Advice on driving with screaming baby update post 63

[mhsjax]

Unfortunately, my friend is not driving anywhere unless she absolutely has to which is why I posted this question in the first place. She realizes how dangerous it could be if she loses her concentration on the road. I’m glad that the forward facing seat worked for you, but I don’t feel comfortable suggesting that to her at this time. I’d like to try some other options first. You also make a very good point about food. It can be very dangerous to give a baby something to eat unsupervised. I appreciate the reminder. Thank you for your opinions and your concern. I apologize if I offended you in any way.

Oh my,no you haven't offended me at all. I was responding to the pp that said something about being facing forward and being dangerous(which I know it is) and giving the child food instead, which I think is probably even more dangerous, IMHO. I would never tell someone that they needed to face their child forward at that age, I was just merely suggesting that it worked for me. Those silly kiddos can be so tricky to figure out. Best of luck to your friend and your are indeed a good friend to help her try to figure out a solution.

 

[RadioNate]

Yes, it is 20lbs and 1 year old at the minimum because of the bone development. I think they're easier to break before a year old (but don't quote me on that )


I'm glad your son was ok after the crash. That must have been terrifying.

I think many of us were lucky to survive childhood. My mom held me in her arms a couple of times while in the car because all the other seats were taken. However, IMHO things should not be deemed acceptable just because we survived them as children. My dad is/was a great driver. My friend...not so much. In my friend's case, I truly believe that turning her ds forward at this time would be a bad idea.

At 10 months and 25 lbs she really should look into a convertable seat. Both my kids were tiny (my 2 year old doesn't weigh 25 lbs) and they were out of that infant bucket by 6 months. As the baby can sit up, crawl, etc infant seats are just too reclined and confining for them.

I'd suggest something like the Britax Marathon if she can afford it. It has a high rear facing limit so he can rear face past a year if she chooses and a high front facing weight limit so he can stay harnessed until he is mature enough for a booster seat.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

At 10 months and 25 lbs she really should look into a convertable seat. Both my kids were tiny (my 2 year old doesn't weigh 25 lbs) and they were out of that infant bucket by 6 months. As the baby can sit up, crawl, etc infant seats are just too reclined and confining for them.

I'd suggest something like the Britax Marathon if she can afford it. It has a high rear facing limit so he can rear face past a year if she chooses and a high front facing weight limit so he can stay harnessed until he is mature enough for a booster seat.

Yeah, I’ll help her check the seat. He most likely does need a new seat, if not for comfort, at least for safety! I don’t think she could afford a Britax Marathon right now, but I’ll tell her about it. Perhaps some of her many relatives will help pitch in as an early Christmas present.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

Oh my,no you haven't offended me at all. I was responding to the pp that said something about being facing forward and being dangerous(which I know it is) and giving the child food instead, which I think is probably even more dangerous, IMHO. I would never tell someone that they needed to face their child forward at that age, I was just merely suggesting that it worked for me. Those silly kiddos can be so tricky to figure out. Best of luck to your friend and your are indeed a good friend to help her try to figure out a solution.

Oh, I wasn't recommending that. I am one who kept my son in a booster until he was 9(and he has always been big for his age) BEFORE the law was changed to 8 and 80 in our state. I went by the recommendations of child safety experts and not the gov't officials of NC.

I hope your friend can find something that works! I was very lucky; my son really liked riding in the car.

Marsha

Oops, sorry! I guess I completely misunderstood both of your posts. I’m kind of new to “computer speak” and so I’m still trying to figure things out. Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Again, sorry for the misunderstanding!

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

It really does help, thank you! I can't tell you how many times I've been told I must be being "dramatic."

This thread has been very therapeutic for me, and I don't feel so alone anymore. Thanks to everyone for sharing their war stories!

I’m glad that you are able to get some benefit out of this thread too. It’s horrible to feel alone and overwhelmed while no one even tries to understand. (btdt) I guess there’s nothing like a bunch of strangers to make a person feel better!

And might I add, your son is adorable!

 

[barkley]

just want to add-motion sickness is'nt something that is necessarily a commonality within families. one very common cause that can be treated is a type of inner ear infection. it can go completly undiagnosed in young kids because it does'nt cause them distress (other than the motion sickness) so they are'nt showing the typical ear tugging or fevers that would lead a parent to have their ears checked.


i had horrible motion sickness as kid in a family where no one else did. an ent told me about this possible cause when i became an adult, and i've found that when i now have the rare bout of motion sickness it's a cue for me to get my ears checked, and 9 times out of 10 there's some fluid thats causing a problem behind my eardrum.


i think though, if the child calms from screaming to strictly crying when another person is in the back seat, it's probably not an issue of motion sickness-true motion sickness does'nt get releif by virtue of having someone soothe you. i'de be interested to know how the child reacts to mom sitting in the back seat next to the car seat while someone else drives-if there's an even greater degree of calming (more akin to the crying a baby does when it wants to be held vs. being in a car seat) then i think it's a matter of the child simply not wanting to be in the car seat except in certain situations (and for safety reasons that's just not a possibility).

 

[bigbabyblues]

My first DS was like that when he was little. We ended up getting a different carseat, and he was like a different child. I guess he didn't like something about the original one.

 

[DMickey28]

What kind of car does she have? MOST cars will fit some sort of mirror. Our sedan fit one that propped up behind the rear seat. Many of them do not need a headrest to wrap around, they can be installed in other ways.

I also agree that a convertible car seat might be ready. What infant seat does she have? Many of those seats go up to 30lbs by now but some still are only at 22lbs. Even though, techinically, he still fits it might not be comfortable for him .... The Cosco Scerena (sp?) at Walmart is about $40 and rated fairly well for a very cost effective seat. It's an option to get him into a convertible. We had one for DS for traveling and he was fine in it ... I didn't want to bring my Marathon on the plane and risk damage to a $200+ seat!! My DS was in a convertible by the time he was 6 months old too ...

The mirror is probably the cheapest thing to try first ... I gaurantee you can find one that will fit in her car. Then he might even be able to see mom in the rearview mirror which will help him.

 

[golfgal]

Mine did that to some extent, and I know I will get flamed here but they all survived, I face them forward at this point. They couldn't stand looking backward, as soon as I faced them forward they stopped. So flame away, but it worked for me.

I was going to suggest the same thing-at 25 lbs he should be fine going forward facing as long as he is strapped in properly--which causes more injuries than which way the kids are facing, btw-not properly securing the seat or the child.

You could also try printing off a close-up picture of mom and hang it on the back seat.

 

[paintnolish]

DD was the same way. I was on edge the whole trip when she was sleeping- no stopping for bathroom breaks! Too risky! If she was awake, she was screaming! Things did improve when we got a dvd player and popped in some baby Einstein movies. She also like to listen to kids music, especially when I sang along (not so wonderful for other passengers!).

 

[tzolkin]

I certainly hope this isn't the case with your friend, but I had similar experiences with my two younger children.

They both started screaming nonstop in the car (unless they screamed themselves to sleep) from 3-4 months. I did hold them all the time (never used a swing, stroller, etc) and usually whenever they cried they were breastfed, so at first I assumed it was that they just were upset that they weren't being held or comforted by nursing. By a year old (about when they switched to front facing) they started vomiting every time we got into the car. I live in a rural area, so even getting to the store could be a 45 minute drive one way (but they would often get sick even within 2 miles of the house, so it wasn't the length of the trip).

I've basically been a prisoner of my house for nearly 5 years. We can never get into a vehicle without two puke buckets, trash bags, paper towels, wipes, and extra clothes. It's not so bad now that they're old enough to realize that they're going to get sick and hold their own bucket (although DS at 3.5 still tries to deny it until it's coming out), but those infant years were beyond stressful listening for every little sound and watching for every little expression that might indicate they were about to get sick. Having to grab the bucket and dive into the backseat to "catch" also made it impossible for me to go out with them by myself. And to top it off, I've developed fairly severe motion sickness and turning around to look at them every few seconds is not fun. We have never found anything that helps, but now they do like being distracted a bit by watching movies. Rolling the windows down (even in the winter) provides some relief, but they will still vomit. My DD5 has taught herself to meditate (she looks like she's asleep). It has made for some comical moments and some good family bonding, but I think most people think we're exaggerating until they actually ride in a car with us-- once they have they're amazed that we ever willingly leave our house.

 

[ahutton]

My 2nd DD hated car rides, screamed and cried, and did find in her infant seat in the stroller. It is at a different angle in the stroller and if you put it in the shopping car, it is less reclined. She has acid reflux and gets motion sick really easily. The crying was usually because she felt sick and was urping but not getting stuff out. In her case it was worse because of how acidic it was, it made her more uncomfortable.

You mentioned she goes out after lunch - that may make it worse. Milk products make it worse too. DD is old enough now to have Dramamine if we have to go for longer drives, and she is on meds for her reflux. We still have to pull over on road trips, it really depends on the road and how well she can see. Before she could take Dramamine she took Benadryl for longer trips. We watch our food before car rides. No dairy products except yogurt, clear fluids and simple foods. Keeping her cool helps too - my other kids keep blankets handy because we tend to freeze them out to keep DD comfortable and from getting sick.

I would bet you can find a mirror that will velcro to the back of the seat so her little one can see her, and maybe finding a way to make him more comfortable will help. Good luck!

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

i think though, if the child calms from screaming to strictly crying when another person is in the back seat, it's probably not an issue of motion sickness-true motion sickness does'nt get releif by virtue of having someone soothe you. i'de be interested to know how the child reacts to mom sitting in the back seat next to the car seat while someone else drives-if there's an even greater degree of calming (more akin to the crying a baby does when it wants to be held vs. being in a car seat) then i think it's a matter of the child simply not wanting to be in the car seat except in certain situations (and for safety reasons that's just not a possibility).

He’ll continue to scream with someone there, but he can be distracted temporarily which is when he’ll calm down to just crying. He rarely fully relaxes. (if he calms down, he’ll fall asleep then scream when he wakes up) Also, the moment, he feels alone, he’ll resume his screaming. (like if the person in back needs to give directions to the person driving and isn’t entertaining him. He’ll start fussing, then begin screaming again)

Believe me, his crying for wanting to be held is very different than this scream. His crying sounds like a normal child. These screams sound like a child being brutally injured.

From what she’s told me, his reaction is basically the same if it’s me, her husband or herself in the backseat. He apparently will scream louder if anyone else is there though. (or so she’s told me).

just want to add-motion sickness is'nt something that is necessarily a commonality within families. one very common cause that can be treated is a type of inner ear infection. it can go completly undiagnosed in young kids because it does'nt cause them distress (other than the motion sickness) so they are'nt showing the typical ear tugging or fevers that would lead a parent to have their ears checked.

i had horrible motion sickness as kid in a family where no one else did. an ent told me about this possible cause when i became an adult, and i've found that when i now have the rare bout of motion sickness it's a cue for me to get my ears checked, and 9 times out of 10 there's some fluid thats causing a problem behind my eardrum.

I was not aware of this. I thought motion sickness was hereditary, so thank you for correcting me! I do know that this has been going on for awhile, and he has been to the doctor regularly to have his height, weight, ears and nose checked. So, I would hope the doctor would notice some fluid build up, but I’ll tell my friend to mention the possibility at her son’s next appointment.

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

My first DS was like that when he was little. We ended up getting a different carseat, and he was like a different child. I guess he didn't like something about the original one.

That’s interesting. Maybe when she gets another carseat, he’ll start liking the car! One can hope anyways!

What kind of car does she have? MOST cars will fit some sort of mirror. Our sedan fit one that propped up behind the rear seat. Many of them do not need a headrest to wrap around, they can be installed in other ways.

I think she has a 2005 ford focus (the compact car one not the truck one) but I’m not positive. I’m not very car savy. (Ok I know nothing about car makes/types etc)

I also agree that a convertible car seat might be ready. What infant seat does she have? Many of those seats go up to 30lbs by now but some still are only at 22lbs. Even though, techinically, he still fits it might not be comfortable for him .... The Cosco Scerena (sp?) at Walmart is about $40 and rated fairly well for a very cost effective seat. It's an option to get him into a convertible. We had one for DS for traveling and he was fine in it ... I didn't want to bring my Marathon on the plane and risk damage to a $200+ seat!! My DS was in a convertible by the time he was 6 months old too ...

She has a graco. I wasn’t sure what type, so I just looked it up and her son IS too big for it now. I’ll probably talk to her today, so I’ll tell her. If not, I’ll tell her tomorrow. Poor guy. I think he’s probably been too big for it for a while too.
I’ll also make sure to tell her about the Cosco.

The mirror is probably the cheapest thing to try first ... I gaurantee you can find one that will fit in her car. Then he might even be able to see mom in the rearview mirror which will help him.

I will definitely tell her about the mirrors and try to help her find one (or get her one) if she’d like to try it.

Thanks for the suggestions!

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

I was going to suggest the same thing-at 25 lbs he should be fine going forward facing as long as he is strapped in properly--which causes more injuries than which way the kids are facing, btw-not properly securing the seat or the child.

Thank you for the suggestion, but I honestly would not feel comfortable suggesting she turn the seat around. I explained why in some other posts. I also just discovered, thanks to some awesome disers, that he is too big for his seat, so he will be getting a new one very soon. I know that she will make sure the seat is installed properly and that her ds is strapped in correctly. Thank you very much for the reminder of how dangerous it can be to not have the seat or child secured properly.

You could also try printing off a close-up picture of mom and hang it on the back seat.

I honestly don’t know if a picture would work or not. Don’t infants rely on touch, taste, and smell just as much as sight? So wouldn’t it be kind of weird for a baby to see his mom in front of him but unable to touch or smell her (or hear and smell her behind him but see her in front of him?) I’m curious now. I might just try it to see his reaction!

DD was the same way. I was on edge the whole trip when she was sleeping- no stopping for bathroom breaks! Too risky! If she was awake, she was screaming! Things did improve when we got a dvd player and popped in some baby Einstein movies. She also like to listen to kids music, especially when I sang along (not so wonderful for other passengers!).

Yep, that sounds like my friend. I’m glad to hear things improved for you!
I don’t think a dvd player would fit in her car. It’s kind of small. I will suggest children’s music. I know her son loves Disney music. (I might have helped a little bit there ). The hard part will be convincing her to sing!

 

[Katie's Butterflies]

I certainly hope this isn't the case with your friend, but I had similar experiences with my two younger children.

They both started screaming nonstop in the car (unless they screamed themselves to sleep) from 3-4 months. I did hold them all the time (never used a swing, stroller, etc) and usually whenever they cried they were breastfed, so at first I assumed it was that they just were upset that they weren't being held or comforted by nursing. By a year old (about when they switched to front facing) they started vomiting every time we got into the car. I live in a rural area, so even getting to the store could be a 45 minute drive one way (but they would often get sick even within 2 miles of the house, so it wasn't the length of the trip).

I've basically been a prisoner of my house for nearly 5 years. We can never get into a vehicle without two puke buckets, trash bags, paper towels, wipes, and extra clothes. It's not so bad now that they're old enough to realize that they're going to get sick and hold their own bucket (although DS at 3.5 still tries to deny it until it's coming out), but those infant years were beyond stressful listening for every little sound and watching for every little expression that might indicate they were about to get sick. Having to grab the bucket and dive into the backseat to "catch" also made it impossible for me to go out with them by myself. And to top it off, I've developed fairly severe motion sickness and turning around to look at them every few seconds is not fun. We have never found anything that helps, but now they do like being distracted a bit by watching movies. Rolling the windows down (even in the winter) provides some relief, but they will still vomit. My DD5 has taught herself to meditate (she looks like she's asleep). It has made for some comical moments and some good family bonding, but I think most people think we're exaggerating until they actually ride in a car with us-- once they have they're amazed that we ever willingly leave our house.

Oh. My. Goodness. That sounds just awful (for you and the kids). I’ve been fortunate enough to never have to deal with extreme motion sickness like that. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for you to feel sick yourself while dealing with two sick kids while driving. Wow. Just wow. Thanks for posting.

My 2nd DD hated car rides, screamed and cried, and did find in her infant seat in the stroller. It is at a different angle in the stroller and if you put it in the shopping car, it is less reclined. She has acid reflux and gets motion sick really easily. The crying was usually because she felt sick and was urping but not getting stuff out. In her case it was worse because of how acidic it was, it made her more uncomfortable.

You mentioned she goes out after lunch - that may make it worse. Milk products make it worse too. DD is old enough now to have Dramamine if we have to go for longer drives, and she is on meds for her reflux. We still have to pull over on road trips, it really depends on the road and how well she can see. Before she could take Dramamine she took Benadryl for longer trips. We watch our food before car rides. No dairy products except yogurt, clear fluids and simple foods. Keeping her cool helps too - my other kids keep blankets handy because we tend to freeze them out to keep DD comfortable and from getting sick.

This is really interesting. I just looked up reflux in infants and he fits a lot of the symptoms. I’ll tell my friend to bring it up at his next appointment (which should be soon). I never would have thought of acid reflux, thank you!
She will also be getting a new car seat soon, so maybe that will help with the incline a little.

I would bet you can find a mirror that will velcro to the back of the seat so her little one can see her, and maybe finding a way to make him more comfortable will help. Good luck!

I didn’t know they had Velcro mirrors! Are they secure though, because some Velcro is just a joke! I’ll look into them. Thanks for the suggestions!

 

[Peanut214]

And might I add, your son is adorable!

Aww, thank you!

 

[2binak]

We bought a mirror at Babies R Us that attaches to the headrest. It's pretty big and DD was able to clearly see me with it. When I talked to her, she would look in the mirror, see my reflection in my rearview mirror and smile.

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2402035

Babies can really get into separation anxiety around 10 months. If that's what's going on, the $15 your friend spends on a mirror would be soooo worth it.

 

[justhat]

My husband had a 2004 Ford Focus when both of our kids were smaller and we bought a mirror that clipped onto the top teather strap in the back so the rearfacing baby could see itself.

With that said, my daughter was another one who screamed literally every moment she was in the car from birth till she was 10 months old. Screamed like your friend's son, with her body turning red, literally from the second you placed her body in that carseat till you took her out. We live in Washington, DC and my mom lives in NJ. It's a good 4+ hour trip and that baby would scream the entire drive. We needed to make stops along the way just to give her and us a break from the constant screaming. She NEVER fell asleep in that carseat.

Needless to say, we never too it out of the car to go in stores or restaurants like most people as she'd just scream in it. So by 10 months, even though she was still well within the weight/height limits of her Graco infant seat, we decided to just buy a convertible seat since we never took that infant seat out of the car anyway. We got a Britax Roundabout for the above mentioned Focus (and a Britax Marathon for my Explorer) and that was it, never another peep out of her in the car again! Had we had any idea it was as simple as changing the carseat we would have done it much sooner.

I saved the infant seat and before my son was born I took off the cover to wash it and noticed it was really thin padding right on top of the hard, plastic shell. The Britax seats, however, had a lot of padding as well as areas of styrofoam, so I think it was just overall more comfortable than the Graco infant carrier.

We also have one of the Cosco Sceneras mentioned that we also use to travel, but we didn't get it till we had our son, so I don't know how my daughter would have done in that as an infant. (My son was totally normal in the car, including in that same Graco infant seat.)

 

[Disney Doll]

You said she carries him around alot too. She might want to start backing off on that and letting him be a little more...independent...do a little exploring on his own.