Am I expecting too much?

[Mishetta]

My 7.5 y/o DS is expected to make his bed each morning, bring his dirty laundry downstairs & bring his dishes to the sink once he's done eating. He knows how to make his bed beautifully but on some mornings, he rushes through it & leaves the sheet all crumpled up at the feet & pulls the blankets over. I get upset when I see that huge lump at the foot of his bed, & I un-make it & he has to re-make it. One morning he had to make his bed 3 times because it was so sloppily done.

My DH thinks that DS doesn't have enough responsiblities for his age. My Mother thinks we are expecting too much of a 7 y/o to make his bed each morning. I'm so confused!!

What do you think? Am I being to hard on him or do your kids have more responsibilities than my DS?

 

[holycow]

Not that my opinion counts for much but...you know he is 7...are you perfect?...why would you expect perfection from him?...
If he makes an effort with the bed I wouldn't freak over it...the poor kid probably has other things on his mind like school, friends, to have to get it from home just because he didn't make his bed "correctly"

sorry probably not what you wanted to here but there it is for what it is worth...


Holycow

 

[imgoingtodisney]

guess I gotta start having DS10.5 make his bed. Actually his bedroom/toyroom/bathroom is upstairs. I couldnt tell you when the last time was DH was even up there. DS does put his dishes either in the sink or dishwasher and his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. When he rushes off to school w/the clothes not in the laundry basket I will put them away but remind him after school.
We are cleaning/organizing a room a week. In a few weeks we'll be upstairs. Once we clean this room Im not expecting to have to clean the toys/stuff ever again. Its his responsibility. As a mother I will be up there to vacuum, dust, etc.

 

[FOJMO]

If your mother thinks you are expecting too much of him, what did SHE expect of you when you were growing up? Somewhere along the line, you must have learned that that was expected of you, right?

Frankly, I think the bed-making thing is highly overrated! In our house, we tend to pull the blankets and comforter up over the bed quickly. No bed MAKING unless company is coming. We aren't there to impress ourselves...

I grew up in a house where we had military inspections on Saturdays (by my father, a Marine) and I can tell you now, that was ridiculous!

We live IN our house and not FOR our house or for anyone else. There are more important things in our lives...

Oh, and one more thing I've learned. If you want something PERFECT, you're gonna have to do it yourself, or you're not going to be satisfied.

 

[minniecarousel]

Man - that's one thing I wish I had to do over! My sons in college are slobs! I wish I had given them more responsibility for things at an early age! I don't think that you're expecting too much. (But I might let his bed-making technique be personaly his!) Kids need to learn to care for the things that they use - dishes - laundry - bed-making. I wouldn't push too hard, but he is old enough to do these little things now - more responsibilities later. Good luck.

 

[Kallison]

No I don't think you are expecting too much but I wouldn't press the remaking the bed issue, maybe occassionally but not on a daily basis.

 

[AnonyMouse]

My 7y/o DD has the same responsibilities and has a hard time managing as well.
At times I think I am maybe expecting too much, but then I think back to when I was 7 and she is getting off easy by not having to clean bathrooms, mopping, vacuuming, etc..

 

[disykat]

I have a 7.5 year old too (as well as a 10 year old). My younger son makes his bed occassionally. It will become his job exclusively as of his 8th birthday. I've taught both my boys the "make the bed while you're still in it" method and it helps a bit. Before you get up, pull up the sheets and blankets neatly around you - then just slip out and smooth them down. Even my older son needs help to pass company inspection.

Other chores my 7 yr old does are: table setting every other week, keeping his room tidy and dirty clothes in hamper, putting away his folded clean clothes, clearing his dirty dishes, and being a willing helper for me when asked for other occasional chores.

If he is capable of making his bed, then I don't think you're being unrealistic. Maybe just lighten up standards a bit - praise when he does a good job, but ignore a few bumps.

We just had "the big cleanup" before Christmas where we totally went through their rooms. I've been having "the clean room fairy" (obviously they know it's me!) leave a little treat on their beds about once a week or so (just a single Yu-gi-oh card or a bitesize candy etc.). It seems to be enough to keep them in the habit of keeping the room clean, and I don't have to nag.

 

[Mishetta]

Personally I am having a tough time with this issue because I had a lot of responsbilities when I was his age. My dad passed away when I was very young, my mom had to go to work & she expected me to help her around the house. I was about 12 when I was making dinner for my mom & I. I was kind of surprised when I'd hear from my friends at school that they never did any of that stuff (but they wanted to!)

So you all think I should let up a little if he has his sheet crumpled up at the feet? I'm assuming I'm hearing mostly from other Moms? I can let the bed inspection go ....but it will be tough to break my habit. My DH was a Navy man & he expects too much too & sometimes I feel really bad for my DS. He's ADHD to boot so nothing comes easy for him (or any of us living with him!) That is one of the main reasons why we try to teach him to do things on a regular basis & to the best of his ability because his brain is racing too fast & he's too disorganized.

I appreciate all your comments...whether they are in favor or not. This is the reason why I asked. I'm curious to have other people's opinions.

 

[Mishetta]

Oh Disykat....I love your suggestion on the "Clean Room Fairy." Positive reinforcement always works best. I don't think my DH will agree but it can be between me & my DS! Thanks for your constructive opinion & suggestion!

 

[Rajah]

From a non-mom, I think that expecting him to make an *effort* at making his bed, bringing down his laundry, and putting the dishes in the sink is fine. But I, too, would say not to worry if his bed's a little lumpy. As long as he made the effort, you know he's at least trying.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I would only say you are expecting too much if you and your dh do not follow the prescription you have for him. Do you make your bed every morning, put dirty clothes in hamper and put dirty dishes in sink? This includes DH. If dad leaves his dirty dishes around you have got trouble brewing as his example will rub off and they will use it as "the excuse".
If you do then go for it. What you ask of ds is not unreasonable at all. Pretty soon he will do it without thinking. :fingers crossed:

 

[Beauty]

Oh goodness I don't know if John-Cole has ever made his own bed unless he was having company and I insisted! Now the dishes in the sink and the laundry in the basket he does and actually does very well. John-Cole is 11 though and has recently gotten very very interested in clothes and impressing this girl or that (Help me I'm not ready for dating!)

The one thing that he has to do and he knows it.....If he is inviting someone over to spend the night with him, his room must be spotless. I don't mean throwing things under the bed or in the closet but everything put where it is supposed to be. Hes really good at this too. He has gotten to where he straightens his room before he even asks me if the company can stay because I'll be proud of him.

I personally don't think that your asking to much for him to make his bed every morning. And if he is really really sloppy then make him do it again......that way he will learn that if he does it right the first time then he won't have to do it over! We go through this on homework!

 

[Mishetta]

Mystery Machine, my DH not only does all that stuff, but he even folds his underwear before he lays it carefully in the hamper! I know, it sounds like we all need counseling! but I'd much rather live with a neat freak than a slob! My DH also vacuums & washes my floors. He likes the house in tip-top form. Indeed, I make our bed each morning. I wouldn't think of leaving my bedroom without it being made. So I guess we're trying to instill in our DS how we live. (Whether it be too obsessive compulsive ~ or not!)

 

[Jeafl]

I agree with minniecarousel. The worst parenting mistake I have made (thus far!) is letting my kids get away with too much. All their lives I have picked up after them, made their beds, hung up their coats, etc., mostly because it was easier for me to just do it. Now, at 13, 10 and 7, the older ones balk at the thought of helping around the house. They do it, but they complain the whole time. I say get the kids used to doing their share while they are young. It really is hard to train old dogs new tricks.

As far as the bed issue, you've said he knows how to do it correctly, so I would have no problem insisting that it be done that way all the time. After awhile it becomes second nature.

 

[bumcat]

Way overboard on the bedmaking, he will rebel when he is grown and become a major slob and live like a pig.
The other chores are fine.

 

[believe]

DD #1 is 5 and when we started having her 'straighten' her bed, she started sleeping on the floor. Now she just sleeps on top of her covers. When it is really cold I insist she get under the covers. She does take her plate to the sink, sometimes we have to remind her. She also knows that she has to pick up after herself throughout the day, we don't pick up all their toys for them. Usually I take their dirty clothes downstairs when I take mine down, she does have to make sure they are in my room for me to take them down. She is suppose to empty the bathroom garbage once a week, she forgets but once reminded she will do it. I am not picky over how she does it as long as she is trying. DD#2 who is 2.5yrs will get some responsibility this summer when she turns 3yrs, probably trying to straighten her bed for us..since she already takes her plate to the sink and puts her clothes where they belong. Both of my girls help out around the house without much complaint, but I make sure they understand it is because we are a family and we have to work together. I agree with the others about the standards of making the bed. I also like the idea of the clean fairy coming, I may have to use this in a couple of years. I think I try to be less strick because my Mom was way too strick, we couldn't sit on any furniture during the day....mostly you sat on the floor because pillows had to be just right and so did the beds. I never enjoyed our house growing up because I always worried what I was messing up.

 

[Laurabearz]

Wow........ I dont even make our bed up for company....... I thought that is what bedroom doors are for

My kids are 3 1/2 and 2.... (and the one still cooking.... cant leave that one out! LoL) so I have a ways to go before they are at the bed making stage....... But I hope to get my act into gear with better housekeeping skills soon (my house isclean ..... just overly cluttered so it messes up quickly) . It is so hard, with two kids so small and esp now being pregnant.......

But back to your post......

I think having him do a decent job making his bed is fine..... but I also think that remaking it 3 times is a bit too much, maybe once if he did a 1/2 hearted job..... but not 3..... Of course at this point in my life, I dont see how anyone has time in the mornings to check on a bed and have them remake it 3 times without being late for school...... But then again I am in the daze that is called........ mom of toddlars! LOL

 

[wovenwonder]

My DS is 14 and DD is 19 and let me start by saying that they do not do enough in the house -- my problem, I know. BUT I feel that if you are giving him chores and allowing him to do them sloppily then you are not instilling good habits in him. I also believe in positive reinforcement. He is at a good age for a sticker chart. How about if he goes 5 out of 7 days and makes his bed as instructed (neatly) then he gets a reward. No punishment if not done correctly -- BUT no reward then either. Ideas for a reward would be a friend day at the house, rent a video of his choice, etc. This will teach him that positive behavior will reap positive reward.

Just a thought.

 

[disykat]

Does anyone else here do the "make your bed before you get out of it" thing? My dh thinks I'm nuts, but it really does work and it solves the problem of the sheets being wadded up at the bottom.