An update- the fallout

[Serena]

What fallout? He didn't see the email, he wasn't in his office today, so I told him everything in person. He agreed with everything I said.

His only concern about getting a divorce is that no judge will give me as much as he is giving me now. (he's right)
And, I will lose my health benefits, that he is also paying for.
I am pretty sure he doesn't have a hidden agenda.

Now, I'm going to talk to my lawyer and see what she can do. I want the divorce, but those two things I'd like to keep at least for right now.
I could not get two jobs that would make up for it. I don't like living off of him, but at this point, I would be with the support too, I'd just be living off of less.

???????

 

[Wagamama]

I wish I could give you some advice or something, but I don't have any so I'll just give you a big bear hug (((((((((((((((((HUG))))))))))))))))))

~Von

 

[snoopy]

Do what your heart tells you is right, Serena.

{{{hugs}}}

I can't imagine going through this, I don't think I would be as strong as you are. I think you have made good decisions thus far, just keep doing what you are doing.

 

[Serena]

I guess his "not-so hidden" agenda for continuing to support us is that he wants to leave his things here because there is no room to put it where he's at now.
And he said it's sort of like insurance that I don't trash his stuff or the credit we have.

That didn't come out right. He wants to continue to support us because he feels it's his job to. The rest is extra.

 

[helenabear]

Laurie, I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't. I think you've been doing pretty good so far, so keep going with what you feel is best and I am sure it will all work out {{HUGS}}

 

[shortbun]

Sounds like a great deal for you with no
real benefit to him-except he takes care of
his children which is reason enuf in my book.
Sounds like you two are talking, really talking.
That's good. Stay happy.
mimi

 

[Serena]

We're pretty strange I guess.
We don't love each other, we don't want to live with each other, but we don't hate each other either. I don't know anyone else like this.

 

[jan/cape]

Serena I am in the process of a divorce also. He will keep me on his health insurance. He didn't have a problem with that since he pays a family rate anyway. We also had that written into our agreement.

 

[Pooh93]

We're pretty strange I guess.

Not really. You're just doing what is best for all involved at the moment. A friend of mine at work is approaching their 2 year anniversary of him having moved out, but he still contributes substantially to their (her and the kids) well being. In turn, he is still on her benefits because he is a computer consultant and does not have good health benefits. She still balances his checkbook at times. She knows that if they are to ever go the next step and get divorced, it will be her to make the calls and get it done. I used to think that her situation was "strange." However, the older I get and longer I am married, I have learned not to judge people for how they choose to work or not work things out. We all have to get through everyday life the best we can.

Off my soapbox for now. Haven't posted in a while and had to get my .05 worth! Lol

 

[iluvorlando]

Serena,

I think you are making good decisions all the way around. I hope the lawyer says he can keep you on his insurance and still be divorced. ((((HUGS)))) and good luck!

 

[A kid at heart]

I know here that mine isn't required to keep me on his health insurance once the divorce is final.

 

[cassie]

Serena...........You just described my ex & I. He really tried to make the divorce easy on both of us. He had the girlfiriend and I told him to file. Yes, I was hurt & dying inside, but that was the way my life was going. Our kids were 7 & 11 then. I did get a lawyer. he thought I was talking to too many people and wasn't happy for that. My lawyer was a female and she was ready to bust balls.!! I was nice and wanted no support (how am I gonna live on a nurses aide pay??). I had to find a job to support myself, plus have health benefits. I did, and I'm still there after 24 years.

My point is.......get a little more tough with him. Don't store his things. Let him find a place for them.You will have to find a better job to support yourself with health benefits.

Don't believe him when he says "His only concern about getting a divorce is that no judge will give me as much as he is giving me now. (he's right) And, I will lose my health benefits, that he is also paying for". That could be BS. Wait till you get before the judge.

Divorce is hurtful & messy. Don't let him take advantge of you by trying to be nice about it. I was nice inspite of my lawyer, but I had to make myself get out and find a supporting job.

Think of yourself now & your girls. You have the power within you to get on with your life, Yes. it is a new course, but I know you can do it.

 

[browneyes]

My SO's nephew had to pay health and auto insurance for his ex after their divorce.

I'm glad your h took everything well. I hope you talk to your lawyer soon to see what she suggests. Good luck. {{hugs}}

 

[Serena]

I will call her tomorrow.

I've got an appointment in the morning to talk with a lady that has some information about job training and such. They've got my results back from the two tests I took. An aptitude test and a career assessment test.

 

[bsnyder]

Serena, I don't think your approach is strange, I think it should be applauded!

A divorce does not have to be a nasty, hateful thing. Especially when there are children involved. You may end up no longer married to each other, but you will always be parents together. You are wise to have a lawyer protect your interests, but you should also search your heart and do what is fair for both of you, and especially for your children. This is especially important if you think he is "playing fair". It doesn't have to be some trick...maybe he just feels guilty and wants to allieviate some of the guilt by doing the right thing under these circumstances.

My ex had me on his health insurance and car insurance for 3 years, while I went back to school. Once I had a full time job, I had my own benefits and he continued to keep the kids on his. I am now remarried, and the boys are on my husband's health insurance, because he covers our daughter, and there's no difference in price for him to cover one child, or three. All three of us have tried to use common sense when making these types of decisions, instead of trying to see what advantage we could get over one another.

Also, I might be wrong about this, but I don't think any judge would have a problem agreeing to more support than the law allows, if that is what your ex feels he wants to do. The judge is only going to enforce the minimums, not put a cap on things.

Hang in there!

 

[Pin Wizard]

Originally posted by Serena
We're pretty strange I guess.
We don't love each other, we don't want to live with each other, but we don't hate each other either. I don't know anyone else like this.

There are plenty of divorced couples like that. Especially when children are involved.

 

[Lucky4me]

This is the way my ex and I are. It's so much better to be friends rather than enemies, especially for the kids. Once we really knew it was over and the drama ended, that's when we were able to be friendly. Some people do not understand our relationship but that's okay, it works for us. My sister is the same way. Her ex husband AND ex boyfriend came to her wedding. I took a picture of her with all three men. It was kind of funny, if not a little strange. Oh well, everyone was happy.

Serena, have you ever thought about testing for a civil service job? They usually post job openings at the library and also online. These jobs have good pay and benefits. I was talking to a clerk at the federal building the other day. She said she scored an 85 on the civil exam and was hired. They are also in the process of hiring new screeners at the airports. You have to pass a security clearance and take an aptitude test for that too. It may be worth a look.

You sound like you're doing well, I am so glad!

 

[Serena]

No I hadn't. Thanks, I'll look into it.

 

[gemmie214]

I would just worry that without a formal support order he might just decide to not pay or not pay as much as you are used to. Then you will be without funds while you take him to court over it. I am not saying that he would do that. I have seen it happen to others. Is there a way you could legalize your current agreement for now?

 

[Serena]

That's what I would like to do. I want the divorce, no doubts about that, but I'm going to see if I can talk with my lawyer to get the divorce with the agreements that we've got going right now. I want it written down and legal. I want it final.