Am I being selfish?

[browneyes]

It's not selfish, but if you do leave James with anyone, be prepared for sudden bursts of being a tad bit emotional.

 

[kadaten]

Originally posted by TheOtherVillainess
...because I am going a bit
over the house not being perfect or laundry not getting done is making me a bit cranky ...

For you...one of my favorite poems. Had it printed and framed and gave it to all the mothers in my family one year

Excuse This House

Some houses try to hide the fact
That children shelter there;
Ours boasts of it quite openly,
The signs are everywhere.
For smears are on the windows,
Little smudges on the doors;
I should apologize, I guess,
For toys strewn on the floor.
But I sat down with the children
And we played and laughed and read;
And if the doorbell doesn't shine,
Their eyes will shine instead.
For when at times I'm forced to choose
The one job or the other;
I'd like to cook and clean and scrub,
But first I'll be a mother.


That said, my kids didn't have sitters until they were over a year old. Not a good move for everyone, and at times, not good for me, but we don't have the luxury of family being near, and I'm just not a very trusting person when it comes to my kids....very much a worry wart. If family was near, I'd take the opportunity if you feel like you need it. I didn't really need it with my first, but REALLY did with my second, but couldn't with either. My first was easy enough (and when that small slept enough ) that we were able to take her everywhere with us...dinner, movies, the whole bit. We'd nurse before we left for dinner so I wouldn't have to attempt it at the restaurant and then nurse again during the movie...it was dark, private, and those stadium seating chairs are very comfy! We even took the stroller in where possible and sat on the back row....just put her down to sleep in it when done nursing and she slept through the whole show. My second...well at 20 months he's still difficult to take anywhere longer than 5 minutes so I can relate to the feeling you've got going on!!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Frequent nursing will increase your milk supply. Breast milk is easily digested in babies so they need to nurse more often. I recommend the Breastfeeding book by Dr. Willam Sears. Any of his books are great! I don't follow them to the letter, but adapt them to our family and what I want to do. I firmly believe in nursing on demand. Trying to keep a baby on a schedule will only make everyone miserable.

As to the original question, DD is 2 1/2 and the only people I have left her with are Grandparents when they have visited. I could never have left her at 2 1/2 weeks, but that is me. If you feel like that is what you need to do then try it.

Also, start taking the baby with you for errands, out to eat, to the park, etc. It takes a couple of tries to get a good system, but you will catch on quickly.

 

[Stepharoonie!]

Trust me, a little break does your soul some good. Let your mom or your mil watch the little one, if even long enough for you and your hubby to go for a walk around the block. You'll feel better

 

[momm2four]

Call me a terrible mother (although I don't think I'm too bad), but I actually left my 2nd child with my parents (who were staying with me for the week) the night we came home from the hospital. My DH was playing softball 3 minutes from our house and since I never got to see him play (b/c I didn't feel like wrestling with an 18 month old at the ballpark)

I fed DS, placed him, sleeping, in the loving arms of his grandma and left for an hour. Jacob never even knew I was gone and I was able to enjoy the rare treat of watching my DH play softball.

Oh, and on the side topic of Babywise, I say just use your common sense. I went through the Ezzo's 18 week course at my church (Growing Kids God's Way) and to be honest, I agree with a lot of what he teaches, but if something didn't make sense to me, I had no problem with tossing it.

Breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, schedule, no schedule...do what works for you and your baby, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it. I did a little of all of the above with my four boys and they are healthy and smart and PERFECT...well, maybe not perfect...but you get my drift I did try to follow Ezzo's advice, but if I felt my children were hungry, I fed them. Last two words....COMMON SENSE.

Enjoy your dinner!
Lori P.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I agree with Kallison! Don't make yourself crazy over BFing. I did with 1st DS. He was crying, I was crying and DH was ready to boot us both out. We did it for a while. Ds wasn't getting enough and I couldn't imagine myself BF'ing a baby every hour. Thats fine for some people if thats what you want but it wasn't for me. And I think it was because I was being felt like I "had to" BF. He was bottlefed and is now 6yo next week and perfectly healthy. Good Luck in that aspect! Hope all works out for you. OK now on to going out GOOOO!!!! I left my DS at 3 weeks with my mom to show my dog about 2 hours away. And left him for the first time with my DH overnight when he was about 4 months old. Sometimes you just need to get out a while. You're not a horrible mother, you're a normal one. Being a mom can be overwhelming and a little time out can help a great deal. Have Fun!

 

[shortbun]

Its' only a couple of hours. Go!
But, it might not be as much fun as you think.

 

[princessandie77]

I;m a strong beleiver it maign time for the couple. DH and I go out once every other week...maybe try once a month at first. Dont loose your identity as a person or couple bc you now have a child.

 

[disykat]

When my oldest was a couple of weeks old I left him with dh and went to get a haircut. I commented to the gal who cut my hair that it was the first time I had left it. She went on and on about how hard it must have been to leave him. I felt like a heel, because I was so happy to get out of there!

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I had to keep going back to the ped. with my 3rd not gaining weight. I just BF him all the time, whenever he wanted. He started gaining quickly.

After one of his appointments when he was 4 days old (yes 4) we decided on eating out for lunch. Now this is our 3rd. We know babies. My husband and I ate a Macaroni Grill. We put a blanket over our son's car carrier so no one could see him and touch him. He slept through the entire meal and all the way home. We enjoyed getting out without the other 2 children. Flame away I don't care!

Lori

 

[wdwnutze]

My 3rd was born 3 days before my 15th anniversary. I had her on 10/23 and on 10/26 I left her with my MIL while DH and I went for lunch. Don't worry what other people think about you. If you are comfortable having him with you MIL, then go out even if just for an hour or so. You will feel much better. Good luck with you decision.

 

[CamColt]

Not selfish at all! If you are comfotable with leaving DS, then by all means go for it. Even parents need time alone together. We left both our kids with my parents for a night when they were around a month old, maybe a little older for our first. They have turned out fine so far.

 

[Keli]

If I were you I would take some time and go out with your dh. You are close to your MIL and trust her to take excellent care of your ds. If you get to worrying too much there is nothing stopping you from cutting your dinner short, taking it home with you and finishing it up there.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

good parents do whatever is needed to keep the house happy and restful for everybody. If MIL is reliable and trustworthy, I certainly don't see anything wrong with leaving James with her for a couple of hours. I know that sometimes I just get "baby'd out" and I need to get out of this house and away from the little one for a couple of hours. Those babies can be pretty demanding and you do need to recharge the batteries.

I could never maintain a good milk supply with just pumping. Especially when the baby was just a couple of weeks old and my milk supply was still being established. There were a couple of woman on my Pregnancy board who tried it, and their milk dried up pretty quickly. So you definately need to be careful there if you truly want to continue breastmilk.

Don't make yourself crazy over BFing. I did with 1st DS. He was crying, I was crying and DH was ready to boot us both out. We did it for a while. Ds wasn't getting enough and I couldn't imagine myself BF'ing a baby every hour.

I agree 100% with that. Billions of happy and healthy babies have been raised on formula. I'm one of them! If you and your husband are happier and more comfortable with bottlefeeding and formula, it is certainly an acceptable choice. What is most important is that you love the baby, snuggle the baby, and bond with him.

 

[chager]

I would not see it as selfish at all. I probably would have done it had I been feeling better when Nick was a baby. I wasn't up to much until he was about 3-4 weeks old and then at 8 weeks I had to have gallbladder surgery. It turns out that was why I felt so aweful all the time after his birth!!He was about 3 months when he took his first trip without us. I had to work and my parents took him to see his great grandma in TN. We had no problem with leaving him with my parents but didn't leave him with DH's parents. He has never traveled with them either. His parents both smoked at the time (father still does) and they don't believe in using carseats!! Due to Nick's congestion issues we didn't want him in the constant smoke and I think the whole not putting him in a car seat thing speaks for itself.
If you aren't comfortable then don't go, but no one will think you are selfish if you do go. It's important that you take care of yourself too. Have fun with whatever you decide!!

 

[Jeafl]

I say you should go, even if it's just for an hour. If it makes you feel better, go when you know he'll be sleeping. An hour or two away from him is not going to affect your bonding at all.

As far as what other people think, there's no need to alert the media you are going. Who would even notice? Even if they do, I doubt they would think or say anything to you.

After having three kids, and being somewhat of a paranoid mother with the first, I can tell you a couple of things I've learned. Kids are a lot sturdier than you think, and you need to have other interests in your life besides your kids. I spend tons of time with my kids, go to all their games/events and am there whenever they need me. I also make time to spend with my husband and friends as well. You CAN have a life outside of your children and be a great mother. Of course since you do have a newborn he has to be your top priority right now. Do make a little time for yourself though, you won't regret it. Good luck!