Angelrose's Journey

[reelmom]

Those blue eyes! He is adorable.

 

[Angelrose]

We went out this morning but Jesse was still under the weather. He was crying or whining most of the time poor baby. But he was happy when we found a yellow rubber ducky for him at Bath and Body. Then we went into Build a Bear. Jesse was more interested in pushing the buttons on the computers than any bear. So Chuck picked out the same moose that I did. We got him all stuffed and Jesse helped. Then he gave him a bath and Chuck brushed his hair. Jesse thought that was very funny. Then it was time to name the moose. I suggest Murry. Can you see where this is going? We named him Murry Christmoose. I know I should be punished for that.

We ate at Johnny Rockets. I always enjoy that, especially their milkshakes. Chuck and I both had the peppermint paddy milkshake. YUMMM Karen was being good and had a diet Coke.

Then we went to Target to pick up a few things and onto BJ's. I needed a good paper shredder. I found just the one I wanted. Unfortunately they didn't have any in stock. So we went to Staples and I did find a really good one. It's small but is quiet and cross shreds 12 sheets at a time, and can even shred cd's or credit cards. It can go 8 minutes before overheating. The others would only go for 2 minutes. So this was a good deal. Karen had a coupon for $10 off besides. Then we went to their house, so Karen could give Jesse some Motrin and put him to bed. Chuck took me home and set up the paper shredder. I love it. I will have fun getting rid of lots of paper.

I got home around 3 which was too late for me to take a nap. I watched tv and snoozed. But I will be very happy to lay down in bed tonight.

 

[reelmom]

Seems like you got a lot accomplished. Love the Moose name. Very cute. Ear infections stink. My two boys used to get them alot when they were younger and they were always so miserable. I hope Jesse gets well soon.

 

[Angelrose]

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. I've been having a hard time. Since I've been back, I've had to get used to the quiet and being alone again. Everything makes me cry. I know it's because of the weather. It's been so cold I haven't been able to go out for a walk. I don't feel like driving to the mall for a walk either. It was different with Ron. He would make it seem like an adventure. Everything was different with Ron. I've been reliving that awful day when he fell. Over and over again. Why didn't I go upstairs with him? Why didn't make him go to the hospital right away when I heard him stumble? Maybe if I had, he would be here with me today. I should have known head wounds are dangerous even if there are no marks. I am so stupid.

 

[Maridw]

Prayers for you both.

 

[jackieslp]

Saying a prayer for all you....

 

[amyy]

 

[reelmom]

Oh, Angelrose I am so sorry that you have been having a hard time lately. I hope that you have a much better day tomorrow. Please know that we are here for you whenever you need us.

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you Maridw, jackieslp and amyy. I guess I needed to cry on someone's shoulder tonight. I just miss him so much.

 

[jackemail]

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. I've been having a hard time. Since I've been back, I've had to get used to the quiet and being alone again. Everything makes me cry. I know it's because of the weather. It's been so cold I haven't been able to go out for a walk. I don't feel like driving to the mall for a walk either. It was different with Ron. He would make it seem like an adventure. Everything was different with Ron. I've been reliving that awful day when he fell. Over and over again. Why didn't I go upstairs with him? Why didn't make him go to the hospital right away when I heard him stumble? Maybe if I had, he would be here with me today. I should have known head wounds are dangerous even if there are no marks. I am so stupid.

Coming out of lurkdom to say "CUT THAT OUT RIGHT NOW!!" It is self-destructive to go through all those "what if's.." I'll bet Ron would really fuss at you for blaming yourself for an accident.

You are having a combination of "Disney letdown" ( always happens after returning to life after a great Disney trip) and winter blahs.

I didn't know Ron, but through reading all about him on this thread, I don't believe he would like you calling yourself "stupid".

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you jackemail. You are right. Ron wouldn't like it at all. He would say "Now stop putting the woman I love down like that".

I think you are right about the Disney let down. It was such a wonderful trip and the best part was being with the kids and Jesse. He would always greet me with a big hug.

I think tomorrow, no matter how cold it is, I'm going out for a walk and talk to some friends. That always makes me feel better.

 

[jackemail]

Thank you jackemail. You are right. Ron wouldn't like it at all. He would say "Now stop putting the woman I love down like that".

I think you are right about the Disney let down. It was such a wonderful trip and the best part was being with the kids and Jesse. He would always greet me with a big hug.

I think tomorrow, no matter how cold it is, I'm going out for a walk and talk to some friends. That always makes me feel better.

And I will be looking for you to post tomorrow that you did something for yourself and that you feel better....

Silly or not, I have often felt depressed after returning from vacations. You aren't alone.

You aren't alone in MANY ways.

 

[minniecarousel]

Sorry I haven't been around for a few days. I've been having a hard time. Since I've been back, I've had to get used to the quiet and being alone again. Everything makes me cry. I know it's because of the weather. It's been so cold I haven't been able to go out for a walk. I don't feel like driving to the mall for a walk either. It was different with Ron. He would make it seem like an adventure. Everything was different with Ron. I've been reliving that awful day when he fell. Over and over again. Why didn't I go upstairs with him? Why didn't make him go to the hospital right away when I heard him stumble? Maybe if I had, he would be here with me today. I should have known head wounds are dangerous even if there are no marks. I am so stupid.

Oh, Honey, you know it's not good to do those "what if's". I agree, Ron wouldn't be happy to have you think like this.

Winter is tough, especially where you live. (we complain around here when the temp drops below 50!) And, yes, Disney let-down is REAL under the best of circumstances.

Hang in there, Angelrose. Come here and post and we'll "talk you down"!

 

[ksumn1]

Stop beating yourself up, honey. Ron wouldn't want that. There is nothing you could have done to change things. It was his time. A power stronger than you (and us) with knowledge unfathomable to us mortals called him home. That doesn't make it easier or better, but in a strange kind of way it DOES comfort me. KWIM, it puts me in my place a little. I am know as wise as God, and sometimes those things that hurt the most are those that are uncomprehendable to us. Just know that he's not in any pain, and that's he's your Ron in heaven now. He's healthy, strong and happy.

Go out for a long walk tomorrow and try to find something to make you happy. Watch a squirrel jump from tree to tree, a bird flying around, a toddler just stumbling along in his bulky jacket, and tobaggan, so wrapped up all you can see are the chubby red cheeks and sparling eyes. Maybe you need a big old dose of that Grandbaby. I'm sure Jesse could cheer you up. Maybe you could invote yourself over tomorrow sometime. Just tell Karen you're feeling a little blue and you need a Jessee fix. I really don't think she'll mind.

Anyway, hope tomorrow is a better day. I'm back to school tomorrow, so I'll be busy but I'll try to remember to check in on you tomorrow night.

Good night ya'll!

 

[Angelrose]

My friends I had a better day today. The weather was warmer and the sun came out so I went for a walk this afternoon. I stopped in to talk to my friends and that cheered me up. Breathing in the fresh air was wonderful too.

amyy, I took your advice and it did work! THANK YOU! It was so simple and yet did the trick.

I just read Karen's blog and she and Jesse are both feeling better. After two days in the new 2 year old room at day care, he now comes home and asks WHY? to everything. It's driving her crazy. She said she thinks she liked it better when he just said NO. LOL I may be going over to their house this weekend. If they are both feeling better I will.

I know my love is in heaven and know we will be together when my time comes. It's just so hard to be alone without him.

 

[jackemail]

Glad you had a better day today.....try to have one more tomorrow. Just take it one day at a time. Hope you get to see karen and Jesse this weekend, that will certainly help!

 

[Minnie&Nana]

(((Angelrose))), I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. The lull after the holidays and the January blahs all add to the loss we feel so tremendously. I think it is the most difficult time after the initial shock. The shock has worn off.,..the holidays have passed, your trip is done...now it is just you in the house with the long winter.

As others have said, and you really know, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Ron had no immediate symptoms, so there was no way for your to know how serious the fall was. Please, please be gentle with yourself - you know that is what Ron would want..and it would break his hear to think you are blaming yourself in any way.

Thank you for coming here and trusting us to listen.

I've been keeping up with Michelle on face book while she is in WDW. Poor thing had a terrible stomach bug and her DH called in a doctor who gave her an injection for nausea. I missed a couple of days because I was under the weather myself, but just read caught up before posting here and she is a bit better today and had a nice facial. They did have to cancel the V&A reservation and I know they were very much looking forward to that.

Hang in there, Angelrose. We are always here for you.

 

[ksumn1]

Glad to see you're feeling better Angelrose. Long, busy day today. SO cold, even here in GA. Walked all over campus, so I am beat. See ya'll tomorrow.

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you Christine and ksumn1. What would I do without my friends here?

Thanks for the update on Michelle. I'm so sorry she got sick and had to cancel V & A. Maybe they can get another reservation later on.

I got out again today for a walk. That always makes me feel better. It is hard to be without my darling. But I know I have to be strong and go on. It's what he would want. I still want to scream "It's not fair". It's still hard to remember the wonderful times we had without crying. I know it will always be hard for me. My friends who have lost their husbands have told me it never goes away. You just have to live with the ache and the emptiness. I do have my son's family to be thankful for.

This time of night is when he would come into my computer room and hug me and tell me he was going downstairs to watch tv. Sometimes we would talk for a few minutes. I would hear him lifting weights and then after that I would hear him snoring in his chair. I miss those sounds.

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Tonight your post brought tears.... Your friends are right, but the pain does get softer and real joy and peace does return.

Even though it is not quite the same, I understand what your mean about the sounds of Ron ....I miss hearing my son, the way he always gave me a big bear hug, the sound of his voice on my voice mail (we still have one - I want to listen to it again sooo much and hear his voice again..but am too afraid I would accidentally delete it...or fall apart hearing him again...but I want too so much. Not a day goes by that I do not think of him and wish he was here with us.)

Angelrose, my heart aches for you. I remember too well my mother after my father passed unexpectedly...it is a lonely road, even with dear friends and family.

Please be careful on your walks - it's very icy out there.