Advice welcome dealing with son & his school ***HE'S BEEN MOVED!***

[OceanAnnie]

*********ANOTHER UPDATE******

Can you believe that after I demanded my son be turned around from the wall on Monday, on Tuesday it still hadn't been done??

I had left a voicemail for him at 11:00AM to follow up. At 2:15 my Dh called me to tell me he was not moved. As I hung up with him, the principal called and told me that he did observe my son seated that way today and he will be moved "tomorrow" meaning today. TOMORROW??? YOU MADE HIM WAIT YET ANOTHER DAY? WHO THE HELL IS IN CHARGE OVER THERE? HOW DARE YOU IGNORE MY REQUESTS WHEN WE ASKED 9 DAYS AGO TO HAVE HIM MOVED AND YOU AGREED!!! DO I HAVE TO TAKE THIS MATTER UP WITH THE SUPERINDTANT? He said there's no need to threaten him all he could say was that he will be moved and that he "doesn't discuss matters in front of the students" and I told him he could have easily pulled her outside and told her to move him. I told him I was extremely frustrated with his lack of concern and how my son is being punished by his staff member and I expected much more from a man in his position and he was a coward!

The other teacher who made that comment and this teacher will "face discplinary action" but he cannot tell me because it's not my business!

today my son's seat was moved. I told the principal that she'd better not take her reprimand out on my son. Well, he tells me that someone was whistling and she said "Dylan! that'll be 2 strikes and a detention! and he told her it wasn't him. She didn't believe him. At the end of the class a girl went up to the teacher and told her is was her, not Dylan. Dylan had bolted out of the classroom because he was so mad. The girl found him and told him that the teacher wanted so see him and that she had admitted it wasn't him. Dylan said he didn't want to talk to the teacher and the teacher told her the strikes would remain then!!!!!!! He went the asst principal and she made him right an apology to the teacher for refusing to see her but he would not serve the detention. I WANT TO RIP MY HAIR OUT I'M SO LIVID.

Now she's just provoking him. He says she told him out loud that she wouldn't have moved him if it were up to her.

I did speak to the superintendant's asst who asked if my son's seat had been moved or did I want to email him about the situation anyway. I saved my email to a draft for future reference and this will go on there too.

WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE THIS STOP??????

I hope you get your DS out of that classroom pronto. It sounds like the teacher has it out for him. Not a good environment at all. He's damned if he does and damned if he doesn't. I wouldn't accept a "no" on moving him.

No apology to the teacher is needed. She should apologize to him. And that would be my stance on the matter.

I'm sorry. It seems to be getting much worse.

 

[LisaR]

*********ANOTHER UPDATE******


WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO MAKE THIS STOP??????

You need to have him removed from that class effective IMMEDIATELY. Not tomorrow or next week. NOW! If they don't have another class for him, have him use the time as study hall and he can make the class up in the summer.

I would not put up with this. Personally I would remove him from that school altogether but I realize that may not be a viable option. Get him out of the class NOW!

 

[OceanAnnie]

You need to have him removed from that class effective IMMEDIATELY. Not tomorrow or next week. NOW! If they don't have another class for him, have him use the time as study hall and he can make the class up in the summer.

I would not put up with this. Personally I would remove him from that school altogether but I realize that may not be a viable option. Get him out of the class NOW!

I agree. I would consider asking the superintendent to move him on the grounds that no one is looking out for your DS's best interest. He could move to another school in the district. Fresh start.

At the very least, a different class. And a serious talk with the superintendent.

 

[Wishing on a star]

What do you have to do....

WALK INTO THAT SCHOOL AND TAKE CARE OF IT....

If nothing else, I would have my son placed in a study hall or ANYWHERE else during that class period. My son, very simply, would not walk back into this teacher's classroom, ever again, period.

OP: There are avenues... but unfortunately, these are not avenues that most parents are able to pursue.
These avenues are only availiable thru the Special Education Department.

FIRST: you need a diagnosis and a bona-fide IEP - the IEP will not come without the dx.
SECOND: you have to document, document, document, forever, that any certain staff members are in violation of your son's IEP.
THIRD: you would have to hire a professional SPED advocate, because, in these cases, it becomes a legal matter (the schools could not care less) and a parent is simply not able to handle this alone. It does become too emotional.
FOURTH: you would have to sue the school district for failing to provide your son FAPE (Free and Appropriate Education) under Federal IDEA guidelines.

So, unless you have a couple of years, a ton of time to devote to this, a ton of money $$$$$, a ton of emotional strength and intestinal fortitude, and no problems with handling this while trying to maintain your job if you are employed, etc... etc... etc... (all the while, your son's education and psychological and emotional health are compromised)

If you look at the above list, then you can see why everyone here is telling you to go for an outside, objective, thorough evaluation. Without this, there is no basis for an IEP... Without an IEP, there is no basis for request of any accomodations of your son's issues. (and teachers will continue to interact with your son and treat him as you are seeing right now)

But, for now, my advice remains the same... I would personally, with my husband, walk right into that school, first thing tomorrow morning, and demand that your son is removed from that classroom immediately (not one more single footstep into that classroom...), and that he is never in this teacher's classroom in the future.

 

[Kimmumum]

Lori, my heart is breaking for you and your son. Unfortunately, my DS15 and I know exactly what you are going through. We have had good teachers and BAD teachers. Some years were REALLY HORRIBLE and others were better. Some of my teachers were willing to work with him and this strengths, others were not. He had a Social Studies (a one hour class) teacher that couldn't stand him however his English teacher (a two hour class) never had an issue with him. She figured out if she let him run the overhead projector he was focused. Something so simple yet it worked. His homeroom teacher was a real witch and her punishment was to turn his desk around facing OUT THE WINDOW!!!! She couldn't understand why he was daydreaming so much.....maybe it was because he was watching the construction crews!!

In 8th grade we wanted him to be allowed to chew gum to help him focus. Everyone was against it. He had MANY detentions because he chewed it anyway (because it truly helped him). I called a meeting with ALL of his teachers, the guidance counselor, the principle and even the nurse. They finally agreed to TRY it. We never had another problem the rest of the year. However, one teacher decided that he needed to "log" every time he needed gum. She put a "log" in the back of the classroom for him to write it. He had to get up and sign it even if it was disruptive. Whatever, he did it. She was mad because she thought he should just have a stress ball. Hmmm, can you imagine what would happen with that ball? I think he would have ended up in a lot more trouble....

I have only read your updates so I don't really know what everyone else has said BUT you need to remember that you and your hubby are the only ones that truly know your son and you need to fight for him. AND FIGHT HARD!!!

My son is no angel and we hold him accountable however we also hold the school responsible to hold up their end. DS is sensitive, fun, outgoing, lovable, mischievious and smart. We would not let them kill his confidence. I didn't want him to hate school.

My DS is medicated but no one would ever guess it until they see him off of his meds. He is not over medicated. He has been on several different meds and is currently on Strattera. This med doesn't work for everyone but I am grateful that it works for us because it is not a controlled substance. This drug works naturally with the bodies own chemicals. I also read that your doctor has an ADHD child. If for some reason you switch doctors make sure they believe in ADHD. Alot of doctors don't.

I'm sending a bunch of hugs and peace for a good night's sleep!!!

Whatever happens know that you are doing what you are doing to help your son. There is no other better reason than that. Also, know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

 

[Lorix2]

What do you have to do....

WALK INTO THAT SCHOOL AND TAKE CARE OF IT....

If nothing else, I would have my son placed in a study hall or ANYWHERE else during that class period. My son, very simply, would not walk back into this teacher's classroom, ever again, period.

OP: There are avenues... but unfortunately, these are not avenues that most parents are able to pursue.
These avenues are only availiable thru the Special Education Department.

FIRST: you need a diagnosis and a bona-fide IEP - the IEP will not come without the dx.
SECOND: you have to document, document, document, forever, that any certain staff members are in violation of your son's IEP.
THIRD: you would have to hire a professional SPED advocate, because, in these cases, it becomes a legal matter (the schools could not care less) and a parent is simply not able to handle this alone. It does become too emotional.
FOURTH: you would have to sue the school district for failing to provide your son FAPE (Free and Appropriate Education) under Federal IDEA guidelines.

So, unless you have a couple of years, a ton of time to devote to this, a ton of money $$$$$, a ton of emotional strength and intestinal fortitude, and no problems with handling this while trying to maintain your job if you are employed, etc... etc... etc... (all the while, your son's education and psychological and emotional health are compromised)

If you look at the above list, then you can see why everyone here is telling you to go for an outside, objective, thorough evaluation. Without this, there is no basis for an IEP... Without an IEP, there is no basis for request of any accomodations of your son's issues. (and teachers will continue to interact with your son and treat him as you are seeing right now)

But, for now, my advice remains the same... I would personally, with my husband, walk right into that school, first thing tomorrow morning, and demand that your son is removed from that classroom immediately (not one more single footstep into that classroom...), and that he is never in this teacher's classroom in the future.

Oh, forgot to mention, DH did go in to see the principal in person and it he made him realize we are not going to put up with this treatment.

I just finished adding to my draft/diary/timeline. I'm going to contact the asst princ that my son saw today about the whistling matter and include that outcome too. Our meeting is friday for the 504....just waiting for that now and his pedi wrote a letter for a reval. thank you so much for your advice.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Having your son removed from this classroom is an entirely different issue than his 504.

At this point, the teacher has created a hostile environment, and I would not have my son in her class tomorrow or Friday.

A 504 meeting may not be the time or place to address this one issue re: this one teacher. I would want this issue resolved (my son removed from that class), privately, in the Principal's office, and taken off the table. Nobody else except for administration, such as the Principal and Asst. Principal should be involved. (no other teachers or SPED people).

 

[Lorix2]

Lori, my heart is breaking for you and your son. Unfortunately, my DS15 and I know exactly what you are going through. We have had good teachers and BAD teachers. Some years were REALLY HORRIBLE and others were better. Some of my teachers were willing to work with him and this strengths, others were not. He had a Social Studies (a one hour class) teacher that couldn't stand him however his English teacher (a two hour class) never had an issue with him. She figured out if she let him run the overhead projector he was focused. Something so simple yet it worked. His homeroom teacher was a real witch and her punishment was to turn his desk around facing OUT THE WINDOW!!!! She couldn't understand why he was daydreaming so much.....maybe it was because he was watching the construction crews!!

In 8th grade we wanted him to be allowed to chew gum to help him focus. Everyone was against it. He had MANY detentions because he chewed it anyway (because it truly helped him). I called a meeting with ALL of his teachers, the guidance counselor, the principle and even the nurse. They finally agreed to TRY it. We never had another problem the rest of the year. However, one teacher decided that he needed to "log" every time he needed gum. She put a "log" in the back of the classroom for him to write it. He had to get up and sign it even if it was disruptive. Whatever, he did it. She was mad because she thought he should just have a stress ball. Hmmm, can you imagine what would happen with that ball? I think he would have ended up in a lot more trouble....

I have only read your updates so I don't really know what everyone else has said BUT you need to remember that you and your hubby are the only ones that truly know your son and you need to fight for him. AND FIGHT HARD!!!

My son is no angel and we hold him accountable however we also hold the school responsible to hold up their end. DS is sensitive, fun, outgoing, lovable, mischievious and smart. We would not let them kill his confidence. I didn't want him to hate school.

My DS is medicated but no one would ever guess it until they see him off of his meds. He is not over medicated. He has been on several different meds and is currently on Strattera. This med doesn't work for everyone but I am grateful that it works for us because it is not a controlled substance. This drug works naturally with the bodies own chemicals. I also read that your doctor has an ADHD child. If for some reason you switch doctors make sure they believe in ADHD. Alot of doctors don't.

I'm sending a bunch of hugs and peace for a good night's sleep!!!

Whatever happens know that you are doing what you are doing to help your son. There is no other better reason than that. Also, know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

Thank you also for your support and sharing your experience. I hope things have worked well for your son too. I love my son's pedi - she's been here too and says the same thing of some teachers of ADHD.

My son had an emotional outburst tonight, one like I have not seen in a very long time, he is beaten down, hurt and confused and is reluctant to tell me things now - even though I do not push, I let him come to me/us, but he knows it's not right and by telling us he knows we'll act on it and I think he's afraid things will get worse. He cried and cried and my heart is in a million pieces and has been since the 16th. He says don't worry mom, I'm used to it and I told him he shouldn't have to be

 

[LisaR]

Oh, forgot to mention, DH did go in to see the principal in person and it he made him realize we are not going to put up with this treatment.

I just finished adding to my draft/diary/timeline. I'm going to contact the asst princ that my son saw today about the whistling matter and include that outcome too. Our meeting is friday for the 504....just waiting for that now and his pedi wrote a letter for a reval. thank you so much for your advice.

I am sorry to be so blunt but you are putting up with this treatment. You really are. It sounds like you have done a lot of talking and threatening and your son is still suffering day in and day out. Do not allow him to step foot in that class again. Period. That class will never, ever improve - 504 or not. That teacher has it in for your son and a 504 isn't going to fix that. The 504 is important for the rest of his classes but getting him away from that one particular teacher should be priority one.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I am sorry to be so blunt but you are putting up with this treatment. You really are. It sounds like you have done a lot of talking and threatening and your son is still suffering day in and day out. Do not allow him to step foot in that class again. Period. That class will never, ever improve - 504 or not. That teacher has it in for your son and a 504 isn't going to fix that. The 504 is important for the rest of his classes but getting him away from that one particular teacher should be priority one.

I agree....
My son would be sitting in the area in front of the Principal's office during that class time tomorrow and every day, before I would have him walk back into that teacher's room.

 

[Lorix2]

Having your son removed from this classroom is an entirely different issue than his 504.

At this point, the teacher has created a hostile environment, and I would not have my son in her class tomorrow or Friday.

A 504 meeting may not be the time or place to address this one issue re: this one teacher. I would want this issue solved, privately, in the Principal's office, and taken off the table. Nobody else except for administration, such as the Principal and Asst. Principal should be involved. (no other teachers or SPED people).

I totally agree that the 504 is a separate issue and I must have made it sounds like I thought I would discuss those issues at the meeting, but I know that's not the place How can I just remove him from math? I don't know what else to do about that, he has her for social studies too and I don't want him uprooted from his pod that he's doing well in - other than in this monster's classes.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If staying in this 'pod' means that he has TWO classes with this teacher you just described as 'monster'... then NOPE!!! HE IS NOT DOING WELL IN THAT POD!!!

OP, you cannot fight an avalanche or a flood with a teaspoon.
It is time to take some definite action.

Again, my son would not step foot in this teacher's classroom.

 

[Lorix2]

I am sorry to be so blunt but you are putting up with this treatment. You really are. It sounds like you have done a lot of talking and threatening and your son is still suffering day in and day out. Do not allow him to step foot in that class again. Period. That class will never, ever improve - 504 or not. That teacher has it in for your son and a 504 isn't going to fix that. The 504 is important for the rest of his classes but getting him away from that one particular teacher should be priority one.

You are 100% right - thank you.

 

[Lorix2]

If staying in this 'pod' means that he has TWO classes with this teacher you just described as 'monster'... then NOPE!!! HE IS NOT DOING WELL IN THAT POD!!!

OP, you cannot fight an avalanche or a flood with a teaspoon.
It is time to take some definite action.

Again, my son would not step foot in this teacher's classroom.

Well, he is with 5 other teachers classes

If I keep him out of those classes, they will fail him, I don't see how that will help, what am I missing here? I will send my email to the super tomorrow.

 

[Wishing on a star]

It is up to the school to provide your son an appropriate and non-hostile classroom. It is up to them to make the necessary adjustments to his schedule.

If they fail to provide new classrooms for his math and social studies, then they are NOT providing a FAPE (appropriate education).

If a new pod (group schedule????) is necessary, then so be it.

Your son's physical and mental/emotional well being should be your only concern here... not whether he might fail social studies. If he has a breakdown and is unable to handle class and complete the work, then he could fail anyhow.

Look, you cannot force this teacher to handle your son appropriately.
At this point, just think about the feeling in the pit of his stomach that he is sure to have as he walks into that classroom tomorrow..... Is that really okay with you?

Again,

 

[LisaR]

Well, he is with 5 other teachers classes

If I keep him out of those classes, they will fail him, I don't see how that will help, what am I missing here? I will send my email to the super tomorrow.

He will need to make the classes up. Does your district offer online classes? If not, he can take them over the summer. Is it the best option? No! But it beats sitting through the classes with a teacher that is making his self esteem tank. And really, what is he learning this year in those classes anyway?

Plus, the school isn't going to let him do nothing. If they see you are serious and he is not allowed to return to the classes, they will respond. Right now you are doing nothing but threatening them but you aren't taking any action so they aren't responding. Pull him from the classes immediately and see how quickly they respond.

 

[robinb]

You are 100% right - thank you.

{{hugs}} I would love to be the fly on the wall when you finally let the principal have it. I am appalled at the way the school is treating you and ... far more importantly ... your son. I just don't get it. The principal must be a complete push over for the teachers to act that way. Good thing you and your DH are NOT push overs. I just can't begin to imagine my 5th grade DD having to face the wall for the first few months of the school year. It would emotionally gut her and make her useless for anything, least of all LEARNING. I remember that one of her classmates in 1st grade spent the WHOLE year facing the chalkboard. I felt so sorry for him that I spent extra time with him everytime I volunteered. Of course, my DD's 1st grade teacher was HORRIBLE and stunted her learning so much it still shows 4 years later.

 

[disneydreamingdebby]

I think you have legal options due to the 504. I would demand to talk to the super at this point not the asst. I would explain the whistling situation. This alone should exemplify the issue. The teacher falsely accusing him and then is angry that he doesn't come back to talk to her? Ridiculous. She clearly is trying to assert authority.

Have everything documented and listen for resolutions. If you state a problem, ask for how it will be addressed. If it is swept away, hammer until you get a solution for each concern.

My list would be (1) What social studies and math class are you moving my son to TOMORROW? (I think you said it is the same teacher or at least both teachers are problems.) Moving him is the only option at this point. This teacher is not going to change and you need your son to trust that the school wants to help him. Demand that he is moved. They won't deny this request because I think you can sue them for not following the 504. It is a public school; they can't deny him a social studies or math class. Even if he stays in the room, I'm not sure he can fail the class if compliance to the 504 is not occuring.

(2) What strategies will the NEW teachers use to meet my son's 504? How will they redirect him? This would be a question for the new teachers and maybe even through email.

Here are two I am currently using in my 11th grade college prep level English class: one student has a wipe board. For a couple of days, I handed it to him and instructed him to write what he is thinking and read it to himself to determine if he should say it. Now, he grabs one out of the bin on his way to his seat. Yesterday he wrote, "How tall are you?" and "What was your maiden name?" I walked by and wrote the answers. For my ADD girl (the previous student's IEP doesn't mention a diagnosis.) I sat her near my desk which is also near where I tend to stand and talk. I have two post its together a smiley and a frown. I keep it on the corner of my desk, and I flip it to redirect her.

These methods won't work for all. I try to pick what will work with each kid. However, these are the types of strategies that the teachers should share with you that they will use.

Thank you for keeping us updated. I keep hoping to read that someone in your district will actually do right by your son and soon.

Debby

 

[Lorix2]

I think you have legal options due to the 504. I would demand to talk to the super at this point not the asst. I would explain the whistling situation. This alone should exemplify the issue. The teacher falsely accusing him and then is angry that he doesn't come back to talk to her? Ridiculous. She clearly is trying to assert authority.

Have everything documented and listen for resolutions. If you state a problem, ask for how it will be addressed. If it is swept away, hammer until you get a solution for each concern.

My list would be (1) What social studies and math class are you moving my son to TOMORROW? (I think you said it is the same teacher or at least both teachers are problems.) Moving him is the only option at this point. This teacher is not going to change and you need your son to trust that the school wants to help him. Demand that he is moved. They won't deny this request because I think you can sue them for not following the 504. It is a public school; they can't deny him a social studies or math class. Even if he stays in the room, I'm not sure he can fail the class if compliance to the 504 is not occuring.

(2) What strategies will the NEW teachers use to meet my son's 504? How will they redirect him? This would be a question for the new teachers and maybe even through email.

Here are two I am currently using in my 11th grade college prep level English class: one student has a wipe board. For a couple of days, I handed it to him and instructed him to write what he is thinking and read it to himself to determine if he should say it. Now, he grabs one out of the bin on his way to his seat. Yesterday he wrote, "How tall are you?" and "What was your maiden name?" I walked by and wrote the answers. For my ADD girl (the previous student's IEP doesn't mention a diagnosis.) I sat her near my desk which is also near where I tend to stand and talk. I have two post its together a smiley and a frown. I keep it on the corner of my desk, and I flip it to redirect her.

These methods won't work for all. I try to pick what will work with each kid. However, these are the types of strategies that the teachers should share with you that they will use.

Thank you for keeping us updated. I keep hoping to read that someone in your district will actually do right by your son and soon.

Debby

Your right, she sure was trying to assert her authority and she did for quite some time. You obviously care very much about your students and the challenges you face with them. I love that you answered that boy's questions and continued on and for that girl you found what helps her too without having to call them out and disrupt the class. Your advice has been very helpful and I thank you too. Stay tuned for my update coming shortly.

 

[jmskinner]

I think you have legal options due to the 504. I would demand to talk to the super at this point not the asst. I would explain the whistling situation. This alone should exemplify the issue. The teacher falsely accusing him and then is angry that he doesn't come back to talk to her? Ridiculous. She clearly is trying to assert authority.

Have everything documented and listen for resolutions. If you state a problem, ask for how it will be addressed. If it is swept away, hammer until you get a solution for each concern.

My list would be (1) What social studies and math class are you moving my son to TOMORROW? (I think you said it is the same teacher or at least both teachers are problems.) Moving him is the only option at this point. This teacher is not going to change and you need your son to trust that the school wants to help him. Demand that he is moved. They won't deny this request because I think you can sue them for not following the 504. It is a public school; they can't deny him a social studies or math class. Even if he stays in the room, I'm not sure he can fail the class if compliance to the 504 is not occuring.

(2) What strategies will the NEW teachers use to meet my son's 504? How will they redirect him? This would be a question for the new teachers and maybe even through email.

Here are two I am currently using in my 11th grade college prep level English class: one student has a wipe board. For a couple of days, I handed it to him and instructed him to write what he is thinking and read it to himself to determine if he should say it. Now, he grabs one out of the bin on his way to his seat. Yesterday he wrote, "How tall are you?" and "What was your maiden name?" I walked by and wrote the answers. For my ADD girl (the previous student's IEP doesn't mention a diagnosis.) I sat her near my desk which is also near where I tend to stand and talk. I have two post its together a smiley and a frown. I keep it on the corner of my desk, and I flip it to redirect her.

These methods won't work for all. I try to pick what will work with each kid. However, these are the types of strategies that the teachers should share with you that they will use.

Thank you for keeping us updated. I keep hoping to read that someone in your district will actually do right by your son and soon.

Debby

These are wonderful suggestions. My son is ADHD and also has sensory issues. Sadly, I know your situation too well. Is the Special Education department working with him or the teachers (sorry, didn't read through all of the post so I may have missed something)? My son has two counselors working with him trying to get him ready for middle school. My son was very fortunate this year to get a teacher that use to be special education and the other is getting her masters in it. I hope this gets resolved soon.