Am I doing this right? It's about my dd and visits with her dad

[Serena]

My little girl feels guilty visiting with her dad. She feels guilty having fun. I haven't made her feel guilty, but she worries about me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings. With everything that is going on, she doesn't want to be the cause of any worries for her.
She is being so grown up and careful. But she's only 12. I try my best to make sure she doesn't have a reason to worry about me.

Anyway, I try to let her know that I'm ok with her being with her daddy and having fun on the farm. I ordered her to have fun and to make sure and take notes so she can tell me all about it when she gets back. I know for her sake I have to let her know it's ok, more than ok.

Is there anything else I can do for her?

 

[Hillbeans]

A lot of it is probably because she's "at that age" and doesn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

My only advice would be to really let her know you're alright with her being there, don't let her see you getting upset that she's not with you, and don't grill her about "personal" things about your ex during the time of her visit. If you start to do that, she may feel you're truly not alright with this arrangment.

It can work, and you sound like a great mom.

 

[bjgrazi]

Serena, my son use to have a hard time visiting his dad on weekends and leaving me behind. I would always let him know that I was ok and really glad he was going. It started to become a game on Friday afternoons, I would start, boy I can't wait for you to leave, i get all my peace and quiet. A few times I had to make up things I was going to do - nothing major, just so he didn't think I was alone.

The funny thing is he never did this with his dad.

Just reassure her that all is fine, be cheerful when she leaves and cheerful when she gets back.

 

[Claudia1]

You are a fantastic mom! Do the best that you can and know that you have molded your daughter into a wonderful young lady.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I'd tell her that you have plans with your grown-up friends and that you'll be just fine.

and if you don't actually have plans, make them.

 

[Microcell]

As a child of divorce, I think the most helpful thing my mom could have done on top of what you already have is to explain that though you will miss her list the things you have planned and how you are looking forward to doing those things so you both are having fun! I just hated the thought of her sitting at home alone and if I could have thought, it is okay, she is having lunch with whoever would have helped!