Am I just old or is this crazy (wedding related)

[caitycaity]

HOWEVER - I do think it's not the BEST decision, and someone w/ some wisdom/experience should at least gently give her that advice. I think it's too much to do and too late to stay out on the night before your big day. Though she may not agree, or even take the advice, I still think someone should say something - so she won't regret doing it later on.

as the mil, please do not say anything!!! i have been married for 4 years and i still hate it when my mil acts like my mother. actually, i hate it when my mother acts like my mother, though at least i don't feel like she is stepping out of place by giving me "advice". i am an adult and am able to make my own decisions.

jmnsho - from a dil who wishes she had a better relationship with her mil.

 

[mickeyboat]

What do y'all think?

I bet your son is pretty excited about this plan!

Our rehearsal dinner was the night before the wedding, and we were done and home by about 8:00. I was too excited and nervous to sleep, so a bunch of us hung out in my hotel room until later in the night. It would have been great to have some plan after dinner.

Relax and have fun!

Denae

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I'm out of the wedding scene now too, but to me, this sounds more like a bachelorette party. Is it uncool to have those anymore? So they call it a lingerie shower?

I agree it's a lot in one night, and I wouldn't want to do it that way, but if there are out-of-town guests, there may be no other night that all the girlfriends can get together and party. Like others said, as long as the bride is OK with it...

 

[kpm76]

Well, it's definitely not what I would have wanted the night before my wedding but like others have said, if the bride is ok with it then fine. I do, however, think that she needs to keep in mind that her first obligation is to the rehearsal and the dinner that you are graciously hosting. It would be very rude of her to leave early to party with her friends. I never had an lingerie/bachelorette party, just not my style at all, but too each their own....have fun at the wedding

 

[poohandwendy]

as the mil, please do not say anything!!! i have been married for 4 years and i still hate it when my mil acts like my mother. actually, i hate it when my mother acts like my mother, though at least i don't feel like she is stepping out of place by giving me "advice". i am an adult and am able to make my own decisions.

jmnsho - from a dil who wishes she had a better relationship with her mil.

I agree. She is an adult and does not need to be reminded by someone with 'wisdom'. I am sure she has been out late before and knows what her limitations are. If she regrets it later, oh well. No real harm done.

To be honest, she might be really glad to be doing something to keep her mind off being nervous about all of the details of the big day coming together. Might be exactly what she needs to blow some pre-wedding stress steam.

Like I said, not what I would have wanted to do, but it is her wedding.

 

[AtlantaSue]

I think some of us just have differing views on giving advice. Where I'm from, if you love someone, and want to share some friendly input - it's not a big deal; the person can take the advice or not - it doesn't have horrific relationship consequences. However, some of you seem to be saying that to do so comes across as controlling and offensive, and it's best to never say anything unless asked directly. I guess maybe it depends on the relationship experience you're used to!

 

[RadioFanatic]

Does she have friends coming from all over? We did this twice - once for my sister and once for a friend b/c frankly, it was the ONLY time the group could get together. It's not that it's the most ideal, it's just what was done. We didn't have a set time, it was just when the rehearsal dinner was over. I wouldn't worry too much about it - I would just tell her your concerns.

 

[poohandwendy]

I think some of us just have differing views on giving advice. Where I'm from, if you love someone, and want to share some friendly input - it's not a big deal; the person can take the advice or not - it doesn't have horrific relationship consequences. However, some of you seem to be saying that to do so comes across as controlling and offensive, and it's best to never say anything unless asked directly. I guess maybe it depends on the relationship experience you're used to!

Actually no, I have the same view on giving advice. But I also feel that the offering of advice should be limited to situations where I would be offering something that person may never have considered.

I very much doubt a bride would have trouble making an educated decision for herself in this case. That is why it may come off as controlling or offensive.

JMHO

 

[princess pooh]

DH and I got together with our friends the night before our wedding. Our parents had thrown a dinner party for our out of town guests and we met our friends when it was done. It was so nice to just hang out with them and get a break from the stress!!! I still got to sleep that night and I was fine the next day

 

[ceiligh1]

I'm out of the wedding scene now too, but to me, this sounds more like a bachelorette party. Is it uncool to have those anymore? So they call it a lingerie shower?

I agree it's a lot in one night, and I wouldn't want to do it that way, but if there are out-of-town guests, there may be no other night that all the girlfriends can get together and party. Like others said, as long as the bride is OK with it...

I was thinking this as well. Maybe she just didnt want to tell you that is what they were going to do? THere was so much family stress and drama the night before my wedding I would have loved to get together with a group of girls and laugh. Like many have said before I was so stressed out I didnt sleep very much the night before the wedding so hanging out with friends would have been wonderful.

I hope that your son has a wonderful wedding, and that you enjoy yourself. You really deserve to after all.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

as the mil, please do not say anything!!! i have been married for 4 years and i still hate it when my mil acts like my mother. actually, i hate it when my mother acts like my mother, though at least i don't feel like she is stepping out of place by giving me "advice". i am an adult and am able to make my own decisions.

jmnsho - from a dil who wishes she had a better relationship with her mil.

I agree 100 percent with this.

of course my MIL can't stand me, but that's a whole other thing all together.

 

[hmgolden]

Personally, I would have asked my friend to do it either earlier in the day, or another day entirely. After our rehearsal and rehearsal dinner, the only thing I wanted to do was go to bed! In fact, I kicked my DH out of my hotel room as soon as we got there. The only thing I wanted was sleep.

But, if your FDIL is happy and excited about getting together with her friends, then I would let it be. Hopefully its being scheduled in such a way that it won't infringe on the rehearsal dinner.

 

[sajetto]

I just wanted to add that I also agree with everyone about not saying anything. You definitely don't want to be one of ...."those" Mother-in-laws

 

[Stitchfans]

Sounds unusual to me. I agree with you.

 

[Antonia]

No, I don't want to be one of "those" MIL's. I think it just got under my skin a bit since all the girls are from around here - no out-of-towners - so they could have done it on a night besides the rehearsal and dinner. The girl planning it is not one of my favs - has a very messed up life of her own.

And then to open lingerie in Applebee's - what is the world coming to? I guess I just think it could have been handled a little better - but I won't say a word.

 

[beckmrk04]

I think some of us just have differing views on giving advice. Where I'm from, if you love someone, and want to share some friendly input - it's not a big deal; the person can take the advice or not - it doesn't have horrific relationship consequences. However, some of you seem to be saying that to do so comes across as controlling and offensive, and it's best to never say anything unless asked directly. I guess maybe it depends on the relationship experience you're used to!

I'm all for advice, in general.

But this is a sticky situation. Especially since, remembering my own wedding, EVERYONE wanted to give me advice. Not that I'm an adult getting married, or anything.... And by the end, it didn't matter who was giving the advice, I just wanted everyone to keep their opinions to themselves- I had heard enough.

Now, I gladly welcome advice. Even from my MIL, whom I love dearly.

 

[FreshTressa]

I would not go...

But it is her wedding, her friend, her lingerie, soooo, even if it is odd, it really is none of your business.

 

[Antonia]

Well, I admit that I normally bite my tongue, however, I did say something that made FDIL mad. I said that I wished the lingerie shower was not the night of the rehearsal, but if it was I thought it would be better to do something like that at someone's house rather than Applebee's.
Anyway, she called this evening and sounded very cheerful. We had already planned to go do some last minute shopping together tomorrow. So I was already prepared and the first thing I did was apologiize to her. I told her that I think I may have made her mad by what I said and that we have always gotten along so well and I hope we will continue to get along. She said she was mad and felt like I was, too. But anyway, we have made up and we are shopping tomorrow. Thanks goodness. And now I can get a good night's rest!

 

[beckmrk04]

Well, I admit that I normally bite my tongue, however, I did say something that made FDIL mad. I said that I wished the lingerie shower was not the night of the rehearsal, but if it was I thought it would be better to do something like that at someone's house rather than Applebee's.
Anyway, she called this evening and sounded very cheerful. We had already planned to go do some last minute shopping together tomorrow. So I was already prepared and the first thing I did was apologiize to her. I told her that I think I may have made her mad by what I said and that we have always gotten along so well and I hope we will continue to get along. She said she was mad and felt like I was, too. But anyway, we have made up and we are shopping tomorrow. Thanks goodness. And now I can get a good night's rest!

I'm glad you can both be honest and open!! At least it's all moving forward, anyhow.

 

[KarenAylwood]

I'm out of the wedding scene now too, but to me, this sounds more like a bachelorette party. Is it uncool to have those anymore? So they call it a lingerie shower?

I graduated from college almost two years ago and have been to about 6 weddings in the past 2-3 years. The last girl to get married was given a lingerie shower by her bridesmaids (I attended as well as all of her close girlfriends) and an actual bridal shower by her FMIL for family, and all guests were invited to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding. After the rehearsal dinner everyone went out drinking including the bride, groom, wedding party and the out of town friends. She also had a separate bachelorette party for just the bridesmaids and her at a different time a month or so before the wedding.

I initally thought that a lingerie shower the night before was a little much, but we pretty much did this after the rehearsal dinner I went to- only without the lingerie. It was a time for everyone to hang out and get together as most were from out of town.

If the bride is ok with it- I think it's fine. It's her wedding- her deal. As long as she's not leaving early from the rehearsal dinner, she's got every right to do whatever she wants.

And I'm glad you two are good with eachother now