Oh Fantasia, I'm so sorry for your loss too. He was so young to have passed away.
You are right, I just can't accept that he is gone. I don't WANT to accept it. I don't know if I will ever be able to accept it. But at least he didn't suffer and linger. That would have been horrible.
Did you ever get passed the place where you would cry every time you thought of your DH? Or looked at his pictures? That's where I am now. It just hurts too much. Sometimes I feel like he is here with me, but most times he seems so far away.
You have beautiful children to help you through this. My son is grown up and married. They do take wonderful care of me and my Jesse is the light of my life. But it is hard living without Ron.
It was very difficult for me to accept at first.. It was so hard to go to places where we've been. I pretty much stayed home most of the time. I get real sad when I see a "complete" family. After about 2 years, it got a little better. I'm okay now, but every now and then I would miss him terribly when I look at my children. Every wedding anniversaries, his birthdays and holidays and his anniversaries pass, I am back at that feeling empty mode. I know he is here.. in our hearts.. in our minds.. he is here in spirit.
At first, I just wanted to give up, like I just wanted to die and just be with him up in heaven. But then I realized how selfish that would be. I can't leave my two young children (they were 5 and 2 when their dad passed away). They need me and learned I need them just as much as they need me. They became my rock. My parents will always be my rock and they were there to to help me cope with my difficult times and I know they will always be there for me. It was my children who helped me keep on going. I had to be strong for them. I didn't want them to see my breakdown.. but they saw it and without a word, they understood.
After Gary's passing (my husband's name), he just made me a stronger person. And with the help of my children, I am who I am now.. a better person.
It is probably even harder for you because you spend many years with him. So there are lots of memories of him and lots of pictures. We were just starting our lives together and starting our own family. Unfortunately, my children didn't get the chance to spend more years with him and that angers me. Every now and then I talk about their dad and tell them how much they were loved and that he was a great father and a good person.
I'm glad you have your family to help you. I'm glad they are there for you. Just keep yourself busy. Find a hobby, go on a mini trip with your family, find something that will make you happy. If being on the DIS helps you with your grieving, so be it. I know this may sound silly, when I'm feeling down or have nothing to do, I just go on Facebook and play Farmville or Farmtown or Cafe' World. Between these three games, your mind will be occupied, and time will just fly by.
Just hang in there.. At this difficult moments, being with your friends and family is the best thing. Don't hold your emotions in. Share your grieving with them and this may ease your pain a little bit and you will somehow find comfort through them. Most of all.. Don't forget our Lord. Just keep praying.. He will comfort you always. May the Lord Bless you..
I wanted to panic but I didn't. Inside I was panicking thinking she wasn't going to take to the babies and we were going to have to care for them.
She just doesn't want Galaxy or Luna looking at them. Silly girl!
