Another ? for parents of adult children (vacation)

[4greatboys]

My 2 oldest are 22 and 20 and when we go on vacation both are invited to come. For me I can't see calling it a family vacation if I am only going to invite certain family members.
When they go, which isn't all that often, we pay airfare, room and food. They really don't ask for any souveniers. They are all boys and boys aren't all that much into nicknacks. They may want a shirt or hat and I usualy buy that.

 

[Disney Doll]

Several years back my in-laws took DH & I to New Orleans. The trip was a gift for my DH's birthday that year. They paid for airfare & hotel. DH & DFIL went golfing and DFIL paid for that too. Meals we kind of split...if they paid for brekfast one day, we paid for it the next day and so on. Any souvenirs etc. we bought opurselves.

We made sure to say several times how much we appreciated it, because we did! We also sort of went with the flow of how the in-laws' wanted the trip to be, since they picked up the bulk of the expenses.

I think my criteria for paying for an adult child's trip would be:
~ Do I want to?
~ Do they appreciate it?
~ Can I afford it?

If I couldn't afford it, obviously I wouldn't do it.

If I took them on one trip and they weren't appreciative, there would be no second trip.

If I knew up front that they'd be making the trip miserable (a la minky's DS) I probably wouldn't foot the bill either.

And no, I wouldn't be taking my adult child on a trip only to get thanks and appreciation, but I also wouldn't want to take someone on a trip who'd be miserable to be with.

 

[AndreaDM]

If we were to vacation with DW's parents, I'm quite confident that we'd receive an itemized bill for our share of the toothpaste that we used.

Are you my brother?? I swear this is my mother! I was going out of town once and I gave her a few things to mail for me. When I got back she handed me a slip of paper saying what I owed for 3 or 4 stamps.

I have never vacationed with my parents or siblings since I've been about 20 or so, and I don't think I ever will. I love them, from a distance and we all have different priorities and they just wouldn't mesh well. We invited the in-laws about 2 years ago when we went to the shore for a week, they joined us for the last 4 days and I was ready to see them go. A weekend with them is fine, but that's enough. They like to get up super early and go to bed early and I hate tip-toeing around on MY vacation. MIL also tends to be a debbie downer concerning anything we suggest doing. O, and if I'm on vacation and want to start drinking before noon, don't judge me, I'm not driving anywhere!

edited to add: any trip we've taken with the in-laws, we paid for the lodging for all of us. Both the shore house and a long weekend at Niagara Falls. They would usually buy one dinner out for everyone, and MIL brought a ton of food to the shore house.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

Just wanted to say, have fun at the NC beach!

 

[rainydayplay]

It depends on the trip and all sometimes.

We went to Atlanta for a week after my first year of teaching. I paid for the hotel. Mom and I swapped out paying for food, and I think she paid for the gas. It was my trip. I planned and organized it, so I think I paid most of the major expenses. (It has been a few years, though.)

Oct. 08, we went to WDW for a week. Bought tix, DxDP, etc at a mod resort. We split it roughly 50-50. (I may have paid more since I have myself and my DD to pay for, but, at this point, again...all I remember is putting down the initial $2000, and she paid whatever was left on it.)

June 09 trip, Mom paid the $200 deposit. When my income tax refund came in, I went to pay my half. Something went wrong, and the page refreshed. It defaulted back to the "pay all" option without me noticing...and I paid the almost $3000 left on the trip. Was soooooooooooooooo not expecting that!

This trip (we're going in Dec!), Mom paid for the hotel (WL). We're only going to be gone 5 days, and are using non-expiring tix from previous trips and paying for food OOP. We're planning on going back and forth over the food (I pay a meal/day/whatever, then next time she pays.)

In essence, we *try* to be fair and even in who pays for what. That also goes for everyday life, too. (My DD and I live with my parents.) It usually winds up being an even trade, and we just don't keep up with who owes whom what.

 

[pixiegoose]

The only vacation I've gone on with my parents since I've been an adult is when DH and I went with them to Disney last December. They paid for all airfare and park tickets (Dad's retired military so he got the free ticket and he could get the rest of us the $125 5 day hoppers), we paid for all MVMCP tickets and then they paid for their package (room, 1 day ticket to get free dining plan) and we paid for ours (same as theirs). We paid for most of our own souvenirs but my mom always likes to buy us stuff, so she bought stuff for us, too. I'm not going to say no to free souvenirs.

 

[quentina]

We travel with my parents often. If it is DVC, we book room, they pay for food, we all pay our own transportation.

If it is somewhere else....we split accomodation bill and too be honest, my parents pretty much foot the rest of the bill. We will make offers, they do not accept them.

Just got back yesterday from 5 days in Williamsburg (Me, hubby, 3 kids and my mom). Total cost to me was $250.00.......

My mom was a single mom when I was growing up and we were poor. I think she is trying to take me places now because she can afford to. We all have a great time and really enjoy each other.

 

[landshark]

The last family trip with my parents that I can think of was when I was in high school. I'd come home from college for the summer, but we were all working and just didn't have vacation time/money to use anymore.

They're going to IN this fall and I'm thinking I will take up my mom's offer to join them. Since it's a cheap trip, I doubt I'd owe anything but I have no problem paying as I'm 25 and do work full time. I am trying to convince them to go to WDW in Sept. 2011 and I've already made it clear that I will completely pay my way. What they don't know is I'd also like to pay for as much as possible so they don't have to. After all they've done for me (paying for my first vehicle, college, etc...) I think it's the least I can do.

 

[dollydell]

until the youngest of us graduated college everything but souvenirs and transportation if they were driving and we had to fly. Now, with the youngest having graduated this past year, it really all depends on cost, but the plan is for us to contribute something, if not our full share.

 

[DramaQueen]

Last time I went on vacation with my parents I was 19, they paid for mostly everything, just asked for $500 from DSis & I (which I think if fair considering the price of a nice DIsney vacation for 4!). We have no travel plans in the near future, but if we do decide to go somewhere I'd feel compelled to pay my own way -- or most of it, it my parents offered to pay I wouldn't put up a fuss

I took a WDW trip this spring just my DBF & I, and we paid for everything, my parents gave us some money for a nice dinner @ 'Ohana, and my lovely mom paid for our parkhoppers . But now that I've done WDW sans parents, I'd feel like I needed to contribute to the cost if/when we all went together again.

 

[disneydreamersx4]

DH & I are planning to take our daughters (22, 12, 9) to WDW next summer. The 22 yo has a full time job so we are going to ask her to pay for her airfare and park tickets, we'll cover the hotel and food.

 

[clh2]

I think we would probably continue to take our DD on vacation with us, and pay for it until she has her first "out-of-college" job. Now - while that may seem really generous, we usually only take a really big vacation about every 4 years. (We do, however, go on a number of long week-end trips )

Once she is "on her own", then the decision will really be dependent on the circumstances. Say - if DH and I decide to do an Alaskan cruise for our 50th anniversary, maybe we would invite her along...we'll need someone to carry our luggage and manage our meds. In which case we would pay for her and her family to come with us!

And...if/when DD gets married and has kiddos - my DH and I will probably spring for 1 Disney Cruise for all of us.