Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

[Evil Genius]

Yikes ... I

FTR, it was my younger DD and the ouija board, and I didn't yell at anyone, in either instance. And, please don't tell me you're one of these people referenced lately that keeps a log sheet of all the goings on of DISers and brings it all up on every thread

.

No I have a life. It's just that your threads are close together and the story is the same about your kids at their father's and how they are doing something that you are just SOOOO against and he lets them do itbehind your back.

I find it interesting that you have now come on and said he's a good guy just not motherly.

 

[Amy&Dan]

I would have been upset too, because as you have said, she disobeyed and got a bit creative with her justification of doing so!

I have a dd almost 13 (two more weeks to go and then she's a teen Lord help me) and it amazes me how the same things that bugged me thirty years ago (body hair woes, worried her feet look weird, etc) bother her the way they bothered me! It really takes me back sometimes.

I think its good you addressed it. Because honestly in my mind, had you just blown this off, it could have backfired with her thinking she can do what she wants regardless of your wishes. So its good you communicated to her that you were disapointed on a level deeper than just body hair worries.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Saga over? Well that's boring. It's the CB. This needs to be have at least 10 more pages to it, especially if you are one of the "marked" Dissers.

lol, I'm sure I'll have another thread in a couple weeks to spark up more pages. Four kids, something is bound to happen

No I have a life. It's just that your threads are close together and the story is the same about your kids at their father's and how they are doing something that you are just SOOOO against and he lets them do itbehind your back.

I find it interesting that you have now come on and said he's a good guy just not motherly.

I never said he was a bad guy. He's a dad. Dads dont' always do things the way moms would. I told him I was upset about both instances, because we do generally talk about all upbringing aspects, he apologized, although he doesn't agree with me.
I dont' find it 'interesting' to say he's a good guy, unless people just aren't used to others saying that about their ex's - I'm not totally innocent... I highlighted her hair once without asking because she really wanted it. He wasn't mad per se'.. just thought I should have ran it by him. I was tryign to have a 'mother/daughter' spa day moment. We all have our moments, married or not, getting along or not, it's all in RAISING KIDS

 

[Wishing on a star]

Hey, I am glad that THIS 'saga' is supposedly over...

But, OP, as long as you continue to make such a huge deal about controlling personal aspects of your daughter's (and others) lives... My money says that the next saga is just days or weeks away...

Backtracking and trying to justify the whole thing will do nothing to address the underlying issues.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Hey, I am glad that THIS 'saga' is supposedly over...

But, OP, as long as you continue to make such a huge deal about controlling personal aspects of your daughters (and others) lives... My money says that the next saga is just days or weeks away...

Backtracking and trying to justify the whole thing will do nothing to address the underlying issues.

If you noticed even in my first post...I said it was a vent and I already feel better. I know some around here hate the vent threads... So, yes, I know by being a 'venter' I'm subjected to those who either hate the vent, or want to bash the venter...so luckily, I'm laidback enough to deal with it... but just to clarify...I didnt' back track...I was correcting wrong assumptions.

The 'huge deals' were made here, not IRL (vents)... and if I have another 'saga', so be it...I'll vent to those who are productive in their listening and sincere in their advice...the rest I take with a grain of salt. Do I expect everyone to agree with me, or side with me.. Of course not...I've been around the DIS long enough to know better. If it bothered me that much, I wouldnt do it

 

[sbell111]

To the OP-

I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would care if their daughter wanted to get rid of her arm hair. I'd have driven her to the drug store.

Why is this an issue that is so big that you would need to draw a line in the sand and then vent when your daughter figures a way around your refusal (without technically going against your decision)?

Also, I don't think that your ex-husband should have to call you before he responds to every little request that his daughter makes. He has all the authority he needs to respond to their requests.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

To the OP-

I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would care if their daughter wanted to get rid of her arm hair. I'd have driven her to the drug store.

Why is this an issue that is so big that you would need to draw a line in the sand and then vent when your daughter figures a way around your refusal (without technically going against your decision)?

Also, I don't think that your ex-husband should have to call you before he responds to every little request that his daughter makes. He has all the authority he needs to respond to their requests.

sbell, I have to admit when I saw you were the most recent poster, I was scared to read your response...lol. But, I know you are 'mostly' right
It WAS a big deal to me initially, but after more thought, and others opinions I do take to heart, I realize, it wasn't that big of a deal... And, yes, I do agree he doesn't have to run everythign by me...and I guess he didn't, because like most people, he didn't see it as a big enough deal. In general, real issues we do consult each other on.
So, as I said...I'm over it. Upset that she did something she knew I wasn't keen on, sure, but over it still....

 

[HunnyPots]

- I'm not totally innocent... I highlighted her hair once without asking because she really wanted it. He wasn't mad per se'.. just thought I should have ran it by him. I was tryign to have a 'mother/daughter' spa day moment. We all have our moments, married or not, getting along or not, it's all in RAISING KIDS

Why would you ever have to "run it by" anyone if your daughter wanted her hair highlighted? It's her hair! I don't get parents (ANY parents) who have to maintain so much control over such insignifigant issues. Brown hair, blonde hair, green hair, purple hair, long hair, short hair, no hair - it's all just HAIR! Cut it off and it grows right back. It's not life-altering.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Why would you ever have to "run it by" anyone if your daughter wanted her hair highlighted? It's her hair! I don't get parents (ANY parents) who have to maintain so much control over such insignifigant issues. Brown hair, blonde hair, green hair, purple hair, long hair, short hair, no hair - it's all just HAIR! Cut it off and it grows right back. It's not life-altering.

Because its OUR daughter, and it alters her appearance. Also, green hair or purple hair is not allowed at her school. It's called courtesy and respect to get the other parents input on something that affects OUR childs appearance.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Wow, I haven't been on the Community Board much lately, and now I remember why.

OP, vent away. Its a message board. I got from your post that you were upset, but not a hysterical, control freak.

I think its great you and your ex discuss these things and listen to each other whether you agree or disagree. I know plenty of parents who are still married and live in the same house and cannot figure out how to do that. So I commend you on that.

To those of you who think stuff like this is just not a big deal and that the OP is nuts, remember we all have different thresholds for what gets to us, and some of you who have been the most critical, probably react to things that others would just laugh their ***es off that you even care about. We are all human.

 

[Pigeon]

I can understand you being upset, and I think you handled it fine by just talking to her and telling her your feelings on the issue. Kids that age do stupid things, and can come up with some entertaining justifications.

I'd be really annoyed with her father because I think that any compound that makes your hair come out isn't something that belongs on a child's skin.

 

[HM]

My DD just turned 14. She has very thick (very blonde) hair on her arms. I also had very think arm hair as a child and teen and was teased about it. Her classmates have pointed hers out to her (just as mine did). But, she doesn't feel bad about her armhair, because she can see that mine is no longer like that. She even likes being a bit different from the "norm" so its not been a big deal to her and she won't let kids give her a hard time. Thank goodness.

The only people I've known to shave or remove air hair are swimmers (and then only before a big competition). Does she have swimmers for friends?

I hope your daughter and you can come to a good understanding about this situation.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

Wow, I haven't been on the Community Board much lately, and now I remember why.

OP, vent away. Its a message board. I got from your post that you were upset, but not a hysterical, control freak.

I think its great you and your ex discuss these things and listen to each other whether you agree or disagree. I know plenty of parents who are still married and live in the same house and cannot figure out how to do that. So I commend you on that.

To those of you who think stuff like this is just not a big deal and that the OP is nuts, remember we all have different thresholds for what gets to us, and some of you who have been the most critical, probably react to things that others would just laugh their ***es off that you even care about. We are all human.

Yeah...the CB can be like this alot... like anything..gotta take the good with the bad

My DD just turned 14. She has very thick (very blonde) hair on her arms. I also had very think arm hair as a child and teen and was teased about it. Her classmates have pointed hers out to her (just as mine did). But, she doesn't feel bad about her armhair, because she can see that mine is no longer like that. She even likes being a bit different from the "norm" so its not been a big deal to her and she won't let kids give her a hard time. Thank goodness.

The only people I've known to shave or remove air hair are swimmers (and then only before a big competition). Does she have swimmers for friends?

I hope your daughter and you can come to a good understanding about this situation.

I guess thats why I wasn't understanding the whole 'arm hair removal' thing..I only knew swimmers and some cyclists who did things like that... I talked to a friend of mine at work and she said her and her daughter both do it...so I guess its alot more common than I knew.
Guess I should be thrilled... if we lived in another country she might not shave her armpits and I'd be begging her too!! LOL

 

[Wishing on a star]

To the OP-

I can't for the life of me figure out why anyone would care if their daughter wanted to get rid of her arm hair. I'd have driven her to the drug store.

Why is this an issue that is so big that you would need to draw a line in the sand and then vent when your daughter figures a way around your refusal (without technically going against your decision)?

Also, I don't think that your ex-husband should have to call you before he responds to every little request that his daughter makes. He has all the authority he needs to respond to their requests.

ITA

And, to your question, bolded above, even though it may have been rhetorical....
I think the answer is obvious. There is no true and valid reason to draw lines in the sand and control other people when the issue does not affect one personally at all. It is control and overinvolvement.

 

[hildasmuriel]

I make a lot of decisions for my children that do not involve me personally. I just took it as part of being a parent. But I guess we all parent differently. I wouldn't be so bold as to presume my way was right and those who did differently were wrong.

 

[dismom2]

ITA

And, to your question, bolded above, even though it may have been rhetorical....
I think the answer is obvious. There is no true and valid reason to draw lines in the sand and control other people when the issue does not affect one personally at all. It is control and overinvolvement.

Hey, let's let our kids do whatever they want, because if we, as their
parent(s) give an opinion, say, "No", or disagree with something they want to do, it means we are control freaks. Give me a break.

In my world, parents are suppose to be in charge, not the kids. That doesn't mean that there shouldn't be room for discussions and compromises, though. But, in the end, the parent should have the final say. When that child turns 18 and moves out, they can make their own decisions.

If parents let their kids make all the decisions regarding themselves, do you realize what kind of chaos this world would be in? Parents aren't just responsible for making decisons for their kids that affect other people, but decisions that affect that child, too.

As for the arm hair removal: I tried using chemicals to remove my leg hair once and I got the worst rash ever. I also tried waxing a few years later, and ended up with blisters and another terrible rash (yes, I found out just how sensitive my skin really is).

The OP was under the impression that if her dd shaved her arm hair, it would grow back darker, and thick and stubbly. Not to mention, she posted a recent picture of her dd's arm, and you can hardly see any hair at all. Maybe she didn't think it was necessary because of that, too? So, I don't think it was a case of her being a control freak over this. Maybe if her dd's hair WAS really dark and hairy, and she knew that kids were making fun of her, and she knew that the hair wouldn't grow back darker and stubbly (ie look worse than before); and that her dd wouldn't have to continue to shave/remove the arm hair every few weeks for the rest of her life because of doing it once, maybe she would have felt differently.

Maybe she was thinking she was doing her daughter a favor, with all good intentions, by not letting her shave the hair off.

The fact remains, she told her dd, "No", and she did it anyway. Using a chemical instead of a razor was a way of manipulating the situation to get what she wants. Does anyone (I'm aging myself here, lol) remember the Brady Bunch episode where Greg was grounded from using the car? I think he drove another car, then told his parent's, "you didn't say I couldn't drive ANY OTHER car...you said I couldn't drive OUR car". Something like that, but same situation.

Some of the opionions I read on here remind me of the TV shows, "Trading Spouses" and "Wife Swap".

 

[HunnyPots]

Hey, let's let our kids do whatever they want, because if we, as their
parent(s) give an opinion, say, "No", or disagree with something they want to do, it means we are control freaks. Give me a break.

In my world, parents are suppose to be in charge, not the kids. That doesn't mean that there shouldn't be room for discussions and compromises, though. But, in the end, the parent should have the final say. When that child turns 18 and moves out, they can make their own decisions.

If parents let their kids make all the decisions regarding themselves, do you realize what kind of chaos this world would be in? Parents aren't just responsible for making decisons for their kids that affect other people, but decisions that affect that child, too.

As for the arm hair removal: I tried using chemicals to remove my leg hair once and I got the worst rash ever. I also tried waxing a few years later, and ended up with blisters and another terrible rash (yes, I found out just how sensitive my skin really is).

The OP was under the impression that if her dd shaved her arm hair, it would grow back darker, and thick and stubbly. Not to mention, she posted a recent picture of her dd's arm, and you can hardly see any hair at all. Maybe she didn't think it was necessary because of that, too? So, I don't think it was a case of her being a control freak over this. Maybe if her dd's hair WAS really dark and hairy, and she knew that kids were making fun of her, and she knew that the hair wouldn't grow back darker and stubbly (ie look worse than before); and that her dd wouldn't have to continue to shave/remove the arm hair every few weeks for the rest of her life because of doing it once, maybe she would have felt differently.

Maybe she was thinking she was doing her daughter a favor, with all good intentions, by not letting her shave the hair off.

The fact remains, she told her dd, "No", and she did it anyway. Using a chemical instead of a razor was a way of manipulating the situation to get what she wants. Does anyone (I'm aging myself here, lol) remember the Brady Bunch episode where Greg was grounded from using the car? I think he drove another car, then told his parent's, "you didn't say I couldn't drive ANY OTHER car...you said I couldn't drive OUR car". Something like that, but same situation.

Some of the opionions I read on here remind me of the TV shows, "Trading Spouses" and "Wife Swap".

That's your opinion and that's cool. I've got no problem with anything you said. BUT this is a discussion board -not the "everybody pretend to agree with everybody" board! People ask for opinions and we GIVE them. And then we discuss! It's nothing personal. It's what makes this world an interesting place to live. We should all know that there is no one right way or one wrong way to parent, but if anyone comes to an internet message board and ASKS for opinions on their parenting (or anything else), they should be prepared for those opinions they do not agree with.