Advice for travelling with a reluctant 14 yo

[Chim Chiminy]

Our DS has adhd and bipolar. It can be challenging, to say the least!

He was 8 when we had our first trip to WDW and Universal. He complained about it beforehand, he didn't want to go to WDW, Mickey is dumb, etc.
He has always been very tempermental, sulking, moody.

Well, we spent the first part of that trip at WDW, saved Universal for our last two days.
He wound up loving WDW. In fact he enjoyed it more than Universal.

There are times during our trips where he still gets sulky, complaining. Doesn't want to ride whatever.
Example: We decided to hit Fantasyland early one morning, since those rides build up such huge lines later in the day. He wanted to go to Splash Mountain first thing.
We got in line for Dumbo and he had a temper tantrum, yelling that he wasn't going on that ride, yelling at us that it was stupid, stomping off, etc.
I just lowered myself to his level, looked him in the eye and said that the amount of time we would spend on the ride and in line (about 10 minutes) was not worth the energy he was expending. Riding Dumbo did not mean we would miss Splash, it just meant Splash would be done later. I explained to him how doing these rides now would save us xx amount of time.
He was still sullen, arms crossed as he got in line with us.
Ten minutes later, on the ride he is giggling like crazy and making the elephant bounce up and down.

All I ask of him is that he give whatever a try. Then he can make his judgement.

We do work in a lot of downtime into our vacations. Plenty of pool time and mouseboats.

I hope that all works out with you and the new psychiatrist. It can be hard to find the right one. I know because we went for three years without. Now DS has a great therapist who he has a good connection with.
He has been on meds since he was 5, but meds are not a cure-all. We still have to work at the behaviors.

Good Luck!

 

[Mama2jasminANDcaitie]

Im SO sorry if I sounded harsh.I didnt mean to in any way. I guess I get a little deffensive for the SIBLINGS of those special kids. It can really wear on a person to have to "accomodate" the moods of another... for your whole entire life. Just ONCE Id have loved to go on a vacation without having to do exactly as SHE wished or to not have heard her wailing and screaming that she "didnt feel good, just leave me alone"

until my parents learned to get tough? none of us ever had any peace.

ps. I personally use the phrase "that sucks" even in conversation with my daughters. My mother HATES it. But i dont find it offensive in any way.
What is so awful about it?

 

[DVCLiz]

I do think moms of younger teens find that language a little harsher - it sounded a little more sexual to me when my DD and her group first started using it, and I reacted. Now it seems to be universally (among their group) accepted as an alternative to "it stinks." DD11, however, justs seems too young to be picking this up, so I redirect her to another word choice when she tries this out. I guess I would come down a little harder if it were connected to a disrespectful attitude, which I can't abide!!

 

[Marseeya]

Im SO sorry if I sounded harsh.I didnt mean to in any way. I guess I get a little deffensive for the SIBLINGS of those special kids. It can really wear on a person to have to "accomodate" the moods of another... for your whole entire life. Just ONCE Id have loved to go on a vacation without having to do exactly as SHE wished or to not have heard her wailing and screaming that she "didnt feel good, just leave me alone"

I totally understand that. My dd's life is constantly being impacted by her brother's moods and it's so difficult. We're all so very fortunate that she's the most easy going kid you'd ever want to meet and she takes a lot of it in stride. It really helps now that he's old enough to stay home alone so we can take her places alone and she gets good quality time with us.

Thanks for sharing your perspective.

 

[powellrj]

I can really relate to what you are going through. As someone who has been there, can I offer a little advise.

1. Consider splitting up for a few days. We found that they did better when they each had a parent. We even went to seperate parks somedays.

2. I would really think long and hard before I let him take a friend. Thats a lot of responsiblity for you and kids that age get a little braver when they have a peer watching.

3. Have you considered taking a couple of days and staying on-site at universal? For kids that age its great. FOTL is wonderful because there is no waiting, you just walk onto each ride. My middle DS is 14 and universal is his very favorite place. We only went to Disney one day last year and we spent the rest of the time at universal. Its much more teenage boy friendly.

 

[Mom of Sleepy Bashful and BabyDoc]

I just have to add, that if at 14 y.o., my mother had been talking to me about an upcoming trip and I "sullenly" told her "that sucks," well let's put it this way, it would not have happened again.Even though "sucks" is not as profane as other words, it is all about respect. It's COMPLETELY disrespectful to say to a parent. It would not have flown with my mother.

same here. I had to wait until I was 13 until we had a Disney vacation. I can just imagine what would have happened if I were to complain about ANY vacation! Ha!

And "sucks" isn't allowed in my house either, not that I think the OP is a bad mom or anything for allowing it. My Dh and I just don't like it.

OP........yeah, I think I would just ask him what he would like to do while he was there. Give him a planning book, get him involved in it. My DD12, well, all of my kids, help in the planning. I do the majority of it, but it is their vacation also, so I want to know what makes them happy.

 

[Mom of Sleepy Bashful and BabyDoc]

I totally understand that. My dd's life is constantly being impacted by her brother's moods and it's so difficult. We're all so very fortunate that she's the most easy going kid you'd ever want to meet and she takes a lot of it in stride. It really helps now that he's old enough to stay home alone so we can take her places alone and she gets good quality time with us.

Thanks for sharing your perspective.

Just think of all of the stories your DD is going to have about DB. My twin was sometimes terrible to me, so now I get to really rub her nose in it. Nicely, ofcourse. She apologizes up and down now, and admits to being a brat sometimes. I just tell her I loved her then and I love her now. Although it is "easier" now.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I don't think it's the phrase "that sucks," I think it's the attitude in which it is said. It sounds like this young man has a big attitude problem and that's really what I meant by that.

 

[nowellsl]

I love to drag out the photo albums of Disney and show them to my 20 year old DD. The pictures (and I mean every picture) from one year (I think she was 14) shows a sullen, bored, pouting child. Compared to the years after that she looks like a different kid!! She cringes everytime I show her!

 

[TupperMom7]

Without reading all of the other replies, I don't know if this has been asked, but have you consulted his pediatrician about his behaviour? I don't know if he is on medication for his ADHD, but that could be affecting his mood.

That being said, if it were my son and he acted that way just to be miserable because he didn't think it would be fun, I would give him one chance once we got there. I would let him choose which park he wanted to try out - if he didn't choose, then I'd choose for him. If his behaviour was obnoxious and he was ruining our day, I'd take him back to the hotel and hire a babysitter to stay in the room with him. The threat of having a babysitter would be enough to straighten out most teenagers!