Allowing your underaged teen to drink, your thoughts?

[Sparx]

Yeah, I don't get the "break the law" comments since it's not illegal. It's a cultural decision with no right or wrong answer.

Underage drinking is illegal in some states. Its not just the "buying" of alcohol that is illegal. In Tennessee (where I live) drinking underage is illegal except for religious reasons (wine at church etc)

 

[chobie]

Underage drinking is illegal in some states. Its not just the "buying" of alcohol that is illegal. In Tennessee (where I live) drinking underage is illegal except for religious reasons (wine at church etc)

Well, obviously no one is advocating breaking the law. In the majority of states, though, it is legal for minors to drink in the home.

 

[MrsPete]

Yeah, I don't get the "break the law" comments since it's not illegal. It's a cultural decision with no right or wrong answer.

The legal-to-consume-but-not-to-buy thing is really a weak standpoint. If it's illegal to buy, it's not meant for consumption either; you're ignoring the spirit of the law.

I would not feel like my supervising my child's first drinks "caused" the alcoholism -- it's much more complicated than that.

I totally think my grandparents "caused" my father's alcoholism by allowing him to drink beer (in the same manner that other kids drank milk) from around the time he was starting school. Did other things play into his problem? Absolutely, but none so much as his parents' allowing him to develop a taste for alcohol early, none so much as all the damage done to his still-developing organs at a young age. He died around age 40, and my grandmother was devestated knowing that she had led him down that path.

As for the difference-between-drinking-and-being-drunk, I never, ever saw my father drunk. He drank constantly, but he was never falling-down drunk. My aunt reports that he didn't drink excessively/didn't become drunk as a child/teen either -- he just had a glass of beer with lunch and with dinner. Really, it was treated much like soda or milk in their house.

 

[Deb & Bill]

...As for the difference-between-drinking-and-being-drunk, I never, ever saw my father drunk. He drank constantly, but he was never falling-down drunk. My aunt reports that he didn't drink excessively/didn't become drunk as a child/teen either -- he just had a glass of beer with lunch and with dinner. Really, it was treated much like soda or milk in their house.

Alcoholics usually develop a high tolerance to alcohol. So they don't appear drunk, but if you test their blood alcohol level is is right up there.

 

[tasha99]

The legal-to-consume-but-not-to-buy thing is really a weak standpoint. If it's illegal to buy, it's not meant for consumption either; you're ignoring the spirit of the law.

I disagree and think you're missing the spirit of the law. Social drinking in the home is cultural. I'm a second generation American, and in Europe, it's done all the time. I was allowed to drink as a teenager--it didn't stop me from stupid drinking that I grew out of around the time I turned 21, but oh well. The point is, the laws are written the way they are so as to leave things up to a parent's discretion.

 

[luvmy3]

The legal-to-consume-but-not-to-buy thing is really a weak standpoint. If it's illegal to buy, it's not meant for consumption either; you're ignoring the spirit of the law.

No, as it stands in many states it is not against the law to consume alcohol under the age of 21. There is no such thing as a "spirit" of a law, its either a law or it isn't.

 

[chobie]

No, as it stands in many states it is not against the law to consume alcohol under the age of 21. There is no such thing as a "spirit" of a law, its either a law or it isn't.

Exactly.

 

[paintnolish]

My parents sometimes let me have a drink when I was underage- one drink! They let me have a wine cooler, mudslide, or something else light when I was in my late teens. This was when I was at home. For example, they let me have a Zima on New Year's Eve when we were on vacation. Yeah...Zima...that tells you how long ago that was!

 

[tinkerbell_xo]

Those of you who say not until 21, would you decision change if you lived in a location where the legal drinking age was 19?

That's what I'm wondering.
In Canada (as you know) the legal drinking age is either 18 or 19 depending on the province and I'm not sure about the territories.
And if an American teenager goes away to school at 17 or 18 do their parents honestly believe they won't drink alocohol until 3 or 4 years later?! Like maybe take their first sip at graduation? HAH! Not likely.

And I really think the alcoholic conversations have no place on this thread. If you have a history of alcoholism in your family then yes, obviously take caution and your situation is different. BUT allowing your responisble, mature,17 year old to drink in your presence is not going to turn him/her into an alcoholic.

 

[luvmy3]

That's what I'm wondering.
In Canada (as you know) the legal drinking age is either 18 or 19 depending on the province and I'm not sure about the territories.
And if an American teenager goes away to school at 17 or 18 do their parents honestly believe they won't drink alocohol until 3 or 4 years later?! Like maybe take their first sip at graduation? HAH! Not likely.

And I really think the alcoholic conversations have no place on this thread. If you have a history of alcoholism in your family then yes, obviously take caution and your situation is different. BUT allowing your responisble, mature,17 year old to drink in your presence is not going to turn him/her into an alcoholic.

Well according to many on the DIS there is no such thing as a responsible, mature 17 year old. I'm not one of them, but they are out there

 

[tinkerbell_xo]

Well according to many on the DIS there is no such thing as a responsible, mature 17 year old. I'm not one of them, but they are out there

Hahaha! Well that's true! How could I forget all the Miley bashing threads. She's 17. You don't become a repsonsible, mature, contributing member of society until you're 35, married and have children.

And I completely agree that MANY 17, 18, 25 year olds are NOT capable of drinking responsibly. But being open minded, understanding and HONEST with your teen, in my opinion, is best.

 

[natcat117]

My parents let me have a glass of champagne during the holidays (Christmas, New Years), but I never drink more than a sip. I just hate the taste. I drank about a 1/4 of a Pina Colava at Disney World. That's the most alcohol I have ever had.

I'm 19 and I just finished my freshman year of college. I'm not the drinking/partying type at all. It's just not how I have fun. You can bet a lot of people were expecting me to "rebel" and go crazy in college. Not every teen drinks.

 

[TiggWDW]

Exactly. If it was illegal that would be another matter for me. No way would I allow DS to do anything illegal even with me around.

Underage drinking IS illegal. That's why it's called UNDERAGE.

 

[luvmy3]

Underage drinking IS illegal. That's why it's called UNDERAGE.

No, it actually isn't in all states. That fact has been posted by many on this thread already but if you still can't believe that, you can check out the link that was posted that shows there are exceptions to the 21 year old drinking age that are perfectly legal.

 

[Aisling]

Hmmmm.....tough one.

My DD is almost 19, in college, and has told me that she has a drink or two at college parties. When I was her age, drinking was legal. So, for an "age" thing, it doesn't bother me but I don't like the thoughts of her breaking the law in public and getting in trouble.
Having said that, if I was having a *family* gathering, I might offer her a glass of wine, beer, etc. I would not offer it if any other underage people were around (her friends).

I feel exactly the same way as you do. My son is 18 and has had wine at dinner at home, but I totally discourage drinking in a situation where he could get into legal trouble. I did the same with my now 24 year old, and so far so good. My son got drunk for the first time at his 21st birthday party and he absolutely regretted it. He quickly learned that he's better off enjoying a beer or mixed drink without getting seconds. I'm lucky in that respect, since I know the hell my sister went through with her teen son drinking a lot. (The Air Force took care of that problem for him, thank God.)

 

[Aisling]

Is it true that if you're married under the age of 21, you can legally drink? I thought I heard that somewhere.

 

[luvmy3]

Is it true that if you're married under the age of 21, you can legally drink? I thought I heard that somewhere.

I have never heard that so I'm only stating my opinion. If the law says you are legally able to fight for your country but not be able to buy yourself a beer under the age of 21, then I doubt being married would make much of a difference either.
Of course who knows, I didn't realize that in some states it was legal to consume alcohol in certain places without parental consent either

 

[mamacatnv]

To answer the original question.

I allow my 20 year old to consume alcohol in our home or sometimes when we are at private functions, it depends on the location, the event etc. NV law allows with parent consent on private property (no restaurants/bars). I started allowing it when he was 18.

I would never ever provide alcohol to another young adult under any circumstances. DS's friends know it too, don't plan to partake at MamaCat's house!

DS will be 21 in a few months he is way more excited that he will be legal to purchase and carry hand guns than he is about being able to go to a bar and order up!

 

[Acklander]

Again, I must ask all you more permissive parents: How would you feel knowing you had supervised your child's first drinks IF that child later has alcoholism?

Where an alcoholic gets his first drink has no bearing on his becoming an alcoholic. That's a disease.

That would be like saying, if you teach your child to drive responsibly and years later he caused an accident, how would you feel that you taught him to drive? After all if you had never taught him to drive, he never would have caused the accident.

 

[mamacatnv]

Is it true that if you're married under the age of 21, you can legally drink? I thought I heard that somewhere.

A couple of years ago a friend of mine in Dallas, Texas said that when her DD got married at 18 and her spouse was present, she was allowed to drink in restaurants etc.