An Inconvenient Truth: happyhaunt Style! (New... pg. 113!)

[MemoryMakers2669]

This has got to be the funniest trip report I have ever read! Can't wait for more..hurry up lady!

 

[LaLa]

I'm still afraid that during the flight I'll have to pull an claustrophobic, airborn ZZUB in the tiny washroom or else a seated, upright one in the handily located ZZUB-Bag in the seatback compartment in front of me. I'm not sure which would be worse? But at least if I used the Z-Bag I could keep my belt buckled the whole time. Like I always do.

Mel, this could very easily be the funniest paragraph I have ever read in any trip report. Ever.

Me: Well... I'm excited that this time we're FINALLY gonna try France in Epcot! That should be fun, eh? Les Chefs de France.
Him: I don't want to eat in France.
Me: What? Why not?
Him: The French are incompetent.
Me: Pardon me?
Him: They are totally inept. Calvin and I were just watching "World At War" on video... The Battle of France... and it's unbelievable how inept their defense of France was. UNBELIEVABLE!
Me: So. Let me get this straight: You don't want to eat at Les Chefs because of World War II. Is this correct?
Him: I'm just saying... inept. Is all.
Me: Sweetheart, we're simply having lunch at Les Chefs de France. Not launching an offensive strike on a pavillion at EPCOT.
Him: AND... the Maginot Line! WHAT A JOKE!!!
Me: I don't believe this.
Him: A joke because they never extended it properly along the Belgium border. The Germans had no trouble at all getting around it. It was ridicorous! The Germans LITERALLY WENT AROUND IT! And into France!
Me: I'll be sure to let the Biergarten know... in case they ever run out of butter.

And this paragraph (BTW, paragraphs. You have paragraphs. Go Mel), leads me to believe that we could very easily be married to the same man. Or maybe not. But this totally sounds like a conversation we would have.

I'm loving it Melly Mel. Keep it coming Girl. You're doin' great.

 

[pongoperdigirl]

Melly Poo.....

I love your reports. They are great. Seriously. I just did the quiet shake at my desk.

BTW.....don't opt for the upright seated ZZUB.....it's not fun. Especially if you are 17 and trying to look hot to a bunch of European soccer players. No matter how you do in the chair into the Z-bag, it's NOT hot. That's a story I may have to share later on with you guys.

LY/MI

 

[Chapter 11]

Great installment, Mel. I'm sure ZZUB (in bold) will enjoy it. And La2 is right -- your use of paragraphs has greatly improved. Now, if we could just get you to end your unholy fascination with periods. And new sentences. After. Every. Word.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

Pictures, I want to see pictures of the famous tigger ears. Great report.

 

[Shelby5514]

Magnificent, Marvelous, Melly my Mel~ Another FINE installment, you never fail to amuse. LY/MI!

 

[JRS]

"FIVE MINUTES, MISTER, OR I'M COMING IN! AND... USE SOAP!!!" Calvin was nowhere to be seen... and I really startled an older gentleman at the sinks. He obediently reached for the soap dispenser, though.

Why don't you get arrested more? You shouldn't be harrassing elderly men. IN the bathroom. It's just not done.

A joke because they never extended it properly along the Belgium border. The Germans had no trouble at all getting around it. It was ridicorous! The Germans LITERALLY WENT AROUND IT! And into France!

This is funny because it is both historically accurate and funny. Also, I appreciated that your husband was aping Tigger in the process. Or was he aping Donna Chang?

we're simply having lunch at Les Chefs de France. Not launching an offensive strike on a pavillion (sic) at EPCOT

Any reason why you couldn't do both?

I agree with most of the others. This is very funny. You have an unusual relationship with punctuation, though.

 

[GADISNEYGIRL]

Great stuff, Mel, so glad you've finally arrived! What's next??

 

[PrincessAurora]

Hey Mel! Well after weeks of traveling torture I finally am back home and back on DIS. I put down my writing, obsessive trip planning and decide to check back on the Boards and what do I find... YOU!

SOOOOOOO glad as this is WAY more entertaining than watching Law & Order reruns for the umpteenth time.

Love the report so far though I have to agree with the Mellyman that France is inept as well as sucks to the enth degree. Both historically and in Epcot. Sorry. Although I will have to say that the average Chefs was TONS better than the snooty Bistro which was a huge disapointment. Make sure they give you the real butter and not that oil stuff they tried to foist on me while being all looking down their nose on me. Yeah, I love the French.

Well you go girl. I think I hear my gay cat screaming outside. He has been a total pain since his boyfriend next door moved away.

And just for you because I love you...

 

[2xcited2slp]

way to go melllly, way to go~~clap clap

and this from "not and never was a cheerleader"

for ya

 

[dvc at last !]

I'm looking forward to more of this trip report.

 

[kpk89]

Great installment, Mel. I'm sure ZZUB (in bold) will enjoy it. And La2 is right -- your use of paragraphs has greatly improved. Now, if we could just get you to end your unholy fascination with periods. And new sentences. After. Every. Word.

Now. Here is where I'm offering an olive branch of peas to Melly. I was an English teacher, and I like Mel's punctuation. It gives her writing voice. I can hear her talking.

Kimmie not sooo mean, Mel. I enjoy your report. Good to know that there needn't be any butter shortages anywhere in WS, thanks to the brave men and women at the Biergarten.

 

[SandraVB79]

Love your trip report Mel!

And tell Mel he's lucky you're only taking him to France-in-Epcot, where there's no Maginot-line.
My mom takes my dad to France-in-France, to visit the Maginot line. I said "thank you very much, have fun, make sure the car's tank is full! Don't come back early."

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Well the happyhaunts are finally on the road to Disney. Oh. But... not QUITE yet. First there's all the stuff at the airport. To do. We get off the plane and circle the wagons in a corner for a second. We count the carry-offs... to make sure we have the same number as the carry-ons. Or more, actually. Same is good. More is better. But, this time, it's the same. We fill the basket of the stroller. Beth can wheel her carry-on so she grabs stuffed animals and the video camera bag, we sling two bags over the stroller handle, I grab the DVC knapsack along with the OPK (Obsessive Planner Kit) and I put the biggest knapsack on Calvin. It's also the heaviest. It's the toiletries bag. Big surprise. There. I grab the carseat and Mellyman pushes the stroller and we head out. Through the crowds of vacationers happily heading in the same direction as we are. And past the people heading home with their tired, sunburnt faces and plastic shopping bags from Disney. Or that other place. I think it's called UNIVERSAL or something like that. Shudder! We are motoring at quite a pace when I hear "MOM! MOM! MOM! WAIT!" from somewhere behind me. It's Calvin. I turn around and see him lying on the floor about twenty feet behind me. He has completely turtled. He's on his back on top of the knapsack. Apparently he stopped to tie his shoe and couldn't stand back up from the weight of our cosmetics. And then fell backwards. Onto eyeshadows and hair mousse. He was completely trapped... helpless on a bed of sparkle gloss, q-tips and lash extender. How tragic. How sad. I help him up and get him organized again. He still has to carry my make-up. It's too heavy for me. And, anyway, it builds character. Although I'm questioning my need to bring the huge 1.5 litre shampoo and conditioner bottles. Travel-size, anyone????? We jump on the shuttle and ride to the main terminal. Laughing at Calvin when the shuttle takes off and he teeters dangerously on the verge of another turtle.

We are wandering through the main terminal towards the baggage claim area listening to the following exchange of love:

Tommy: Calvin on a bun with ketchup, cheese...
Calvin: Shut up! I'm concentrating.
Tommy: Yum, yum, yum more Calvin please!
Calvin: Shut UP, Tommy!
Beth: Don't tell him to shut up. YOU shut up!
Calvin: YOU SHUT UP!
Tommy: Yum, yum, yum... Koala please!
Calvin: Both of you shut up.
Beth: You first.
Calvin: You first.
Mellyman: All of you... CAN IT! WE HAVE 10 DAYS OF TOGETHERNESS TO LOOK FORWARD TO! So... SHUT UP!

Mellyman was a little stressed out. He doesn't like the airport part of the trip. It frazzles him. He's sure we're going to lose luggage, money, a child or two or get saddled with a white minivan at the car rental place. BUT... I'm happy to see... we won't be losing MY PURSE this time. 'Cause I just realized that HE is still hanging on to it. After he organized our stuff, Robo Loader slung it over his wrist, covered it with coats and took off with the stroller. Heh heh.

Me: Nice MURSE, Melanie.
Him: Huh?
Me: Can I borrow a feminine hygiene product?
Him: ARRRGGGGHHHHHH! Here! Take it!
Me: Heh, heh.
Him: Just for that... I'm going to get the rental car. By myself. You handle up with the bags and the kids.

He leaves us at the baggage claim and walks in the other direction. Five minutes later he's back. "You forgot your murse." I say. He gives me the eye and finds his coat in our pile of crap. Unzips the pocket and gets his wallet out. Leaves again. Heh, heh.

I order the kids to sit together in one corner and I wait for our luggage to come out on the conveyor belt. I even give Calvin gum to keep him busy and quiet. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm sure that in about 30 minutes I will need to perform a Gumectomy. Of sorts. Which is the removal of chewed gum from either his hair, his clothes, our belongings or Tommy. Beth knows better than to go near him when he's chewing gum. She gives him a wide berth. The bags finally come out. Never together. Six bags go in right beside each other. And come out slowly one by one and with at least twenty other suitcases between them. What's with that? I don't get that either. Is it fun for the airport employees? To mix it up. Like that? Or are there no straps to secure the bags in the hold of the plane and they spend the whole flight bumping, banging and getting scattered around. Wait! That's too disturbing for me to contemplate. It sounds dangerous. Anyhow, our bags never come out together. Neither do anyone else's it seemed to me watching the mad scramble of people to and from the luggage belt. Beth was our retriever. I'd spot a bag, yell and point and she'd be off like a bird dog. After it. Good news was that by the time we got the last one, Mellyman was back and motioning us to follow him. Geez. "We could use a little help here, honey!" Oh yeah. So he reorganizes all our stuff so that we can manage to pull, push and drag it. And we head off. Calvin has two suitcases to pull BESIDES his knapsack. We are tough happyhaunts though and we manage. We canoe... after all... we KNOW how to PORTAGE some serious gear.

We head through the terminal and out and over to the carpark area... up to the Alamo Car Rental area. Where we wander down row after row of vehicles until we find the area for full-size SUVs. "Which one is ours?" I ask DH. "Whichever one you want." He answers, "The keys are in them you just pick the one you want and then do the drive-thru checkout." WHAT? We all look at each other and, at the same time, drop our luggage and scatter like mad fools. Each running to the SUV they want. Mellyman heads to a black one, me to a red one, Beth to blue and Calvin bypasses our row and heads for the convertibles. We end up with my red one. Heh heh. For whatever reason. Load all our crap. Make sure the radio works... not, mind you, the AIR CONDITIONING (we have priorities)... and head out.

We fly out of the airport, on the ground though (Thank God!), tunes blasting and Mommy singing just like Sheryl Crow:

"If it makes you happy,
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy..."

Well, sorta like Sheryl Crow. But not as good. But just as loud. It's almost 9pm on a Saturday night and we're heading to WDW!!! OH MARI!!!! Well... Downtown Disney, anyway. We're nearly there. We are the FINALLY gettin' to Disney, overpacking, thrifty, singing, murse-toting happyhaunts!

"NUP! NUP! NUP! ENNNOLAAAAA!"

With one very happy Koala in tow.

"errrrrrrr...seeeeerrrrrriiiiiiiiiirrrrrrr....eerrrrrr"

Who has gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

To be continued. Up next: "No Soup for You! And NO BREAD either. Sorry. I thought we'd get this far but I got carried away in the airport. Sorry. For putting you through that. Oh well. Onwards."

P.S. If you get tired of this pointless drivel... go read yourselves a good one. Where the main characters actually get to Disney... right away. It's funny. And there are pictures, too. It's by some guy named "patrokls". I can't remember what the title is. But I'm sure it's clever.

Cheers, Mel.

 

[JRS]

Guess I'm first today. I liked this installment because you did a good job of capturing that just-landed-get-us-through-this-hellpitofanairport-and-get-our-luggage-and-rental car-and-on-our-way-to Disney feeling. I get pretty stressed at the airport too. Our family is considerably smaller than yours but even with half as many members we still manage to truck a whole lotta crap. I'm always worried about getting it all on the plane and getting all our crap back off. Too, I get a little nervous about the rental car deal. Do you watch Seinfeld? There's an episode about that which always stikes fear in me. Also, the whole time you're in the airport, the resort you're headed to is giving away the room you wanted. We all know the trip is ruined if you end up in the wrong room. So in Orlando, I'm always especially ramped up waiting to get to Disney to make sure we get the "right" room.

Didn't mean to ramble. My point was you did a good job of capturing that stressful feeling we have trying to get out of the airport and onto Disney World.

 

[Disnut25]

Mel,

I really do love your trip reports. They are so vivid, I can just see Calvin doing the turtle in the middle of the terminal. Keep them comming, soon, hurry hurry hurry ...................aren't you done yet. ;-)

 

[janets]

We are motoring at quite a pace when I hear "MOM! MOM! MOM! WAIT!" from somewhere behind me. It's Calvin. I turn around and see him lying on the floor about twenty feet behind me. He has completely turtled. He's on his back on top of the knapsack. Apparently he stopped to tie his shoe and couldn't stand back up from the weight of our cosmetics. And then fell backwards. Onto eyeshadows and hair mousse. He was completely trapped... helpless on a bed of sparkle gloss, q-tips and lash extender. How tragic. How sad. I help him up and get him organized again. He still has to carry my make-up. It's too heavy for me. And, anyway, it builds character. Although I'm questioning my need to bring the huge 1.5 litre shampoo and conditioner bottles. Travel-size, anyone????? We jump on the shuttle and ride to the main terminal. Laughing at Calvin when the shuttle takes off and he teeters dangerously on the verge of another turtle.

I know it's wrong to laugh at little kids who end up falling flat on the floor, but OMG this is funny!!!

Mellyman was a little stressed out. He doesn't like the airport part of the trip. It frazzles him. He's sure we're going to lose luggage, money, a child or two or get saddled with a white minivan at the car rental place. BUT... I'm happy to see... we won't be losing MY PURSE this time. 'Cause I just realized that HE is still hanging on to it. After he organized our stuff, Robo Loader slung it over his wrist, covered it with coats and took off with the stroller. Heh heh.

Me: Nice MURSE, Melanie.
Him: Huh?
Me: Can I borrow a feminine hygiene product?
Him: ARRRGGGGHHHHHH! Here! Take it!
Me: Heh, heh.
Him: Just for that... I'm going to get the rental car. By myself. You handle up with the bags and the kids.

'Nuff said.

Thanks, Mellymel, for this terrific report. I can't wait for the next installment.

 

[Master Gracie]

Excellent job Mel. More elsewhere.

 

[sheridac]

Apparently he stopped to tie his shoe and couldn't stand back up from the weight of our cosmetics. And then fell backwards. Onto eyeshadows and hair mousse.

OMG!!! MEL!! Were the cosmetics ok???????

 

[roberrl187]

Originally Posted by 1000thhappyhaunt
We are motoring at quite a pace when I hear "MOM! MOM! MOM! WAIT!" from somewhere behind me. It's Calvin. I turn around and see him lying on the floor about twenty feet behind me. He has completely turtled. He's on his back on top of the knapsack. Apparently he stopped to tie his shoe and couldn't stand back up from the weight of our cosmetics. And then fell backwards. Onto eyeshadows and hair mousse. He was completely trapped... helpless on a bed of sparkle gloss, q-tips and lash extender. How tragic. How sad. I help him up and get him organized again. He still has to carry my make-up. It's too heavy for me. And, anyway, it builds character. Although I'm questioning my need to bring the huge 1.5 litre shampoo and conditioner bottles. Travel-size, anyone????? We jump on the shuttle and ride to the main terminal. Laughing at Calvin when the shuttle takes off and he teeters dangerously on the verge of another turtle.

OMG. I haven't laughed this much in a long time.

Great episode.