Advice needed: How do I say this nicely?

[Disneybuckeye]

My MIL (FIL is deceased) lives 20 minutes away, my parents over 2 hours. I have a SIL that is 16 years younger than DH and I belive MIL was very lax in her upbringing. My oldest is 22 and youngest 18. In all those years my MIL babysat once at 9pm at nigt when DH broke a glass and cut his hand and I had to drive him to the ER for stitches. Luckily the kids were already in bed. Otherwise my parents came in town to watch them, we paid a sitter, or we stayed home.

Twice when the kids were younger and I needed a new car DH would go buy it (I very specifically wanted a taupe mini van and then a black Expedition) . He did all the neogotiating and got the process rolling. He would tell them I was coming in for 10 minutes to sign paperwork and if they could not get me out in that amount of time the deal was off. Yes, it is much easier to buy a car without having to watch kids at the same time.

Hindsight being 20/20 I think you should have rented a car for a few days and gone shopping when your daughter felt better. If she was too sick to go to a relatives house for a visit you probably should not have drug her to your MIL's house in the first place. Besides, what would you have done if they did not have the car you wanted on the lot? Rented a car.

I agree with everyone else and you need to no longer use your MIL as a babysitter. Good luck!

 

[Colleen27]

Or, distance herself from her husband.

If grandma was doing me babysitting favors, I wouldn't DREAM of telling her she couldn't see her other grandchild at the same time.

I see rocky, rocky, rocky roads ahead for this whole family, based on the actions of one person.

I agree. And it would be one thing if we were talking about immediate or serious danger, like others have posted about abusers and addicts, but over what basically amounts to a difference in parenting styles and housekeeping standards? That just doesn't seem worth the sort of conflicts the OP is intent on starting.

 

[Queen2PrincessG]

I agree. And it would be one thing if we were talking about immediate or serious danger, like others have posted about abusers and addicts, but over what basically amounts to a difference in parenting styles and housekeeping standards? That just doesn't seem worth the sort of conflicts the OP is intent on starting.

I'm not sure if it was edited out but I've said BIL grows pot in the basement. MIL looks over it.
As for researching, OBVIOUSLY! I looked and found exactly what I wanted it was 45min away but it was what I needed and wanted.

 

[surfgirl]

As for researching, OBVIOUSLY! I looked and found exactly what I wanted it was 45min away but it was what I needed and wanted.

Then, why again did your husband need to go ?

Or why didn't you have him go with you and supervise your Princess ?

Or why didn't you leave him with your MIL and your Princess to avoid the problem ?


You clearly fail to see that behavior and attitude needs to be changed. It isn't your MIL's. It is yours.

Opinion after opinion has stated that you either need to accept that she will do this or never let her sit again. Are you planning on doing either ? Or will the next "rant" or "vent" being that your husband (the "punk") is taking sides with his family and NO ONE UNDERSTANDS THE NEEDS OF YOUR PRINCESS?

Or will it be that the new baby is taking attention away from your Princess and they didn't abide by your rules and give her a birthday gift from her registry ? Or that it is "rude" to request diapers for a new baby but isn't rude to request a book for a baby ? (btw, I would be annoyed with that, because now your Princess' birthday just required a whole extra stop at the bookstore.)

Can't wait. I'll bring the popcorn.

 

[iheartnmr's]

I'm not sure if it was edited out but I've said BIL grows pot in the basement. MIL looks over it.
As for researching, OBVIOUSLY! I looked and found exactly what I wanted it was 45min away but it was what I needed and wanted.

HA!!! Called it! Additions to suit her arguments.

 

[tlbwriter]

If grandma was doing me babysitting favors, I wouldn't DREAM of telling her she couldn't see her other grandchild at the same time.

Eh, I have to disagree with this on principle. A parent COULD very well have legitimate reasons for wanting to keep their child away from a cousin (maybe the cousin is violent, maybe mentally ill and not supervised properly, maybe there are suspicions of abuse... let's face it, we've heard of lots of things). In that case, I think it's completely appropriate to ask your free babysitter not to take your child to visit that child. But keep in mind that she has the right to say no, and then you have to decide to either accept the conditions of the free babysitting, or find a different sitter.

Not saying that's what's going on here, just in principle.

 

[Leajess99]

What people are saying is that it was not an emergency that warranted a babysitter. If you so object to your MIL, then you easily could have taken your daughter. People do it all the time.

You have a choice, figure out how to handle parenthood without relying on your MIL, or learn to deal.

Honestly, people may do it all the time but that does NOT make it any easier on the family or the child. I so felt sorry for the little girl that was stuck at the dealership for at least 2 hours while her parents were buying a car. That child was about 2 to 2.5 (I forgot the exact age the older child said she was) and there was nothing for her to do. My 8 year old was with me while my car was being fixed and she was bored enough but could better entertain herself.

I still have a hard time understanding why so many people have such issues with the OP getting upset. The mother in law should have followed the daughter in law's wishes or not babysat. I am thankful that my mom and even my in laws when I am in Louisiana respect my wishes with my kids.

 

[Leajess99]

Oh, please. Lots of completely messed-up people raise children who somehow turn out normal. Whether or not the OP is being truthful about her MIL, the idea that "she was good enough to be your husband's mother so she's good enough to be your babysitter" is utterly ridiculous.

This is awesome. There are many messed up people that raise successful kids and many successful and great parents that raise messed up kids. There are drug addicts who have kids that turn out to be quite successful because the kids chose to break a cycle. Some kids end up raising themselves and never want to be like their parents.

 

[walkdmc]

Ok, yes a sitter but this was a last minute emergency. (i tried to stat my car the night before and got nothing. It was completely done! My poor car...)

I feel the need to confront her, I'm not one to just hold my tongue, especially when it come to my child. Should I just have DH talk to her since it's his mother. I feel my reasons are very valid why I don;t want DD around them. I feel like MIL thinks it's a given that she should be around DD and not a privilege. Family or not, paid or not, isn't it rude to just take someones child somewhere without telling them?

For my family, it's pretty standard for grandparents to have few limits on access to their grandkids. My parents pop in all the time and take the kids to breakfast and who knows where else. I don't care where they go...they're not with me and that's all that matters

But really, I trust my parents entirely. If you have trust/safety issues with your MIL, I can understand your concerns. I agree with the PP who recommended a paid sitter from now on.

 

[LaurenLC]

Very off topic, but I'm curious... OP, aren't you the same person that said the people on the Disney Mom's Panel were unattractive and that they looked dirty?

 

[FayeW]

I feel like MIL thinks it's a given that she should be around DD and not a privilege.

In most normal families, your MIL would be right.

Once upon a time I had a beautiful baby girl who I thought the world should revolve around. Then I had another child and figured out that he was just as special as she was, and the world didn't revolve around either of them.

The end.

 

[Altoqueenkelly]

I am starting to think that this thread is getting a little bit repetitive and dirty.... maybe its time we locked this one up ladies

 

[FayeW]

One more thing...methinks the fever you spoke about was caused by the 5 teeth she is cutting at once. I bet your mother-in-law knew that too.

Being cooped up in a house with a baby cutting 5 teeth is neither a privilege, nor a pleasure.

You should be thankful that your daughter has one more person in her life who loves her.

 

[surfgirl]

I am starting to think that this thread is getting a little bit repetitive and dirty.... maybe its time we locked this one up ladies

Seems to me that the OP has a lot of her threads locked.

I would think it was a troll, but the stories are frighteningly consistent.

 

[phorsenuf]

OP- how old is your daughter?

 

[Tiger926]

Seems to me that the OP has a lot of her threads locked.

I would think it was a troll, but the stories are frighteningly consistent.

I don't think it's a troll at all, as all of the threads have very common elements...Other people are inappropriate, ugly, bothersome, dirty, nasty, rude, etc.

Tiger

 

[sam_gordon]

HA!!! Called it! Additions to suit her arguments.

In her defense, she mentioned this upthread. It's not an addition.

 

[mdsoccermom]

Honestly, people may do it all the time but that does NOT make it any easier on the family or the child. I so felt sorry for the little girl that was stuck at the dealership for at least 2 hours while her parents were buying a car. That child was about 2 to 2.5 (I forgot the exact age the older child said she was) and there was nothing for her to do. My 8 year old was with me while my car was being fixed and she was bored enough but could better entertain herself.

I still have a hard time understanding why so many people have such issues with the OP getting upset. The mother in law should have followed the daughter in law's wishes or not babysat. I am thankful that my mom and even my in laws when I am in Louisiana respect my wishes with my kids.

Oh, for heaven's sake. This is what's wrong with society today. G-d forbid should we do something that might be difficult for the child. My husband and I went, test drove and bought a car with our 3 year old and 4 month old in tow. They lived. My 3 year old may not have wanted to be there, but tough. That's life. If the OP doesn't like her MIL, then she needs to figure out life without MIL's help. And sometimes it might mean incoveniencing her child. The horror. Boredom never killed a kid.

 

[luvsJack]

Oh, for heaven's sake. This is what's wrong with society today. G-d forbid should we do something that might be difficult for the child. My husband and I went, test drove and bought a car with our 3 year old and 4 month old in tow. They lived. My 3 year old may not have wanted to be there, but tough. That's life. If the OP doesn't like her MIL, then she needs to figure out life without MIL's help. And sometimes it might mean incoveniencing her child. The horror. Boredom never killed a kid.

I agree. Besides, how hard is it to take one of the 5 million toys most kids have, a couple of books, colors and a coloring book? There are lots of things that can interest a child for a couple of hours. I kept a bag packed with things like that and it went every where we went when dd was little.

I was just telling mom the other day---I would LOVE an hour or two of boredom! Kids just don't know when they have it made! Someday they won't time to get bored.

 

[Mkrop]

Oh, for heaven's sake. This is what's wrong with society today. G-d forbid should we do something that might be difficult for the child. My husband and I went, test drove and bought a car with our 3 year old and 4 month old in tow. They lived. My 3 year old may not have wanted to be there, but tough. That's life. If the OP doesn't like her MIL, then she needs to figure out life without MIL's help. And sometimes it might mean incoveniencing her child. The horror. Boredom never killed a kid.

It isnt about the kid, it is about the parent. A parent doesnt want to bothered to teach a child to wait and be patient.