advice needed - 4yo and soccer

[CEDmom]

I'll try not to make this too long. I'm really looking for advice and opinions. Our town starts its soccer program at age 4. DD wanted to play so I signed her up. There were some tears at the 1st session from DD as well as a few other children. However, she seemed to enjoy it enough and she liked when we would practice together. Today was another session and it was horrible. DD didn't want to be there and really couldn't be coaxed into participating. She doesn't want to go back.

Here's where I need advice. On the one hand I think this is fairly typical behavior from a small child trying to learn something new. Also, I don't want her to get in the habit of quitting something without giving it a fair try (the winners never quit and quitters never win scenario). On the other hand I don't want to dismiss her feelings and I wonder whether she's too young to understand the quitting thing.

What would you do?

 

[believe]

Our DD (5) played soccer in the Spring. She did the same thing. We did have her finish the session. The coach never forced her to play, but we strongly encouraged her. If she didn't play we told her she still needed to support her team. Now when we ask her if she wants to try something she thinks twice about it. This is a decision you will need to make. I feel we made the right one for our daughter by having her still go to every game and we did get her to participate a little.

 

[Taylor]

My DD Jenna (5) does the same to us almost every week. She crys that she doesn't enjoy soccer, and doesn't want to go. Once we get there, she plays hard, and really has fun. I think it is just a phase with little ones. Good luck...

 

[Pam]

She's only 4 - if she doesn't like it - I personally would let her quit. There's plenty of time for organized sports and clubs, etc. Let her have fun swinging, chasing bugs and fingerpainting.

 

[BrerMom]

I've had good luck with signing up for things after my kids have asked for them. The exception is music class for DS4 and piano lessons for DD12. Guess which activity DD doesn't really appreciate?

What do you want her to learn from the experience? If you think having her finish the season will help her learn that, then encourage and don't push, just like you've been doing. If it's a take-it-or-leave-it thing, I'd let her stop. She's too young to make not finishing a habit and may be more ready next year... or the year after that.

Our dilemma is that asking our DS4 if he wants to participate in something in January (when sign-ups are) wouldn't necessarily translate to enthusiasm when practices started at the end of April. We haven't started him in any sports yet. Our oldest started soccer at the end of 1st grade; #2 started at the end of kindergarten. DD wouldn't have been ready in Kindergarten and was fairly hesitant in the begining. She did love swimming and gymnastics at three, though. Individual activities seem to be easier when they're younger. DS was pretty much the only one on the under-six team that really wanted to be there. (The kid who sat down and picked daisies at least once a game, the ones that consistently cry, or the one that always stopped to watch the airplanes comes to mind. It was a fun game to watch though! The parents would point - "your goal is down there!")

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I've seen that often in very young players in both baseball and soccer. Many times it is stranger anxiety and just general lack of maturity -- they just aren't ready for team sports yet.

Honestly, I wouldn't force a 4 year old to do any fun activity that makes them cry.

 

[dvcfamily41801]

We just went through the same exact thing with our son who will be 4 next month. He was signed up with one of his friends. We talked about it a lot, he was so excited when we bought the cleats, shin guards and soccer ball.

Day 1 comes and he goes out and is fine for about 15 minutes. Then he saw some of the parents that insisted on not moving to the sidelines like the coaches asked, and not us and he FREAKED. I think he thought we left him . Anyway after many attempts he would not go back out and play and we ended up leaving. In hindsight, we thought maybe we should have stayed and let him watch and maybe he would have played some more. I found out from my friend that that same thing happened with many of the children and it was no big deal.

The next week we went, he would not even go out on the field, he would cry and get upset, my DH even tried to go out a little with him to do drills, etc. So we again, sat on the blanket for the hour but he was totally not interested. We would get frustrated because all we wanted him to do was go have fun and be with other children and he was fighting every second of it.

We stopped going. There was no reason for us to force him into to doing something he totallyl was not into at all just to prove a point. All that was happening was he was getting more and more mad, and a mad 4 year old is SO much fun and we would only get frustrated as well. Our weekends is our family time and I hated that the first few hours of Saturday was going to be stressful and aggrevating if we continued. Maybe we will try it again next year, maybe not.

Good luck with whichever you decide!

 

[cart-mom]

I wouldn't force the issue at 4. We signed up DD5 and DS8 for soccer and DD was and is very excited to play. DS didn't want to play at all but I told him to just try it once - He loves it. He had a really bad coach last year (teen doing community service that her Mom suggested) that wasn't interested in coaching or the kids.
This year his coach is just great and he is having a great time.

If you have the time, just watch the games with him and see if he's interested. Let him practice at home to see if he likes kicking the ball around. He may just need a confidence boost with a little practice. Maybe you could arrange a play date with another player and let them kick the ball around - just the two of them.

There's plenty of time to play on a team - make sure he is going to enjoy it.

 

[winniedapooh]

I agree with trying to get them to finish because it will make them think twice, but at 4 I am not sure they would get that concept. DD 6 wanted to play soccer and we live across from the field so I thought it would be a good idea. While I really want to encourage her to play in a team sport, it breaks my heart to see "our town" leagues. I have seen coaches yelling at little ones-4-6 yo age range, they play in the pouring, not drizzling but pouring rain, and the big one for us is they practice and have games on Sunday mornings when we want go to church. I don't mind Sunday afternoons at all but not mornings. Pros and cons I guess.