Am I just really overprotective?

[TinkInPink]

I agree with Mossman kids need the chance to try out being responsible when the stakes aren't that great before they (the stakes) are.

Count me as way underprotective according to a lot of you my 7 yr old (started at 6) walks home from school by himself about 1/3 of a mile so do most of the kids in this neighborhood. He walks over to his friends house around the block. He's been allowed outside in the yard alone since he was 3 and either in our yard or the kid 3 houses away since they were 4. My DD and her friends have been allowed to ride their bikes to DQ or the local strip mall since 6th gr. All the kids in her middle school that live up to a mile walk home by themselves. She rides her bike to and from soccer practice. I don't understand how children can gain any sense independence if every move is watched by Mom, Don't your older kids protest or get teased?

Sorry I just posted under my DD didn't know she had logged in!

 

[disneymom3]

No you can't. A few responses on some message board doesn't constitute evidence of what is normal or not.

And even if it did, I suspect your child (like every other child) doesn't fit into "normal" in every circumstance. That's why YOU are the mother and YOU are the one who makes the decisions. If we only did what everyone considered "Normal", every child would be brought up the same.

Generally, 9 year olds are ready for quite a bit of responsibility. I doubt we would even be having this discussion 15 years ago. If you kid isn't ready for the responsibility, then the odds are she is almost ready for it.

Your job is to ensure she gets the chance to be trusted when she is ready.

Well, I clearly should not have added some smilies or something because I was making that post rather tongue in cheek. Sorry, I know tone can't be read in an email. Basically what this cleared up for me is that I am not the only person out there in the world who would not let their child go so far alone. I already know that DD is responsible enough to go to the park and to take her DB (I should add that we homeschool so the times they are going to the park--which are quite rare--are when no one else is around in our neighborhood.) I also know that I will not be letting her ride her bike to that other girls house that she met last summer who lives several blocks away. I know what my rules are, DD knows what they are, just seeing those kids so far from their homes got me to wondering if I was the only parent who felt this way.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

We live in very small neighborhood of 2 cul-de-sac streets, plus s few tiny dead-end streets off those cul-de-sacs. My youngest is 6yo. I will only let him out front to play if I am in the dining room watching him at all times or if he is out front with his 12yo brother. He may not go anywhere but in the front of our house with his brother (we live on the end of a cul-de-sac, so no through traffic).

My 12yo has had the run of the neighborhood for about a year and a half (he could have had it for younger, but he didn't go off our court really before that), but some kids his age have been running around the neighborhood since they were about 7yo when we moved into our house. I was amazed at these young kids running around out of view of their houses, coming over to our house when the parents hadn't even met us, etc.

My 12yo does have a cell phone so I can reach him. Gone are the days of calling out the door for my child to come for dinner!

With my older kids I knew when the right time was to give them more freedom. My older son is 15 and I have a college DD. I'll have to say that my DD wasn't encouraged to do enough on her own, ie ride the bus, etc. She went to college not comfortable enough with that sort of thing.

 

[joshsmom]

Count me in the "overprotective" group. We live 1 1/2 blocks from our town park--a very nice, very large park. However, I also know that between my house and the park, there's 2 sex offenders. I also know that there's been some trouble in the park wiht older kids trying to entice younger kids into doing drugs. DS10 is allowed to go to the park with me or caregivers of children we know, but not by himself. I do allow him to play outside with his friends right on the block, but I have to be able to see him.

It's just not WORTH it.

 

[ryka]

My DS is 10 and has been able to go to the park by himself for almost 2 years now. It is a half a block from me but I can not see it from my apartment. He knows the rules and he follows them. When my mother lived 5 blocks from me he was able to walk there by himself. Now that she lives 20 mins from me he will still walk there at times by himself but since it is in a different town I don't allow it to much.

 

[Planogirl]

Things have changed so many since the time I was a kid. I was running amuck with other kids all over the neighborhood by the time I was 9 but I think that was pretty common back in the dark ages. Now, it's so rare to see a kid outside at anything other than an organized event.

 

[Aidensmom]

Things have changed so many since the time I was a kid. I was running amuck with other kids all over the neighborhood by the time I was 9 but I think that was pretty common back in the dark ages. Now, it's so rare to see a kid outside at anything other than an organized event.

I agree.

When I was in first grade, I walked a mile to my aunt's house every day after school for her to watch me, all by myself. I was 6. When I was 9, I was alllowed to ride my bike all over the place, and I often went by myself to my cousin's house, who lived about 6 blocks from me.

I think we are a much more overprotective society as a whole now. I don't think the kids are less responsible. I think the parents are more fearful (which may very well be warranted).

My son was playing with one of the neighbor boys one day, who I believe is 9, and asked him to come inside to play. This is a child who has often talked to me or my son when we are outside, and has played in the yard. The child asked his parents and was not allowed to (we have never met the parents, so I understand that, but they didn't want to make that effort either). At that age I would have been allowed to play inside a friends house, my parents would just have walked me there and introduced themselves first if it was the first time I went inside.

 

[golfgal]

Count me in the "overprotective" group. We live 1 1/2 blocks from our town park--a very nice, very large park. However, I also know that between my house and the park, there's 2 sex offenders. I also know that there's been some trouble in the park wiht older kids trying to entice younger kids into doing drugs. DS10 is allowed to go to the park with me or caregivers of children we know, but not by himself. I do allow him to play outside with his friends right on the block, but I have to be able to see him.

It's just not WORTH it.

I don't call this overprotective, I call this smart. If you live in an area like this, you CAN'T let your kids out alone. It's called being a parent.

Now in our town, we have no sex offenders (I confirm this on a regular basis with my BIL who is a police officer in town), we know everyone on our street and about 90% of the people in a 1 mile radius of our house and if I don't know them, I know someone that does. Our kids can ride their bikes pretty much anywhere in town ( I won't let them ride to the new high school which is across a 4 lane highway from the rest of town). They are often at the school playground or other parks in town, usually playing with a big group of friends. We live in a town where kids are all over the place playing outside, riding their bikes, etc. At any given time after school the parks are full of playing. It is great. Now, when we move, I don't know. I THINK I will let the twins go to the park together or with a group of friends but I won't know that until we get there and get to know the neighborhood. I know I won't let them go alone.

 

[dizagain]

I don't think you're overprotective at all. We just moved to a new city and we live in a neighborhood with other kids and a park for the first time ever. DD'd 10 and 12 are in heaven, but they have plenty of rules. We live at a "T", meaning a street goes straight out in front of our house and then there's our street. The girls may ride/play all along the street out front(it's very short) and to certain boundaries on our street. They must call if they go inside any of their friends homes and the other parents have the same rule. The park is a few blocks away and usually a parent goes. On occasion if the whole gang of 5 or 6 girls (10-12) is going, we send a cell phone and let them go alone. They think that's a big deal. It scares me to death so it doesn't happen often.

The one friend that lives farther away in the neighborhood is met by me on the corner when she comes over and vice versa so an adult can always see them.

You cannot be too careful and there are ways to let them loose and still keep close tabs on them. DD (10) went around the corner to another street the other day with a friend to some school-mates home...she called me and said she was going to play over there. Um, no. I don't know that child/parent from Adam. She had to come home for the day at that point because she broke my rules.

 

[Minnie824]

I think DH & I are the only ones in our neighborhood that are protective of our children. Right now they're only 4 and 2, but still. Theres 2 yr olds outside here and 4yr olds running around by themselves, no parents to be seen. I don't get it. I'm sure my DDs will not be happy with me when they're older and all their friends will get to do stuff, but we don't trust anyone and its better to be safe.

 

[corie161]

I think a lot does depend on where you live. We live in a very small town, I haven't let me DD8 go to the park alone yet. She has never asked, and it's about 4-5 blocks away. She does walk to her grandparents afterschool which is also about 4-5 blocks. I grew up in this town and work for the city so the it's a benefit to have almost 90% of the town know me and my kids. I have a plaque on the desk that says a "small town is like a big family". I have told her that if anyone has approached her who makes her feel uncomfortable to run to the nearest house, and explained so-and-so lives there, etc.

We do have a girl that lives across the street that she will play with on an occasional basis, but I do not allow her to go inside. I don't mind the girl, but there are things that make me uncomfortable about allowing her to go inside, mainly the fact that they do not pay close enough attention to the kids when they are outside.

My kids have played outside in the yard for a few years now while I can keep an eye on them from the window if I'm doing something. They know their boundries and I have not had a problem with it.

This isn't to say that there are weirdos out there in my small town too, and I am cautious, but I can see how life would be 10x different if I lived in a larger city.

 

[joshsmom]

Now in our town, we have no sex offenders (I confirm this on a regular basis with my BIL who is a police officer in town), we know everyone on our street and about 90% of the people in a 1 mile radius of our house and if I don't know them, I know someone that does. Our kids can ride their bikes pretty much anywhere in town ( I won't let them ride to the new high school which is across a 4 lane highway from the rest of town). They are often at the school playground or other parks in town, usually playing with a big group of friends. We live in a town where kids are all over the place playing outside, riding their bikes, etc. At any given time after school the parks are full of playing. It is great. Now, when we move, I don't know. I THINK I will let the twins go to the park together or with a group of friends but I won't know that until we get there and get to know the neighborhood. I know I won't let them go alone.

WOW! I want to live in YOUR town!! Sounds like an awesome place to live! It would be so nice to know so many people and to TRUST those people. DS would be so happy with all the kids around. Good for you! Hope your next neighborhood is just as wonderful!!

 

[salmoneous]

My thoughts:

1) Growing up, we played in the neighborhood a block or two away from the house by age 9.

2) Things are no less safe today than when we grew up

3) As a culture, we have become waaay too paranoid and overprotective

4) If a Mom is overprotective, that isn't the worst sin she can have

 

[golfgal]

WOW! I want to live in YOUR town!! Sounds like an awesome place to live! It would be so nice to know so many people and to TRUST those people. DS would be so happy with all the kids around. Good for you! Hope your next neighborhood is just as wonderful!!

Our town is a little Mayberryish but that is ok with me. The cost of living is very reasonable, the schools are good and we don't really have any crime to speak of. Occasionally you will see a report in the police log in the paper about a wild party or a bike getting stolen but that is about it.

One thing that scares me about kids not being able to leave their yards or play down the street is that these kids never are able to develop "street smarts" and that is in a good way. They don't get to develop that feeling that something isn't right or heck some kids never learn to cross the street on their own. I know that there are some places you just can't do that but I think we are doing a disservice to our kids by not allowing them at least some independence to make choices for themselves and to spend a little time out of mom's eye. The real likelihood of a child being abducted by a stranger is about zero. Kids are statistically safer in the middle of a city park then they are in their own homes.

 

[jodifla]

My thoughts:

1) Growing up, we played in the neighborhood a block or two away from the house by age 9.

2) Things are no less safe today than when we grew up

3) As a culture, we have become waaay too paranoid and overprotective

4) If a Mom is overprotective, that isn't the worst sin she can have

well put!

 

[ChrisnSteph]

My thoughts:

1) Growing up, we played in the neighborhood a block or two away from the house by age 9.

2) Things are no less safe today than when we grew up

3) As a culture, we have become waaay too paranoid and overprotective

4) If a Mom is overprotective, that isn't the worst sin she can have

I think we're raising a society of kids who grow up afraid of their own shadows and fearful of everyone and everything around them.

 

[jodifla]

I think we're raising a society of kids who grow up afraid of their own shadows and fearful of everyone and everything around them.

So true! A lot of its the group think you see on these boards. Everyone criticizing everyone's decisions, saying "you're not a good parent unless you do everything like me."

Parents seem to like to hold contests about just how neurotic they can be about their kids.

 

[momrek06]

I was an extremely overprotective Mom, but that being said (which I will admit to with pride) my sons have TRAVELED the USA and EUROPE extensively ALONE with friends(w/o DH&I). Despite the way they were brought up(with o/p ME) they knew from youth what activities I would have NO issues with, what activities would be considered questionable and what activities would be absolutely NO!

For ME, it was really their youthful ages. Like the OP concerns about her DD and that Park. The minute my gut had "concerned" I opted for a NO. When my DS was 5yo he was allowed ONLY in our yard. He used to test me and he would go to the edge of the yard and look at our house to see if I was maybe in the window looking at him at the edge. I would go to the door and just ever so quietly say "do you want to come in, because you know the rules you stay in the yard until you go to Kindergarten"! He was a "tester". He went to school at 5 1/2! He had to wait 6 more months before he was allowed "out of the yard"!

I do not feel years later (DS' 23&20) that they are the least bit "afraid of their own shadows" or "fearful of everyone"! My youngest DS (20) will be traveling to Greece for the summer "digging"! He has no fears. He jumped on that trip the minute the Prof suggested it! NO FEARS!!!

 

[golfgal]

I was an extremely overprotective Mom, but that being said (which I will admit to with pride) my sons have TRAVELED the USA and EUROPE extensively ALONE with friends(w/o DH&I). Despite the way they were brought up(with o/p ME) they knew from youth what activities I would have NO issues with, what activities would be considered questionable and what activities would be absolutely NO!

For ME, it was really their youthful ages. Like the OP concerns about her DD and that Park. The minute my gut had "concerned" I opted for a NO. When my DS was 5yo he was allowed ONLY in our yard. He used to test me and he would go to the edge of the yard and look at our house to see if I was maybe in the window looking at him at the edge. I would go to the door and just ever so quietly say "do you want to come in, because you know the rules you stay in the yard until you go to Kindergarten"! He was a "tester". He went to school at 5 1/2! He had to wait 6 more months before he was allowed "out of the yard"!

I do not feel years later (DS' 23&20) that they are the least bit "afraid of their own shadows" or "fearful of everyone"! My youngest DS (20) will be traveling to Greece for the summer "digging"! He has no fears. He jumped on that trip the minute the Prof suggested it! NO FEARS!!!

Ok, when they hit kindergarten, what could they do then? I know people, a lot of people actually that don't let their 12, 13, 14 year olds go out of their yard, ever. They DRIVE them to the end of the block to play with friends. I don't think not letting a 5 year old out of the yard is in this same category.

 

[jodifla]

I was an extremely overprotective Mom, but that being said (which I will admit to with pride) my sons have TRAVELED the USA and EUROPE extensively ALONE with friends(w/o DH&I). Despite the way they were brought up(with o/p ME) they knew from youth what activities I would have NO issues with, what activities would be considered questionable and what activities would be absolutely NO!

For ME, it was really their youthful ages. Like the OP concerns about her DD and that Park. The minute my gut had "concerned" I opted for a NO. When my DS was 5yo he was allowed ONLY in our yard. He used to test me and he would go to the edge of the yard and look at our house to see if I was maybe in the window looking at him at the edge. I would go to the door and just ever so quietly say "do you want to come in, because you know the rules you stay in the yard until you go to Kindergarten"! He was a "tester". He went to school at 5 1/2! He had to wait 6 more months before he was allowed "out of the yard"!

I do not feel years later (DS' 23&20) that they are the least bit "afraid of their own shadows" or "fearful of everyone"! My youngest DS (20) will be traveling to Greece for the summer "digging"! He has no fears. He jumped on that trip the minute the Prof suggested it! NO FEARS!!!

I had a parents who were overprotective. It turned me into a traveler. The second I could get my mits on a car, I was out exploring the world.

But it wasn't a healthy thing, IMO. I felt like my parents had held me prisoner in the zealousness to never let anything happen to me. When I was 18, I was FREE!