Am I being selfish?

[Michelle and crew]

Agree with the bolded. Your the one who busted your butt for that bonus and I honestly feel he has no right to tell you how you can spend your bonus. If my fiance tried that stunt with me there would be an all out war in our household

bs. you just negated all the work of raising a child on your own. Nice.

 

[labdogs42]

Get the camera. dSLR's are the best for baby photos! Bonuses, IMO, are "fun money" or at least a portion of them should be used for fun stuff.

 

[labdogs42]

This thread might help you with your decision. It talks about what is involved in the actual cost of buying a DSLR. The camera itself and a lens are just the start for what you will actually need to fully benefit from this type of camera.

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2549532

You don't need all of that to use your dSLR. I have had my dSLR (and a film SLR before that) and I still don't own everything on that list. Yes, I want most of it, but I don't need it!

www.beachcamera.com has good prices on cameras and sell them in packages with the basics that you do need like a card, UV filter, etc

 

[DisneyAndRedSox]

DH gets a bonus every quarter and you better bet I get some say in how it is spent, I am home alone with DD from 3:45am on Monday until 11pm on Thursday every week! When his bonus comes in we divide it up... portion to savings & vacation fund, either an improvement project on the house or something like pre-paying oil for the winter. We also set aside a certain amount that each of us gets and I can do whatever I want with my portion (i.e. plane tickets to Orlando in December.) And if DH wants to spend his portion on a pinball machine that doesn't get played, collects dust and takes up valuable space in my finished basement I keep my mouth shut.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Family money, okay. Couldn't have done it without him? Not true, sure it was easier, but I could have done it. And give it all to him? NO WAY!! LOL, sorry, not happening. I have been working like a crazy person up here. I came to a place that was in need and I am helping turn it around. It is not easy.

He has a fairly easy job, works about 25-30 hours a week. So, he has to drive our DD to the babysitter everyday all by himself? Sorry, thats not worth him getting my entire bonus.


Anyway, here is an update- I am actually getting a little more than I thought. So this is what we are doing with the money. Still replacing the window (which will get us a tax credit next year! ), buying our airfare for our trip, getting my new camera, and getting him a new cellphone.

I will have some extra to put towards my school (I am working on finishing my Bachelors), some for spending money, and some for Christmas. Anything that is left, which will be some, will be split between my DDs college fund and a savings account my flooring in the house!! YEAH!!

And, DH is happy with this agreement now. LOL, he has been wanting a new phone, so that was all it took!!

I just wanted to comment on this. I hope you don't tell your husband your feelings about his contribution to the household. You said earlier that you make more than he does and now you are pretty much saying he doesn't have it hard.

I can assure you, that being the one running the household and keep things straight and going strong is not easy. Your husband may drop your daughter off for the babysitter every day but he is also the one wiping tears and nose and scraped knees. He is the one doing the bedtime chore and the one making dinners and doing house chores. You need to appreciate what he is doing because you may have been able to succeed without his contribution but it wouldn't be nearly as easy as you think.

My husband is away more than he is here. So far this year alone we are at almost 8 months away. He does get a "bonus" every time he gets back and we split the money. He gets a fun portion, I get a fun portion and the household gets a portion fun or not. You are an entire family has succeeded in that bonus not just you.

I'm glad to see you are splitting it up to show appreciation for everyone. Please take a moment to thank your husband for his support and help in your household. He does alot most of it quietly and never even noticed but nothing small by any means.

 

[KristiMc]

I just wanted to comment on this. I hope you don't tell your husband your feelings about his contribution to the household. You said earlier that you make more than he does and now you are pretty much saying he doesn't have it hard.

I can assure you, that being the one running the household and keep things straight and going strong is not easy. Your husband may drop your daughter off for the babysitter every day but he is also the one wiping tears and nose and scraped knees. He is the one doing the bedtime chore and the one making dinners and doing house chores. You need to appreciate what he is doing because you may have been able to succeed without his contribution but it wouldn't be nearly as easy as you think.

My husband is away more than he is here. So far this year alone we are at almost 8 months away. He does get a "bonus" every time he gets back and we split the money. He gets a fun portion, I get a fun portion and the household gets a portion fun or not. You are an entire family has succeeded in that bonus not just you.

I'm glad to see you are splitting it up to show appreciation for everyone. Please take a moment to thank your husband for his support and help in your household. He does alot most of it quietly and never even noticed but nothing small by any means.

 

[Michelle and crew]

I just wanted to comment on this. I hope you don't tell your husband your feelings about his contribution to the household. You said earlier that you make more than he does and now you are pretty much saying he doesn't have it hard.

I can assure you, that being the one running the household and keep things straight and going strong is not easy. Your husband may drop your daughter off for the babysitter every day but he is also the one wiping tears and nose and scraped knees. He is the one doing the bedtime chore and the one making dinners and doing house chores. You need to appreciate what he is doing because you may have been able to succeed without his contribution but it wouldn't be nearly as easy as you think.

My husband is away more than he is here. So far this year alone we are at almost 8 months away. He does get a "bonus" every time he gets back and we split the money. He gets a fun portion, I get a fun portion and the household gets a portion fun or not. You are an entire family has succeeded in that bonus not just you.

I'm glad to see you are splitting it up to show appreciation for everyone. Please take a moment to thank your husband for his support and help in your household. He does alot most of it quietly and never even noticed but nothing small by any means.

No kidding. It is beyond condescending. Glad she can get by on her own. I thank goodness that my husband and i don't take one another for granted like that. That is pretty sad, and I can think of far more that would have me banned for expressing.

I work part time and make more than my dh. That doesn't make me better or give me more "rights" to the money earned. A bonus is just more money in the pot, not the right to get more or have more.

 

[njcarita]

For the first 10 years of my marriage I made double what my husband made and had all the benefits.....after having kids ...I ditched the career to become a stay at home mom and we have lived off my husbands income for the past 15 years...
never once is those first 10 years did I feel that i deserved more of the money because I made more....... and NEVER in these last 15 years has my husband stated that he deserved something cause he " made " the money..... for us it has always been our money......
what if a few years from now you are unemployed or can't work for some reason.... does your husband deserve more than u do...will he make all the money decisions cause he is working and u are not???

 

[laliwalden]

I just wanted to comment on this. I hope you don't tell your husband your feelings about his contribution to the household. You said earlier that you make more than he does and now you are pretty much saying he doesn't have it hard.I can assure you, that being the one running the household and keep things straight and going strong is not easy. Your husband may drop your daughter off for the babysitter every day but he is also the one wiping tears and nose and scraped knees. He is the one doing the bedtime chore and the one making dinners and doing house chores. You need to appreciate what he is doing because you may have been able to succeed without his contribution but it wouldn't be nearly as easy as you think.
My husband is away more than he is here. So far this year alone we are at almost 8 months away. He does get a "bonus" every time he gets back and we split the money. He gets a fun portion, I get a fun portion and the household gets a portion fun or not. You are an entire family has succeeded in that bonus not just you.

I'm glad to see you are splitting it up to show appreciation for everyone. Please take a moment to thank your husband for his support and help in your household. He does alot most of it quietly and never even noticed but nothing small by any means.

Ok, I am commenting on the bolded part- first of all, him not having it hard, I meant in reference to his job. And I stand by that. He does not have a hard job.

In regards to the second, he does not do that stuff. I do it when I come home on the weekend. He will wash only what dishes he needs to eat and clothes for himself. He actually sends our DDs clothes to my ILs for them to wash.

In fact, usually baths are being given by my MIL or my mother. Maybe I should give them part of my bonus.

So, don't start feeling too bad for my husband.

 

[wide awake]

If your husband wasnt' holding down the fort you couldn't do your job. You should both have equal say. End of story.

 

[C.Ann]

Any chance he's so adamant about this because he has been saving to buy this as a gift for you in the near future?

Other than that, I can't get past you constantly saying, "My, my, my.." Everything was always 50/50 in our household - regardless of who "earned" it or "where" it came from..

 

[Minnie J]

Maybe he is going to surprise you with one for Christmas

Paula

Thats what Im thinking cause why else would he say Yes baby buy our airfare yes baby Im excited about you replacing our window but wont let her get a camera when obviously everything he wanted for them probably costs more than the camera

 

[Minnie J]

Ok, I am commenting on the bolded part- first of all, him not having it hard, I meant in reference to his job. And I stand by that. He does not have a hard job.

In regards to the second, he does not do that stuff. I do it when I come home on the weekend. He will wash only what dishes he needs to eat and clothes for himself. He actually sends our DDs clothes to my ILs for them to wash.

In fact, usually baths are being given by my MIL or my mother. Maybe I should give them part of my bonus.

So, don't start feeling too bad for my husband.

Is it me or does your husband seem kinda selfish here? Sending clothes to the IL's WTH? I wash everyones clothes in here, I wash everyones dishes no matter who uses them therefore my husband doesnt mind treating me or whatever to his working funds and I treat him with any money I get cause I know he works hard outside the home. And he says he wants another baby but what will happen then? Will he send the baby over to the IL's to get changed or fed?

 

[JaymeC]

This is just my opinion, but none of us know exactly how your marriage works. So we can't give you full insight.

My two cents on how it would work in my relationship is this. I've been a SAHM for the last few years. I've pulled in some money here and there, but never too much. Now I'm back at work and my husband is being a SAHD while going back to school. Then and now all our money goes into the communal 'pot' and we discuss any major purchases as well as our monthly budget (major being over $50 or so).

Both my husband and I are relatively self-policing. We're both savers by nature, but we splurge where we think it's appropriate. So most of our requests are met by yeses (unless it's a "But can't you wait til after Christmas?!" ) And I also agree with the above poster about the line of "This is important to me" This is not a line used lightly in our household, but it has been used sparingly over the years.

We just went through something with a camera purchase right now and our ultimate decision may help yours? We both *love* high quality cameras, but neither of us is excellent at using them. We do get some great shots, but it's been self-taught photography over time. So we decided on a slightly less expensive non SLR camera and that I could take photography classes in the evening at the community college. Then in a few years when I felt up to knowing all that I wanted to know we would move onto a SLR camera. As the other poster said, unless you're a good photographer you're not going to get great results with an SLR either We'll also be splurging a bit on some photo editing software.

Again, this is what's worked for us, you have to find what works for you. But my marriage would not last very long if I insisted the money I brought in was MINE and his was HIS.

 

[disneyofcourse]

Just take the money split it in half, then take your half and put that aside for the camera. Take the other half and use it for your home/budget/savings/pay bills/husband.

 

[#1hoosierfan]

I haven't read all of the comments, but these are my thoughts:

I am a teacher and often have the opportunity to make some extra money by tutoring, mentoring new teachers, volunteering for extra duties, etc..... Each time that I would get that extra money I would say that I wanted to buy a DSLR, but then start to feel guilty and buy something more "practical." Well last summer after receiving a check for almost $1000, I decided to go for it. We had just had our second son, and I was tired of missing the cute moments because my point and shoot shutter speed was too slow.

My only regret is that I didn't buy my DSLR sooner!!! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT!

Granted I still shoot on fully automatic 95% of the time because I haven't sat down and really "played" with it, but it takes great pictures and has a zero lag time shutter speed.

My dh was totally fine with it. Usually my extra money goes into the family vacation budget, so this was the exception. It gets a kick out of how much enjoyment I get out of the camera.