First off I want to thank everyone for your opinions and advice. I'll guess to many of you I look kind of pathetic and like a doormat.. I think this post was in fact a good idea, because it gave me a chance to really look at things from a different perspective and to the poster who added would you let a coworker do this to you.. you're right, I would tell them off and that would be the end of it. I guess I needed someone to make me mad enough to stop feeling so guilty. However, I wanted to add a little something to the background of the situation.
I'll try to respond to most of the points raised as briefly as possible.. ( I was an english lit major.. I tend to get longwinded. lol ) And If you are simply looking to see what the status of things are at the moment, I have that at the bottom. I just proof read and realized how long it became anyway... sorry!
We insisted my sister move in after he dh threw all her clothes out the front door and then threw the dresser drawer at her because he wanted to use the phone and she was on it.. with me. ( he hates me and ironically its because i don't take other people's crap and have told him off repeatedly for his rude and obnoxious behavior to both my family and his wife. )
My mother is my mother, I don't take her rudeness to heart anymore, it's just how she is and in order to keep the peace and not make my grandmother or my dads life a nightmare, I just ignore her. Unfortunately my sister is her favorite and that means that yes she has rubbed off on my sister a bit.
Dh is not a saint. He has had to leave the house several times because of my sister and her nonsense. He thinks she is as spiteful and nasty as my mother, but he shuts his mouth and like me tries to keep the peace for the sake of the kids and my grandmother, who actually was like a mother to me. Perhaps he just has the patience of a saint. lol And just loves me A LOT! lol
As far as my sister and the chores, cooking etc... Well, I clean because I am home all day and its what I would be doing anyway. I cook because my sister is a horrible cook and I prefer to cook from scratch. ( and i think she makes a mess lol ) I do the laundry because it's mixed in with ours and I feel mean separating it from ours when I can just throw it all in together. So, in a way, I feel like I have created the problem for myself. But at the same time, If I am having dinner at a friends, when we are done eating, I automatically start cleaning up, doing dishes, filling the dishwasher etc.. I could even look past the cleaning up, if she would at least be mindful of the mess she created.. please put your shoes in the closet, make your child help clean up in her room, and make her bed.. etc lol you get my point.. see, longwinded...
With regard to going to Disney and excluding Jayda. I do think she will be heartbroken, she IS only four turning five and I know even at 7 my daughter would be sad if she heard Jayda was getting to go and she wasn't. I know that kids need to learn that they don't always get what they want and life is full of disappointments, but do we need to let her learn that at five? I feel like she's gone through enough this year.
Also I want to point out, my sister does spend most of her time at the BF's now, but that is mainly on weekends, when Jay is with her dad. During the week sometimes they'll make plans but I let Jayda stay here because she wants to. She would rather play with the kids and I am ok with that. Sometimes she'd rather go with her mom, I am trying to make her as comfortable as possible. She is having a hard enough time adjusting.
No my sister doesn't pay rent, when she moved here, she needed to find a new job, since we live an hour away from where she used to live. I was the one who told her to save her money for gas when she wa still working at her old employment and after getting a new job that paid substantially less, we allowed her to use the money towards the lawyer for custody, child support hearing and the divorce. After the lawyer was paid and things were moving along, she started getting child support, I expected her to start helping a little more, but she hasn't started and when dh asked for some she started looking a new place...even though we all know she'll move in with the BF because she has never ever lived alone..
Ok so, I am sure you are all waiting to hear an update on the original situation. I was actually in the process of writing a response to some of the questions when I was interrupted by the drama.
First off, without my knowledge, dh called my sisters bf. He informed him that while he appreciates that he would support his gf, this is between her and i and that if he knows what is good for him, he'll stay out of it. At which point I guess he trying to say my dh was threatening him and dh said I don't need to threaten you about this buddy.. you obviously don't know my wife very well. You do not want to get on her bad side.. and eventually her and her sis will be over this and then you'll be forever outside her graces.. take my advice and leave it alone..
I will however tell you that if you ever message my wife and try to make her feel bad like that again, you will deal with me.
Second, the first phone call my sister made this morning was to my mother. who called my father and then me. She went on and on about how I can't just go with the flow and I always need to start something, she doesn't understand why I feel the need to go before everyone else. etc etc etc... Apparently she feels as though with everything poor Tania has gone through and all the stress she is under, I am adding to it.. @@ AND that maybe she might not invite us to go on the family trip.. unless we can pay our own way.. to which i simply told her that we didn't care and the only people she is hurting is the kids and if that's the kind of grandmother she wants to be so be it.. she got snooty and then excused her self from the convo, because she was getting overly upset with my rudeness.
As a side note... She also mentioned she thought it was completely ridiculous that I would want to go so soon after having a baby, and not because I was going to be there with five kids, two of which are under two, but because I will be enormous and not be able to use the pool. ( because it would be inappropriate for me to be in a bathing suit in public apparently ) Yeah my mom is a peach. she is 5'8" and a 4 or 6, my sister is 5'10" and an 8, I am 5'9" and normally a 12 sometimes a 14. I look like my dads side, hips, a large chest, more curvey.. it drives my mother insane.. i think because she hated all the women in my dads family so much. And since having Mariska, I've been in a size 16 and now pregnant, I am in an 18... it's driving her nuts. LOL
Anyway, after her phone call and after agitating myself by reading all the posts here, lol, I called my sister. I informed her that we need to talk. She said she'd see what she could do about coming around this evening, since she needs clothes for jay anyway. I told her that steve and i were going on our vacation and we were going as a family. I extended the invitation for Jayda to go along again if she felt she would be that broken hearted, but informed her that steve and i both decided this is our vacation and we plan to go without any other extended family. She just said whatever, i'll talk to you later and hung up.
My dad just called and asked if i was ok, and reminded me that its easier to just ignore them and they'll stop. I did tell him about my mothers comment about my weight and he said well we all know your mother can be a #$%^&. He agreed that we should go and I should just be blunt, say we are going, if she wants to go she can plan her own trip. If she wants Jayda to go so badly but can't afford to go along then she should let her go with us . He also mentioned that she is a big girl now and she needs to learn to be an adult and I need to stop making excuses for her.. I might be five years older but she is 27 years old now. she is not a child and she needs to stop acting like one.
I am really trying to finish this post but people keep calling me.. that was actually my sister calling to let me know that she is going for wings tonight and won't be home, but she wants me to sit there and think of how crappy we'd feel if she and josh decided to go to Disney and Lexi cried her eyes out. I simply told her, that first of all she didn't need to know until after you went, and all we'd need to tell her is that we are planning our own trip. AND that OUR kids aren't even aware we are going so there is no reason Jayda should know... they only heard that my mother wants to take them... "someday" Not that we are going as a family beforehand. She said I guess and said she'd talk to me later. Oh and she is now definitely moving in with her bf before school starts.
I called dh while typing this... he is ecstatic. lol I'll let you know what else develops... when her and I speak face to face. Thanks for listening and making me see how foolish I look.
THE REASON I SAY TELL HER YOU LOVE HER IS YOU NEVER WANT TO LIVE WITH REGRETS !!
I promise I will make my bed and pick up my shoes!
