An Inconvenient Truth: happyhaunt Style! (New... pg. 113!)

[horsegirl]

At that point his eyes glazed over and HE looked like he was slipping into a coma of boredom. Kinda like I do when he tells me of the wacky things he and his banker cronies get up to with their managed funds. And stuff. Like that. Really I have NO IDEA what he does all day because he starts to tell me and then, suddenly, I wake up with my head on the coffee table and a stream of drool down my cheek.

I so get this! The image of the drool is too much! napkin, dear? I know I won't need it reading this riotous tale!

And I've been afraid to try and get the cat back since. Because my Mother scares me. She is the original tough old broad. She's funny, fiesty, stubborn, independant and tough as nails. Thankfully. I can't imagine anyone else raising me. We have a special relationship. We talk everyday, we love each other madly and, yet, we LIVE to cut each other off at the knees. Go figure. Anyhow... I put her through a lot. Growing up. And it never seemed to slow her down. She's very special. To me. And I can tell I'm special to her, too, because when she saw me she said, "You're LATE! You said noon. Lunch is ready but the meat is probably already off. I can't promise you won't get sick." Then she turned to the three grandbabies and covered them in hugs and kisses. We sat down and ate. Well... I forced myself to. Because... I'll tell you all something. I'm not afraid of too many things. In this world. Number one is the fear of something happening to my children. As it probably is for any parent. The other things that round out my shortish list are: spiders, snakes, flying and The General's cooking. Not necessarily in that order. So I ate the... errrr... food. I think. Then The General barked an order to follow her upstairs for a private chat. We went into her bedroom, she closed the door and turned to me. And said, "Mel I know you're nervous about flying today and you look so tired but I just want you to have a wonderful time in Disney. Watch the kids. Make sure they're okay and call me a few times. Alright?" Then she pulled me into a big hug. And I started crying. A little bit at first but then more. Because she really surprised me. And I WAS tired. And worrying about the flight. But, also, I was crying because she felt so little and frail and old to me. When did my Mother become smaller than me? When was the last time I hugged her? Then suddenly she stepped back and looked sternly at me, "Melancholy Anne Blah Blah hyphen Blah" she said, " Smarten up! Do you want the kids to see you crying? Stop it!" And turned and walked out of the room. Ahhhhhh. Back to normal. Thank God.

What a beautiful way to sum up so many things. Your mother sounds amazing. She knows how to raise a babe too! I remember the moment when I too saw my parents as older. It is a tough thing.

Do tel,l will the general ever go on a happyhauntie trippie?


Only I know you can't say here. But you moved me. Again. I wanted you to know.

Sally forth and all that.....Can't wait for the trip to begin!

 

[LegoMom3]

I have been a big fan of Zzub's TRs, and have read many mention of the famous 'happyhaunts' in his tales! So glad to have a chance to read yours first hand! Only thing is, between you and Zzub, I don't have a shot in heck of pulling off a decent TR of my own after our trip this fall.... I bow to the masters...


Great report - keep 'em coming!!!!!

 

[sheridac]

But, also, I was crying because she felt so little and frail and old to me. When did my Mother become smaller than me?

Melly~












!!!!!

 

[New England Eeyore]

Woo Hoo! Mel's back! I love it so far.

BTW - great song choice with Full Force Gale. I discovered that song while attending Catholic high school. I wondered why they didn't play stuff like that at mass instead of "This Little Light of Mine". Great song.

I too feel a little sad when the trip has finally arrived, and I second the poster who said always have another trip on the books - it helps minimize that feeling.

 

[Yzma and Kronk]

Mel - Great installment! Loved your description of your time with The General!

Very funny about Timmies! My kidlets have a fit if we don't get Timmies at Duty Free on the way over. DH too - for the coffee! No starbucks for him

Looking forward to more.

 

[NAB]

Okay lets try this again. Thought I posted but I deleted it instead. Anyway I love your trip reports. Have been lurkering not stalking you....from the beginning. You make me smile and I look forward to your postings. Hope this works this time, I'm crossing my fingers.

 

[paslea_pooh]

. Then The General barked an order to follow her upstairs for a private chat. We went into her bedroom, she closed the door and turned to me. And said, "Mel I know you're nervous about flying today and you look so tired but I just want you to have a wonderful time in Disney. Watch the kids. Make sure they're okay and call me a few times. Alright?" Then she pulled me into a big hug. And I started crying. A little bit at first but then more. Because she really surprised me. And I WAS tired. And worrying about the flight. But, also, I was crying because she felt so little and frail and old to me. When did my Mother become smaller than me? When was the last time I hugged her? Then suddenly she stepped back and looked sternly at me, "Melancholy Anne Blah Blah hyphen Blah" she said, " Smarten up! Do you want the kids to see you crying? Stop it!" And turned and walked out of the room. Ahhhhhh. Back to normal. Thank God.

Wow, Mel. Simply moving. We become the parents after a while. That was very touching. Thank God the General snapped out of it. I was going to go into that ugly snotty cry.


Great Installment, thanks for sharing. Blah, Blah, Blah.

 

[HaleyB]

I'm here too. It is a little crowded in here. Is that someone's elbow?

 

[burly]

Happy to have you back Mel. Keep em' comin' you bikini wearin' momma happyhaunt you!

 

[fizz13]

Just letting you know I'm here and its a great read as always, will be waiting for more,
Claire xx

 

[KarenP99]

Thanks for re-posting. It would have been a shame for us DIS'ers to be neglected of your fun & witty trip report!

Great job, keep it up!

~Karen

 

[CarolB]

So glad I found this thread today. Can't wait to read more......and more.......and more!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

As the five happyhaunts drove away from West Point and The General I felt a familiar feeling settle over me. Looky! Someone is an adult again. Me(l). I think. It seems that the further away from my childhood home I get... the more I start feeling less like a five year old and more like a 37 year old. Funny that. There's a term for it. It's like "inversely proportional"...or "directly proportional"... or something fascinating like that. I'll have to ask my DH to define it for me tonight. And try not to do a header onto the coffee table while he explains. Again. Anyhow... the further I got away the more like myself I was feeling. Except for one thing. The stabbing pains in my stomach. My stomach started hurting a little bit after lunch, if you can call it that, at my Mother's place. A little at first but then more and more. Initially I put it down to both nerves and the fact that my body is no longer used to her fine cooking. My tolerance is pretty well shot. By now. But, when I questioned everyone else about how they were feeling, it was a four for four thumbs up. It was just me. Hummmm...

Me: Mel? I think The General poisoned me. Seriously. My stomach is killing me.
Mellyman: Don't be silly. You're just nervous. Relax.
Me: Yeah. I'm nervous 'cause I wouldn't put it past her. I mean... that would be the ultimate coup for her. Killing me. For real.
Mellyman: She is not trying to kill you, Mel.
Me: Well... what about the Money In The Birthday Cake Choking Incident?
Mellyman: She just forgot to tell you there was a quarter in your piece. But after you threw up on the dining room table, you could breathe again and you were fine. (yeah... I pulled a projectile ZZUB and ruined the carnation centerpiece)
Me: Well... what about the Christmas Wheat?
Mellyman: That's just gross but not poisonous. Plus she makes everyone eat it for good luck. Disgusting but not deadly. She loves the kids.
Me: Well... what about the Walnut Cookie Muffins? First of all... are they cookies? Or muffins? What's with that? And why would she leave a big chunk of shell in the one she gave me? I about broke a molar. I could have choked. Again.
Melly: Like she wants to see THAT again? Or anyone else.
Me: Okay. Well... what about the last prime rib roast she cooked?
Mellyman: (laughing) Yeah... eating THAT almost killed me too.

Mellyman and I are laughing at his funny when we hear a piercing sound from the back of the van, " OUWAAAA!!!!! OUWAAAAA!!!! " Crap! It's The Koala.

Calvin is The Koala. He became The Koala when we were at WDW last December. He started with the "koalaing" down the halls of the Beach Club Villas. It is a bizarre leaping kind of run with his hands down on the floor in front of him and his back legs spread wide. Actually, he's gotten really really fast at it now. Mad props to him. For that. Everyone thought The Koala thing was funny at first. But then it grew and he developed a whole Koala language of sounds to go along with it. Five months later I can understand him perfectly... speaking Koala. Here is a glossary of the sounds:

OUWAAAA ~ I'm mad
nup nup ~ I'm happy
nummmmlittttt ~ I want sherbet
ssssssssss ~ I have to go pee
eeeeeeeyaaaaa eeeeeeeyaaaaa ~ I hurt myself
EEEWAAAA ~ I love you

Ok... there are more but I can tell you all are doing a header of boredom, yourselves, right now. Sorry. My point is: He has developed a language of sounds and he speaks to me in Koala. Quite a bit. Just me. And Tommy. Because the whole Koala Ordeal rubs both Mellyman and Beth the wrong way. In the same way that Calvin pets The General's cat: Backwards, against the grain of the cat... so to speak... and way too hard. They HATE it. I kinda like it. For some reason. The General claims it's because I went through a bit of a dog stage myself growing up. Heh heh. Anyway... Mellyman forbade Calvin to do The Koala on our trip. He told him The Koala was to stay home. That was that end of discussion. NO KOALAS AT DISNEY. Calvin, as expected, showed his usual respect for the law. Which is... uhhhh... generally not a lot. And both Beth and Mellyman turned and glared in my direction. Why? I have NO CLUE. Heh, heh.

To be continued. Up next: "Melancholy is as seductive as esctasy" ~ Mason Cooley...

 

[horsegirl]

This is amazing. How do you write so quickly. I have not read it yet. Just wanted to be the first to post. Thank you. will edit after i read it.

okay read it! 'Inveresely proportionate' could apply to so much of disney I suspect! Interesting the discussions we have in the car on the way to the airport. I hope you did not have a case of consumption for the trip!

Thanks just wanted to let you know again how much I am looking forward to your story.

 

[Lanie]

I have a habit of saving TR in a word format so I can read them at work while appearing to be reading something work related
I started saving your other one, and I couldn't bear to erase it even when the thread got locked... Iwas really hoping you would continue it!!!

I AM SO HAPPY YOU STARTED ANOTHER ONE!!! YOU GO GIRL!!!

Can't wait to read more... I hope that it last until my September trip!!!

 

[LaLa]

Mellyman: She is not trying to kill you, Mel.
Me: Well... what about the Money In The Birthday Cake Choking Incident?
Mellyman: She just forgot to tell you there was a quarter in your piece. But after you threw up on the dining room table, you could breathe again and you were fine. (yeah... I pulled a projectile ZZUB and ruined the carnation centerpiece)

Pulled a ZZUB. Now that's funny stuff.

Thanks for making me do the silent shakin' thing again Melly Mel. I'm fired for sure today.

The part about The General brought tears to my eyes. I cried because I was thinking the same thing the other day when I hugged my Mom. They're not supposed to get old. They are our parents. Our once upon a time sole security blanket. And sometimes drill sargeants. Or Generals.

I'm lovin it Mel. Keep it comin Woman.

 

[Lil' Grumpy]

well, well, well...you had a magical moment with your mother?
how scary is that?.......ahhhh...no one loves you like your
mother,,dear! you wanta know what's scary...too me? most
of the same things you mentioned. [he,he, you ole kindred
spirit/s]. yep i noticed that bout you...you have a touch of
"ann of green gables" in your ...15 bikinis! let's do a lil math
shall we?..15 to 10= ? dwats! never was any good in math-
a-matic equations....but if iam "figuring" in your personality
than the adding makes more sense...wearing some on top of
your noggin...right? of course, there may be some kind of
[weird] relationship too estrogen levels that no guy would ever
be able to figured out....por lil me[l]man . however,
if it any "measure" of comfort....tell him others are in the same
"boaty". [you actually cannot see me pushin my lil missy cutie
pie's luggage/s through the airport..however, i hear the giggling!]
ohhh,, i can't wait to hear bout the checkin.....hey? you didn't
mentioned anything related tooo evaporated milk?

well, well, since no one noticed..it made prefect sense to me
to go back and checked the water lines. great tip!

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

La La!!!!

I am LITERALLY sitting on my hands here. Bouncing up and down and trying to stop myself here.

I could JUST KILL YOU!!!!

The quote the quote the quote

Counting to 10 and screaming: LaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaLaaaaaaaaaaaa!

P.S. Thanks for reading and commenting. It does a body good. Like other stuff.

 

[JRS]

I have been a big fan of Zzub's TRs, and have read many mention of the famous 'happyhaunts' in his tales! So glad to have a chance to read yours first hand! Only thing is, between you and Zzub, I don't have a shot in heck of pulling off a decent TR of my own after our trip this fall.... I bow to the masters...


Great report - keep 'em coming!!!!!

I totally agree! But I don't understand "pulled a Zzub." You and some other poster used that expression.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Mellyman and Beth were glaring at me because they believe Calvin is... well... me. My husband believes that while Calvin is the one child of our three that most physically resembles him... every other part of Calvin is ME. That he is my Mini-Me. Beth agrees. The General. My friends. Our families. It seems to be unanimous. I don't, though. I agree that he is like me in some ways but he is, also, uniquely CALVIN. He has more guts, I think, than just about anyone I know. But he's also incredibly compassionate. He defends those that need some help. In the playground jungle called recess. He's creative and artistic. He's a great kid. And a trouble magnet. He's just "Calvin"... no one else. Plus... I don't think I smell weird. At all. Like Beth claims her middle brother does. Aside over. Now. After we heard the shriek of an, apparently, mad Koala my DH proceeded to give him YET ANOTHER WARNING about his behaviour. And the fact the The Koala must NOT get on the plane. To Disney. Or else.

And then... we saw the Canadian Duty Free store. WHoooo Hooooo! Lecture over? Well, who cares?!!! 'Cause we love the Duty Free. We screech to a halt in the parking lot and pile out. Four happyhaunts head for the door while the fifth one, with OCD, beeps the car remote four times in a row to make sure it's good and locked. Yep. It's REALLY locked now. Way more locked than after the first beep. I think. Then I follow them in. DH spies the Scotch and Tequila displays from the entrance and skips over like he's in a Fairy Timeout. The rest of us start looking around and I realize that this particular Duty Free (Peace Bridge) has a HUGE selection of perfume. Yipppeeee! Beth and I start looking and smelling. Calvin looks like he's literally going to fall asleep from the excitement of that and decides to take Tommy and join his father who is in Booze Heaven. I find a scent I really like and decide to test its power on my man. I spritz a little on my neck and go to find Melly. He's busy looking at the Scotch selection. So I say, " Melly... smell me." Without glancing over he says, " Why? Did your stomach thing give you gas?" "No. SMELL ME!" I insist and stand on my tiptoes, tilt my head to the side and try to wedge my neck up somewhere near his face. " Uhhhh huhhhh." He says. "Well? Is it seductive? Does it drive you wild with passion? What do you think?" I ask. He answers without looking, " I don't know." That's all. Back to the 'ol drawing board. I wander back to try another fragrance. Find another I like and spray it on my wrist. Head back to my man to test my feminine powers. "Smell again" I insist, " Does it make you feel hot? Does it stir you?" He answers without looking again, " I'm not stirred. No." Sheesh!!! Back to the perfume section. Back to my husband. "Melly, try this" I stick my other wrist under his nose, " Does THIS ONE make you crazed with lust? Do you feel like I'm Aphrodite?" He picks up a bottle of single malt, " Nope. Not a goddess. Sorry." MAN! I give up and come to terms with the fact that I'm about as seductive as cheese. To him. Either that or else my competition, that tramp named Balvenie 8 Year, is just too good. Beth and I continue to browse the perfume and makeup section. Beth finds one she likes but I think it's too expensive. I see my favourite standby "Happy" by Clinique and consider picking it up because it's much cheaper here than at a department store back home. Calvin eventually gets bored with the Man Section of Duty Free and heads back to Beth and I. Followed by my handsome DH who is now smiling. "This ONE!" he says waving a little piece of paper under my nose, "This one is awesome!!! I'll buy you this one. I love it." Wow. He's all excited. Apparently Beth took him a sample of the one she liked for him to smell. He likes one. He likes one!!!!! I smell it. Wow. Powerfully...errrr... unique. At least it'll mask the other fifteen scents I've sprayed on myself so far. It was "Pacific Paradise" by Escada. It smells like mango, coconut, lime or something like that. It smells like a fruity drink on the beach in the sun with a bikini and a Cabana Boy too. So... I liked it. As well. I wondered if, perhaps, this is what CHARO smelled like. Remember CHARO? Whatever happened to Charo from the Love Boat? And what happened to Toonces the Cat Who Could Drive a Car? What happened to... nevermind. Anyhow... I agreed that I should have it. Heh, heh.

I asked Mellyman if he was buying some Scotch and he said that he would but on the way home. He didn't want to leave it in the van. As it would be worth more than the van and make the van worth stealing. And he said there was no way in heck that he was adding to the weight of our luggage now. So we got the perfume and headed back to the van and to the airport. Knowing darn well we were really really pressed for time to make our 4:40 flight to Orlando. The border crossing was quick and painless. No line and then Melly pulled out his map of the shortest route to the Buffalo Airport and we sped away. Beth was listening to her IPod again and the boys were playing aka poking, touching and trying to lick each other's arms in the backseat. In the frontseat I could tell that my husband was getting a little nervous about our time situation. So I decided to tell him one of my plans for our Disney Extravaganza to amuse and distract him. And, lucky you, I will share it with you too! Thank me later.

You see, I have these two good friends who have an...errrrr... friendly competition going whenever they go to Walt Disney World. They call it the Olympic Waterslide Competition. They are both seriously good at it and I feel that I just couldn't compete with their prowess. At least not in any of the bathing suits I brought along on the trip without it ending up in my colon. So I devised another event. Just to kick it up a notch. And... I figured that I might actually have a chance to beat them in this one. I call my event The WDW Three Cheese Relay. It starts at the POR Resort where one must consume ONE Cheesesteak Sandwich within five minutes and then head directly to The Magic Kingdom where, within the hour, one must consume ONE Casey's Cheese and Chilli Dog with mustard and sauerkraut (or a Krautillitardeese... if you will) in five minutes then race to EPCOT and suck back one fancy Ham and Cheese sandwich at Les Chefs. Within the hour. Or, at least, as soon as the French will serve it to you. There. The SECOND event. A gut-buster event. I think. The winner is the one who can do it the fastest. But you cannot blow chow... or else you are immediately disqualified. Which is the reason I think I may have a leg up on at least one of my buddies. Heh heh.

To be continued. Up next:"There is Melancholy in the wind and sorrow in the grass" ~ Kuralt...