Advice Please (long)

[Pixie Tales]

My friend has been with her husband for almost 15 years. They have been married for 7 years and have a 3 year old daughter

He has cheated on her several times and yet she stays with him and gives him another chance

They went to counselling so he can't tell his daughter that Mommy didn't want to try and work things out. However, he decided he didn't like what she had to say so they stopped going. He refuses to see anyone else

He has never hit her, but the verbal abuse she suffers is enough. She is blaming herself right now. She doesn't want to ruin anyone's Holidays. But, as of now, she is scared

He kicked her out of bed last night at midnight. He came home and said you're not sleeping in "my" bed get the *blank* out

His mom is a lawyer and together they *him/mom* know everyone in town and in the law field around the county. So she is very scared to even talk to someone if by chance it gets back to her MIL

Does anyone know if there is a place she can call for advice without given full name and details? I want to help her so bad and I know why she is scared.

He has a temper and it's getting worse. She has no where to go without him knowing where she would be. The house is in both of their names even though her Grandmother left it to her. It has been in her family for many many years.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[diznygirl]

There are shelters for women who are leaving abusive relationships that keep the location secret. And she can leave before consulting a lawyer. In addition, I'm sure even if mom/him know lots of people in law, they can't possibly know them all, and there are also bound to be a few who don't like them! There is always an option of what she can do.

The first step is getting her out of the house.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I think that if you can help her out at all..financially, or by giving her a place to stay until she gets things figured out that would be huge.

But first, I would say that she needs to find a good lawyer who is not affiliated with the mom.

I doubt the mom has the handle on everyone she says she does. Other lawyers need to make money too, so they are going to do help their clients, they are not just going to feed into whatever this mother asks them too.

My first concern, would be my child. So making sure she speaks to a lawyer and gets some money and even a job , all the nessacary paperwork she needs behind her.

I am so sorry she is going through this. Best of luck

 

[Pixie Tales]

I know that neither one of them or their friends ever use this forum board. They are not Disney nuts like myself. Plus their friends, wouldn't know my name here. Plus, I use a different name for email and that is why I came here for advice.

 

[Pixie Tales]

I think that if you can help her out at all..financially, or by giving her a place to stay until she gets things figured out that would be huge.

But first, I would say that she needs to find a good lawyer who is not affiliated with the mom.

I doubt the mom has the handle on everyone she says she does. Other lawyers need to make money too, so they are going to do help their clients, they are not just going to feed into whatever this mother asks them too.

My first concern, would be my child. So making sure she speaks to a lawyer and gets some money and even a job , all the nessacary paperwork she needs behind her.

I am so sorry she is going through this. Best of luck

She does not want to stay with me, since we live about 5 houses away from one another.

She does work Full Time and makes decent money, but all her finances are intertwined with his so even if she took money out of an account he would find out so that is not an option.

 

[amyhughes]

I work with lawyers quite a bit, and I agree with the PP. Just b/c they "know" everybody doesn't make this some type of brethren protection. If she has a case to pursue she can find a lawyer to take her on. There are instances of those with TONS of money that consult every attorney in a geographic area and keep the better majority on retainer. But, this takes time and as I said LOTS of capital.

Lawyers will do what they want within the bounds of their BAR association and the laws that Govern their profession, without much thought to taking on a friend in the courtroom. If they couldn't go up against those they both like and get along well with there would be very few cases tried in this country. Also, lawyers wouldn't make the money they do if they didn't do things that are necessary within their job, i.e. taking a case against a friend or colleague. It happens. And yeah, they may know each other from mixers, BAR Association meetings, being in the courthouse etc. But, their MO is to look out for their clients, or else they fail very quickly.

Also, as others have said, just b/c they share a profession with her MIL doesn't mean the necessarily like her or her son, and will do what she says. She isn't a judge here or someone with absolute authority she is a colleague, peer, on their level.

Best of luck to her, and I hope she gets away from this brute as quickly as possible!

 

[AJ102]

I'm not sure she has to file for divorce in her county. She might be able to file in a surrounding county and get a lawyer there. Has she looked at the Divorced section of Craigslist? She could ask anonymously who a good divorce lawyer is in the area. She may or may not get an unbiased answer. She might even be able to find a women's shelter.

 

[Master Mason]

I work with lawyers quite a bit, and I agree with the PP. Just b/c they "know" everybody doesn't make this some type of Masonic protection ring. If she has a case to pursue she can find a lawyer to take her on. There are instances of those with TONS of money that consult every attorney in a geographic area and keep the better majority on retainer. But, this takes time and as I said LOTS of capital.

I take serious offense at the part I bolded above. If that is what you think of the Masons, then you know absolutely nothing about them.

 

[amyhughes]

I take serious offense at the part I bolded above. If that is what you think of the Masons, then you know absolutely nothing about them.

Oh for the love of Pete...I edited are you happy?
Sorry to offend. I find it odd that out of this entire thread you choose that.

 

[Master Mason]

Oh for the love of Pete...

Then don't cast dispersions on people like that.

 

[Master Mason]

Oh for the love of Pete...I edited are you happy?
Sorry to offend. I find it odd that out of this entire thread you choose that.

Since you added, take a look at my user name and you might understand it.

 

[amyhughes]

Since you added, take a look at my user name and you might understand it.

Yeah, I got that. But, there is a girl in a serious problem and that is what you take issue with.

 

[Pixie Tales]

I take serious offense at the part I bolded above. If that is what you think of the Masons, then you know absolutely nothing about them.

I understand that, that remark, offends you, but PLEASE take it elsewhere. This is a thread for me to ask some advice for a friend in a potential dangerous situation. I would hope you would respect that and either PM the poster of the remark or just take it elsewhere. Thank You

 

[kellyg403]

Honestly? I personally think she should start putting some money away, start thinking of getting things together financially, see a counselor or therapist to get her self esteem back so that she can actually leave him and walk away with no regrets. He is a bully, will probably always be a bully. I married one of those and divorced one of those. He will be a bully when she is divorcing him but she needs the strength to stand up to him or she will repeatedly go back to him.

As for the mom...so what. It is against the rules for the her lawyer to be his lawyer, to talk to anyone about her case without her permission etc. I would wager to guess that the friendships are not worth losing their license over the whole thing. There will be enough for her to be worried about without worrying about things that can't/won't happen.

If she does decide to leave, she needs to prepare. She needs a lawyer who is on her side because he/she will be her mouthpiece when it comes to the dh. She never has to speak to him again while going through the divorce if she doesn't want to. The lawyers can figure it out if she is scared to confront or negotiate personally.

Divorce is never pleasant, less so when one person is a bully. She has to remain strong and steadfast in her decision or 6 months from now, you will be asking again what advice to give her. Its hard to watch someone go through this, she will waiver go back and forth but the ONLY thing you can do really is be there for her as she makes the good decisions, the bad decisions and sometimes the pure t stupid ones.

Kelly

 

[Pixie Tales]

Yeah, I got that. But, there is a girl in a serious problem and that is what you take issue with.

Thank You



yes, Can we please Stick with the topic

 

[eliza61]

Op,
1) Have her contact a womens abuse shelter. They are a great resource, many of them already have attorney contacts that will help her and definitely not divulge to her mil.

2) I agree with the pp. tell her to get out of that house immediately. He is physically abusing her, what the heck is getting put out of her bed? MOST abuse starts with verbal abuse and then progresses

3) try to get her to seek a little counseling (again shelter is a great place for contacts). Prince charming wants her to feel it's her fault, thats one of the abusers tools. they tell the wife "your ruining Christmas", "your destroying the kids life" it's your fault this is happening. Once he rips her self esteem to shreads it only gets worse. She needs out.

 

[LuvOrlando]

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[The Mystery Machine]

A good attorney will help her. She has to be willing to go. If he finds out then oh well.

If he becomes violent she can call the police.

I would certainly seek out an attorney if she is ready to divorce him.

 

[AJ102]

I'm going to disagree with some posters about going to a shelter or moving out. She obviously wants to keep the house, and there's no physical violence, so IMO she should stay put. Her presence in the house makes it less likely to be awarded solely to him.