Am I wrong for feeling this way? Venting.

[IheartMickey]

How long does she intend to stay? Does she think this is a permanent arrangement? She needs to have a plan, and start finding a place to live. Just out of curiosity, why didn't she go stay with her mother?

Her mother's house is full, she has two sons with Huntington's Disease. One is in the late stages. Her sister lives around the corner from the mother but she doesn't want to spend too much money in gas going to/from work. I know she doesn't make A LOT of money but she has the ability to give something. She has the volume on her phone too loud, I heard the balance in her checking account. I didn't mean to!

 

[fall08CP]

If things are really this tight, are you considering applying for food stamps? You can go to a food pantry while you wait for them to be processed. That will help stretch your $ while going through a hard time. You don't have to be "broke" to apply just explain your expenses compared to income. It seems to be a bigger issue than just your mom's friend mooching. These services exist for a reason.

 

[IheartMickey]

If things are really this tight, are you considering applying for food stamps? You can go to a food pantry while you wait for them to be processed. That will help stretch your $ while going through a hard time. You don't have to be "broke" to apply just explain your expenses compared to income. It seems to be a bigger issue than just your mom's friend mooching. These services exist for a reason.

I applied for that and medical and I get too much money per month to be eligible. Here in FL your income needs to be really low. And I couldn't go to a food pantry, I feel there are people with children that need it more than us. We'll survive, it was just poor budget planning this month.

I did interview for a PT job at Disney so if I get that we'll be in a lot better shape.

 

[mrsksomeday]

I read all these responses to my mom and she's feeling a lot better about asking for her to contribute now. She still won't do it until she gets the utility bill though.

Money needs to be asked for now, there is no reason to wait.

Her mother's house is full, she has two sons with Huntington's Disease. One is in the late stages. Her sister lives around the corner from the mother but she doesn't want to spend too much money in gas going to/from work. I know she doesn't make A LOT of money but she has the ability to give something. She has the volume on her phone too loud, I heard the balance in her checking account. I didn't mean to!

This woman has relatives she can go to. She doesn't want to spend too much money on gas?? She only pays for her own food for breakfast and lunch, has no rent, utilities or other obligations in your home and she is not wanting to pay too much for gas? She is playing both of you. You pay to live there, you both need to sit down with her and tell her how things are going to be. She either pays her fair share or she packs up now.

Why does she expect that you and your Mom pay for her dinners?

 

[Octoberbride03]

We have some one day over expired eggs, some ramen and some pb&j. We can survive until Wednesday but barely.

YOU NEED A FOOD PANTRY NOW!


They are not just for families with children, they are for everybody who cannot afford groceries. Check the local churches and see which of them have a pantry and go get yourself some food.

My parish runs a food pantry and it is stocked through the parishioners and various local business donations. If you need food we give it to you. You are not required to have children.

 

[ronandannette]

I applied for that and medical and I get too much money per month to be eligible. Here in FL your income needs to be really low. And I couldn't go to a food pantry, I feel there are people with children that need it more than us. We'll survive, it was just poor budget planning this month.

I did interview for a PT job at Disney so if I get that we'll be in a lot better shape.

It's a really GOOD thing to be willing to share what you have, but obviously by your own values (comment re: the food bank) you don't respect anyone who takes advantage. I'd be curious to hear what you think your Mom's motivation is for putting up with this situation. Is she beholden or in some way intimidated by this woman? If so, the kindest thing you can do is to encourage and support her in putting your own needs in priority. The two of you seem to be working hard to make your own way in the world and you have my respect. Many blessings and a very Merry Christmas...(it's not really about the stuff, if you receive an invite this year please accept it. Your loved ones will value the special time with you - not whatever unnecessary trinket you can or can't buy for them).

 

[IheartMickey]

My mom has and always will be too generous. She would give someone the shirt off of her back. She says that she was raised this way, when she was young her brothers or her would constantly have friends or family living with them and they never asked for anything, it was just done out of kindness. She took in her friend because she called up crying and said she had nowhere else to go.

Her problem is that people take advantage of her kindness. They know she is the way she is so they take her for a sucker. Last year she had a friend who kept saying she had no food, and she kept raiding our freezer and pantry to send her food even though we had it tight too. It's just who she is.

 

[anniemae]

When she moved in, what was her plan? Did she say she needed a place to crash for a few nights, or did she say indefinitely? Just want to know what the original plan was.

 

[IheartMickey]

She didn't say.

 

[loveshak22]

I thought I remembered reading a post where you were interviewing for a job at Disney. How's the interview go?

 

[IheartMickey]

I think the interview went very well. I have a lot of customer service experience, so I should stand a chance.

 

[loveshak22]

I think the interview went very well. I have a lot of customer service experience, so I should stand a chance.

Hopefully you hear some good news soon! Sounds like you need it!

 

[IheartMickey]

Thanks! YES, this job would really help. Plus I've been dying to visit WDW since we moved in August but we couldn't afford it. If I get to be a CM and can go for free.. Omg my head would explode.

 

[okeydokey]

This woman will continue to freeload as long as you let her, seriously. It's time to give her notice to move along.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

My mom has and always will be too generous. She would give someone the shirt off of her back. She says that she was raised this way, when she was young her brothers or her would constantly have friends or family living with them and they never asked for anything, it was just done out of kindness. She took in her friend because she called up crying and said she had nowhere else to go.

Her problem is that people take advantage of her kindness. They know she is the way she is so they take her for a sucker. Last year she had a friend who kept saying she had no food, and she kept raiding our freezer and pantry to send her food even though we had it tight too. It's just who she is.

I think I'd be talking to the moocher myself if I were in your shoes. Be as nice as you can, but be firm. Let her know that as her mom's friend, you consider her your friend as well, and that you are there for her just as your mom is for as long as she needs. But, the fact is there is not much money coming into this house, and as your stay appears to be moving beyond the "temporary" stage, it's time for her to move out to the couch and contribute "___you fill in the blank" each and every week she stays.

Make it a reasonable amount that shows you still care, but enough to cover this woman's additional cost to the household & then some.

 

[EMom]

I know someone who moved in with friends "temporarily" 5-6 years ago "until they got on their feet." They are apparently still flat on their back, as they never moved out and the hosts they moved in with have been supporting them all this time. They raised mooching to an art form. Be careful.

 

[packedforadventure]

oh my goodness. She should definitely be contributing during her stay, that's just ridiculous. She should be grateful that you two are helping her out and she should be contributing, while making efforts to find a new home. I'm so sorry that you're stuck in the middle of this bad situation.

http://www.alwayspackedforadventure.com

 

[shortbun]

Go to the food pantry and get some food. That what they are there for. Ask the friend for 33% of the bills, including the rent. She's 1/3 of your household. Your mom and you can do this together. Do it with love and smiles; just explain that you have no money for extras right now. Don't accuse, don't be upset about it. You three women and figure it out together. You all need to do your share while you are living together-like a team. Perhaps the two people having bedrooms would owe more than the person sleeping on the couch. Can you find a second job for your own living expenses?

 

[shortbun]

We have some one day over expired eggs, some ramen and some pb&j. We can survive until Wednesday but barely.

I've lived off eggs, pasta, bread and peanut butter. It wasn't fun but it was possible. I still say head to a food pantry and get some basics. The people who contribute to and run the pantry would not consider you unworthy. Just never take more than you need.

 

[EMom]

I give to the food pantry for cases just like this. You are both working and trying, but temporarily need some help. As far as I can see, most people have no problem helping those who are trying to help themselves.