Am I being too sensitive?

[sharbear]

I have a 12 year old daughter. She has a friend who mother I feel is very insensitive to my family's plans. First of all she works full time and her husband travels on business all the time. She never invites my daughter over except for her little girls birthday.

Today the friend calls my daughter and asked if she was going to the football game her parents couldn't go and could they go together. That was fine but the parents want to drop off the girl an hour before the game starts.

This mother does this all the time. They ask my DD to do things and then it turns out that I am her free babysitter. We live within walking distance to the school so the kids can walk to the football game.

I know that the reason that she is dropping her daughter off so early is so she and her husband can go out to dinner. I feel that she manipulates the situation and compromises any plans my DH and I have.

Am I making too much out of this. My DH says not to worry that I should feel sorry for the little girl because her mom is so selfish.

Sharbear

 

[Rajah]

I agree with both of you. I'd be frustrated and angry because the mom was essentially using you as a free babysitting service, but at the same time I'd feel sorry for the little girl. The only one with a "win" in this situation is your daughter because she has a friend.

 

[CRB#33]

I don't think you are being too sensitive, but I think you should speak up a little.

How about telling the girl that she can come over about 10 minutes before the game. That's the only convenient time.

You can always do something with DD before then. Or if she's a typical 12 year old girl, I'm sure she may have to clean her room first

 

[dianeschlicht]

I agree. You need to speak up about your time restraints too. No other explanation is needed other than that you wont be done with dinner by then.

 

[newmousecateer]

sharbear

Definately not insensitive. I am going through this also with DGD. She met the little girl in the back, which is great! I love that she has a friend by me.

Her mom is a nurse, pm shift, dad a stay at home dad. She has been at my house every day this week. Dad doesn't call first, lets her come over at 9 am, tells her she can eat lunch and dinner with us if she wants, tells her she can stay til 8 p.m. yesterday her told her "you can stay overnite Friday if you want", without even asking me or DH if it was OK!

So, I too need advise. I'm begining to feel like their babysitter also. How do I handle this situation?

 

[bfeller]

We have experienced this also. You should speak up now or it could escalate into days. Believe me, I have ended up with this teen for 3 days. It starts with an overnight and then they are gone. Yes, I feel sorry for the giirl but my daughter enjoys her privacy and her family time and it was starting to irritate her too. I finally said something to the mom(actually spoke to her about 4 times before that and it didn't sink in) and told her that unless we offer please do not expect us to watch her child. We have had to deal with issues like we were not going to be home and our daughter, 14 and DS,17 were but we have a rule that there are no friends over if we are not here. The mom tried to push this rule and that is when we finally cleared the air. (When she wanted to drop off DD two hours early was so that she and hubby could go to early dinner before the movies) My DH and I were going to a work related function and were not going to be home.

 

[disykat]

Sharbear, you're right to be irritated. I decided a long time ago I was only having extra kids at my house if it was convenient for me (except for helping out in emergencies). Just be unavailable and hopefully they'll get the point.

Newmousecater, I've had that problem with Dad's in my neighborhood too (not that all Dad's are like this, My dh would never do that - he's more likely to be inviting the neighbor kids along on outings). I learned pretty quick not to feed the neighborhood kids unless I've specifically invited them for a meal. At least that way they get sent home at regular intervals. As the only SAHM in the neighborhood I started to feel taken advantage of. It got much better when I started saying no more often - I enjoyed the times the kids were here more too.

 

[Krisu]

This would bother me too. It's probably hard if your DD likes this girl. Next time she calls you are going to have to say " I'm sorry but that's not convenient" and if mom drops her off without calling, have her call Mom to pick her up.

 

[missymouse3367]

I too say speak up, it is a different story if you are alternating. For this to happen everytime she is taking advantage of your generosity. Your DD needs to know that a freindship goes both ways if you know what I mean. Goodluck.

 

[newmousecateer]

Thanks everyone. I felt like sharbear. I didn't know if I was being insensitive or not. I found out yesterday and today that DGD was starting to feel slighted.

More advise please., and I hope I do not sound like a terrible person, but DGD has a special name she calls me and DH in Polish that stands for Grandma and Grandpa. Her little friend has started calling us this, and I feel these are special names only for DGD to call us. I even heard DGD ask her friend, "why do you call my Babcha "Babcha? She is my Babcha" How do I tell this little girl to call me something else without causing her hard feelings?

 

[JasonLyons]

everyone is wrong, your being to sensitive, take the kid and dont worry about it

 

[newmousecateer]

I'm too old for this Jason. I can't take it! It's too nervewracking!

I honestly do not want to hurt this child. Maybe I am wrong in my thinking?

 

[disykat]

Newmousecater, I would try to just matter of factly say " I like to be called Mrs. ----- or Miss --------" (or whatever you think is appropriate). She may honestly not know what to call you if she only hears your granddaughter call your name. She should already be wondering what to do since your GD already broached the subject with her. I love kids, but I think sometimes we do them a diservice by being too worried about their feelings. when a little casual honesty "this is the way it's done" approach is what they need. She'll probably just say "oh" and change what she calls you. If she seems upset about it you can always sit her down later (it sounds like you have plenty of opportunity!) and tell her that Babcha is a special name for family only.

 

[Sunny]

Okay - here's another (lonely) opinion...... None of that would bother me at all UNLESS your child does not like the company of that little girl at all and she is a obnoxious little brat that your whole family would rather now have around. If that's not the case and she is a good girl and decent friend, then what's the difference if she is around all the time? My kids friends were always allowed here. My daughter's girlfriend spent every weekend here (she just lived with her father and brother) and seemed to prefer it here (maybe to be with some females for a change). I don't see a problem with "babysitting" if the child is 12 years old - definitely not like watching a 2 year old all day. And you should be honored that she feels comfortable enough with you to use those special names. Does it really make a difference who uses them? I have had kids call me Mom and I would never even think of hurting their feelings by asking them not to. If you are not happy with her parents, that's fine, but I say keep quiet and don't upset that little girl - it's not her fault.