Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

[aprilgail2]

Oh and yes it is an old wives tale about shaving. It does not grow back thicker or darker. I used to swim and we actually did it often for meets.

I did it as a kid too- I hated hair on my arms and it never grew back darker and longer - that old wives tale has been around forever!!!

I honestly have never heard of anyone (beside competitive swimmers) shaving their arms. Is this common now?

Yes! Even young men are shaving their arms!

I am with you on this I would be royally PO'd at Dad and ask him when did he start to like his women with scratchy arms and 5 o'clock shadow because that is what she is going to face her life, starting at a young age of 13. I assume she has not started shaving her legs yet. Anyone trying to keep up with that would have second thoughts about the arms too!!!!

Gee I guess Dad has no problem coughing up the cash for electrolosis so dd is not going to have scratchy arms to deal with!
What a jerk. Once virginal hair has been removed the hair papillary is altered and that is why when it starts to grow back, if not the first time, it is thicker, darker and picky. The shaft turns, it distorts,,,,

[/[/B]COLOR]

oh please- over dramatize much?? The hair I used to shave all the time as a kid is as smooth on my arms as peach fuzz - don't buy into old wives tales!!!!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think it's a battle not worth fighting or being upset over anymore> but I don't see it as 'nothing'. When your teen daughter comes home with something done she knows you didn't want her to do, tell me it's 'nothing'...


but, yes, I know I asked

I personally would be mad at what I bolded- BUT- it obviously was something that bothered her. Why make her feel self conscious? I would have talked to her about why she wanted to shave her arms and went from there. I would have bought the child hair remover. Maybe she really felt embarrased about the hair. Maybe someone teased her about it. Kids that age take everything their peers say personally. I understand why you are angry but I think maybe you should have talked to her on this one before it happened and found out why she felt the need to do it. Good luck.

FTR- It is an old wives tale that if you shave then your hair will grow in thicker and darker. (I am a hairdresser)

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep, I can understand your feelings...
But, 'choose your battles'.

I would limit my requests/limits/orders about personal choices to things that are permanent (tatoos) or maybe even semi-permanent (hair color).
Those things and any revealing attire that make her look like an underaged child/teen hooker.

PS: speaking from experience (my DH once decided to try removing some body hair.... think body-builder....) Just tell your DD that NO boy will want to be hugging on a girl who feels like a cactus!!!!!

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

I think girls at age 13 are all definitely shaving their arms/legs. I actually took my DD13 in to my cosmetic surgeon to get the laser treatments done. Now I don't have to even think about it anymore-it's gone forever.
My DD11 has darker hair that is more noticeable. I actually shave her arms/legs for her. Once she gets a bit older, I will be taking her in for laser treatments as well.

When I was a kid, I hid shaving from my parents for as long as I could. They said "NO" to me when I asked, so I went behind their backs. I didn't want to get teased at school, so shaving was the right decision for me at the time. I really didn't care what my parents thought.

This is all just part of the wonderful stages teens go through in life.

 

[KiKi Mouse]

She must be rather self-conscious of the hair on her arms to want to shave. I think that might be rather important when you consider the fact that she went against your wishes. Self image is very, very important for teenagers.

My friend's 16 y/o daughter is very self conscious about the dark hair on her arms so her parents let her get it lasered off. It was that big of a deal.
I would talk to your daughter about the issue because maybe she has been teased by somebody or she is noticing that her hair is darker and more noticable than the other girls. Remember back when you were a teenager and everything was a big deal. If using the hair remover solves the self esteem issue then I don't see what the big deal is.

 

[laurie31]

My DD12 wanted to remove her arm hair. I had never heard of shaving your arms, but her hair WAS dark, and although I thought it looked "normal," I figured if it bothered her, why not let her remove it?

So she did (using Nair) and it actually grew back in lighter. It's been several months now and she hasn't asked about removing it again, so maybe she's happy with it now, or thought it was too much trouble to remove it. I haven't asked her. It wasn't even a blip on my radar, seriously.

 

[Evil Genius]

First it was the Ouija board thing and now hair on her arms? Are you ticked at your dd or are you ticked at your ex? Figure that out first, because it sounds like all you are doing is yelling at a 13 year old that just wants to be a kid.

You need to be talking to your ex and telling him you don't want her doing these things if you are that adament about it

 

[HunnyPots]

First it was the Ouija board thing and now hair on her arms? Are you ticked at your dd or are you ticked at your ex? Figure that out first, because it sounds like all you are doing is yelling at a 13 year old that just wants to be a kid.

You need to be talking to your ex and telling him you don't want her doing these things are you are that adament about it

The ouija board - that was it! I knew there was some other recent crisis but couldn't think what it was.

Yep, I agree. Figure out who you'e really mad at. Sounds like the kid is just caught in the middle.

 

[DizBelle]

I'm glad the Mayo Clinic thinks so, but I believe people who have had personal experiences would disagree. Your hair also tends to grow faster in the summer than in the winter.

Regardless of what your perception is, the fact is that the act of shaving does NOT affect how thick the hair grows nor does it affect the color of the hair. If this were true, then the diameter of my DH's facial hair would be about 1/4 inch now due to him having shaved his face every day for over 20years now. His facial hair is growing the exact same way it was 20 years ago. Even after shaving over 7000 times.

If your shaved hair "feels" thicker, it is because the blunt tip left after shaving is growing from the skin and this "feels" different than the tapered tip it had before shaving. It may feel rougher but the diameter of the hair shaft is exactly the same.

If your hair grows faster in the summer than in the winter, it could be because you are more active in the summer and your metabolism increases causing faster skin and hair turnover.

If your hair is changing in thickness or color, there is a reason other than shaving that is causing it.

 

[Laura]

Regardless of what your perception is, the fact is that the act of shaving does NOT affect how thick the hair grows nor does it affect the color of the hair. If this were true, then the diameter of my DH's facial hair would be about 1/4 inch now due to him having shaved his face every day for over 20years now. His facial hair is growing the exact same way it was 20 years ago. Even after shaving over 7000 times.

If your shaved hair "feels" thicker, it is because the blunt tip left after shaving is growing from the skin and this "feels" different than the tapered tip it had before shaving. It may feel rougher but the diameter of the hair shaft is exactly the same.

If your hair grows faster in the summer than in the winter, it could be because you are more active in the summer and your metabolism increases causing faster skin and hair turnover.

If your hair is changing in thickness or color, there is a reason other than shaving that is causing it.

Exactly. I broke a wrist in the spring of '93 and when I got the cast off, the hair was nasty-looking. It was getting on to summertime and short-sleeve weather, so I shaved it off. The stubble looked a bit different when the hair grew back in, but both arms look the same.

 

[MAKmom]

I don't think shaving her arms is a big deal...using the hair remover was smart. I think if having hairy arms distasteful to her she should be allowed to remove it. There are so many other things she can not change about herself. I think this is really mainstream now...I do it. All 3 of my DD do it.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I don't think the shaving is the issue.

The daughter clearly disobeyed the mom, and THAT needs to be addressed. Dad says yes when mom says no. Mom and dad need to set clear guidelines and be on the same page and in this case, dad and the kid were both in the wrong. It doesn't matter that they are divorced, as this allows the daughter to play one against the other.

So the next time they disobey the mom, and it is to stay out late past curfew (or anything that is a serious infraction) would that make it okay? No, it wouldn't.

 

[BCV513]

You told her she couldn't shave her arms because it would grow in darker and different. She didn't technically disobey you. I agree with others who think you're really mad at your ex.

 

[TanyaLovesPooh]

I think it's a battle not worth fighting or being upset over anymore> but I don't see it as 'nothing'. When your teen daughter comes home with something done she knows you didn't want her to do, tell me it's 'nothing'...


but, yes, I know I asked

I don't think you made a big deal over nothing.

You told her not to do something and she did it anyway. The fact that she used cream instead of a razor doesn't change anything either.

 

[ols386]

I don't think the fact that she removed some of the hair under her arms is a huge deal.....at least it's not a piercing or tatoo (which is more permanent).

But it would kind of bother me, as a parent, that you told her NOT to, and she did anyway. I don't think it should be ignored....I think you should definately talk to her about it, and let her know that what she did was wrong, because you had told her not to. I wouldn't be too hard on her this time, but if she does something else that you told her not to, then I'd probably come down much harder on her.

 

[Nennie]

Sounds like she is very self-conscious about the hair on her arms for some reason, which is why she went ahead an removed the hair without your permission. If it were my daughter, I would not be upset, but my show her other alternatives (like bleaching the hair blonde with that stuff that some women use on their upper lip) to shaving.

Kids/teens are mean, and perhaps someone teased her about her "hairy arms." I would ask her about it, and open the line of communication so that the next time she wants to change something about her appearance, she will talk to you first.

Good luck!

 

[KAMLEM]

At 13 if she has asked to shave, then I would have let her
.
My dd15 started shaving in 5th grade, so she was 10 going on to 11. Why so young? Because in our district she moved up to middle school and was gonig to be on the bus with 5th-8th graders. She had very dark leg hair and I didn't want her to get teased and then have it be known she now shaves.

My dd13 only just started to shave this past school year. She is blond and you never saw her hair. My dd9 is hairy like her oldest sister and I bought her the smooth away this summer because the hair on her legs crepped her out while she was sleeping. the hair was rubbing on the sheets and she was having trouble sleeping because of it.

She did not ask to shave her legs or underarms, she asked to shave her arms.

I'm glad the Mayo Clinic thinks so, but I believe people who have had personal experiences would disagree. Your hair also tends to grow faster in the summer than in the winter.

I don't think the Mayo Clinic would say this without much testing.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd probably leave it at "I am disappointed that you did something that you specifically knew I was against".

I also would not listen to one peep about her being annoyed when the arm hair starts growing out, if it's itchy, dakrer, whatever. My response would be "Hence the reason I told you not to do it, you didn't listen, now live with the consequences".

 

[raysnkaysmom]

I am with you on this I would be royally PO'd at Dad and ask him when did he start to like his women with scratchy arms and 5 o'clock shadow because that is what she is going to face her life, starting at a young age of 13. I assume she has not started shaving her legs yet. Anyone trying to keep up with that would have second thoughts about the arms too!!!!

Gee I guess Dad has no problem coughing up the cash for electrolosis so dd is not going to have scratchy arms to deal with!
What a jerk. Once virginal hair has been removed the hair papillary is altered and that is why when it starts to grow back, if not the first time, it is thicker, darker and picky. The shaft turns, it distorts,,,,

Like tweezed eyebrows when you pull the hair you can see the dark and it is stiffer, then one never plucked before....

If anything like that is asked at Dad's again, he has to understand he calls and you both are on the same page or else it will be done through court. Other wise it could be eyebrow piercings, nose,lips etc. Blue hair. gosh knows how far he would allow to cause problems..
DAD NEEDS TO GROW UP![/COLOR]

Yikes ... I was mad...for a minute... I called him, he didn't realize it was that big of a deal to me... He later emailed me apologizing for not thinking to call me. She asked him if she could try it, he (like most of you) didn't see it as a big deal...
But, yes...she has been shaving her legs for 2 yrs...and her dad isn't a jerk.. he's just a 'guy' who sometimes doesn't think 'motherly'...

First it was the Ouija board thing and now hair on her arms? Are you ticked at your dd or are you ticked at your ex? Figure that out first, because it sounds like all you are doing is yelling at a 13 year old that just wants to be a kid.

You need to be talking to your ex and telling him you don't want her doing these things if you are that adament about it

FTR, it was my younger DD and the ouija board, and I didn't yell at anyone, in either instance. And, please don't tell me you're one of these people referenced lately that keeps a log sheet of all the goings on of DISers and brings it all up on every thread

The ouija board - that was it! I knew there was some other recent crisis but couldn't think what it was.

Yep, I agree. Figure out who you'e really mad at. Sounds like the kid is just caught in the middle.

Again...2 kids, 2 different instances. Even parents who are still together dont' agree on every single upbringing scenario that pops up in 18 yrs. I'm not mad at him... he is still one of my best friends actually. I was mad at my daughter for going against my wishes.

Sounds like she is very self-conscious about the hair on her arms for some reason, which is why she went ahead an removed the hair without your permission. If it were my daughter, I would not be upset, but my show her other alternatives (like bleaching the hair blonde with that stuff that some women use on their upper lip) to shaving.

Kids/teens are mean, and perhaps someone teased her about her "hairy arms." I would ask her about it, and open the line of communication so that the next time she wants to change something about her appearance, she will talk to you first.

Good luck!

Definitely the direction I want to go! She never really brought it up again, so I didn't think it was an issue... Even when I told her today that most DISers were on her side, some of the responses she read she replied by saying "It didn't bother me, just everyone does it now"... that's comforting

I'd probably leave it at "I am disappointed that you did something that you specifically knew I was against".

I also would not listen to one peep about her being annoyed when the arm hair starts growing out, if it's itchy, dakrer, whatever. My response would be "Hence the reason I told you not to do it, you didn't listen, now live with the consequences".

And, thank you, that's where we left it, last night. I"m disappointed.
Saga over.

 

[phorsenuf]

And, please don't tell me you're one of these people referenced lately that keeps a log sheet of all the goings on of DISers and brings it all up on every thread

{snip}
Saga over.

Saga over? Well that's boring. It's the CB. This needs to be have at least 10 more pages to it, especially if you are one of the "marked" Dissers.