Wait ... you want architectural integrity in a 21st century suburban tract house? Talk about unrealistic expectations.
Also, shouldn't there also be a keystone over the "porch" archway?
(Actually, the chainsaw isn't a half-bad idea. If you cut the house in half just to the right of the righthand porch pillar and swung the rest of it around to the back, it would be greatly improved, IMO. Well, except for those mismatched gables ...)
FWIW, I *truly* hate mixing brick and siding on a single facade. I'm not all that wild about front-only brick construction, but I understand the economic reasons for that. (There have been a few teardowns in my neighborhood replaced with these -- they stick out like a sore thumb in our all-brick neighborhood -- and lower the property values. Buyers here very commonly specify an "all-brick" block when stating their preferences.)