Allowing your underaged teen to drink, your thoughts?

[Acklander]

I like it here and there now and back when I was 17 -21 my BFF girlfriend's and I were a pack of club kids tearing through NYC like there was no tomorrow. In fact, when I was in college I never took a class before 12pm because I didn't want school to interfere with clubbing. Still ewwww to drinking with parents... just ewwww anyone over 22 or so was just gross to us back then. Why on earth would a kid WANT to drink with grown ups and why on earth would a grown up WANT to drink with kids? Color me seriously confused, but I'll still read just in case something someone says makes sense to me because so far I've got nothin'

I don't recall ever going out clubbing with my parents or with my kids, but that's just one type of social situation where drinking may come up. I have gone out to dinner where wine is ordered. I've been to weddings where champagne was toasted in celebration, I've been to clambakes on the beach where cold beer was served along with lobster and corn on the cob, I've been to the food and wine festival at EPCOT where we wine tasted our way around the world, I've sat with my dad and shared warm brandy while he told stories from his youth, I've gone to brunch and enjoyed eggs bennedict and mimosas. Many of these situations included family members, young and old. Our live doesn't center around alcohol, but it's more of an added enjoyment - and we do it for the flavor, not the "buzz". I see nothing "ewwww" about any of these situations in which we drink

 

[snarlingcoyote]

My own kids will be allowed to drink with dinner, but it's not something I would have them do at other people's houses. Nor would I let their friends do something like that at my house (for the liability reasons discussed). Personally, I consider it part of their social education to learn about food and drink. I grew up knowing the difference between a bordeaux and a beaujolais and what they paired better with. Similarly, I knew the social rules applicable to a sommelier (and had to quickly educate DH on them during our dating years), how to correctly pour without dripping, and how to make an attractive centerpiece using only a bottle and variously colored candles. It was kind of a shocker for me to find out in college that most of my friends had never had wine. I was the only person showing up to college drinking parties with a bottle of wine as a hostess gift. I'm still working on my DH to get him the appreciation for the grape that was instilled in me at an early age.

Yes yes yes! ITA.

Why do my DH and I like to sip at single malt whiskeys? Because we appreciate the taste and the quality. We have never gotten drunk, not even once off collection - we pour, maybe add a little water, let it sit, sniff, drink, roll the flavors around in our mouths.

Why am enamored of the history of moonshining in America to the point that my DH is scared I will one day blow up some of my family woods with an unattended still? For the same reason I love quilting - there is a connection to the poor people of the rural US and to their ability to make something wonderful from nothing.

When I drink wine with dinner, I appreciate the flavors and how the wine complements the food, to enjoy the flavors of the wine paired with the flavors of the food. When I add liqueur to my desserts, it is to add a particular, distinct flavor.

If your whole goal of drinking is to get a buzz or to get drunk, that's your business, but please recognize that some of us drink for the same reason that we visit art museums or go to Disney or read wonderful, difficult novels.

ETA: And if you've never eaten boiled crawfish with beer. . .you don't know what kinds of pleasure your mouth is missing!

 

[LaurenLC]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I have to ask, how many 17 year olds want to drink wine with their parents at dinner? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I would hardly consider this 'normal' teenage behavior.

 

[Planogirl]

Some people actually feel that a good dinner isn't complete without the proper wine. Others feel that beer goes well with certain dishes. Some people give a small glass of champagne to everyone when it's a special occasion. This has nothing to do with getting a buzz. I also don't like the inference that certain things are abnormal. Maybe in your world but not in everyone else's.

I don't know why I'm even commenting. DS has tasted beer and hates it. I always liked the taste and used to snitch sips from my Dad much to his chagrin. To each their own.

 

[declansdad]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I have to ask, how many 17 year olds want to drink wine with their parents at dinner? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I would hardly consider this 'normal' teenage behavior.

Why wouldn't this be normal? There are plenty of places in the world where this would be be more than normal.

 

[Pigeon]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I have to ask, how many 17 year olds want to drink wine with their parents at dinner? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I would hardly consider this 'normal' teenage behavior.

This is perfectly normal. Wine can be part of a good meal. You're not sitting around the table trying to get drunk, you're having a glass of wine as a beverage with dinner.

 

[Acklander]

I see no reason to let my teen drink. It's illegal, unhealthy and I lover her too much. Nothing good could come from it.

To allow a teen to drink is a personal family decision, that varies from family to family. It has nothing to do with how much we love our children.

 

[Nancyg56]

To allow a teen to drink is a personal family decision, that varies from family to family. It has nothing to do with how much we love our children.

This is exactly what I believe. I feel that parents make decisions for their family that make sense for them. We do not all make the same parenting decisions and should respect that. The "my way or the highway" attitude of parenting is offensive to me.

 

[Magpie]

In Quebec my children can legally drink "with parental supervision" at 16. At 18 they don't need any supervision at all - they can drive to the nearest bar and order themselves a drink.

Legally, we have the right to offer them a small amount with dinner at any age - that's not considered "drinking".

Now, that said, I don't drink and neither of my teenagers likes the taste of alcohol. When we offered them a sip of wine with Christmas dinner they made faces and said it tasted awful. I happen to agree.

My husband likes the occasional small glass of scotch in the evening, and I have no issues with that. It's not like he's doing it to get drunk, especially considering how much a good bottle of scotch costs! He just likes the taste. And more power to him!

I don't think there's anything magical about 16, 18 or 21. What really matters is communicating with your children and being open about both the pleasures and the dangers of alcohol. Personally, I think there's few things lamer than the "club scene". But I've also made sure that if my children ever decide to try it, they know not to leave their drinks unattended, to watch the bartender pour them (or even better, open the can themselves!), stay close to people they trust, and don't get so drunk they can't protect themselves. Stupidity isn't funny - it's just stupid.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I haven't read this entire thread, but I have to ask, how many 17 year olds want to drink wine with their parents at dinner? I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I would hardly consider this 'normal' teenage behavior.

Maybe our teens would be safer if more adults saw this as normal and saw clubbing and drinking to feel tipsy or drunk as abnormal I do not have a 17 year old so I cannot say yet but I occasionally drank at home with a meal. I hardly drank at all as a teen/young adult but I drank more at home at meals with my parents than anywhere else. Even then I truly did not "get" the thought process that sees alcohol as a way to a buzz--to me that is (to quote a PP "just ewwww." For me it has only ever been about the taste. I though Coke went well with pizza, iced tea went well with fried chicken, margarita's went well with fajitas and port went well with cheese. I can honestly say I never once in my life have picked up a drink with the goal of getting drunk or even tipsy--it is just not how I view alcohol. This is the view I am hoping to instill in my children too

ETA--just in case the tone comes off wrong I want to add to LuvOrlando that I am not making fun of him at all. I am just pointing out that it seems that people can have the same reaction to very different things about alcohol. I truly think "just ewwww" is a great way to explain how I feel about the idea of drinking to get buzzed. I know lots of people do it, but it just strikes ME as a very icky thing to do (kind of like eating escargot or fish pedicures--fine for others but really not anything I want anything to do with myself lol)

 

[LaurenLC]

This is perfectly normal. Wine can be part of a good meal. You're not sitting around the table trying to get drunk, you're having a glass of wine as a beverage with dinner.

Maybe our teens would be safer if more adults saw this as normal and saw clubbing and drinking to feel tipsy or drunk as abnormal I do not have a 17 year old so I cannot say yet but I occasionally drank at home with a meal. I hardly drank at all as a teen/young adult but I drank more at home at meals with my parents than anywhere else. Even then I truly did not "get" the thought process that sees alcohol as a way to a buzz--to me that is (to quote a PP "just ewwww." For me it has only ever been about the taste. I though Coke went well with pizza, iced tea went well with fried chicken, margarita's went well with fajitas and port went well with cheese. I can honestly say I never once in my life have picked up a drink with the goal of getting drunk or even tipsy--it is just not how I view alcohol. This is the view I am hoping to instill in my children too

ETA--just in case the tone comes off wrong I want to add to LuvOrlando that I am not making fun of him at all. I am just pointing out that it seems that people can have the same reaction to very different things about alcohol. I truly think "just ewwww" is a great way to explain how I feel about the idea of drinking to get buzzed. I know lots of people do it, but it just strikes ME as a very icky thing to do (kind of like eating escargot or fish pedicures--fine for others but really not anything I want anything to do with myself lol)

First off, I do not drink to get drunk..... Normal probably wasn't the right word to use as I do realize this is the social norm in some countries. However, I 'think' if you offered most 17 year olds wine where I live, they'd spit it out. Wine has an acquired taste that is appreciated most with a mature pallet. With that being said it is also illegal for a 17 year old to do that where I live. That's the case if their parents are sitting at the table or not.

 

[NHdisneylover]

First off, I do not drink to get drunk..... Normal probably wasn't the right word to use as I do realize this is the social norm in some countries. However, I 'think' if you offered most 17 year olds wine where I live, they'd spit it out. Wine has an acquired taste that is appreciated most with a mature pallet. With that being said it is also illegal for a 17 year old to do that where I live. That's the case if their parents are sitting at the table or not.

I don't think either of us said you drink to get drunk I certainly did not mean to imply that at all (other posters have said they drink to feel a buzz and I did mix in a reply to that into my post so maybe it was confusing).

So you are saying it is not normal teen behaviour to want to drink alcohol at all? Or that it is normal to want to drink it, but not at home over dinner with parents (which is what I was thinking you meant, but you never really said one way or the other so it is very possible I misinterpreted). It just seems to me that many adults (not you personally) assume that most teens will want to drink to get drunk and they set about teaching their kids about alcohol from that standpoint. The message is do not drink at all because if you do you will end up drunk. Other adults assume their kids are going to treat alcohol like one of any number of other things which is safe in small quantities and unhealthy in larger doses and then THEY set about teaching their kids how to enjoy this treat in safe, healthy ways. It is just a different mindset.

I wonder how much of the lack of enjoying the taste of wine at 17 in your area is a result of the liquor laws in Illinois? It is illegal, so most kids do not get to try it at home at dinner, so they do not develop a taste for it, so they do not like it. Sadly many people then translate this not liking it into thinking the point is not to enjoy the taste but rather to get past the taste to get a buzz. NOT that the laws in and of themselves lead to drinking irresponsibly but I don't think they really curb it at all either.

 

[Magpie]

I remember feeling very proud when I was sixteen and my mother let me stay up to see the new year in with her and her friends. And she poured me a glass of champagne, too!

No fuss was made about it, but I felt very grown up. I liked being included in the adult celebrations, and treated like an adult, even if I didn't care much for the taste of champagne.

I don't think there's anything weird about that.

 

[bettymae1121]

I wonder how much of the lack of enjoying the taste of wine at 17 in your area is a result of the liquor laws in Illinois? It is illegal, so most kids do not get to try it at home at dinner, so they do not develop a taste for it, so they do not like it.

Unless the link that was given much earlier in this thread is wrong (and this site links to the IL statue, so it's reasonable to assume it's accurate), IL does allow parents to give their children alchohol in their home.

ETA: Here is that link again: http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591

 

[agnes!]

First off, I do not drink to get drunk..... Normal probably wasn't the right word to use as I do realize this is the social norm in some countries. However, I 'think' if you offered most 17 year olds wine where I live, they'd spit it out. Wine has an acquired taste that is appreciated most with a mature pallet. With that being said it is also illegal for a 17 year old to do that where I live. That's the case if their parents are sitting at the table or not.

People - parents and minor children alike - are free to choose... to consume or to not consume alcohol, to follow or to not follow laws. And then they reap the consequences of those choices. That being said, it is my understanding that if a family is residing in Illinois and the parent chooses to allow their minor child to have alcohol as part of a religious ceremony or chooses to allow their minor child to have alcohol in the privacy of their own home, that parent is not breaking the law. Local jurisdictions could possibly have more stringent restrictions on the underage consumption of alcohol than the state statutes.

7.82.020 - Permitting minors to consume alcoholic liquor prohibited—Exception.
No parent shall intentionally, knowingly, recklessly or negligently give, deliver, invite or permit the consumption of alcoholic liquor by any minors on or about any premises owned, leased or controlled by such parent except as otherwise allowed by Section 7.82.030 hereof.
(Ord. 83-1072 § 4, 1983)

7.82.030 - Consumption for religious purposes.
No parent shall give or deliver alcoholic liquor to his minor child for the minor's consumption unless the consumption of alcoholic liquor by such minor is in the performance of a religious service or ceremony, or on private property under the direct supervision and approval of his or her parent.
(Ord. 83-1072 § 2, 1983)

http://www.westchester-il.org/library/villagecode/level2/T7_C7.82.html

Illegal Consumption of Alcohol by a Minor
It is unlawful for any person under the age of 21 to consume alcohol unless it is done under the direct supervision and approval of the minor’s legal guardian in the privacy of their own home. Consumption of alcohol by a minor under any other circumstance is a Class C misdemeanor punishable by a fine of up to $500 and/or imprisonment of up to 30 days (Illinois Compiled Statutes, Chap. 235, Section 5/6-20).

(The Class C Misdemeanor in this instance is referring to the minor child's actions.)
http://www.elmhurst.org/DocumentView.aspx?DID=430

235 ILCS 5/6-20 (ILCS-Illinois Liquor Control Statute)
Any consumption, possession, purchase or acceptance of any alcoholic beverage as a gift by any person under the age of 21 is forbidden, except during a religious ceremony or under parental supervision in the privacy of a home. Anyone who violates this section shall be guilty of a Class A misdemeanor.

(The Class A misdemeanor in this statute is in reference to Beverage Alcohol Sellers and Servers.)
http://www.state.il.us/lcc/basset/lawsandpenalties.asp?opening=citations

agnes!

 

[NHdisneylover]

Unless the link that was given much earlier in this thread is wrong (and this site links to the IL statue, so it's reasonable to assume it's accurate), IL does allow parents to give their children alchohol in their home.

ETA: Here is that link again: http://drinkingage.procon.org/view.resource.php?resourceID=002591

Thanks--I didn't bother to go back and find the link and specifically check Illinois--I am lazy
I do know that I lived in 6 states in the US as an adult. Of those 2 (Colorado and Wyoming) allowed drinking at home when under the direct supervision of parents. The vast majority of people I met in both states did not know this. Most Americans seem to assume the legal age is simply 21 with either no exceptions or only religious exceptions. SO, as far as affecting what the kids are used to I think my reasoning still (mostly) stands (as much as it is valid reasoning anyway--which is debatable)

 

[ZephyrHawk]

However, I 'think' if you offered most 17 year olds wine where I live, they'd spit it out. Wine has an acquired taste that is appreciated most with a mature pallet.

As do many things, which is why we try to expose our children to such substances at an early age. That way when they leave the house (usually at 18) they will have developed a little bit of that mature palate you're referencing. I didn't like broccoli when I was young, but I grew to appreciate it because my parents insisted I give it a try. However, they didn't much like asparagus, so I never got a taste for that until I was out and on my own in the world. Similarly, I like wine because I was raised to it, but I have no taste for Scotch, which my parents don't drink.

 

[Art 1]

To allow a teen to drink is a personal family decision, that varies from family to family. It has nothing to do with how much we love our children.

I never said it did have anything with how much you love your child. And if you choose to break the law and supply alcohol to a minor, good for you.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I never said it did have anything with how much you love your child. And if you choose to break the law and supply alcohol to a minor, good for you.

It has been pointed out repeatedly in this thread that it is NOT illegal to supply your own child with alcohol in your home in many US states. Assuming that any and all parents (or even just Acklander--unless you know more about where she is currently living than her location tells us) who allow their children to drink something with dinner are choosing to break the law is kind of offensive and antagonistic given the clear evidence to the contrary already discussed in the thread.

 

[mjkacmom]

I never said it did have anything with how much you love your child. And if you choose to break the law and supply alcohol to a minor, good for you.

In my state, I'm in my rights to give my 7 year olds beer if I choose to. There is no chance of that happening, but if my older kids want a glass of champagne on New Years Eve, or wine with a holiday dinner, I have no problem with that. I am clearly within my legal rights, and this is how I was brought up. I am breaking no laws.