Advice needed trouble with a coworker.

[PatsGirl]

I work with someone very much like this. After several months of this crap of being nice, she started asking me "have I done something to you?", "are you mad at me for some reason?", "are you having a bad day"? Because she is a supervisor (God help us) I tried my best to either avoid her or patronize her. Until one day I had had enough and replied with "Yeah, I just don't like you and I'd really prefer that we only communicate about work-related needs". She tried to get me to talk it out but I remained firm yet professional and she now communicates via email only. Thanks Goodness I think sometimes people need to be put in their place OP and a little honesty can go a long way.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I agree.






Also, with the hello/I said hello nonsense, perhaps you can work on overenunciating your greeting and "projecting" it like you're in theater, so taht people hear you. Also, perhaps wave obviously. Because it's obviously bothering you that she's making others think you haven't replied, so it's time to make sure people know you're replying.

She's "gaslighting" you (old Ingrid Bergman film, if you haven't seen it, find it for rent and watch some time), it seems, responding as though you've said the opposite of what you said, not listening, not accepting your responses.

And she's *causing* the feelings she's attributing to you ahead of time. Ugh.

I've heard of the movie, now that you mention it, but never saw it. I'll have to look for it!

It does sound like this co-worker is very skilled at what she does.

The co-worker has managed to drive away one employee and you as well, OP. I think she is working on you, because you came back and she wants to make sure it's only temporary.

If she is like this with adults, how is she with children? Yikes!

 

[Mimi1965]

I work with someone who is psycho-

 

[Acklander]

She says hello. You say hello back and try to go about your work, then she starts harassing you. I can't imagine why some posters are trying to blame you???

I don't think anyone was trying to blame the OP, it's just that the first post didn't explain what the problem was, just that a co-worker was saying good morning to her. So people were trying to figure out what was getting the OP so upset. She came back to clarify which made it a lot easier to give advice.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I have to get an abscessed tooth pulled next week and have to find someone to cover for me. Both of my former coworkers have declined.

I am sorry, but NOTHING about your workplace situation sounds legal.
Never, under any stretch, could I imagine that you should be required to find your own fill-in for a serious medical situation/emergency.

AT THIS POINT, I WOULD STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO FIND A NEW POSITION.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I agree witht the poster a few up that had said. That she was successful in getting rid of at least one of us. And that she hopes she can make my return only temporary.

I fully feel that when she had heard all 3 of us had resigned together. She was likely feeling victorious.
I am SURE encountering me on the first day was quite a shock.

I Do NOT want to quit, this is a job I can see myself doing well into my 60ies. I love it. I enjoy it. I am Good at it.
And lets face it, When you work with very young kids the waters get muddied. I am attached to them and that fact makes it more likely to put up with crap. And she knows this.

If I leave she has robbed me of doing somthing I love and I am all set with that. I swallowed my pride came back with the proviso that this did not continue. When it did and we talked about it. I was told a Zebra doesn't change his stripes. So essentially shes a nut ignore.

I also think it says alot that I resigned and two weeks later was told they would Love it I f I returned. I can't be doing everything wrong if thats the case.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I agree witht hte poster a few up that had said. That she was successful in getting rid of at least one of us. And that she hopes she can make my return only temporary.
I fully agree I feel that when she had heard all 3 of us had resigned together. She was likely feeling victorious.
I am SURE encountering me on the first day was quite a shock.

I Do NOT want to quit, this is a job I can see myself doing well into my 60ies. I love it. I enjoy it. I am Good at it. Also when you work with very young kids the waters get muddied. Because at a point it's about them not you. I am attached to them and that fact makes it more likely to put up with crap. And she knows this.

If I leave she has robbed me of doing somthing I love and I am all set with that. I swallowed my pride came back with the proviso that this did not continue. When it did and we talked about it. I was told a Zebra doesn't change his stripes. So essentially shes a nut ignore.

I also think it says alot that I resigned and two weeks later was told they would Love it I f I returned. I can't be doing everything wrong if thats the case.

Do you work directly with this person? If not, what is her business with you?

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I have to work with this person for one shift on friday. Direct contact for about half an hour.
When I agreed to come back I stated this was an issue and would be an issue. I Knew that once my friend was gone I would be the sole target.

I was told they could arrange that the person would be assigned somewhere else. So I was quite surprised when I saw my schedule and she was on it.
Other than that one shift, there is daily contact in passing. Where is where MOST of the yelling hello. Craziness happens.

In The confrontation on friday, She actually said would you prefer that I NOT be working with you? We can talk to ***** about that maybe I can switch somewhere else as I seem to make you uncomfortable.

So I know it was mentioned to her. I am not sure if it came in a warning or what but, she is aware that is was said.



In Short I have to be in her proximity twice a day for short periods. And on Friday's for a small stretch of time. All of this is occurring in little short bursts of time. The exchange is always odd.

Sometimes when others are there She will finish off with loudly saying. "OH MRS ***** your SO WONDERFUL I appreciate you!!! UHHHHMMM Ok then. After sometimes patting me on the back like I am a dog.

The Last time she did that, I said to her "Please don't touch me" And she responded with OH are you not a touchey feely person? Your so Lovey Dovey with the kids!!!
No I am not I said.... It makes me uncomfortable. "Oh well I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable."

And the beat goes on!!!!

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I am sorry, but NOTHING about your workplace situation sounds legal.
Never, under any stretch, could I imagine that you should be required to find your own fill-in for a serious medical situation/emergency.

AT THIS POINT, I WOULD STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO FIND A NEW POSITION.

No I am not required to find a cover. I want to find a cover. I feel guilty 4 weeks in having to call out. I would be so much more relaxed if I could say So and So is fuilling in because I have to do XYZ.
Trust me they are going to say don't worry about it! But, I will put it upon myself to feel bad about it!

 

[DawnCt1]

Sometimes when others are there She will finish off with loudly saying. "OH MRS ***** your SO WONDERFUL I appreciate you!!! UHHHHMMM Ok then. After sometimes patting me on the back like I am a dog.

The Last time she did that, I said to her "Please don't touch me" And she responded with OH are you not a touchey feely person? Your so Lovey Dovey with the kids!!!
No I am not I said.... It makes me uncomfortable. "Oh well I would never want to make you feel uncomfortable."

And the beat goes on!!!!

I would turn around, stare at her and say, "Is there a NAME for what is wrong with you"?

 

[Wishing on a star]

At this point then, I would def. post an official complaint, in writing....

Detail every recent incidence of the harassment, false accusations, and uninvited physical contact.

I am just sitting here wondering just what relationship or pull/angle does she have with somebody there that she is STILL around?????

That would be another big factor to consider.

PS: I wouldn't be giving a crap about 'asking' others to fill in for you.
You should not even be putting yourself in that position.
That is your superior's job, to assign schedules and work assignments.
Don't even go there!!!!

While you may not realize it, I think that you might be putting off vibes that set you up for this kind of 'drama'. Just something that you might want to try to take a step back and take a good objective look at.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

With almost all the PP. LOL well... almost all.

I think when you are settled and others are trying to unruflle you and try to stand your ground it makes them crazier. It's clearly a game to her and she is in the home stretch.

We are not allowed to talk about each other so noone says much. It's alot of eye rolls and I feel your pain remarks. but barring that it stands.

This person is there Because she has tenure, she is union and it is what it is.

 

[DawnCt1]

With almost all the PP. LOL well... almost all.

I think when you are settled and others are trying to unruflle you and try to stand your ground it makes them crazier. It's clearly a game to her and she is in the home stretch.

We are not allowed to talk about each other so noone says much. It's alot of eye rolls and I feel your pain remarks. but barring that it stands.

This person is there Because she has tenure, she is union and it is what it is.

And THAT explains it all!

 

[Pluto 2]

tell her if it has nothing to do with the job do not talk to me and you do the same.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

My GF just called me... the one who left the job. And She said she was up all night trying to figure out what I should do... LOL

And, we have decided that next friday if I am followed and badgered ... I am going to accidently ACTIVATE my walkie talkie so the exchange between us is broadcast live to my supervisor.

 

[Wishing on a star]

We are not allowed to talk about each other so noone says much. It's alot of eye rolls and I feel your pain remarks. but barring that it stands.

This person is there Because she has tenure, she is union and it is what it is.

Yep, THAT says it all.....

Really, if it has been agreed with your supervisor that you don't have to 'engage' with her.... DO JUST THAT.... Have nothing to say... Completely ignore her.... When she starts crossing boundaries, WALK AWAY.
Just don't even let her 'get to you'.

DO NOT ENGAGE......
DO NOT ENGAGE......
DO NOT ENGAGE.....

no matter what....
This should be your new daily mantra!!!

 

[Keli]

Wow! This co-worker would drive me up a wall. There is virtually no way to shut her down when she sights a target, is there?
I have no advice except don't get sucked into her little game.

 

[sunnyday123]

I was sitting here wondering who she was related to still have a job, and "she's union" just answered it.

OP, she's screwing with you because she's union, you're not, and therefore she is better than you-and she knows she can get away with it. I would absolutely file a written complaint, and as far as the touching you on the back, I'd report it as sexual harrassment. It doesn't have to be sexual in nature, just has to make you uncomfortable. You asked her to not touch you, and she asked if you didn't like to be touched. See how creepy you can make that sound? Then I'd start messing with her. No matter what she said, I'd reply,"What? I'm sorry I can't hear you" or the past suggestion, "Goodness, what a strange thing for you to say!"

And if I saw her outside of work, it'd be a whole different ball game-with a lot of words I can't type here, but I'd be sure to let her know I was on to her, and wasn't taking her bull.

And I'd document everything. Just in case.

 

[emer95]

I work with someone just like that. She is a social nit wit and she drives everyone crazy. I am the most mild mannered, non-confrontational person on earth, and even I snapped at her once during lunch. The guilt ate me up and I went to her practically in tears afterwards and apologized and she had no idea what I was talking about...LOL.

I still can't stand her! Thankfully the tables are reversed! She does not have tenure and is digging herself holes so deep she will very likely be fired by the end of the year.

If I understand this correctly, your coworker has tenure and you do not? In that case, I would NOT put these complaints in writing, because although they have validity, they sound so petty on paper. And your coworker can twist them to make YOU sound like the witch. Ride out your tenure years and do what PP's have suggested. Approach her with a BIG, cheesy fake smile and a loud "Good Morning!" Even sing it if you have to. Play her game. She won't know what to do with that.

Good luck! A wacky coworker can really make your life miserable!

 

[cm8]

These encounters with your co-worker are really odd! Why do you think she does this routine with you? It seems like she is trying to analyze and perturb you. Do you have a direct working relationship with this person? If not, I'd point that out, if she continues to push boundaries.

I would remain distant but cordial.

I would not report it as it stands.

I'd document these strange encounters. Just jot down the facts and the date, for yourself. You may need it some day and maybe soon.

Good luck!