Am I being rude?

[nicolita3]

Off-topic, but never have I ever been so happy to be Gen-X.

We're the overlooked generation, & we're sandwiched between the millenials & the boomers.

We're the "whatever" generation & just want to be left alone.

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Off topic, gen x is now being called "the Karen generation" at least that's what I've been seeing on social media.

 

[fly girl]

Off-topic, but never have I ever been so happy to be Gen-X.

We're the overlooked generation, & we're sandwiched between the millenials & the boomers.

We're the "whatever" generation & just want to be left alone.

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On-Topic - OP, I think you handled it fine, but I do like the advice of some other posters that, next time, don't be afraid to let your friend know that you were looking forward to the original choice of restaurant. One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is how it's usually best in these situations to just politely & graciously explain the truth.

I have a few more to add:

 

[SteveH]

@FutureDisneyEventPlanner I think you were anything but rude at all, in fact I'd say you were very mature in how you handled it. I would also say you could have let the person know it was out of your budget if you wanted to do so. Being smart with your money should be admired!

 

[Hikergirl]

I'm a millennial, which is an age group I mentioned in the post. People often lump them together. I never said I was the same age as the OP. But way to miss the point entirely.



So no source then? I believe you know people who do that. I just don't believe it's any more than in previous generations. Older generations just have to put down the younger ones since the beginning of time.

Well that poster mentioned young 20's so there was no need for you to get so defensive and question her "sources" being that it was clear she said of those she knows.
She wasn't talking about you, you are not a young 20 something and that poster doesn't know you

 

[ronandannette]

Off-topic, but never have I ever been so happy to be Gen-X.

We're the overlooked generation, & we're sandwiched between the millenials & the boomers.

We're the "whatever" generation & just want to be left alone.

View attachment 453062


On-Topic - OP, I think you handled it fine, but I do like the advice of some other posters that, next time, don't be afraid to let your friend know that you were looking forward to the original choice of restaurant. One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is how it's usually best in these situations to just politely & graciously explain the truth.

The way I like to think of us is having been oppressed professionally and socially by our boomer overlords and now rendered culturally irrelevant by our own children! We never stood a chance!

@FutureDisneyEventPlanner - I actually agree with @sharona . And while I don't think it's unforgivably rude, I do wonder why you felt the need to tell her in advance you wouldn't be eating? That actually sounds a little bit petulant to me. Why not just just show up, enjoy her company, eat lightly and get on with your day. You needn't have called attention to the situation. If you really, really didn't want to compromise, you should have been a little more assertive about it.

 

[Wendy31]

Off topic, gen x is now being called "the Karen generation" at least that's what I've been seeing on social media.

I've also read that & someone suggested that, instead of Karen, it really needs to be Jennifer.

If we weren't named Jennifer, we were named something that ended in the "ee" sound - Kelly, Nicky, Lori, Stacy, Carrie, Wendy, Becky...

But I disagree that we're the Karen generation anyway. I think the younger Boomers are the Karen "Let me speak to your manager" generation.

I have a few more to add:

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The Breakfast Club one is my favorite! When I'm at the grocery store, I often feel surrounded by Boomers & Millenials & identify strongly w/ the Breakfast Club meme! (Boomers are the ones taking up the aisle, & Millenials are the ones letting their children go crazy.)

I've also seen one w/ Darth Vader (the Boomer) fighting Luke Skywalker (the Millenial) while Han Salo (Gen X) just looks on & laughs, & I like that one too!

One of the more recent things I've read is that Gen-X being left out of the gender wars is the most Gen-X thing to ever happen to us!

Anyway... sorry to go off-topic!!

 

[Wendy31]

The way I like to think of us is having been oppressed professionally and socially by our boomer overlords and now rendered culturally irrelevant by our own children! We never stood a chance!

@FutureDisneyEventPlanner - I actually agree with @sharona . And while I don't think it's unforgivably rude, I do wonder why you felt the need to tell her in advance you wouldn't be eating? That actually sounds a little bit petulant to me. Why not just just show up, enjoy her company, eat lightly and get on with your day. You needn't have called attention to the situation. If you really, really didn't want to compromise, you should have been a little more assertive about it.

Yes!!!

I agree w/ both points!!

 

[CT Yankee]

No I don't think you were being rude. Good job on staying within your means and spending your money wisely.

 

[MrsPete]

One thing I've learned as I've gotten older is how it's usually best in these situations to just politely & graciously explain the truth.

Absolutely the best choice.

You're lying if you are seriously trying to claim no one has ever complained about "kids these days" for generations. That's patently false and you know it.

Always nice to be called a liar. (Sarcasm, in case you didn't get it.)

Yeah, kids do stupid things 'cause they're kids. Their brains literally aren't finished developing, and they can't help it. But Millennials aren't kids. I don't hear people saying, "Can't stand those people 10-20 years younger than me!"

 

[DisneyDar]

I am young 20-something, who gets paid very little at her entry level job. I really have to budget my money. I’m also worried about possible job turnover in the next month or two, so I’m trying to save money as much as possible.

I only eat out 2-3 times a month, if that. When I do eat out, I want it to be somewhere I really enjoy. Since I do it very rarely. I don’t like to spend money on things I don’t want.

My friend and I were supposed to go to this restaurant I absolutely love for lunch. She decided to change plans the day of. The place she wanted to go is fine, but I just don’t want to spend the money on it.

I didn’t cancel plans or anything, I just said I would be getting something small or not eating. I just told her I didn’t have an appetite. In reality though, I have food at home and I don’t want to spend money on a meal I don’t want.

Was that rude for me to say and do?

No, sweetheart, it is not. You are taking care of yourself and your finances.

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

And while I don't think it's unforgivably rude, I do wonder why you felt the need to tell her in advance you wouldn't be eating? That actually sounds a little bit petulant to me.

Because. I've been questioned many times when I go out with friends when I don't eat. They assume something is wrong or that I can't afford to eat or something. I prefer to get that stuff out in the open, instead of being questioned over a meal.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Because. I've been questioned many times when I go out with friends when I don't eat. They assume something is wrong or that I can't afford to eat or something. I prefer to get that stuff out in the open, instead of being questioned over a meal.

Maybe it's time for some new circle of friends? Or maybe the question is are you always going to places that you don't want to go to and then never ordering anything because you don't like the place? Your initial comment sounded like this was a one off thing where your friend switched up the location and you really wanted to go to the original place. But this above comment makes it sound like you're habitually having this situation played out where you're going to a place and intentionally not eating or downsizing what you're ordering because of the particular place you're at and being questioned about it so you feel the need to rationalize it to your friends.

 

[wgeo]

I have often found that being very open with someone can lead to some great conversations. I applaud your decision making OP - so go right ahead and politely share your thoughts with your friend. You like this friend enough to want to share a meal with them, so feel confident enough to share your real thoughts on the change of venue with them. Every know and then someone will get defensive and misinterpret what you are saying, but I bet that more often then not it will simply lead to a better friendship and probably some interesting convos.

 

[cobright]

I didn’t cancel plans or anything, I just said I would be getting something small or not eating. I just told her I didn’t have an appetite. In reality though, I have food at home and I don’t want to spend money on a meal I don’t want.

Was that rude for me to say and do?

There is a place in this situation for being assertive as well as showing tact and demurring on the venue. Neither are rude. If it's obvious your friend really likes this place that you don't then I would do the same thing in your place. Simply say something like, "I don't want to miss out on the opportunity for your company, but my digestion's a little off tonight so I'll be eating very light. I hope that doesn't bother you." Then order a soup or a basket of fries to be brought with the entree.

 

[ronandannette]

Because. I've been questioned many times when I go out with friends when I don't eat. They assume something is wrong or that I can't afford to eat or something. I prefer to get that stuff out in the open, instead of being questioned over a meal.

OK, in that situation I'd just go with "this is all I want right now". Maybe it's an age thing - many of those of us that are old don't feel the need to explain ourselves or that every question deserves an answer.

 

[wgeo]

OK, in that situation I'd just go with "this is all I want right now". Maybe it's an age thing - many of those of us that are old don't feel the need to explain ourselves or that every question deserves an answer.

To be fair, my husband is a grown adult man in a very professional, yet very public job. He is questioned constantly about what he chooses to eat/not eat. And literally people will not let it go - he has to explain himself a lot. Not doing so would be considered very rude. It's kind of messed up, but it is what it is - people care about him and decide that it means they are allowed to have a say in how he takes care of himself.

 

[cobright]

And while I don't think it's unforgivably rude, I do wonder why you felt the need to tell her in advance you wouldn't be eating? That actually sounds a little bit petulant to me. Why not just just show up, enjoy her company, eat lightly and get on with your day. You needn't have called attention to the situation. If you really, really didn't want to compromise, you should have been a little more assertive about it.

I didn't get the sense that the OP was begrudging her friend the choice of restaurant. Sure, a deviation from the original plan should have come in the form of a request by the friend (and I suspect it did) there might be a dozen reasons to not to be assertive on sticking to the plan. Maybe OP gets her way on the restaurant most of the time and this was just a one-off. Or maybe the choice of restaurant is just a bigger deal to the friend than the OP.

I don't see her telling the friend beforehand that she wouldn't be dining very heavily as being petulant. To just show up and not eat would create an elephant in the room. It would be brought up by someone or it wouldn't and the friend would be left wondering what was going on, but it would not go unnoticed. Bringing it up early normalizes it, makes it clear that it doesn't result from bad feelings between them or some deeper malaise in the OP's life.

 

[DisneyKoyote]

So no source then? I believe you know people who do that. I just don't believe it's any more than in previous generations. Older generations just have to put down the younger ones since the beginning of time.

I've reached the "late 20's" age range now and I definitely see friends (maybe 70%) splurging more than needed. A small handful of them literally refuse to put money into their 401k bc they want that cute new Gucci bag or a vacation in Bali (the others at least splurge within their means, so i find that more "ok". although not really up to me how they spend their money). But now that you mention it...I do wonder...is it really any more than the previous generations? There's always people who are poor at managing finances...

 

[cabanafrau]

My source is strictly from personal knowledge of friends and family and parents I see from day to day. We have been in this area a long time so know a few generations. I do know a few, but very few, that want to live within their means, but there are more that have no qualms about using cards for their 'I wants' vs their needs. A lot of them have been provided for and given lots of 'wants' through college that being out on their own they're not willing to deny themselves the 'frills'.
Of course there are exceptions, but it is amazing that everyone you know lives like that.

Sorry, but it leaps right off the page to me that on one hand you have zero problem putting forth anecdotal evidence re: those you know, yet someone else putting forth what's in their lens is dubious? Sauce for the goose ...

 

[mjkacmom]

I've reached the "late 20's" age range now and I definitely see friends (maybe 70%) splurging more than needed. A small handful of them literally refuse to put money into their 401k bc they want that cute new Gucci bag or a vacation in Bali (the others at least splurge within their means, so i find that more "ok". although not really up to me how they spend their money). But now that you mention it...I do wonder...is it really any more than the previous generations? There's always people who are poor at managing finances...

I think there will always be people like this. My parents had a lot more income than some of my friends’ parents (5 bedroom house vs. 3 bedroom apartments), yet some of them drove nicer cars. My girlfriend used to get so excited when her mom paid off some of the credit card because that meant a shopping spree at Orbachs. My 23 year old lives out of her car (plus stays here and with friends) to save money and pay off student loans (salary around $65,000). She goes out to eat with friends but hates the money part of it. Ds21 gave in an bought a new iPhone (his firs5 one was from sophomore in HS, he borrowed his girlfriend’s old one for a year but finally gave in). All of my kids are responsible to pay for their iPhones.

I don’t think it’s generational.