Another IL vent thread

[The Mystery Machine]

LOL! I appreciate your support! Too bad 75% of the posters on this thread think you and I are wrong. BTW, I don't get why he can't just cover up with a blanket either. I run around in shorts and a tee to compromise. And to the pp who said maybe it was my DH who said FIL could program the thermostat, nope, DH didn't. But FIL was sure to show DH how to program it "in case he needs to."

In all fairness to you, I don't see why FIL didn't stay in a hotel since he is aware that you keep the house at 66.

 

[autumnbaby9]

So it's OK for the OP to pass out from over heating due to her heart condition? IMHO it is rude to expect the OP to put her health at risk in order to be a good hostess.

If the OP's health keeps her from being a good hostess then she should not host. Period.

Next time get the in-laws a hotel room if you are not willing to do what it takes to make your guests comfortable.

 

[sha_lyn]

If the OP's health keeps her from being a good hostess then she should not host. Period.

Next time get the in-laws a hotel room if you are not willing to do what it takes to make your guests comfortable

So I guess every single one of you that feel the OP should let him turn the heat up, feels she is entitled to turn the thermostat to 66 when she visits the in-laws right. After all the in-laws should be the perfect host and hostess too, correct? If you disagree, then isn't that rather hypocritical?

 

[disneyjunkie]

So I guess every single one of you that feel the OP should let him turn the heat up, feels she is entitled to turn the thermostat to 66 when she visits the in-laws right. After all the in-laws should be the perfect host and hostess too, correct? If you disagree, then isn't that rather hypocritical?

I'll admit I feel this way.

Why? Because I feel you should respect the elders in your family. Their request may not make much sense to you, but they mean the world to them.

My grandmother (my mom's mother)is 85 years old. She has 11 children. No matter where she goes, we cater to her. She doesn't request it, we just do it.

My grandmother's mother died when she was 97. My grandmother treated her the same way.

Right or wrong, it's the way I was raised.

 

[Camicar]

You know, having the ILs from hell, I usually side with the DILs in these matters. Not this time.

 

[autumnbaby9]

So I guess every single one of you that feel the OP should let him turn the heat up, feels she is entitled to turn the thermostat to 66 when she visits the in-laws right. After all the in-laws should be the perfect host and hostess too, correct? If you disagree, then isn't that rather hypocritical?

Yes actually I do feel this. If you are hosting then you need to do everything to make your guest comfortable.

If her inlaws invite her to their house then they would have to be good hosts as well. If her FIL insisted that it was his house and he paid the bills then I would think he was a terrible host just like I think the OP is.

 

[chamonix]

I would never dream of going over someone's house and expecting them to accomodate me with the temperature.

Good guests don't expect accommodation, and good hosts make sure their guests are comfortably accommodated.

If you can't accommodate him--at least with a compromise meeting in the middle--then you should not host them. So, did I get this right, he wants 70, you want 66? You can't give 2 degrees in the spirit of hosting, generosity, family harmony, respect for elders, etc etc etc? Not one of those morals appeals to you enough to change your behavior and offer to compromise?

I would be mortified if my guest was uncomfortable in my home. I just spent 4 days being cold in my house because grandma and grandpa like it cold. Didn't bother me in the least. If for no other reason than: I love them.

 

[DisneyfeverTN]

It's a control issue. Not budging on 4 degrees for your FIL's comfort is petty. Not caring about your FIL's comfort is sad.

 

[ckret01]

It's a control issue. Not budging on 4 degrees for your FIL's comfort is petty. Not caring about your FIL's comfort is sad.

I would never dream of inviting my in laws or anyone else for that matter over to my house and not raising the heat if they were cold.

 

[Nancy]

I've never heard of this before. No one I know heats their house just to take the chill out of the air - I wouldn't tolerate that for a day and I wouldn't stay in anyone's house who kept it that cold, either.

I heat my house to 72 in the winter. It is very warm and comfortable, and I don't need an extra sweater or sweatshirt or blanket, unless I happen to want to be very cozy. I wouldn't live like that in the winter.

Maybe being from a cold state but 66 would be way too cold for me in the winter. I keep mine at 68 mainly because we have sky high heating costs here. I am freezing at 68. Right now I have on sweatpants, sweatshirt and a heavy blanket. Last night at my SIL's house I was totally cold, not just chilled but freezing to the point where I was shaking from the cold. I had to leave and go home. My MIL was sitting with a bed quilt wrapped up around her up to her eyes. SIL thought the house was comfy..she didn't care if we were cold, so I went home and warmed up. I won't stay where I am not comfortable.

I would give grandma a pair of socks and a sweater

OP I am right there with you.
I am shocked my the people who say they keep their house at 70+ in the winter. Are you wearing nothing but bathing suits or running around naked?
I would pass out if I kept the house that hot.
My thermostat is set on 66/67 (bedrooms/rest of house) during the day and 64/62 at night.

70 in the winter is perfect, my kids would actually rather have it at 72-75 in the house. I do keep it at 68 because like I said we have the highest heating costs in the country, but I'm cold most of the time, not bone chilling cold but I need to have a 'blanket on me' cold. But at least I'm not shivering with cold like I was at my SIL's house.

In the summer my AC is set at 72 and sometimes that gets too cold.


if I was a guest invited to a house I wasn't comfortable in I would just stay at a hotel. Then I could be as cold or as hot as I wanted and not be a bother to anyone. It's hard dealing with different lifestyles in one home, some people adjust to being guests/hostesses with ease; others don't. I personally prefer to stay at hotels, makes it much easier on everyone.

 

[Mono~rail]

I used to work on a regular medical floor in the hospital, and it seemed like all the elderly patients froze to death all year long. They would crank the heat up in their rooms even in the summer!

I remember one little elderly lady who was running the heat in the fall. She was covered up in blankets (even had one wrapped around her head) and wearing every piece of clothing she had brought with her to the hospital. I walked in and she said, "Can you help me? I'm cold. I want out of this iceburg!"

As people age, their temperature regulation stops working and they get cold easily. They don't have fat to insulate them, and many are on blood thinners.

I don't know what to tell the OP except let your conscience be your guide. . .

ETA: I checked back in on this thread, and I reread that first line. None of the patients actually died from being cold. They would just be cold at all times of the year.

 

[dimimi]

I have to agree with the majority here. I keep our house very cold. I didn't realize how cold until my MIL complained once. I was embarrassed! I think if you reread these posts you will see that you are making a big deal over nothing. You can easily wear shorts or open a window in the room you are in. I do this and it helps a lot. It isn't going to cost you that much to move the thermostat up a few degrees.

Here's an idea, make this a non issue, when your FIL come, tell him he can set the thermostat to whatever he wants.

It doesn't sound like he comes to visit often, make him, and anyone else who visits, feel welcome.

 

[daisyduck123]

As people age, their temperature regulation stops working and they get cold easily. They don't have fat to insulate them,

.

That's a valid point that I don't think has been mentioned yet.

 

[ajk912]

I prefer around 62, my Dh's and my usual compromise is 66. FIL wanted to raise it up to 70/72. MIL likes 66. I could see everyone's point if he was 80 and really thin and had no insulation and was shivering with a blanket, but he's not. He never used a blanket. He isn't a frail old man. Now, if this was my 80 year old grandmother who was cold, of course, she is 80..of course. She can barely walk up the stairs, of course I should find a way to accomodate her. As for the spinoff for temps compared to body weight- I am 5'5' 150 lbs, so pretty average..FIL is slightly overweight, my DH is 6'1' 250 lbs, my MIL is average. So at least in our family, that logic doesn't work, unless it is the skinniest people who are the warmest! But then at least in my MIL's case she is post menopausal and the hot flashes make it harder for her to tolerate the higher temps- she says she sweats in their house with FIL. Anyway, I don't think this is going anywhere..so even though I appreciate everyone's input I think I am going to bow out of this thread. Thanks for everyone's responses!

Good guests don't expect accommodation, and good hosts make sure their guests are comfortably accommodated.

If you can't accommodate him--at least with a compromise meeting in the middle--then you should not host them. So, did I get this right, he wants 70, you want 66? You can't give 2 degrees in the spirit of hosting, generosity, family harmony, respect for elders, etc etc etc? Not one of those morals appeals to you enough to change your behavior and offer to compromise?

I would be mortified if my guest was uncomfortable in my home. I just spent 4 days being cold in my house because grandma and grandpa like it cold. Didn't bother me in the least. If for no other reason than: I love them.

 

[CJMickeyMouse]

Wow, according to you guys... I am the most horrible hostess on earth. Not only do I keep the thermostat set on 66º, I also expect my guests to help cook, clean up after themselves, wash dishes, and occasionally wash their towels and sheets!

They keep coming back for the holidays year after year, so they must not mind too much!

I am thanking my lucky stars for the friends and family I have - because if I have to bend over backwards for my guests then I would rather they just save everyone the trouble and stay home!

 

[Mono~rail]

It doesn't necessrily anything to do with how big or small a person's body is. Temperature regulation takes place in the brain (the hypothalamus to be exact), and as the body ages so does the brain. Part of aging is that the body can't regulate temperature so well anymore, and older people tend to get cold.

Add to that decreased body fat, thinning skin, and medications, etc. and some of them just get cold easier.

Where is Cool-Beans? She's so much better at explaining these things than I am! She's a good teacher.

 

[ajk912]

OH MY GOODNESS NO!!!!!! YOU HORRIBLE PERSON YOU!!!!! I am starting to wonder if it is a generation thing. I have honestly NEVER heard of most of the stuff posted on this thread. I am 29, if it makes a difference. Like I said, I would cater to my 80 year old grandma but unless you can barely walk you better buck up a little. My MIL helps do dishes and cook..should I say, oh no, you are guest, please don't? Should I stop guests from loading their dishes in the dishwasher? Do I need to buy guest towels for the bathroom? What about those little soaps I see in the movies? Or is PC for guests to use the same soap as everyone else? Hmmmmm.... I am bad hostess too, but yeah..they keep coming back!

Wow, according to you guys... I am the most horrible hostess on earth. Not only do I keep the thermostat set on 66º, I also expect my guests to help cook, clean up after themselves, wash dishes, and occasionally wash their towels and sheets!

They keep coming back for the holidays year after year, so they must not mind too much!

I am thanking my lucky stars for the friends and family I have - because if I have to bend over backwards for my guests then I would rather they just save everyone the trouble and stay home!

 

[believe]

I am always cold and I am not 'thin'. I think every individual is different. My SIL always makes my IL's turn on their heat even when it is comfortable. My IL's accomodate her. As for buying him an electric blanket or space heater you are limiting him on location. A space heater only warms a small area and he would have to have an extention cord for the electric blanket to keep him warm if he wanted to get up for something.

What amazes me is that you are treating your FIL different than you would your grandmother. Age should not be a deciding factor on how you treat someone.

 

[DVCLiz]

OH MY GOODNESS NO!!!!!! YOU HORRIBLE PERSON YOU!!!!! I am starting to wonder if it is a generation thing. I have honestly NEVER heard of most of the stuff posted on this thread. I am 29, if it makes a difference. Like I said, I would cater to my 80 year old grandma but unless you can barely walk you better buck up a little. My MIL helps do dishes and cook..should I say, oh no, you are guest, please don't? Should I stop guests from loading their dishes in the dishwasher? Do I need to buy guest towels for the bathroom? What about those little soaps I see in the movies? Or is PC for guests to use the same soap as everyone else? Hmmmmm.... I am bad hostess too, but yeah..they keep coming back!

It's really just a question of manners and respect. So maybe it is a generational thing. I'm 30 years older than you and it would never occur to me to make any house guest, family or not, use the same soap I did, or to use the regular family towels - I would keep a set for company and open a new bar of soap. If family offered to cook and do light cleaning, I would accept, but I certainly wouldn't expect it. I would see the visit as a guest visit, not as a "some people I happen to be related to are staying at my house, but I'm not changing my normal routine for them" kind of event. So I suppose it's all in how you view the visit.

 

[FSUGrad97]

I am starting to wonder if it is a generation thing. I have honestly NEVER heard of most of the stuff posted on this thread. I am 29, if it makes a difference.

Nope, not a generational thing (I'm 32) - more like a courtesy thing.