Another parenting WWYD?

[Hannathy]

My son would be HUMILIATED.

He has ridden in the car with this girl several times and they've been gone for hours (like I said, movies, sledding, eating out, etc) and I'm sure her mom knows about that.

My son has been to her house and has met both her parents.

Exactly! so they have been MORE alone than in his room with you there countless times.

And I agree with the humiliated.

 

[wenrob]

I was going to say the same thing. If kids are looking to fool around they'll find a way and at home with their parents in the house is probably the last place you have to worry about.

You'd be surprised what can and is accomplished with parents around.

I trust my DD 100%. She's having a platonic male friend over next week. No room and certainly no closed door. IMHO that's inviting trouble where it doesn't need to be invited. There are boundaries and this is one of mine.

 

[luvmy3]

For all those who think the door should stay open is that because of what you did with the door closed or do you assume that two teens alone together can't control themselves behind a closed door, with the chance of mom coming it at any minute? Would you really not have any faith or trust in them to be able to not strip down the minute the door latches?

 

[Iheartdis]

As a mom of two girls(granted they are 8 and almost 2)but when they become teens I would never want my girls behind closed doors with a boy in my home whether I'm there or not and whether they are "platonic" or not. I mean haven't you ever hear Judge Judy say you know your teenager is lying when their mouth is moving? Even if they are platonic those pesky teenage hormones could kick in at any time! And if they are spending as much time together as you say they are, then there could possibly be more to the relatonship. Also I've seen previous posters say that if they wanted to do it they would find somewhere else. This may be TMI but when I was a teenager I had sex in my parents house while they were home behind my closed bedroom door. It may have been wrong but it still happened! By the way we've been happily married for 10 1/2 years!

 

[msjprincess]

I'm really curious. All the people that say they wouldn't leave their kids in a room with the door closed because of temptation. Are you with your kids 24 hours a day?

 

[jiminyC_fan]

Really, you would call the parents of a 17 year old girl and ask them if she can hang out in your ds's room with the door closed?

I have never been put in that situation so I don't know what I would do.....it was just a suggestion. But as the parent of the girl I would want to know!! It would be easier to make that call than a call discussing a pregnancy because I trusted my son. It is so true that kids have the opportunity all day long but I for one don't want to provide one more chance.

 

[jenrose66]

My son, 17, has invited a friend over tomorrow. The friend is a girl and they've done several things together (movies, sledding, lunch, etc), but this is the first time she's come to the house. He says they are completely platonic.

I asked him what they were going to do and he said, "Just hang out in my room, I guess." He'll probably want to keep the door shut because he doesn't like our beagle going in his room.

Would you be ok with this or would you make him keep the door open?

I don't have a problem with it, but then thought...maybe I should.

My mom always gave me complete privacy when I was a teenager and I used to have male friends and boyfriends in my room. Personally, I never wanted my mom to think I was doing something that I shouldn't be doing under her roof, so I always kept my door open. We didn't need that kind of privacy. I would never consider doing anything inappropriate while my mom was home.

However, I was still a teenager, and when my mom wasn't home

To answer your question though...I mean it's tough because kids are hard to read. If you trust your son and it doesn't bother you, let him keep the door closed. On the other hand kids are good liars, especially about stuff like that.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

As a mom of two girls(granted they are 8 and almost 2)but when they become teens I would never want my girls behind closed doors with a boy in my home whether I'm there or not and whether they are "platonic" or not. I mean haven't you ever hear Judge Judy say you know your teenager is lying when their mouth is moving? Even if they are platonic those pesky teenage hormones could kick in at any time! And if they are spending as much time together as you say they are, then there could possibly be more to the relatonship. Also I've seen previous posters say that if they wanted to do it they would find somewhere else. This may be TMI but when I was a teenager I had sex in my parents house while they were home behind my closed bedroom door. It may have been wrong but it still happened! By the way we've been happily married for 10 1/2 years!

I appreciate your honesty! And, I agree with you 100% with your whole post.

 

[Cinderella94]

As a 16 year old girl I can tell you that I would never try anything at a boys house with the door closed with his mom there. It would be so embarrassing to be caught.

 

[postage stamp]

Not that I don't think the girl's parents should have an opinion on the situation, but if they do it's up to them to let their daughter know what their rules are for her in their home and elsewhere and it's up to HER to abide by them. Not this mom's problem.

 

[luvmy3]

I have never been put in that situation so I don't know what I would do.....it was just a suggestion. But as the parent of the girl I would want to know!! It would be easier to make that call than a call discussing a pregnancy because I trusted my son. It is so true that kids have the opportunity all day long but I for one don't want to provide one more chance.

Maybe insted of relying on the mom of the boy, you teach your dd that she isn't allowed in a bedroom with a boy no matter if his parents allow it at their home

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I have to admit when I first read the post I thought it was an "over nighter". After re reading it just now I realize that it's just a visit. I would still want an open door if I were the girls parents though.

 

[LoriABil]

My husband started as a platonic friend. Just FYI.

 

[cruisnfamily]

It's not a matter of whether or not they're going to have at it as soon as you shut the door. Obviously if they are or want to have sex, they're going to manage that somewhere and your decision on the bedroom door isn't going to change it.

It's a matter of appropriate behavior. Respectable behavior.

My children may not entertain members of the opposite sex in their rooms. Period. End of story. They can hang out in some other room of the house (with a door open of course) but not in the bedroom.

I have a dd18 and a ds15.

 

[wenrob]

For all those who think the door should stay open is that because of what you did with the door closed or do you assume that two teens alone together can't control themselves behind a closed door, with the chance of mom coming it at any minute? Would you really not have any faith or trust in them to be able to not strip down the minute the door latches?

You know sometimes kids don't even realize what they'll do until they do it. I have absolute faith in my teen but she's also a teen and to think a teen won't turn on a dime is naive IMHO. In my house a boy in her room is inappropriate and sets the wrong precedent.

I'm really curious. All the people that say they wouldn't leave their kids in a room with the door closed because of temptation. Are you with your kids 24 hours a day?

For me it's not about trust or temptation it's about boundaries. I am not with her 24hrs a day and yep, she sure could do things when I'm not around but why would I not supervise a situation when I can? I trust her but I'm her parent and as her parent I have to do what I think is right.

 

[Minnie]

Shut the door just to keep a beagle out

Nope don't think so...... Dog could stay with you during the visit. Time to support smart decisions with boundaries

 

[Hannathy]

Not that I don't think the girl's parents should have an opinion on the situation, but if they do it's up to them to let their daughter know what their rules are for her in their home and elsewhere and it's up to HER to abide by them. Not this mom's problem.

100% agree.

 

[Magpie]

Well... I got up to some dodgy stuff in my "platonic" male friend's bedroom. And he would totally have done way more with me, if I'd let him. He didn't care that his mom was in the house!

Oh! And there's also that funny story my husband likes to tell of the time he had a girlfriend over at his house. They shut themselves up in his basement bedroom and ... let's just say there was noise, which you could hear if you stood in the right place upstairs. His dad heard them, banged on the floor and shouted, "What are you doing!?"

Well my husband didn't want to admit what he was doing with his girlfriend, so he shouted back, "I'm just playing with Jimmy!" (Jimmy was his best friend.)

Dead silence. Then his dad roars, "That better NOT be Jimmy you got down there!"

So would I trust my kids shut up in a room with someone they might theoretically want to ...? I honestly don't know.

Sorry, I can't be more helpful! My guy instinct, however, is to leave the door open.

 

[auntie]

Well... I got up to some dodgy stuff in my "platonic" male friend's bedroom. And he would totally have done way more with me, if I'd let him. He didn't care that his mom was in the house!

Oh! And there's also that funny story my husband likes to tell of the time he had a girlfriend over at his house. They shut themselves up in his basement bedroom and ... let's just say there was noise, which you could hear if you stood in the right place upstairs. His dad heard them, banged on the floor and shouted, "What are you doing!?"

Well my husband didn't want to admit what he was doing with his girlfriend, so he shouted back, "I'm just playing with Jimmy!" (Jimmy was his best friend.)

Dead silence. Then his dad roars, "That better NOT be Jimmy you got down there!"

So would I trust my kids shut up in a room with someone they might theoretically want to ...? I honestly don't know.

Sorry, I can't be more helpful! My guy instinct, however, is to leave the door open.

Too funny!

 

[Liberty Belle]

Thanks for all your opinions. It might not even come up. I'll see how it feels if it does.