Advice Needed

[Disneyluvr81]

Hi MickeyBoat -- he and I have been together for a little over a year now and in that time the kids have been over quite a bit when I have been there (including holidays). I wish I could say that it may have been a one time thing but unfortunately its not and I really do hate to say that. I would never, ever tell someone else how to raise their children that is stepping over line of which you do not cross While it doesn't exactly show in my boyfriends actions last night, he has expressed that he doesn't agree with the way the kids are disciplined (or lack there of) and is worried what the coming years bring for his niece and her actions since the boundary lines are translucent at best.

My mom has always said that with parenting there its a "pay me now or pay me later" kind of thing. Either you get the kids on track from the get go or let it go until its nearly too late and it becomes an even bigger issue to deal with. I definitely agree with you in terms of giving the benefit of the doubt though -- even the best behaved children have their not so shiny moments, thats part of growing up, they are children and its going to happen and had I not spent as much time as I have with the kids and their parents I probably would have been more inclined to do so.

 

[ktturner]

I agree that your boyfriend handled the situation incorrectly. However, I imagine he is young. I also imagine he was treating his niece the way he has seen the rest of the family treat her. She did not spoil herself. Perhaps you could explain to him that by staying after she had a tantrum, he was reinforcing her bad behavior. It's great that he loves his niece and doesn't want her feelings hurt, but he (and the rest of the family) need to learn not to reinforce bad behavior.QUOTE]

I agree. He is probably inexpirienced with dealing with kids. He is reacting to it as the adults around perhaps react, especially since no one stepped in and she seems to exhibit this behavior often. HOWEVER, that said, don't let it continue. Talk to him and tell him why it was wrong, as the person above said, but also point out that it is his job to defend you when he is the adult figure present. Give him another chance. If his second reaction is the same as the first (after you 've seriously discussed it) run away. . . you don't want to cross this bridge every time someone pitches a fit, especially if it turns out to be your kids doing the fit pitching.