Am I a mean mom?

[yeartolate]

I do not think you are mean, you are trying to keep order.

I couldn't do what you are doing, just because I think the kids need to be a smidge more carefree during play.

But i personally would have no issue with all toys that are out being put away before leaving the house or going to bed.

 

[dismom2]

20 year child development teacher here - I think its over the top. I agree that once you make the rule you have to follow through but I think you should re-think the rule. That kind of strictness can be stiffling and cause the children to be less creative. Creativity is an important sucess skill in our society

I completely agree with this. Your kids can't be creative with rules like that, and it is so important. I understand why you have your rules, but I think you should rethink them. You said they are good about following the rules 90% of the time, so maybe they have "earned" more trust. Either way, it is good for their deveolpement to have a little more freedom in playing. I also think two weeks is extreme. Good luck.

 

[slo]

Okay, I didn't read this whole thread, and here's how my house is........

My girls are required to keep their room clean - I don't believe in the "it's their room, so they can do what they want" I believe in, "it's my house, and their room is in my house, and they must keep their room like the rest of the house, which is neat" (no offense to those with opposite thoughts). My girls will get grounded if I tell them to clean their room, and they don't. This is how I was raised, and it taught me how to be organized and keep things neat and tidy.

My girls do play with multiple toys at once, and on the weekends, they will ask if some can stay out to play with the next day - I don't mind that, especially when they ask first. I do require that if they are playing with something(s) and they want to watch tv or play with the Wii, that they do pick up the toy first, unless they convince me that they are just taking a break from that activity and they will play with it again later.

I don't believe the OP is being cruel - she's taking a toy away, not hurting her child in any way. There's nothing wrong with setting rules, unless the rules are physically or mentally hurting the child. We all had rules growing up - some we agreed with, and some we didn't. I know the rules I didn't agree with, but still abided by, taught me how to deal with rules I didn't like with adulthood, and the work world. We are here to teach our kids the best way we know how, even if our kids don't love it. I've told my DD many times that I'm here to be her mother, not her friend, and sometimes her and I will clash, but in the end, I will always be here for her, when friends come and go.

 

[ZuZugal]

So I have this household policy for my three kids, 9, 8 and almost 5 that they have to clean their rooms and they can only have ONE type of toy/game/etc out at a time. They are not to leave the room (bathroom breaks, get a drink, that's fine) until they clean up what they were playing with. Kind of like preschool, you are done with the blocks, you put them back before you get out something else.

My DH thinks I am over the top, but I will take away ANY toy that "I" have to clean up. Just now it was a board game that the kids only played with once. They left to go watch tv before bed and left this board game on the floor for someone else to clean up. So now, they lost the game for 2 weeks ( I put it in the shed).

My kids are MORE than old enough to clean up after themselves. I am not nagging nonstop anymore..if they don't clean up after themselves, they won't have whatever. I feel bad when I have to follow through and take stuff away..(90% of the time they are really good about cleaning up)- but I am thinking if I let it slide ever now and then, they will walk all over me and I end up being a maid. I hate doing MY housework, let alone their housework. Thoughts?

I admit I have not read all 6 pages, but to the OP if your DH thinks you are over the top does he have any bright ideas on how to work this out? Does he ever have to pick up/clean up anything the kids have left out for a period of time or does he just choose the "step-over-it" method?

by the way...your house your rules. I think your kids (and their future spouses) will thank you some day.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Okay, I didn't read this whole thread, and here's how my house is........

My girls are required to keep their room clean - I don't believe in the "it's their room, so they can do what they want" I believe in, "it's my house, and their room is in my house, and they must keep their room like the rest of the house, which is neat" (no offense to those with opposite thoughts). My girls will get grounded if I tell them to clean their room, and they don't. This is how I was raised, and it taught me how to be organized and keep things neat and tidy.

My girls do play with multiple toys at once, and on the weekends, they will ask if some can stay out to play with the next day - I don't mind that, especially when they ask first. I do require that if they are playing with something(s) and they want to watch tv or play with the Wii, that they do pick up the toy first, unless they convince me that they are just taking a break from that activity and they will play with it again later.

I don't believe the OP is being cruel - she's taking a toy away, not hurting her child in any way. There's nothing wrong with setting rules, unless the rules are physically or mentally hurting the child. We all had rules growing up - some we agreed with, and some we didn't. I know the rules I didn't agree with, but still abided by, taught me how to deal with rules I didn't like with adulthood, and the work world. We are here to teach our kids the best way we know how, even if our kids don't love it. I've told my DD many times that I'm here to be her mother, not her friend, and sometimes her and I will clash, but in the end, I will always be here for her, when friends come and go.

I agree with your post.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Well, I am speaking as a preschool teacher here, but I do think this is over the top, not because it's mean, but because combining items in novel ways, continuing a play theme across time, and holding it in working memory while you go to the bathroom etc . . . are the kind of activities that build the cognitive skills you want kids to have long term.

A 5 year old who starts a block structure, adds the dolls from the doll house, leaves it up (in my classroom that would be with a hand lettered "save" sign) over naptime, thinks about it while he's gone, and comes back to it with a plan on how he's going to incorporate the tracks from the train set, is building the skills he needs to plan out a paper, and work on it for several days in high school until it's perfect.

 

[Aisling]

I don't think you're a mean mom, but I do think you should ease up a bit on that rule. As long as they put the toys away, maybe you should let them play as they choose. You may be creating neurotic kids with that rule.

 

[hrh_disney_queen]

I can't say that you're mean -- you're just doing things your way!

For me, it would be way over the top. IMO, the kids' rooms are their space to do with as they wish. There are consequences to really messy rooms, such as having no friends over because mom's embarrassed.

We do this, too!


Sorry, OP, it think it's a little A. retentive. JMO. and I don't get where if a kid wants to play with more than one toy...or even doesn't tidy up constantly, that makes him/her a spoiled brat! Quite a broad brushstroke, I think!

 

[ilovejack02]

Our rule.. it all has to be picked up before bed.

Do I think you are over the top a tad.. yes.

Mean? Nah... ya just like a clean place.

Dr. Phil even told a mom who was like this to relax about this.

My child's fav game is to build a lego or block city and then all his action figures and cars live there.

Cant do that when you can only have one sort of toy out at a time.. I mean the Barbies should be able to play in the lego city too! ; )
Good luck!

 

[ilovejack02]

Well, I am speaking as a preschool teacher here, but I do think this is over the top, not because it's mean, but because combining items in novel ways, continuing a play theme across time, and holding it in working memory while you go to the bathroom etc . . . are the kind of activities that build the cognitive skills you want kids to have long term.

A 5 year old who starts a block structure, adds the dolls from the doll house, leaves it up (in my classroom that would be with a hand lettered "save" sign) over naptime, thinks about it while he's gone, and comes back to it with a plan on how he's going to incorporate the tracks from the train set, is building the skills he needs to plan out a paper, and work on it for several days in high school until it's perfect.

You are right about this. I have seen my son stop a game for awhile and then come back and add stuff after thinking about it several times!

 

[Bluestars]

I have my kids put away their toys at the end of the day. If they play a board game or something like that, they need to put the game away right after they are playing it so the pieces won't go everywhere.

I'm not very strict with things. I'll let them straighten up their rooms at the end of the week. The only thing I don't like is dishes or glasses not being put in the sink. After you use it to eat or drink with, put it in the sink.

While I don't see anything wrong with wanting a child to put toys away, I also don't see anything wrong with the toy being put away at the end of the day. That way it gets put away, but they don't have to stress about every little thing being in its place all day long.

 

[disykat]

I think people are overthinking the "one toy at a time" rule.

My kids had to clean up when they were done playing as well. That didn't mean there weren't times something they were "still playing with" was left up or that their toys never interfaced. It meant that, in general, they weren't allowed to just leave the monopoly board set up and abandoned when they lost interest. They were supposed to clean it up and put it away before they moved on to something else.

To me "put away your toys when you're done with them" is a pretty common rule once you get to a certain age. The only time I didn't have that rule was when they were little bitty and liked to dump out the toy basket. Then we cleaned it all up at once at the end of each playtime.

 

[waltsgirl]

Reminds me of " No metal hangers!!"

 

[HugsForEeyore]

I used to do a lot of babysitting for some affulent families, who all had the rule of "putting everything away the second you are done with it". There was NEVER suppose to be a toy or any object left out, if we weren't right there using it. Sadly it was a keeping-up-with-the-Joneses kind of thing here - all parents want a toy-free clean museum-like house, since everyone else had one. Goodness help us if I were babysitting and we left out one object anywhere - we would get criticized very quickly.

Sadly what it led to was that the kids quit playing with toys, and I stopped bothering and encouraging it. Kids learned it was easier to just play video games or computer, or watch TV - nothing really to clean up doing that. Then no one risks getting into trouble. Parents actually seemed to prefer their kids glued to video games or tv, since it kept the house neat.

Breaks my heart to see these kids who quit playing with toys, or just never learned how since the parents rather have a spotless house.

Hopefully most houses can find a happy medium on this issue.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, I am speaking as a preschool teacher here, but I do think this is over the top, not because it's mean, but because combining items in novel ways, continuing a play theme across time, and holding it in working memory while you go to the bathroom etc . . . are the kind of activities that build the cognitive skills you want kids to have long term.

A 5 year old who starts a block structure, adds the dolls from the doll house, leaves it up (in my classroom that would be with a hand lettered "save" sign) over naptime, thinks about it while he's gone, and comes back to it with a plan on how he's going to incorporate the tracks from the train set, is building the skills he needs to plan out a paper, and work on it for several days in high school until it's perfect.

Who ever planned out a paper and worked on it for several days in high school???? You mean everybody didn't write the paper at 11PM the day before it was due???

OP, FWIW, I was raised in a similar style to yours. Room had to be reasonably neat...not spotless but no clothes on the floor and certainly no rotting food etc.

The public areas of the house...we were allowed to play there, but when we were done, the toys had to be picked up. Mom would wander through occasionally, and if it looked like the legos had not been "actively" used in a while because now we were playing with the Hot Wheels, we'd the the gentle suggestion to put the Legos away so they didn't all get lost. Except they weren't called Legos then (I'm talking the 60's here, people) they were called something else but they looked like today's Legos.

If it's any consolation to you OP, today I am married and have a reasonably, although not freakishly, clean house. I work, pay all my bills and am generally a contributing member of society. I think your kids will be fine.

As far as hubby, if he doesn't help keep the house clean, then he has no say in how to clean the house or how to keep it clutter-free.

Wait till I tell my mother how mean she was and how she stifled my creativity.