Advice needed trouble with a coworker.

[Skywalker]

Honestly OP you're the one who sounds like a real witch in this situation. Maybe its just not clearly written. Is there more to this story or something??

Oh yeah okay I see the rest of the story now, lol.

 

[DawnCt1]

Honestly OP you're the one who sounds like a real witch in this situation. Maybe its just not clearly written. Is there more to this story or something??

Oh yeah okay I see the rest of the story now, lol.

That was my original feeling too, however, isn't that how 'passive aggressive" people want others to appear? The second posting is more revealing of the woman in question I like.

 

[rie'smom]

First off..... this is antagonistic behavior, to the utmost. It is in no way a simple good morning.
And yes, I am tense and angry because it is so foolish and so unnecessary.

What I left out was things she says like..... Oh perhaps you know better than I? I am Educated person but your just a mommy..... I have never been a mommy so we have a different skill set.
Does that still sound friendly to you? It sure doesn't feel friendly.

How... About working with her 4 years and when She started this new year with whats your name anyway??? I am never sure what to call you? When I answered the name ?? She instantly replied with something else. And continues to call me that.

Ok... I have my paralegal degree and my bachelors. I am working a menial job. because I choose to and I love what I do.
I blessedly do not need the money. I love what I do. This foolishness has given me a headache that has lasted since 10 am this morning.

Uhhhmmmm I do NOT report to HR everytime.
I left this job because I didn't need the crap with this person. I came back by request with the absolute understanding that she be kept away from me.
If someone were to say good morning. And you answer with a good morning and they follow you around WHILE you are working, you think thats still a friendly hello?

I came back as a favor. And agreed to train 2 new coworkers. So I am being checked in with on a weekly basis. And am being asked outright how it's going. The person in charge has acknowladged its an issue but, said some people you just can't change. To ignore because she is getting my goat deliberately.

My coworker from prior years reported this same person for the same type of behavior and she was a huge reason why that coworker left the job.
Even approaching her at a craft fair in town with almost the same line of questions?? Why don't you like me? yadadayadad yadada....

In the last three years 3 coworkers have resorted to the short straw method in order to decide who gets to work with her directly.
It is not just me its a pattern of actions that simply has moved onto me as the primary target at the moment.

You asked for advice without posting everything and I have to say doing this is very annoying.

 

[twinmomplus2new]

I have tried 3 times to edit my first post to make it clearer. But everytime I try the Disboards freezes.. Sorry about that...

I would however......like to add all this is taking place In front of many kids.

And today after the NEW person had just watched the exchange, After came up to me and said.....
" I am sorry you just had a rough morning. For what its worth I think your awesome."

I have been reported as late over and over and over. All unfounded. reported for not doing as she asked. unfounded. Like I said the boss Is acknowladging this is nastiness on her part not mine. but nothing is getting done..

I have to get an abscessed tooth pulled next week and have to find someone to cover for me. Both of my former coworkers have declined.
Both have responded they will only cover if one of the 2 new are outsick. If and only if.... I am there working with them.

But, Not to be the front man. fabulous!!!!!

 

[rie'smom]

I have tried 3 times to edit my first post to make it clearer. But everytime I try the Disboards freezes.. Sorry about that...

I would however......like to add all this is taking place In front of many kids.

And today after the NEW person had just watched the exchange, After came up to me and said.....
" I am sorry you just had a rough morning. For what its worth I think your awesome."

I have been reported as late over and over and over. All unfounded. reported for not doing as she asked. unfounded. Like I said the boss Is acknowladging this is nastiness on her part not mine. but nothing is getting done..

I have to get an abscessed tooth pulled next week and have to find someone to cover for me. Both of my former coworkers have declined.
Both have responded they will only cover if one of the 2 new are outsick. If and only if.... I am there working with them.

But, Not to be the front man. fabulous!!!!!

After having read everything, I say ignore her totally. Do not return her good mornings. Have absolutely no conversation with her. If she persisits in perstering you tell her you'll report her for harassment.

 

[tlbwriter]

Actually, I got from the first post that the woman is very p/a. She's a textbook case - pushing your buttons while making it difficult to complain about her because to someone who doesn't witness it, or doesn't get the nuances, it appears harmless. It's only a step above your kid brother sticking his hand next to your face and saying "But I'm not touching you!"

I think I would simply greet every statement of hers with a big bright smile and say "Goodness, what a strange thing for you to say."

 

[OceanAnnie]

Actually, I got from the first post that the woman is very p/a. She's a textbook case - pushing your buttons while making it difficult to complain about her because to someone who doesn't witness it, or doesn't get the nuances, it appears harmless. It's only a step above your kid brother sticking his hand next to your face and saying "But I'm not touching you!"

I think I would simply greet every statement of hers with a big bright smile and say "Goodness, what a strange thing for you to say."

Yep.

And, "Hello, I'm busy." (j/k. I'd only add, "I'm busy.", if she went past, "Hi.", with a question. Which she is known to do.)

 

[Wishing on a star]

After having read everything, I say ignore her totally. Do not return her good mornings. Have absolutely no conversation with her. If she persisits in perstering you tell her you'll report her for harassment.

OP, this person is antagonistic, aggressive, and psycho....
That's right.... she is not just passive-aggressive....
She is clearly aggressive and psycho.
(and she is poking and prodding and accusing you, based on her assessment of your mental state )
This is not being cordial/professional/friendly... this is 'harassment' and she has NO right.

Yes, it sounds like this has now become 'harassment'.
Let her know, no matter WHAT she says back, that you will answer a 'good morning', but that you have no obligation to chit-chat with her.
Remember, any word that you reply to her aggression can and will be held against you....
Perhaps you could learn to dismiss her with a simple 'excuse me...' and just walk off...
Seriously, you need to learn to limit her ability to 'engage' you.
Anytime you engage, it is a losing proposition.

Continue to document every single inappropriate aggressive incident and keep a folder in a private, locked, location. (do you have a lockable drawer or cubby or something for your belongings or private work info???)

Once you see if enough of this builds up, in solid black and white... THEN you will know when to go forward with an official complaint.

 

[JoiseyMom]

OP, I am sorry you are going through this. The real issue is your employer for not fixing the problem. Now, if this person was a male, they would go after him for harrasment. The fact that she is female, they aren't. This person has made your workplace an Hostile environment. I would talk to them again, using these words and get your self a lawyer! They need to fire her!! WIth the other co-workers who left, because of her. There seems to be a great case!! Good luck!

 

[Tink888]

I don't get antagonizing at all from this story. Maybe she is....it's hard to say without being there. To me it just sounds like she is a nice lady and genuinely befuddled as to why the OP is always so rude to her. She's just trying to be a pleasant coworker and instead she gets curt answers and most likely angry glares. She probably just wants to understand why, and might even be concerned for the OP. Maybe she thinks she has a rough life. Maybe she thinks the OP is being abused or something. Who knows? But, it's clear that she is picking up on the bad vibes that the OP is sending, and it's clear that she wants to understand why. Maybe she thinks she has somehow wronged the OP at some point and wants to know what she's done so that she can make ammends. To me, it just truly sounds like the coworker is trying to be nice and is baffled by the cold reception.

Most times though when a person tries to initiate conversation and gets the cold shoulder, they pick up on the social cue and leave that person alone. This person keeps going back to the OP.

OP - I understood from the first post and after reading your second post, YES, I would consider filing a complaint and at the very least I would request a sit down with your supervisor and maybe this woman as well, so that's it's made clear to her that the two of you shouldn't interact with each other. Can your employer move one of you so that you aren't around eachother?

She's passive aggressive and antagonistic. You could try saying good morning first, or ignoring her altogether but my guess is that once you ignore her, her comments about you will then be directed to your co-workers while you are in earshot. There is nothing nice about what she is doing. Clearly for whatever reason she doesn't like you and she's trying to get a response. People like that generally don't stop until it's escalated above their heads. She's essentially a bully and the worst kind of adult to have to deal with a work.

 

[Angelhalo]

Most times though when a person tries to initiate conversation and gets the cold shoulder, they pick up on the social cue and leave that person alone. This person keeps going back to the OP.

Most. But, not all. Some people are just socially awkward. They have no clue when they have started to become annoying. I work with a couple of these people.

This lady could be clueless or she could be a mean spirited PITA. Frankly it is hard for me to understand the OP's posts. The writing is very disjointed. So it is hard to tell exactly what the issue is, or who is at fault......

Either way, OP, I hope things get resolved in a way that makes you happy. It is never fun to work with someone you don't like.

 

[Disney Doll]

OP, I find your posts hard to read sp if my advice doesn;t make sense, I apologize.

What you have there is a classic nut.

The best thing to do is say "GoodMorning" every morning and then as a PP suggested, if she says anything that sounds antagonistic, then say "What a strange thing to say" with a bright smile, as a PP suggested. Play with her alittle. Right now she has the upper hand because you get all flustered and engage with her....or get a job elsewhere.

 

[scrapquitler]

I'm not sure I really followed the OPs first post...
but it seems to me that the coworker is trying to be friendly to the OP, but is perhaps a little strange in the way she is going about it.

I do not understand why the OP has reported these 'encounters' and to whom they have been reported? If I were a supervisor, and one of my employees was reporting that her coworker was saying good morning and asking a few smalltalk questions each day, I might think that the reporting employee was being a bit oversensitive or something.

I'm just confused by this situation. Wish the OP would come back and clarify.

 

[JoiseyMom]

I'm not sure I really followed the OPs first post...
but it seems to me that the coworker is trying to be friendly to the OP, but is perhaps a little strange in the way she is going about it.

I do not understand why the OP has reported these 'encounters' and to whom they have been reported? If I were a supervisor, and one of my employees was reporting that her coworker was saying good morning and asking a few smalltalk questions each day, I might think that the reporting employee was being a bit oversensitive or something.

I'm just confused by this situation. Wish the OP would come back and clarify.

She did, you must have missed the post.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

Forget it. I just read your update. No advice here. I worked with people like that and no matter how they behaved they got away with it. It is so annoying. Good luck.

 

[bumbershoot]

These encounters with your co-worker are really odd! Why do you think she does this routine with you? It seems like she is trying to analyze and perturb you.

I agree.

I think I would simply greet every statement of hers with a big bright smile and say "Goodness, what a strange thing for you to say."

Also, with the hello/I said hello nonsense, perhaps you can work on overenunciating your greeting and "projecting" it like you're in theater, so taht people hear you. Also, perhaps wave obviously. Because it's obviously bothering you that she's making others think you haven't replied, so it's time to make sure people know you're replying.

She's "gaslighting" you (old Ingrid Bergman film, if you haven't seen it, find it for rent and watch some time), it seems, responding as though you've said the opposite of what you said, not listening, not accepting your responses.

And she's *causing* the feelings she's attributing to you ahead of time. Ugh.

 

[disykat]

I agree.






Also, with the hello/I said hello nonsense, perhaps you can work on overenunciating your greeting and "projecting" it like you're in theater, so taht people hear you. Also, perhaps wave obviously. Because it's obviously bothering you that she's making others think you haven't replied, so it's time to make sure people know you're replying.

She's "gaslighting" you (old Ingrid Bergman film, if you haven't seen it, find it for rent and watch some time), it seems, responding as though you've said the opposite of what you said, not listening, not accepting your responses.

And she's *causing* the feelings she's attributing to you ahead of time. Ugh.

I haven't seen the movie, but that was the first thing I thought. This lady is nuts and she is playing with you. I definitely consider it harassment and would have no qualms about reporting it in writing.

She says hello. You say hello back and try to go about your work, then she starts harassing you. I can't imagine why some posters are trying to blame you???

 

[danalee]

She sounds like a whack-a-loon to me! I say make the complaint in writing ASAP!!

 

[Stacerita]

Say good morning and move on.

 

[Acklander]

Thanks for clarifying because it makes more sense on why you're upset.
If you don't need the job, and are just there as a "favor" then why stay? Obviously your place of employment is not living up to their end of the agreement, if it were me, I'd just leave.
If you want your job, then it's time to demand that there be no contact between the 2 of you, and that she be informed of that. You shouldn't have to work in a hostile workplace.