Advice- wwyd? Long

[dakcp2001]

I have been shadowing an RN for the last 8 weeks. Initially she signed up for this teaching position because she is saving up for something and thought (and was mistakenly told) she would get paid extra to take on a student. After my second week she found out she was not getting paid for it, and she was pretty upset. So for a couple of weeks, she was mean and annoyed and well frankly, made me feel awful. She complained to everyone on the floor about how she was stuck with me and how I don't know anything, and how I suck etc etc etc and it was really awful for me. She said some awful things. I wanted to quit, but wasn't in a position to do so. And I am old enough to know better then to quit something this important over catty girls. I need this for my resume, and I need the experience. It felt like back in junior high with the "mean girls" I sort of just worked as her nurses aid for the bulk of the summer weeks, and it was good experience, so I am not complaining about that. Those are skills I did need to practice. BUt I did not get to see anything with medications or anything which I was hoping to learn. And the rest of the staff did teach me a lot of helpful skills along the way, which is valuable experience.

Anywho, My mentor nurse did get over it and the last couple of weeks she did make an effort to teach me and it has been a lot better. We have become sort of friends and I really feel like I did learn quite a bit these past few weeks and I know it is going to help me in my career. She really would be great at teaching a new Nurse who has finished school, but she does not have the patience to teach a student. She did a lot of eye rolling and huffing and puffing if I didnt know how to do something, that I haven't learned in school yet.


So now, the end of the program is here and I am conflicted. They are asking me for feedback on how I liked the program, but i feel like I cannot be honest because :
1. I am trying to get a job here for the fall and
2. I am now "sort of" friends with the nurse I worked with
BUT I would feel bad if another student gets stuck with her. I do not thnk it will be an issue, as I do not think she would volunteer again knowing it is not extra pay.
WWYD about the feedback? I dont want to hurt my chances of getting hired, I know the program lady really thinks highly of her. And I may have to work with her again if they do hire me and I don't want it to be akward.

I also feel like I should get some sort of thank you gift for the staff (A lot of people on the floor were very supportive and saw the situation I was in, and a lot of the other Nurses did make an effort to show me things and teach me things when they got cool stuff)

I also feel like I should get my mentor RN some sort of thank you gift because although she was mean for a few weeks, overall I did learn a lot and I know it is a handful and a lot of work to teach a student. And she didnt get paid extra for it!


So what can i do that is not super expensive for both my mentor and for the staff? I am thinking maybe a thank you card and a bottle of wine for her and then maybe bagels or muffins and a thank you card for the staff? ANy suggestions on something affordable that people might like?

My DF thinks I should tell the program director a totally honest review and not get my mentor a thank you card at all. But I need to make nice if I want to get a job here next year.And in her defense, I did suck and I also didn't know anything, that is why I signed up for the summer program lol

 

[Handbag Lady]

Be honest in the review and blame the program set-up and not the mentor. She thought she was getting paid and it led to some resentment. Overall, the experience turned out well but you could have learned more.

Then, get a small gift for both your mentor and the department.

Maybe do a bagel day or some other food thing for the department?

 

[Abbie]

I think you are very, very smart to consider how your actions now will impact your job situation later! I would not lie on the review but there are ways to phrase things so they can improve the failings of the program yet not single any one person out. You are quick to say you got valuable experience and learned a lot so I would focus on that and forget the negative situation between you and your mentor that existed at the beginning. Be tactful and diplomatic, and I think a small token for both your mentor and the staff is a great idea! Especially if you hope to work there in the future, it doesn't hurt to be seen as grateful and a team player.

ETA: And you know what? Good for you for sticking out a difficult situation! You learned way more about all sorts of things than you would have if it had been made easy for you.....and someday you might be a mentor nurse and you'll know how NOT to treat someone!

 

[EthansMom]

I would recommend trying to think of a way to word your criticisms so that they criticize the program rather than the people. For instance: "Responsibilities for Mentor/student relationship need to be more clear." Make sure to put in praise for the people: "Mentor was helpful."

For the staff, I think a group food item would go over well. For your mentor, a GC for a restaurant or store (one you know she'd use) enclosed in a note detailing your thanks would be a good idea. Also, a letter sent to your Mentor's boss (that could be added to her employement file) would be very nice and might help in her career.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Frankly, if I was seeking a job there I would probably limit my comments to the things that went well in the program. Then, after you begin working there full time, loop back with your new friend and tell her how she made you feel when she did those things...

 

[DawnCt1]

You learned a valuable lesson; Some nurses are like guppies; they eat their young alive. Its an unfortunate truth and it sounds like you have learned how to "roll with it", and more importantly, how not to treat a student that will one day look up to you as a mentor. Would I get her a gift? Not on your life. Nor would I befriend her as anything more than a casual acquaintance. It wasn't your fault that she didn't get paid, yet she had no problem taking out her anger on you. Why would you want a friend like that?

 

[disykat]

First forcus on the positives, then how about something like "Clarifying the role of mentor and student and making sure the mentor is aware that the student will not yet have training in ---- would be helpful."

I agree with everyone else that you can't say negative things about your mentor, but you CAN give constructive advice about the program.

 

[shortbun]

I wouldn't gush but I wouldn't complain either. Never burn bridges in these areas, you never know when you might encounter this person again professionally.Good luck in your career. Gift? Offer to take her to a casual lunch, no gift.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'm going to be the voice of dissention here.

I think you should comment on the process of mentoring, insofar as you feel that the mentoring nurse NOT being paid extra to mentor someone can make for a difficult transition for the "mentoree".

Mentoring a new nurse is hard. It makes additional work for the mentor...how much additional work depends on the "mentoree". It is work that I am happy to do, because I like to think that I am helping "mold" a new nurse, but, my hospital also pays us an extra differential to mentor. I can see how she would be resentful, having to do extra work without extra pay. However, that doesn't excuse her bad behavior toward you...that is unprofessional on her part, and uncalled for. If she has a problem with the mentroing program she should take it up with the program's directors/designers, not take it out on the mentoree.

So, if they ask me for an evaluation, how would I word it so you're not throwing anyone under the bus. I'd probably say something like "The mentoring nurse takes on a lot of extra work and responsibilty to mentor a student, and I feel that for him/her not to get paid a differential for this extra work can cause resentment and make the mentoree's experience less valuable."

As far as what to do for your mentoring nurse...it's nice that you are able to see things somewhat from her perspective. I might get her a small thank you gift...a Starbucks gift card, a nice candle...something like that, with a note thanking her...maybe something along the lines of "I know it can be frustrating to have someone tagging along, but I really appreciate you taking the time to teach me". If she's halfway decent, she'll feel a little guilty about how she treated you if she gets a gracious thank you note from you. As far as being "friends" with her...I'd tread carefully there. Be civil and "work friendly" but remember, she showed you her true colors.

 

[Nancyg56]

I would be very careful discussing the pay the mentor did or did not get. In most jobs discussing pay is a huge issue and could be held against you during the hiring process. Your information may be used to penalize your mentor. At no time should you have know what the compensation the mentor was promises, got or was not getting. That little tidbit should have been between her and her manager or HR.

I agree that I would discuss the positive aspects of the program and if pressed for constructive feedback I would limit it by discussing the balance between allowing the student practical experience and providing patient care and how the overall responsibility can be overwhelming for the mentor.

Gift? Probably not much. She put you in a very uncomfortable position and could have cost you your chance of being hired.

 

[MrsPete]

Difficult situation.

I've had a couple student teachers, and they ARE extra work; on the other hand, no one's ever forced me to take one! It's always been my choice to take on a student. I can understand that she'd be upset if she thought it was a paying gig, and then it turned out to be a volunteer thing -- how'd that mix-up occur anyway? Regardless of the circumstances, it was 100% unprofessional for her to treat you as if you'd caused the mistake. I hope her co-workers and supervisers are aware of how treated you, though it would be equally unprofessional for you to complain about her poor performance. You're done with it, and you have to let it go.

Where was your university superviser during all this? Every time I've had a student teacher, I've been well prepared. I've been required to attend a "these are our expectations" meeting along with my new student teacher. Each time I've had a handbook, a checklists of specific things I was supposed to do with my student teacher, and -- perhaps most of all -- regular visits from the university superviser to see how things're going. I think BOTH your nurse-superviser AND your unviersity superviser have let you down.

However, you can't do anything about that now, and you are absolutely right to think about your future employability. What's done is done, and you can only contain the damage:

1. I would give a fair and honest recital of the facts to your university superviser; this nurse should never be assigned another student. It's bad enough that she's treated one student nurse in this manner! Be concise and factual, not emotional in your evaluation -- that is, the evaluation that the university will see. I would not say one negative word about anyone or anything in any document that the hospital could see.

2. I would give her -- the nurse superviser -- a card on your last day; you can honestly say that you've learned a great deal during your weeks at the hospital (you don't have to say you learned a great deal from her) . . . and that this experience has made you excited to return to the classroom to complete your education, strengthened your desire to work in the medical field, you particularly feel stronger in your ______ skills . . . and that you would one day love to work in this hospital. None of that is lovey-dovey towards her, but you'll be taking the high road.

If you do end up working with her one day, you don't have to go out of your way to be her friend -- but you may need to interact professionally with her. Or, since she's older and more experienced than you, she could even be your superviser and have real control of your work hours and conditions one day. Don't burn any bridges.

3. Do a small something nice -- the bagels that someone else mentioned are a good idea -- for the whole unit. Here in the school system, we are very aware that our student teachers aren't paid, and no one expects them to do gifts or anything, but you can never go wrong with a small remembrance for those who've helped you. Food is a nice middle-of-the-road, not overboard thing to do.

 

[wdwfan16]

I have been shadowing an RN for the last 8 weeks. Initially she signed up for this teaching position because she is saving up for something and thought (and was mistakenly told) she would get paid extra to take on a student. After my second week she found out she was not getting paid for it, and she was pretty upset. So for a couple of weeks, she was mean and annoyed and well frankly, made me feel awful. She complained to everyone on the floor about how she was stuck with me and how I don't know anything, and how I suck etc etc etc and it was really awful for me. She said some awful things. I wanted to quit, but wasn't in a position to do so. And I am old enough to know better then to quit something this important over catty girls. I need this for my resume, and I need the experience. It felt like back in junior high with the "mean girls" I sort of just worked as her nurses aid for the bulk of the summer weeks, and it was good experience, so I am not complaining about that. Those are skills I did need to practice. BUt I did not get to see anything with medications or anything which I was hoping to learn. And the rest of the staff did teach me a lot of helpful skills along the way, which is valuable experience.

Anywho, My mentor nurse did get over it and the last couple of weeks she did make an effort to teach me and it has been a lot better. We have become sort of friends and I really feel like I did learn quite a bit these past few weeks and I know it is going to help me in my career. She really would be great at teaching a new Nurse who has finished school, but she does not have the patience to teach a student. She did a lot of eye rolling and huffing and puffing if I didnt know how to do something, that I haven't learned in school yet.


So now, the end of the program is here and I am conflicted. They are asking me for feedback on how I liked the program, but i feel like I cannot be honest because :
1. I am trying to get a job here for the fall and
2. I am now "sort of" friends with the nurse I worked with
BUT I would feel bad if another student gets stuck with her. I do not thnk it will be an issue, as I do not think she would volunteer again knowing it is not extra pay.
WWYD about the feedback? I dont want to hurt my chances of getting hired, I know the program lady really thinks highly of her. And I may have to work with her again if they do hire me and I don't want it to be akward.

I also feel like I should get some sort of thank you gift for the staff (A lot of people on the floor were very supportive and saw the situation I was in, and a lot of the other Nurses did make an effort to show me things and teach me things when they got cool stuff)

I also feel like I should get my mentor RN some sort of thank you gift because although she was mean for a few weeks, overall I did learn a lot and I know it is a handful and a lot of work to teach a student. And she didnt get paid extra for it!


So what can i do that is not super expensive for both my mentor and for the staff? I am thinking maybe a thank you card and a bottle of wine for her and then maybe bagels or muffins and a thank you card for the staff? ANy suggestions on something affordable that people might like?

My DF thinks I should tell the program director a totally honest review and not get my mentor a thank you card at all. But I need to make nice if I want to get a job here next year.And in her defense, I did suck and I also didn't know anything, that is why I signed up for the summer program lol

Do not burn any bridges. Thank everybody. Tell the good and then add a few constructive ideas to make it even better.

 

[dakcp2001]

Thank you all so much for all of your advice and support. You all made very good points and gave great advice, and I really needed it from all of you! I was having a hard time separating my emotion from my feedback. So I am going to get the floor something from a local bakery that people rave about, and a thank you card and for my mentor with a small token of appreciation, not going to break the bank.

DISNEY DOLL- I might use your words exactly TY! And thank you for being nice to your new Nurses, we are terrified and we are aware we have a lot to learn! And although I did see some of the "eat their young" types of nurses, there were quite a few who were very patient and took extra time to teach me which was awesome, and which was greatly apprecitated!


Mrs Pete- I did not need any more credits, so I opted to do it without credits so the school did not participate at all. I def think this is the only reason she got away with her behavior. The Nurse manager was aware of everything, but I think she is related to my mentor rolleyes I cannot speak to her about it. I am pretty sure she said something to my mentor at one point though which may be what caused the turn around. I know SOMEONE spoke up to her, but I really wish I knew who. lol. They dseserved a TY card as well. Ha. My mentor is also younger than me, she went to Nursing school right out of high school, I am doing this as a career change, so I am certain her age had a lot to do with her maturity level. She still could end up being in charge of me someday so I am treading lightly.


I guess it all comes down to the program itself. The director of the program works for HR and will have a say in whether or not I get hired after graduation so now that I have become aware of this new development, my feedback will be limited to the positive parts of my experience. I am going to make nice. When I was accepted into the program, I was also given a LOT of incorrect info, on several occasions, so I was not surprised by the mix up with the "paid or unpaid" info my mentor was given. Overall it was a positive experience, but the middle was really hard to get through! But its OVER! I kind of wish it was a few more weeks now that things are going well.

 

[Disney Doll]

See bolded

Thank you all so much for all of your advice and support. You all made very good points and gave great advice, and I really needed it from all of you! I was having a hard time separating my emotion from my feedback. So I am going to get the floor something from a local bakery that people rave about, and a thank you card and for my mentor with a small token of appreciation, not going to break the bank.

DISNEY DOLL- I might use your words exactly TY! And thank you for being nice to your new Nurses, we are terrified and we are aware we have a lot to learn! And although I did see some of the "eat their young" types of nurses, there were quite a few who were very patient and took extra time to teach me which was awesome, and which was greatly apprecitated! Well, I figure some of these nurses are goign to be taking care of me someday when I get old, so I want them to know how to do it right!


Mrs Pete- I did not need any more credits, so I opted to do it without credits so the school did not participate at all. I def think this is the only reason she got away with her behavior. The Nurse manager was aware of everything, but I think she is related to my mentor rolleyes I cannot speak to her about it. Shame on that nurse manager. The personal or familial relationship shouldn't have any bearing on the work relationship. If I worke don that unit, I'd be watching pretty closely to make sure "relative" wasn't allowed any special priveleges. I am pretty sure she said something to my mentor at one point though which may be what caused the turn around. I know SOMEONE spoke up to her, but I really wish I knew who. Perhaps the manager, perhaps another o-worker. I have been known to say "You weren't born a nurse you know" to some of my co-workers who I thought were being mean to students or new grads. lol. They dseserved a TY card as well. Ha. My mentor is also younger than me, she went to Nursing school right out of high school, I am doing this as a career change, so I am certain her age had a lot to do with her maturity level. No excuse. I went to nursing school right out of high school and I don't ever recall treating a mentoree badly.Nursing has no room for immaturity. It is a life or death job at times, and we need people with the ability to handle that. She still could end up being in charge of me someday so I am treading lightly.


I guess it all comes down to the program itself. The director of the program works for HR and will have a say in whether or not I get hired after graduation so now that I have become aware of this new development, my feedback will be limited to the positive parts of my experience. I am going to make nice. When I was accepted into the program, I was also given a LOT of incorrect info, on several occasions, so I was not surprised by the mix up with the "paid or unpaid" info my mentor was given. Overall it was a positive experience, but the middle was really hard to get through! But its OVER! I kind of wish it was a few more weeks now that things are going well. As hard as the middle was for you to go through, think about what you learned from it...how to treat mentorees when you are the mentor in a few years. You also learned a little something about your mentor, and I like I said in my previous post, remember that she gave you a little insight into her personality and ethics, and act accordingly.

Best of luck as you embark on your new career. We need good nurses!