Another parenting WWYD?

[Acklander]

by the age of 17, I wouldn't have a problem with it

 

[disykat]

It's not a matter of whether or not they're going to have at it as soon as you shut the door. Obviously if they are or want to have sex, they're going to manage that somewhere and your decision on the bedroom door isn't going to change it.

It's a matter of appropriate behavior. Respectable behavior.

My children may not entertain members of the opposite sex in their rooms. Period. End of story. They can hang out in some other room of the house (with a door open of course) but not in the bedroom.

I have a dd18 and a ds15.

You wrote exactly what I was going to say. The only difference is that both my 18 yo and my 15 yo are boys.

As for calling the parents of the girl - you'd better believe I'd call if my kids wanted permission for something I thought the girl's parents might not approve of. I'm pretty sure the threat of "I'll have to call and see if it's okay with her parents" would stop any questioning of MY rules. LOL ! I have actually had this conversation with the parents of the girls my boys have visited homes back and forth with since they were teens - and I wasn't the one who brought it up! They were relieved to know my expectations were the same as theirs.

 

[AKL_Megs]

FWIW, at 17, I had a platonic male friend. Often, I would go to his house to hang out. His parents worked. We had the whole HOUSE at our disposal, but we were just FRIENDS. We watched TV in the den and that was that.

 

[kitntrip]

When I was 17, I had the whole basement to myself and that was where I always hung out with my friends. Did I get up to naughty stuff with male friends? You bet, I had quite a few crushes on some of them!

 

[luvmythree]

My now ex and I would watch TV in my room *started as platonic friends at 16 and then started darting at 17*, with the door open, my parents not too far away and we still found a way to have sex on my bed under a blanket and no one knew until I had a baby 9 months later. NO WAY I'd let my kids in their room, door closed, with a member of the opposite sex. My door was open, my parents were walking by and yet we still found a way to "do it" and 9 months later we were parents.

Sorry it's just too "easy" if you are creative! YMMV though!

 

[disneychrista]

Teenaged girl's mom here. I have a problem!

I have to agree.

No matter how much you trust you son/daughter. Hormones do funny things to teenagers and makes them do things that you wouldn't think they would do.

 

[MerMom60_94]

How would you feel if it was your daughter?.. and she had a guy in there?

Door stays open. Her family will thank you.

You'd be surprised what can and is accomplished with parents around.

I trust my DD 100%. She's having a platonic male friend over next week. No room and certainly no closed door. IMHO that's inviting trouble where it doesn't need to be invited. There are boundaries and this is one of mine.

What they said! Also, is this a fairly new platonic friendship? How do you know it won't grow into something more? Then you will have set the precedent of letting them hang out in his room.

 

[smb6]

I would have them leave the door open. I think it's important not to put yourself/your child in compromising situations. I would not hang out with a male friend in my room with the door closed because it would inappropriate and put myself in a compromising situation- JMHO. I trust my kids also and it sounds like you trust your ds and that is great. I also trust myself, but I still don't put myself in situations where there would be room for something to happen...... Hope that makes since....

 

[MerMom60_94]

Also, has nobody on this board ever heard of the concept of "friends with benefits"?? Just because they're not dating or in love doesn't always mean there is no physical aspect.........not saying that's the case here, but how would you know?

 

[okeydokey]

My friend's 17 year old son invited his 22 year old girlfriend that he met on the internet to spend Christmas with them this year. They had never met in person. They allowed them to hang in his bedroom and even to sleep there a couple of nights because they had other family members that needed the guest room. Surprise, they got the call I knew they would be getting on Thursday. She's pregnant!

I haven't spoken to my friend directly yet, but her daughter told me that the mother was shocked.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I would have them leave the door open. I think it's important not to put yourself/your child in compromising situations. I would not hang out with a male friend in my room with the door closed because it would inappropriate and put myself in a compromising situation- JMHO. I trust my kids also and it sounds like you trust your ds and that is great. I also trust myself, but I still don't put myself in situations where there would be room for something to happen...... Hope that makes since....

I agree. I'd put the dog up while she visits.

 

[Art 1]

You may want to ask the father of the girl his opinion. It would count more than the people of DIS.

 

[pyrxtc]

I would say no closed door, but I would also say no in the bedroom. There has to be another place that they can hang out in the house.

 

[minniebeth]

Liberty Belle, ultimately, you need to follow your heart and head about what kind of rules and boundaries you want to set for your DS in your home. I think if you were really ok with it, you wouldn't be asking others' opinions
If you really are ok with it, go with it!

I have a DS16 and he does have a girlfriend. The rules we have in our home is that there are no girls for him or no boys for DD13 (thank goodness we don't have to address that yet really.) upstairs in our home. Whether it be a girl/boyfriend or "friend". Personally, we don't think it's appropriate, but more than that, for me, it's about boundaries. We welcome our kids' friends with open arms, and it seems like it's well received, as it seems like we are the hosting house where our kids' friends like to hang out, sleepover, etc.
They are welcome to hang out in our basement, family room, kitchen, etc. but upstairs in our bedrooms is off limits. It just feels to me that our home needs to have somewhere that's personal. Not that kids can't get into "trouble" anywhere else, it's just that its more intimate and personal in our bedrooms. For me, it's more than "trust", it's boundaries.

I hope your DS enjoys his friend's company today~

 

[disneychic2]

I had 4 children and there was a standing rule no one of the opposite sex in anyone's bedroom at any time. They all had good friends of the opposite sex, but everyone knew the rules. We made them before it became an issue. It wasn't about trust but appropriateness. We also had other options where they could hang out, so it was never a problem in our home.

 

[SadieDog]

Not that I don't think the girl's parents should have an opinion on the situation, but if they do it's up to them to let their daughter know what their rules are for her in their home and elsewhere and it's up to HER to abide by them. Not this mom's problem.

I agree. I would not be calling the girl's parents. At 17 I would be ok with the closed door and I have 2 teens with 1 being a girl.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Magpie, that was one of the funniest stories I've read in a while.

Well I don't know about Beagles, but German Shepherds make great chaperones, lol.

But I'm in the no bedroom/open door camp anyway.

My DH's response to this thread was "Haven't these people seen Juno"?