Another IL vent thread

[kerrynic78]

Nope, not a generational thing (I'm 32) - more like a courtesy thing.

I'm 29 and don't see it as generational either.

 

[DVCLiz]

Wow, according to you guys... I am the most horrible hostess on earth. Not only do I keep the thermostat set on 66º, I also expect my guests to help cook, clean up after themselves, wash dishes, and occasionally wash their towels and sheets!

They keep coming back for the holidays year after year, so they must not mind too much!

I am thanking my lucky stars for the friends and family I have - because if I have to bend over backwards for my guests then I would rather they just save everyone the trouble and stay home!

Believe me, if I had to do my own laundry and be cold while I was doing it, I would much rather stay home, too. What you think of as bending over backward I think of as being a good hostess. Help should be accepted if offered but never expected, in my book.

 

[disneyjunkie]

It's really just a question of manners and respect. So maybe it is a generational thing. I'm 30 years older than you and it would never occur to me to make any house guest, family or not, use the same soap I did, or to use the regular family towels - I would keep a set for company and open a new bar of soap. If family offered to cook and do light cleaning, I would accept, but I certainly wouldn't expect it. I would see the visit as a guest visit, not as a "some people I happen to be related to are staying at my house, but I'm not changing my normal routine for them" kind of event. So I suppose it's all in how you view the visit.

I'm 10 years older than the OP and 20 years younger than you. I agree with everything you posted.

 

[DVCLiz]

I'm 10 years older than the OP and 20 years younger than you. I agree with everything you posted.

Oh, thanks. I'll be coming to visit you for a week, starting Monday. Have my room ready - and I like it very warm...

 

[autumnbaby9]

Nope, not a generational thing (I'm 32) - more like a courtesy thing.

Yep, I'm 26. It's not a generational thing, its a manners thing.

 

[Sleeping~Beauty]

It seems the majority of people on this thread tend to be more often cold, so can relate to being uncomfortably cold a lot. Just out of curiosity, if the situation was reversed and the house was usually kept at 70 and the guests demanded it be 66, would that change things?

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

Believe me, if I had to do my own laundry and be cold while I was doing it, I would much rather stay home, too. What you think of as bending over backward I think of as being a good hostess. Help should be accepted if offered but never expected, in my book.

I agree. I would never expect my guests to do anything other than enjoy their stay. If they want to help out fine, if not, that's fine too. I would try my best to make them comfortable and happy. If it meant I was too hot or too cold, that's ok too. I wouldn't mind. The thing is, my family is the same way. I guess that's why we all enjoy visiting each other.

 

[darlak]

It seems the majority of people on this thread tend to be more often cold, so can relate to being uncomfortably cold a lot. Just out of curiosity, if the situation was reversed and the house was usually kept at 70 and the guests demanded it be 66, would that change things?

Not for me. See my post # 34. As I said, I would just get a sweater.

 

[DVCLiz]

It seems the majority of people on this thread tend to be more often cold, so can relate to being uncomfortably cold a lot. Just out of curiosity, if the situation was reversed and the house was usually kept at 70 and the guests demanded it be 66, would that change things?

I think in that case I would get a fan for my guests. They could be as cool as they wanted, and I could still be comfortable. I think it's because I think of 70 as a comfortable temperature and 66 as too cold to be enjoyable. At 70, no one should be so hot that wearing fewer clothes and/or using a fan wouldn't cool them down to a comfortable temperature.

 

[disykat]

I stay in a hotel rather than my parents home because I HATE being hot. Normally I would say that if you are cold you can pile on clothes, but I can't decently take off more so I win.

That doesn't stop me from turning up the heat for my parents because of their health issues. They help with the housework and generally pitch in when they visit. They just can't be cold. For me, it's not about being hostessy, it's about the fact that they take medication etc. that makes them cold. They don't expect us to change any of our normal routines, but if I didn't bump the thermostat they would have to ask me to do so. It's a simple thing - their health issues trump my comfort.

I think the FIL in the OP sounds like a pain, but I'd deal with the other issues and bump the heat up a few degrees. I think OP has hit on a way to keep her FIL's visits short.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

At 70, no one should be so hot that wearing fewer clothes and/or using a fan wouldn't cool them down to a comfortable temperature.

See, in our house, 70 is WAY too hot for the four of us. At 66 we wear shorts and t-shirts on a regular basis. DS#2 even walks around barefoot.

IMO at 66, no one should be so cold that putting on a sweater/sweatshirt or using a blanket couldn't warm them up to a comfortable temperature.

There is no right answer here... everyone just has to do what is right for them.

And as for providing special towels and individual soaps for guests..... NOPE not here. We are too fun loving and informal for such things. And we would not visit people if we felt we were disrupting their home and making them change the way they do things.

Different strokes, I guess.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

OH MY GOODNESS NO!!!!!! YOU HORRIBLE PERSON YOU!!!!! I am starting to wonder if it is a generation thing. I have honestly NEVER heard of most of the stuff posted on this thread. I am 29, if it makes a difference. Like I said, I would cater to my 80 year old grandma but unless you can barely walk you better buck up a little. My MIL helps do dishes and cook..should I say, oh no, you are guest, please don't? Should I stop guests from loading their dishes in the dishwasher? Do I need to buy guest towels for the bathroom? What about those little soaps I see in the movies? Or is PC for guests to use the same soap as everyone else? Hmmmmm.... I am bad hostess too, but yeah..they keep coming back!

Shall we start a club???! The bad hostess club!!! I'm in!

BTW, I am almost 40 and my Mom (who visits quite regularly) is almost 80. She would be MORTIFIED if she felt we changed our routine and/or habits for her... and it would probably make her hesitate to come back.

 

[DVCLiz]

See, in our house, 70 is WAY too hot for the four of us. At 66 we wear shorts and t-shirts on a regular basis. DS#2 even walks around barefoot.

IMO at 66, no one should be so cold that putting on a sweater/sweatshirt or using a blanket couldn't warm them up to a comfortable temperature.

There is no right answer here... everyone just has to do what is right for them.

And as for providing special towels and individual soaps for guests..... NOPE not here. We are too fun loving and informal for such things. And we would not visit people if we felt we were disrupting their home and making them change the way they do things.

Different strokes, I guess.

Yes, I guess it is just different strokes. I consider myself fun-loving, too - but I don't think it's necessarily "formal" to unwrap a new bar of soap for company.

 

[justhat]

I think most of this has been played out already, but in response to what if the guests wanted it colder, then yes, I would grab a sweater for myself. My grandmother was chronically hot. She was one who kept the thermostat to 65 year round. Her house was always freezing to me as a kid. When she'd come to our house (meaning my parents as she died when I was 19) we'd all have to grab sweaters and blankets cause we'd turn down the heat/up the ac for her. And let me tell you, she and my mom did not have the best relationship, but it was a respect thing.

And I'm 27 so I can assure you it's not a generational thing. My mom is here visiting us now and we have to keep the heat cranked way up, not because she's a cold old person (she's only 62!), but because she sleeps downstairs and our thermostat is upstairs so there's a huge differential. The crappy builder just gave us one thermostat for the whole house, so all year long it's a good 10 degrees hotter upstairs than it is downstairs. So yes, that means that my husband, kids, and I are very warm overnight, but no way am I going to let my mom freeze downstairs all night! I mean, this is the woman who did everything for me as a kid, and I can't do one thing to make her stay a bit more pleasant? I couldn't imagine it.

And same goes for my in-laws. They might come visit us next month and MIL is always cold so you can be sure we'll have the heat cranked up overnight for her too. They are my husband's parents, not some door-to-door salespeople.

Oh, and yes, they'll also get their own soap/towels, if they don't bring their own. I say that cause they usually do bring their own simply because MIL has her own preferences on soap/shampoo (as does my mom, but she just leaves her own supplies here cause she visits more often).

 

[Ciao Mickey]

There's a bigger picture here which you are unable or unwilling to see or figure out, and after 4 pages it's clear you aren't suddenly going to, so I'll just say I'm glad they left this morning and wish you a pleasant weekend...

Poor guy, I hope he didn't get frostbite.

Children and the elderly can develop hypothermia when the temperature is 60 degrees.

 

[GRUMPY PIRATE]

Isn't it cold in illinois this time of year anyway!

And why are you venting illinois?

 

[MushyMushy]

Wow, according to you guys... I am the most horrible hostess on earth. Not only do I keep the thermostat set on 66º, I also expect my guests to help cook, clean up after themselves, wash dishes, and occasionally wash their towels and sheets!

They keep coming back for the holidays year after year, so they must not mind too much!

I am thanking my lucky stars for the friends and family I have - because if I have to bend over backwards for my guests then I would rather they just save everyone the trouble and stay home!

That just wasn't how I was raised. I was raised to believe when you have guests in your home, you treat them AS guests, not as extra helpers. I mean, sure, if it's an extended stay then I can see expecting them to pick up after themselves, but how hard is it to toss their stuff in the wash to make things nicer for them??? Would you truly see that as bending over backwards? That's no effort at all.

As far as being a guest in someone's home, I do my best to offer to help out where it's needed, but if it was expected of me, I probably wouldn't want to visit that person. I would see it as extremely rude.

 

[gina2000]

Some people just need to always have it their own way throughout their lives. If you're related to one of them, then don't have they stay at your home especially if you're of the same ilk. I see too many confrontational people who need to be right all the time......and stoked that it IS okay to have it their way.

When someone comes to my home, I try to accomodate them however I can. Turning up/down the heat is an easy feat. When I go to someone else's home, I try to be a non-demanding guest. Older people have medical needs that should be accomodated if possible. It's a very small sacrifice to make someone happy. Is your FIL demanding and controlling? Probably. But so are you.

 

[powellrj]

I have always been hot. My dd has always been hot. We call her a baked tater because she just radiates heat.

My parents are always cold. I have always just turned up the heat when they come over and DD and I will dress warmer. We both wore tank tops while my parents came over wearing turtlenecks, sweaters and wool blazers.

On mothers day this year it was close to 80 and I was wearing shorts, tank top and was dripping in sweat. I went to my parents house and my mom was wearing a turtleneck, a sweatshirt and a sweater. I knew then how really, really cold she really is.

Its all about compromise not control. I know I will swelter in my parents home so I will go wearing a tank top and because she knows I will be hot, she will put on an extra layer. If turning the heat up to 70 will make my parents more comfortable, I will turn up the heat and I will put on shorts and a tank top.

The my house my rules applies to my kids behaviour, not my parents comfort.

 

[MushyMushy]

I have always been hot. My dd has always been hot. We call her a baked tater because she just radiates heat.

My parents are always cold. I have always just turned up the heat when they come over and DD and I will dress warmer. We both wore tank tops while my parents came over wearing turtlenecks, sweaters and wool blazers.

On mothers day this year it was close to 80 and I was wearing shorts, tank top and was dripping in sweat. I went to my parents house and my mom was wearing a turtleneck, a sweatshirt and a sweater. I knew then how really, really cold she really is.

Its all about compromise not control. I know I will swelter in my parents home so I will go wearing a tank top and because she knows I will be hot, she will put on an extra layer. If turning the heat up to 70 will make my parents more comfortable, I will turn up the heat and I will put on shorts and a tank top.

The my house my rules applies to my kids behaviour, not my parents comfort.

ITA!

It's the same way with my mother. These past few years, she's been miserably cold, even though she's morbidly obese. Smack dab in the middle of summer, she wears a heavy short-sleeved shirt with a heavy sweatshirt over top of it, sweatpants, and thick socks. She hates it because she has never liked wearing anything long sleeved her entire life.