Advice on planning with difficult family member

[mom2aiden]

Okay, I love my sister. But, she's very hard to plan things with as she usually doesn't like an idea, unless it is her idea. So, my parents want to take us to WDW using their timeshare and we're just getting started on the planning and it's starting already!!

We're trying to decide on dates. She doesn't want to go until fall of 2008 b/c she's worried that her boys will miss too much school work if we go in the winter/spring of 2008. One of her boys has learning issues, which I understand, but he's missing school no matter what, right? Plus in the fall he starts middle school, which I think would be harder to miss. But she says that the SOL's make it harder to miss at the end of the school year. I don't have experience with this yet as my DS is not school age.

While I'll go either time, I'm trying to explain to her that if we go before my DS turns 3 (April 2008), he is free and we don't have to pay for park tickets for him. Most likely my parents will pay for the majority of her trip as she couldn't afford it on her own, and I'll be responsible for everything on my end b/c I can afford it.

It's just like when we planned a trip this summer to the beach and we were trying to decide on a house. I sent her a house (the very first one we looked at while planning). No comments on it, so we continue our search. 2 months later, she finds the very same house online and we end up booking that one. Oh, and she gets upset if we all don't want to do the same thing at the same time. Last trip to the beach her boys wanted to go tour a battleship. Okay, DH and I have no interest in going, we just want to hang out on the beach. She acted offended and couldn't believe that we didn't want to go. I'm envisioning Disney the same way as her two boys will be 8 and 12 and mine will be 2 or 3, we'll probably want to do different things sometimes.

So, any advice for me on how to enjoy the planning process and the trip too? Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[pumpkin5156]

So sorry Hun. Well, I have a difficult family member as well, and I just try to "kill her with kindness." If that doesn't work, then I revert back to my natural self and tell it like it is. Honestly, but in love. Sometimes, the truth hurts....

You seem very nice and sweet, so it might be hard for you to say what you feel. If you don't want to, then don't. Just handle each situation as it comes. Let your honest opinion be known about where to stay, when to go, etc....and then let your parents decide. let your sis whine, complain, and do what she needs to do. You will be much happier with your family and the trip if you just say what needs to be said once, then let it go.

Don't let her reaction to things change the way you were going to deal with them in the first place (i.e.: the battleship vs. the beach). Stick to your guns, treat her as nice as possible, even is she is giving you the cold shoulder.

her vacation will be ruined by her own attitude....let yours be wonderful and enjoy it! have fun! Keep us posted....

 

[CharmCityGirl]

My advise would be to gracefully back out of the trip now and go on your own when you want to.

 

[mom2aiden]

Well, it turns out we're talking about two different years! Sis was saying next year in terms of the school year 08-09. I took next year as being anytime in 2008. Mom hasn't clarified yet as to what she meant as she was saying she wanted to go in January. So I'm not sure if she meant January 2009 or 2008.

So, it seems like the earliest we would go is November 2008. Which is fine, but I don't know if I can wait that long! I was so excited to go sooner. Maybe I'll have to convince DH

Thanks for the support and advice guys! It'll be interesting!

 

[pumpkin5156]

Well, it turns out we're talking about two different years! Sis was saying next year in terms of the school year 08-09. I took next year as being anytime in 2008. Mom hasn't clarified yet as to what she meant as she was saying she wanted to go in January. So I'm not sure if she meant January 2009 or 2008.

So, it seems like the earliest we would go is November 2008. Which is fine, but I don't know if I can wait that long! I was so excited to go sooner. Maybe I'll have to convince DH

Thanks for the support and advice guys! It'll be interesting!

If it makes you feel any better, our trip isn't until Nov. 2008 either! We need that long save the money, and to wait until DS is 2.5yo, so he can enjoy it.

Reading the Dis helps the time fly by....

and in my opinion, I wouldn't back out of a fee or even semi-free trip to WDW. The trip can be enjoyable for you, even if your sis is a little controlling. Just enjoy it despite her, and let her be the one in a foul mood...

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Leave her home.

 

[5dwarves]

If you all do end up going at the same time, I would lay out ground rules now. Especially given the age differences in your kids. My 2005 planning video suggested that big groups break up and plan on meeting back at certain times for things like meals and fireworks displays....I forget what they call them....enchanting encounters...something like that...anyway, something for bigger groups (over 10 I think). I would emphasize that her DCs won't want to do the "little kid" rides, and that you don't want to "hold them back" I woudl also point out that your kids won't make the height restrictions on a lot of things, so they will get stuck standing in lines for the parent pass while everyone else is having fun...hopefully she will be reasonable. We are in the initial planning stages with my sister and her family (4 little girls). I have 5 kids and my youngest is the same age as her oldest (4 boys 1 girl). I am sure we will split up and meet up and split up and meet up. Hope you have a great time, solo or family style.

 

[stagemomx3]

But she says that the SOL's make it harder to miss at the end of the school year. I don't have experience with this yet as my DS is not school age.

If she is talking about state testing than yes it is harder for kids to miss school in the spring than in the fall. After spring break it seems like all we do is test the kids, don't want to get started on that rant, but I'm gonna have to back sis up on taking kids out of school in fall as opposed to spring.

The other consideration might be her kids and their sports schedules?

As for planning with someone who wants all the ideas to be theirs, well that would be me. I try very hard not to be like that, but I also can get a little ruffled when people don't want to do what I've planned. So my suggestion would be to talk to her NOW about it. With the ages of your children you are definetly going to be wanting to do different things. My suggestion is to go your seperate ways during the day and plan on group evening activities.

 

[klineyqueen]

My best advice...go without her!!!!! I love my Brother but I would never go to disney with him. I would probably lose my sanity! My sanity is worth more than a trip anywhere!!!! I feel your pain! GO WITH YOUR OWN FAMILY!!!!