invitations for a party to celebrate my DH turning 50 -- I am holding it at a restaurant, and will pay the bill. I want to send invitations, but I'm not sure how to say, "just order, and I'll pay for it!"

 

[mrslur]

We received an invitation to a first birthday party for the daughter of some good friends. There was a separate piece of paper that had her registry listed and also that the baby needs clothes for fall and what sizes and brands to buy. I was appalled. We're still going to the party and taking a gift but nothing from her registry.

 

[luvmy3]

That is incredibly tacky, and rude! I stopped going to events that request payment or a gift!

I actually am trying to figure out how to word the invitations for a party to celebrate my DH turning 50 -- I am holding it at a restaurant, and will pay the bill. I want to send invitations, but I'm not sure how to say, "just order, and I'll pay for it!"

I don't think it has to be worded any special way only because most of the time when one is invited to a party they realize that things are taken care of by the host. IF you were expecting them to pay that would be the only time to mention something on the invite so that they were aware (even though its tacky), but since you aren't I think you can just send them out.


I really can't believe some of the stories here. I have been lucky although I do have a friend who always invites people to parties and asks them to bring a dish on the invite. I don't mind because I would offer anyway but I just don't believe that stuff should be written on the invitation unless it was labeld as a "Potluck Party". If its just your kids birthday, then its pretty tacky.

 

[Shreggor]

Wow.. Yeah that is tacky. Then again, I know people in their 30's who routinely throw big b-day parties for themselves and get all their friends to "contribute" to huge gifts. I usually skip out.

I must be weird because even though I am engaged, I have no desire to have a shower, party etc. My FMIL wants to have an engagement party for us this summer and then a shower later.

1. We've been engaged for almost a full year. The time for a party for that has come and gone.

2. I'm autistic. I do not like parties. I don't like being the center of attention. There is a good chance I will be overstimulated during any sort of event like this and literally freak out and leave.

3. I was married before, granted it was 10 years ago and annulled after a week. But IMO, that negates any right I have to a shower now. I'm also almost 35 years old. I've been living on my own for a long time. I don't need anything.


At the end of the day, I will do it for FI and FMIL. FI will be there at both events to make sure I don't get overstimulated and that I don't forget to take numerous breaks away from the crowd. I really hate the idea of people spending money on me though.

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

I have been to a couple of weddings that were "bring ins". We weren't told what to bring, just asked to bring something to share. I loved it. The wedding was outdoors, beautiful, and family oriented. People were welcome to spend the entire day, and encouraged to bring casual clothes to change into. Their were no present requests, or even a registry from what I remember. (With either of them.)